The Chrononaut Chronicles: Clash of the Champions X

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The Chrononaut Chronicles
WCW Clash of the Champions X: Texas Shootout – February 6, 1990

– The show’s intro is designed like an Old West shooting gallery, featuring photos of WCW stars popping up and being shot. What kind of message is this sending to the audience? I hope security is tight for the tenth Clash of the Champions: Texas Shootout!

– LIVE from the Coliseum in Corpus Christi, Texas! Jim Ross and Jim Cornette are on commentary, with “Tuxedo” Terry Funk joining the WCW broadcast team as an interviewer. The “I Quit” epic with Ric Flair at the last Clash was supposedly his final match as he transitioned into a role as co-host of World Wide Wrestling.

– Gordon Solie interviews The Road Warriors with Paul Ellering as they vow to topple The Skyscrapers later tonight.

– The Samoan Savage (w/”The Big Kahuna” Sir Oliver Humperdink) vs. “Dr. Death” Steve Williams

Formerly known as The Tonga Kid and Islander Tama in the WWF, the Samoan Savage debuted in WCW 50 pounds heavier as a third member of the Samoan Swat Team, now using the moniker of The New Wild Samoans in honor of their heritage. Sir Oliver Humperdink had taken over managing the Samoans since he was doing a Captain Lou Albano routine under the Big Kahuna gimmick. Prior to each competitor’s entrance, there’s a short vignette to theoretically get the characters over: Samoan Savage has footage of a traditional island dance and a Saturday Night’s Main Event-style greenscreen promo with Humperdink doing the talking, while Steve Williams takes the “Dr. Death” nickname quite literally as he is shown emerging from the back of an ambulance in search of another “victim” to rescue. Wearing his wrestling trunks and an EMT shirt with a stethoscope around his neck, he carries an unconscious patient into the ambulance and orders the driver to take them to the hospital. It’s actually kind of hilarious, mostly due to Dr. Death’s enthusiasm. Doc starts off strong with tackles and shoulderblocks, but the Samoan clotheslines him down and dumps him to the floor, where the Big Kahuna sneaks in some cheapshots while the Savage distracts the referee. For some unidentified reason, Woman walks out and takes a seat at ringside as Ross and Cornette note that her bodyguard Nitron is conspicuously absent. The Savage controls Williams with a boring nerve pinch and dives off the top turnbuckle with a splash, but Doc rolls out of the way and mounts a comeback. After an impressive military press slam and a standing dropkick, Williams traps Savage in a backslide for the victory in 7:54. **½ A solid hossarific opener dragged down by Fat Tama’s neverending nerve holds. WCW clearly had no idea what to do with Dr. Death after the Varsity Club feud as he seemed to be drifting aimlessly.

If I were an American, I could probably make a witty remark about HMOs.

– Committing a major fashion faux-pas by wearing a tuxedo and white cowboy boots, Terry Funk is in the ring to interview the Four Horsemen: World Heavyweight Champion Ric Flair, Arn & Ole Anderson, and the newest member, Sting. The behind-the-scenes story of the Andersons reunion was that Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard were both supposed to return to the NWA/WCW to reprise their roles as Horsemen after giving notice to the WWF, but complications arose with Tully during contract negotiations, so Ole took his spot. The storyline behind Sting joining the Horsemen was that Sting had earned the Nature Boy’s respect when he came to his aid in the summer. Sting had also secured the position of #1 Contender to the World Title by pinning Flair to win the Iron Man round-robin tournament at Starrcade ’89, so it made sense for Flair to recruit him as a Horseman and neutralize his threat to the belt. It didn’t quite work out that way, as Sting signed a contract to challenge Flair at WrestleWar ’90 on February 25. As the spokesman of the group, Ole announces that Sting is no longer a Horseman and explains that Ric brought the Andersons back to take care of the Stinger, but because of Ric’s kindness, they will let him live if he backs out of his title shot by the end of the show tonight. Flair notes that he bought Sting some time and pleads with him to make the right choice, but Ole says Ric is too soft and gets right in Sting’s face. The Stinger is dumbfounded and he grabs Ole by his leather jacket, so the Three Horsemen jump Sting and the Andersons hold him while Flair advises him to cancel his contract and leave the business. The Nature Boy stomps and slaps Sting before exiting with the Andersons as Jim Ross is appropriately outraged.

– The promo for WrestleWar ’90 features a hilariously awful rap song that must be heard to be fully appreciated. Oh, here it is!

Wrestlewar 1990 Rap by Stinger1981

– The Mod Squad (Spike & Basher) vs. The Z-Man & Flyin’ Brian

The Mod Squad were a motorcycle cop tag team who had been kicking around the NWA for a few years without much success, and they continue that trend here as the recently-formed dynamic duo of Brian Pillman & Tom Zenk blitz them with speed and high-flying moves. The momentum shifts and the Squad take control due to their superior tag team experience, but Brian finally rolls out of the way of a flying elbowdrop and makes the hot tag. Zenk hits a flying crossbody out of the corner on Basher for the win at 9:52 while Pillman dropkicks Spike. ** Went a bit long considering that the Mod Squad were never really contenders, but it was an alright match. As boring as the Z-Man was on his own, Zenk & Pillman complemented each other well and they made an exciting tag team.

– Cactus Jack Manson vs. “The Man of a Thousand Masks” Mil Mascaras

Ross and Cornette put over the legend of Mil Mascaras as a worldwide headliner and a movie star in Mexico, although the crowd generally doesn’t seem to care about him. Cactus Jack Manson is one of my all-time favorite wrestling names because the Manson family connection made him creepier to me. Mascaras dominates Manson from the opening bell and dropkicks him out of the ring. Jack plays to the crowd and takes a comedy bump as he is backing up and falls over a chair, adding to his aura of unpredictability. Back in the ring, Cactus takes some more punishment from the 50-year-old masked legend before getting in some brief offense of his own and dumping Mil to the floor. Cactus lays Mascaras out with a backbreaker and goes to the apron to prepare the Suicide Elbow, but before he jumps, Mil runs into the ring and dropkicks Jack off the apron. Mick Foley takes the sickest, nastiest bump of his young career as he crashes backward and cracks his skull on the concrete floor. My head hurts just seeing his head bounce. Cornette screams “Cactus Jack is dead!” and really puts him over on commentary for getting up after that. Mascaras suplexes Manson back in and lands the flying bodypress for the uno-dos-tres in 4:51. **½ While this was clearly supposed to be a showcase for the legendary Man of a Thousand Masks, it was Cactus Jack who stole the show with his disturbing fall to the floor.

Apparently the advice was to keep falling on your head.

– After a commercial break, some bar band called The Tough Guys (probably spelled “Tuff Guyz”) plays a song that JR erroneously refers to as “great music”. Apparently this is WCW’s theme song since the chorus consists of the words “World Championship Wrestling” repeated over and over. However, Cactus Jack is still wandering around ringside holding his head and the noise isn’t helping his condition, so he ends up chasing the guitarist and brawling with the drummer. The drummer is identified as “Wolf Wild” (Wolfe Wylde?) and was portrayed by JT Southern, who had wrestled across the US and would return to WCW to feud with Van Hammer down the road.

– Gordon Solie interviews Norman as he is now a full-fledged babyface wearing a cowboy hat and a teddy bear around his neck, although he is still wearing his mental-patient pajamas. Gordon explains the concept of a Falls Count Anywhere match to a confused Norman and the big Lunatic plans to pin Kevin Sullivan near a hotdog stand so he can get three hotdogs.

– Falls Count Anywhere: Kevin Sullivan vs. Norman the Lunatic

A short vignette shows Norman, dressed like a schoolboy, visiting a children’s zoo and comparing a pig to Kevin Sullivan because of its short legs, pot belly, and bald spot. OUCH. Norman enters to The Isley Brothers’ classic “Shout” and passes Valentines out to kids in the audience as Cornette calls him a child molester. In those exact words. But to be fair, judging by the character’s behavior, it’s an understandable diagnosis. Sullivan tosses Norman through the ropes right away and they fight at ringside before going back in. Norman hits the Bastion Booger “Trip to the Batcave” sitdown facesplash for a two-count, but he misses a big splash off the middle turnbuckle and Sullivan dropkicks him out of the ring. The Boston Battler displays his strength by bodyslamming the Lunatic on the floor for two and dumping him with a back suplex on the floor. Sullivan chokes Norman with his own shirt as he dominates the massive mental patient in and around the ring, but Norman rallies back and scores a near-fall in the aisle after ramming Kevin’s head against the guardrail. They slug it out up the aisle and through the entrance curtain as Gordon Solie is on the scene with a cameraman to report on the proceedings. Sullivan heads into the women’s restroom, but Norman reads the sign and refuses to go inside until a woman runs out screaming. Unfortunately, the door locks after Norman and referee Nick Patrick enter, so Gordon and the cameraman can’t see what’s happening, but we do hear a lot of grunting and banging. When the door opens, Sullivan staggers out and collapses face-first on the floor while Norman emerges carrying a toilet seat and a roll of toilet paper, declared the winner in 7:15. **¾ This might have been the first-ever off-screen pinfall, but the finish was pretty funny. All we needed was Dusty Rhodes on commentary hollering about the ladies room.

The most disturbing part is that this wasn’t the first time Gordon had been caught doing this.

– Terry Funk feels bad about what happened to Sting earlier, but suddenly starts playing heel announcer as he brings out the heel US Champion Lex Luger for an interview. The Total Package claims he has had Ric Flair’s World Title within his grasp for months and he won’t tolerate Sting sneaking in and taking advantage of his hard work. Lex mispronounces “accolades” as “allocades” and rambles on about himself until Funk has to interrupt him for a commercial break. As great a wrestler as Funk was, he was equally as bad at the interviewing job because he couldn’t stop putting himself over and he seemed like he didn’t know what to say otherwise.

– The Skyscrapers (“Dangerous” Dan Spivey & “Mean” Mark Callous w/Theodore R. Long) vs. The Road Warriors (Hawk & Animal w/Paul Ellering)

Since the sheer hossitude of the Skyscrapers/Steiners showdown at Clash IX was enough to collapse the lung of Sid Vicious and put him out of action, Teddy Long brought in another huge newcomer by the name of Mark Callous to replace Sid as Dan Spivey’s partner. A short pre-match vignette shows the Road Warriors smashing up old cars in a junkyard, so Cornette suggests they can work as junk men after the New Skyscrapers put them out of wrestling. Ross sets this match up as the power team of the ’80s against the power team of the ’90s and that’s exactly what it is, although there’s a nice running-the-ropes segment that shows the giants’ surprising speed and athleticism as Animal leapfrogs over the 6’9″ Callous a couple of times and ducks a high crossbody from the future Undertaker. The Skyscrapers capitalize when Spivey dodges Hawk’s charge into the corner and Hawk crashes out to the floor, hitting the ringpost with his shoulder on the way down. Spivey posts the shoulder again and the Skyscrapers torture Hawk’s arm with a variety of tactics, including the Undertaker’s “Old School” maneuver as Mean Mark walks along the top rope and jumps off with a forearm blow across the shoulder. Hawk tries to come back with a clothesline, but Callous counters by driving him down in an armbar. Callous wrenches Hawk’s arm and walks the top rope again, but this time Hawk yanks him down to the canvas and they both tag out. Animal powerslams and elbowdrops Spivey for a two-count and Callous comes in to help his partner, but Animal flips out of a double back suplex and double-clotheslines the Skyscrapers.

Vintage old-school Old School!

Hawk rejoins the fracas as the Legion of Doom clothesline Mean Mark over the top rope and nail the Doomsday Device on Dangerous Dan. Animal covers Spivey while Callous climbs to the top turnbuckle and Teddy Long passes him a chair, but instead of paying attention to any of that, referee Nick Patrick decides he needs to get Hawk out of the ring. Callous dives off and whallops Animal across the back with the chair while Paul Ellering attacks Long on the apron. The ref has mysteriously vanished as Hawk goes after Callous, but Spivey blindsides him and the Skyscrapers plant Hawk with a spike piledriver, although they miss the chair they were aiming for. Spivey bashes Hawk with the chair several times to make up for it and clotheslines Ellering when he tries to help. Animal receives a stiff chairshot when he climbs back in and the downed Hawk gets a couple more too as the chair is all bent and the mighty Road Warriors have been laid out. *** Although they lost via disqualification in 7:00, the Skyscrapers calmly leave the ring as the new baddest dudes on the planet. Skyscrapers 2.0 was a superior version of the team and they were put over HUGE here, as Ross and Cornette point out that nobody had ever destroyed the Warriors like that before. They looked like true beasts and it was all building up to a Chicago Street Fight at WrestleWar, but the Skyscraper Curse reared its ugly head again as Spivey unexpectedly left WCW before the match and was replaced by “The Masked Skyscraper” (Mike Enos under a hood) at the PPV.

– Gordon Solie regrets to inform us that he was unable to talk to Sting because he is consumed with rage, but he does interview Brian Pillman since he was in the locker room. Flyin’ Brian reports that Sting has lost his mind and threw him to the floor several times and kicked five or six guys out of the room. Friends don’t do that to friends, Brian. Pillman also says that the Stinger still plans to participate in the scheduled six-man cage match tonight pitting the Horsemen against Great Muta, Dragonmaster, & Buzz Sawyer.

– NWA World Tag Team Championship – Titles vs. Masks: Doom (Doom #1 & #2) vs. The Steiner Brothers (Rick Steiner & Scott Steiner) ©

Due to the stipulations, Doom must unmask if they lose, although Ross admits that “some people say” their identities are the worst kept secret in wrestling. So basically, why do they care if they lose their masks? Cornette points out that it’s not about identity and explains that the masks provide a psychological edge to Doom because they feel more confident and have achieved more success with the masks on. Woman is apparently still seated at ringside, but we never see her. Scott Steiner has his way with both members of Doom, and so does Rick when he tags in. The momentum shifts after Scott tags back in and Doom works over the younger Steiner in their half of the ring. Doom #2 drops Scotty’s throat on the guardrail at ringside and #1 hits a vicious spinebuster for a near-fall as the masked maulers relentlessly assault the future Big Poppa Pump with an array of hard-hitting offense. Scott comes back with a Frankensteiner and makes the hot tag to Rick as he unleashes an atomic drop, a Steinerline, and a powerslam on #2. The Dogfaced Gremlin Steinerlines #1 off the apron and yanks off his partner’s mask, revealing Doom #2 as “Hacksaw” Butch Reed. Rick puts the mask on himself and catches Reed in a rolling cradle to retain the World Tag Team Championship in 13:09. **** Doom was one of my favorite WCW teams and they kicked some Steiner ass, while the Steiners did their thing, so this was a really good match. The other Doom refuses to remove his mask afterward, but referee Nick Patrick threatens to suspend both members if he doesn’t comply, so Doom #1 takes the mask off and he is indeed Ron Simmons. Wouldn’t we all feel silly if Doom turned out to be Junkyard Dog & Ranger Ross?

Someone’s got mask-head!

– After replaying the angle with Sting from earlier, Gordon Solie interviews the three Horsemen. They reiterate their ultimatum to Sting one last time and threaten to find him in the streets of Corpus Christi tonight if he doesn’t cancel his contract with the promoters for WrestleWar.

– Steel Cage: “Mad Dog” Buzz Sawyer & The Dragonmaster & The Great Muta vs. The Horsemen (“Nature Boy” Ric Flair & Arn Anderson & Ole Anderson)

For anybody wondering who the hell this Dragonmaster is, I can tell you he started out in Stampede Wrestling as Mr. Sakurada in the ’70s and achieved some fame as Kendo Nagasaki in the mid ’80s; what I can’t tell you is why he was anywhere NEAR a main event in 1990. This steel cage showdown was originally scheduled to feature Sting joining forces with Ric Flair & Arn Anderson on the Horsemen side, so the crowd boos both teams and chants “We Want Sting” which provides a unique atmosphere with all heels in the match. Buzz Sawyer batters and bites Arn, but the Enforcer ducks a charge and the Mad Dog hits the cage. Buzz becomes the de facto babyface as he goes after Arn and no-sells some chops from Flair, but Arn rattles his head against the cage several times and tags the Nature Boy. Sawyer backs Flair into his corner and tags the Dragonmaster, but Flair tears at the Asian menace’s eyes and tags out to Ole Anderson. Dragonmaster unleashes some kicks and gets the crowd behind him as Ole begs off, but he fights back and tags in his storyline cousin/nephew, Arn. The Great Muta receives a great pop when he tags in and lands the handspring elbow on the Enforcer. Sting runs down and scales the outside of the cage as Doug Dellinger, Wahoo McDaniels, Brian Pillman, Tom Zenk, and others try to pull him down. Flair meets Sting at the top of the cage before Sting is pulled off and dragged up the aisle. Meanwhile, Buzz takes a nasty-looking bump on his head and neck after a back-bodydrop from Ole. While the match is going on, Flair continues to taunt Sting until the Stinger runs back down and starts to climb, but he is prevented from getting too far by a security force that now includes the Steiners. However, Sting’s leg is caught in the cage and he suffers a serious knee injury when they are pulling him down, as Sting can be seen limping immediately afterward. In an effort to get people interested in the actual match, Sawyer does a Superfly Snuka act by standing on top of the cage and leaping down, but Double A rolls out of the way. The match begins to break down with guys everywhere and Arn drills Dragonmaster with the DDT for the winning pinfall at 6:10. As soon as the cage door opens, Flair races out and jumps over the mob to get at the gimpy Sting and it’s TOTAL CHAOS as we go off the air with a plug for the hotline to find out what happens. ***½

“Okay guys, when you’re pulling me down, can you please make sure you don’t TEAR THE FUCKING PATELLA TENDON OFF MY KNEECAP?!?!”

The 411: Anchored by two big tag team matches and a strong main-event storyline that was woven throughout the show, Texas Shootout was another entertaining entry into the annals of Clash of the Champions. The promo with Sting being kicked out of the Four Horsemen was another classic angle, with an excellent performance from Ole Anderson and a return to heelish ways for Ric Flair and the Horsemen. The cage match was a hot main event even though the only true babyface was outside the cage, as the crowd was electric for Sting during his appearance. This was a great way to build to the Flair/Sting encounter at WrestleWar '90, except that the knee injury Sting suffered while being pulled off the cage was quite serious and put him out of action for several months. As a result, Lex Luger was granted the World Heavyweight Title shot at WrestleWar and turned face again as WCW struggled to find a direction.

Final Score:  8.5   [ Very Good ]