The SD! Highlight Reel 12.16.05

The SD! Highlight Reel
December 16, 2005 A.D.
Taped from: Springfield, MA
Hosts: Michael Cole, Tazz & Friends

It’s SmackDown! It’s Friday Night! Oh sweet mercy, it’s nearly the end of the calendar year! Let’s get to the grappling program!!1

Match #1: Singles Contest: The Boogeyman vs. Nunzio w/ Big Vito

Poor Nunzio doesn’t even get an entrance. Because Boogey’s is like 3:49 long.

Nunzio scrambles about the ring for a little while as the big B Man simply stares at him slightly blankly whilst consuming worms. Smoke from said entrance is still obscuring much of the action, though it doesn’t keep most of the SD! locker room from checking out the contest backstage. Nunzio begins to beg off as Boogey slurps down yet more sluggies, oh, Pumphandle to Nunzio! Slamm-o!! 1 ……. 2 …………. 3!!

Afterwards, BM throws some wormies Nunzio’s way, offering him a tasty post-loss treat. Sylvan is noticeably disturbed by the entirety of the preceding.

Backstage Bob Orton informs his son that he leading sports psychologist in the country is in the building! Wow! He then tells Randy that he’s “the man” and to just give the dude a chance. Randy acquiesces.

Randy informs the dude “when I close my eyes he’s there. When I walk down the street … he’s everywhere … physically, emotionally, mentally … he’s driving me insane ..”

Doc asks Randy about this “Hell … in a Cell ?” thing. Randy says that’s just the thing – you’re trapped. The steel’s got you. You’re not in control of your environment. It doesn’t just end careers – it ruins men.

Orton is now told by the good man that there are two roads before him, and he’s got to make a choice – now. Will he succeed? Or succumb to the darkness?

Elsewhere Melina Perez meets up with Big Dave backstage, giving him a bit of a rub down. Now, while her boys M & N are pumped about facing him tonight, they’ve got much bigger action going on this Sunday — so, say Batista quits out of this match? Apparently, she’s prepared to offer him quite a bit to do so …

Match #2: Singles Contest: Kid Kash vs. Super Crazy w/ Psychosis and Juventud Guerrera

Guerrera wants a piece of Kash right now, though that’s gotta be saved for the ppv Sunday, naturally.

As the match starts out proper, we see each man run around a bit, before Kash eventually goes to the pounding offence all over Super’s back, though Crazy breaks out and hits a basement dropkick on Kash! SC plays to the crowd rather than playing on his advantage, though he does hit a swank heel kick to the Kid’s jaw, sending him flying to the seat of his pants. K2 comes back with a stun gun on the top rope, though, and stomps all over Crazy for a little while until he covers, which nets a mere count of 2. Frantically frustrated, Kash begins beating Crazy’s head re .. pea .. ted …. ly (!) into the mat. SC begins to convulse on the mat, but only for a second as he comes back with rapid rights! No, Kash with a shot to Crazy’s knee! 1 ….. 2 !!! The Kid, stomping, oh a leaping knee to the back of Crazy’s spinal column; Crazy back with right hands, but no Kash slams a boot straight into his gut …. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by SC!! Dropkick to Kash! Crazy covers for a ……. two! IW from Kash to Crazy ….. swinging DDT by Crazy!! He crawls over .. can he cover … reaching …. NO! Super Crazy is going UPSTAIRS …… MOONSA …… no, Kash rolls out! BRAINBUSTER to SC …….. 1 ……..2 ………… 3!!

Ohh what? The Notorious K.I.D. beats down Super Crazy post-match? But he’s outnumbered 3-1 at ringside! JG and Psy just ALLOW him to grab a steel chair and set it up in the middle of the ring ….. and FINALLY Juvy and the Psycho one run in for the belated save. Tazz puts over the Guerrera / Kash CW Title match this Sunday.

Backstage Randy meets back up with Bob, saying he’s done a lot of thinking, a lot of exploring, and he’s … he’s got a lot to decide, one that he’ll announced to the audience … LIVE! … tonight.

Elsewhere Melina thinks she’s completed a deal, replete with readjusting her raiment, but Dave informs her that his fun this evening has merely begun! It’s time to kick Mercury and Nitro’s collective ass, now!

Match #3: Tag Team Contest for the Tag Championships of the WWE: Heavyweight Champion of the World Dave Batista & Rey Mysterio, Jr. vs. M.N.M. (Joey Mercury and Johnny Nitro w/ Melina Perez) (c)

Melina’s a bit upset with Dave at the moment, though he simply ignores her and plays to the New England crowd. Mysterio starts out, with the crowd chanting “Eddie!,” as Rey grapples with Mercury. Hip toss by Rey causes Mercury to bail momentarily, though he eventually claws his way back into the 2 man fray. Rey circles him, inciting intimidation in the poor chap, and soon links hands with the larger man; near monkey flip by Mysterio results in Rey climbing aboard Mercury’s shoulders with his knees, hanging there, and then rolling Joey up sunset flip style! That gets a two, though Mysterio quickly grabs an arm lock and tags in Dave. Mercury occasions to bring Nitro into the action now as well. He goes for a couple MMA style high kicks and a third gets caught! Dave flips him backwards! Lariat by Dave! Batista simply slings Nitro into the turnbuckle at this point … rake of the eyes by Nitro! Tag to Mercury! He tries running into Dave, but can’t fell him …. DEMON SPAWN BO …. SUPER KICK by Nitro!!@! Nitro in now … Double Clothesline by Big Dave Batista! M.N.M. to the floor! MOONSAULT by Mysterio takes them both off their feet!

Melina helps a bloodied Mercury up, as Nitro gets into the ring to take on Rey, only to be headscissored to the canvas! Nitro’s had enough of this, just chucking Rey into the post and manhandling him in the NE corner. Mercury in now, sending right hands Rey’s way …. Rey hops out! Kick to Mercury’s left knee! Rey climbs the ladder for the ten punches!! IW to …. No, reversed, Rey goes into the corne .. Melina gets caught in the action! POWERBOMB by Nitro to Rey! 1 ……. 2 ………. Dave with the save!! Nitro continues the abuse by slamming his forearm into Rey’s back, now grasping a rear chinlock immobilizing the sprightly talent …. IW to Rey ….. no, tilt-a-whirl gets blocked by Nitro …….. dropkick Mysterio! Nitro comes back with some mounted punches, though, grounded the smaller man … ohh sweet neck breaker – legsweep combo by Nitro, as he points and jaws with Dave just a bit. Mercury decides he’ll take the opportunity to sludge in Rey’s face with his boot, and Melina even pulls him headlong outside the ring! Mercury tosses Rey back in, 1 …2 ……………. 2.65! …….. 2.57! ……….. 2.43!! The tryptich of covers fails! FLAPJACK SPINO by Mercury ……. 1 ….2 ………….. 2.49! Rey fights back with a swift kick to Mercury’s calf .. tag to Nitro, though, who slams him down and does a 270 near-headstand spinning leg drop! Mercury back in, slamming Rey against the SE post, and snapmares Mysterio into a grounded bearhug. Rey gets to his feet and does the Eddie shake ….. off the ropes …….. MYSTERIO bulldog!! Can …he ….. get …….. the …… ta … ??? NO! Mercury and Nitro PULL Rey backward towards the heel corner. Johnny jaws with Referee Charles Robinson, as Rey fights his way out …… can he get to Dave? ENZIGUIRI by Nitro! 1 ………2 ……………. 2.71!! Johnny sets him high upstairs now, he runs up top as well …… SUPER PL …….. no! Rey counters to the FLIPPING POWER BO ……. No! Nitro blocks it! REVERSE FRANKENSTEINER by Mysterio!@!!1 Nitro’s back was to Rey, so he did the 270 degree flip sell landing on his face!! Dave wants the tag right NOWQ!! Nitro writhes in agony …… and reaches out for the tag —- .. —- but REY does as well!

Here comes Big Dave .. Mercury begs off, only to be IW’d and Back Body Dropped in no time, big clothesline and ramming shoulders to Nitro! Spear to Mercury! SPINEBUSSTA! to Nitro! Melina attempts to rally Mercury, but merely gets 619’d by Rey!! DEMON SPAWN BOMB OF NEFARIOUS DOOM by Dave ………. 1 ………..2 …………………. 3!!! New Champions! Brand new Champions!!

Melina sobs on the floor.

Match #4: Singles Contest: Bobby Lashley vs. Paul Burchill w/ William Regal

Bobby just kind of stands there as Burchill circles him; Paul brings the action to Lashley, though he is quickly tossed over the top rope, re coops with Regal and ….. well, he receives a whole bunch of shoulders from Bobby. Lashley now picks him up and drops him rather simplistically, yet handily, and hits a Belly to Belly Suplex! DOMINATOR BOMB!@! 1 ………2 ……….. 3.

Eh, we’re going to have to come up with a new name for that. Or at least a bogus-ly overdone one, like with Big Dave’s.

Backstage Matt Hardy speaks with Crystal, and he’s facing off with Booker T later tonight. He puts over Booker’s hot streak, though JBL crashes the interview! He has something to tell his fans ….. wait, Matt Hardy was saying something! Layfield claims apparently Matt doesn’t know who he is …..

3 Guesses:

A) Wall Street Expert Supremo
B) Wrestling God
C) Guy-Who-Walks-Out-On-His-Tag-Team-Partners

If you guessed B) you’d be right!! Unfortunately our Matty boy chose C), and gets thwamped by JBL! Hardy now on the counter-attack, flying across the entire width of our TV screen! Who can contain these two??1?

Backstage Teddy Long speaks with the Sports Psychologist …. He hears Randy’s got a big announcement, and if he’s gonna back out of the ppv in just 2 more days …. Come on!! Teddy ain’t “gonna let some shrink come in here and brainwash him!” The good doctor holds no concern for this “PPV” thing, but rather is more concerned with the man’s LIFE here. And most of all, this whole “hell” thing sounds entirely barbaric!

Elsewhere Dave and Rey w00p it up, though one Randy K. Orton soon crashes the party. Rather than heeling it up, though, he merely compliments Dave on his recent accomplishments, noting how the pair go way back. Randy is proud of him. Congratulations.

That said, Randy says a lot of people think Dave is the “best,” though he would still like to ascribe that title to himself. Unfortunately, “we’ll never know,” so sayeth Orton. Randy shakes Dave’s head and trots off.

Match #5: Singles Contest: Matt Hardy vs. Booker T w/ Sharmell (and a broom)

The broom existing for obvious purposes. JBL on commentary.

Booker takes Matt on a tour of the ring to start, punching him around the various corners, until Matt fires back with right hands! IW to Book ….. and Matt sends him flying outside! TOPE by Hardy! JBL has a few words for him, though, allowing Booker to swoop in from behind and slam Hardy’s head into the steps. Stomp by Book back inside the ring and a spin kick later, and he gets a cover for 2. Tazz believes Cole is holding him down, and asks JBL for media consulting. Ohh, meanwhile, Booker grabs a rear choke … Hardy breaks out! NECKbreaker! That took a lot out of Matt, though, as he struggles to rise to his feet ….. but he clocks Book with a short lariat! Running charge from Hardy into the corner … and he connects! 1 ……. 2 ……….. 2.27! IW …. SPINEBUSSTA by Book! KICK WHAM .. Ax … no, SIDE EFFECT by Hardy! And Matt is GOING UP TOP ……….. non-yodeling Leg Drop! 1 …… 2 …………… 2.89!!! Why’s Matt rolling sans yodeling now? anyhow, JBL runs in and grabs Hardy while Sharmell distracts Referee Nick Patrick with the broom! AXE KICK! 1 ………..2 ……………. 3!!#!

Backstage Randy and Bob talk shop, Randy informing him that this is something he needs to go out and do right now, in the middle of the ring …. alone.

Randy strides out to the ring now, walking confidently, yet as if something is gnawing at him. Already appropriated with a stick, let’s see what the man has to say …

This isn’t going to be easy, but it’s something he’s got to do. At 25, Randy’s done more than most people have their entire lives – the youngest Heavyweight Champion ever. The Certified Legend Killer. The Sole Survivor at SurSer 3 yrs running. But ….

It just hit him. No one can kill the legend of the Undertaker. To go through w/ the HiaC Match, then, would be pure folly .-. why should Randy perform an act that holds zero possibility for gain on his part, with a distinct risk of bodily injury? A guy as young as him? A guy with so much going for him? No. Randy’s going out on top.

“As of right now, I hereby announce my retirement from the WWE”

And thus, Randy kills one more legend before he’s through — his own.

Teddy Long! “What the hell are you talking about? I got news for you playa … you got a contract. That represents a commitment. If you don’t show up at Armageddon Sunday Night, I’m gonna sue you for every cent you got …”

That sounds fine, just fine, with Randy …. After all, what’s money compared with health?

Teddy orders Randy to reconsider just as he begins walking out ….. but Taker’s wiccan minions show up en masse! Randy JETS back to Long Territory in the face of this conflagration of paganism, and here he is, the Undertaker. UT just kind of struts around in his par usual half-constipated manner, taking his sweet time to max out his entrance Boogey Man style. Taker eventually sets his jacket aside and faces RKO inside the ring, and Theodore appears to have split the premises. Randy beseeches Taker to listen to his logic here .. he’s done! I’m sorry I’ve ever gone there! I’m done! I’m beggin ya Take! Please forgive me!

WAIT, Cowboy Bob Orton has UT’s urn!!!@!!1 Who knew the ole CBO was a practitioner of the pagan arts?? WOW, Randy goes WILD on UT, nailing him with about 17 different chest chops and an RKO!!!

What, UT sits up?? Randy now grabs himself a steel chair ………. KER-THWAPPP!@!! THUNK!! WHAMM-00! Taker is busted open . …. Wait, can the dead still bleed?? OHHH SNAAAA-AAA-P Randy hits him a GOOD one right across the bridge of the face!!

“I will succeed Taker. I will succeed.”

TAKER SITS UP! By golly …… oohhhhh Randy with the urn ……… BLAM-BUST-0! Taker gets ROCKED by his own sacred object, crumpling by the side of the ring apron, unable to even grasp the very ropes themselves. Randy stares a hole through the ‘phenom,’ eventually getting on the stick and grabbing the dead man’s hair ….. “Undertaker … I’ll see you Sunday at Armageddon!”

Oooo what fateful final words. Hey, go spend $34.95, won’t you?