The Piledriver Report 10.10.07: No Mercy, No Kidding

This past Sunday’s WWE pay per view was called “No Mercy,” and that was the perfect name for the event. Watching the show, I felt the WWE was giving me “no mercy.” This wasn’t a pay per view, it was a $40 episode of RAW. They open the show with a 20-minute promo. Are you kidding me? I understand that you needed to address the WWE World title situation, but did you need twenty minutes to do it in. Plus, the skit had several flaws.

Vince gave the belt to Randy Orton, and then allows Orton to pick his opponent. The fans scream “Y2J! Y2J!” Triple H comes out, and demands a title shot, which gets a pop from the crowd. Orton says “no!” Triple H tells Vince that Mr. McMahon always “gives the fans what they want,” and they want to see Triple H against Randy Orton. No, Trips, use a Q-Tip to clean your ears. The fans wanted to see Chris Jericho fight Randy Orton. You were behind door number two.

Next, “The Game” starts to berate Vince in order to make the match. How does he do it? He calls Vince’s testicles “two small raisins.” Oh, the horror! Not raisins! Those be fighting words. What an insult! Are you kidding me? I’ve heard first graders throw out meaner claims then that. Vince then says that the match is on, and to get a referee in the ring. Who knew Mr. McMahon was so sensitive. Hasn’t Vince ever heard of “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?” Just awful. Besides, I thought Orton got to pick his opponent. Why is Vince choosing for him.

Another thing that made no sense with this segment was that the WWE World title is supposed to be THE be all, end all of wrestling titles. It’s the holy grail of championships. If that’s the case, then why was Triple H the only person to come out and issue a challenge to Orton. The whole locker room should have come out to ask for a shot. While listening to Triple H, I couldn’t believe what was going through my head. That voice was saying, “I can’t wait until John Cena returns!” That surprised me.

I feared that the pay per view would turn into a $40 version of “The Triple H Show.” I don’t like seeing “The Triple H Show” for free on Monday nights. Why in the world would I actually want to PAY to see it?

The booking of the show was very strange? I could not understand why they would put on the WWE World title match first. OK, in hindsight, I understand why they did it. They probably felt that they needed to give the fans something extra, because the fans were expecting a Cena/Orton match and they couldn’t deliver that. Three WWE World title matches more then makes up for Cena’s absence. However, they didn’t need to go that route, and the fans would have still been happy.

If they wanted the three matches, they could have had Triple H, Umaga, and an upper mid card wrestler challenge Randy Orton for the belt. Vince would rule that Triple H and Umaga had a match later that night, but he will turn it into a #1 Contender’s Match with the winner receiving a shot at the WWE Title in a Last Man Standing match in the main event of the evening. Meanwhile, Randy Orton is a fighting champion, and will fight said upper mid-carder in a title match during the first match. By going this route, Vince is still giving Orton the advantage of fighting first, and against the weaker opponent. Plus, maybe the mid-carder gets the rub of being in a WWE title match, and can move up the ladder if he isn’t totally squashed by Orton. Then, Triple H will have a brutal match with Umaga, like the one he had on Sunday night. Finally, in the main event, Orton beats Triple H. Triple H gets protected, because he fought in two grueling matches. Randy Orton looks strong, because he fought twice, and won both times.

There was absolutely no reason to have Triple H win the title in the opening contest that night. His victory made Orton look weak. Orton couldn’t beat a fresh Hunter, but could only beat Triple H when he was hurt. At least if you used my suggestion, there would still be an air of mystery on whether Orton could beat a fresh Triple H. The way they did it at No Mercy, we already know the answer.

The pizza pie-eating contest was another waste of time. Did we really need to see Matt Hardy throw up on MVP? The WWE could have used that time to present matches, or to give more time to bouts already on the card. Although, without the contest, the fans would not have been treated to the commentary line of the night. After Matt Hardy threw up on MVP, Bradshaw said, “I never threw up on Farroq.” I don’t know why, but I thought that was hysterical. If this segment was on SmackDown!, I would have been OK with it. However, when I am paying $40, I want to see matches, and NOT 20-minute skits.

Another thing about the show that I didn’t like was the Pajama Prison Party match, or whatever the name of the bout was between the not so Great Khali and Batista. This was the first time I have ever witnessed this type of match. I hated it. Not the match itself, because I expect a bomb from Khali. I’m talking about the actual “steel bamboo” (as Michael Cole kept calling it) cage. BTW, since when is bamboo made out of steel? Anyways, I thought it was very difficult watch as there were too many “bamboo” sticks and ropes blocking the action. Another aspect of the match that I thought ruined the ending was when The Great Khali was climbing out of the first “cage,” Michael Cole mentioned that Khali had to reach the floor, and then climb the second cage. However, less then two minutes later, Batista climbs out of the first cage, and instead of dropping to the floor, he jumped to the second cage. This totally contradicted what Michael Cole just said moments before.

To be fair, not everything on the show was doom and gloom. The Last Man Standing match between Randy Orton and Triple H was a very good contest. There was a lot of action that left you on the edge of your seat. The best part was the ending. I expected Triple H to win the match, especially given the stipulation. However, giving the win to Randy Orton ended the show on a very unpredictable, yet exciting note.

Despite the main event, I’m very wary about whether I will order Cyber Sunday in November. I haven’t been ordering many WWE pay per views lately, and No Mercy gave me no reason to change that trend.