The Shimmy 7.21.08: The Chris Benoit Report Card (Part Five)

Greetings all. You know the drill by now. Matches. Analysis. Grades.

But before we get started there is something I’d like to clear up about last week’s column. Generally I don’t’ mind the negative feedback. You guys are entitled to your opinions and I expected a certain amount of backlash for the column anyhow. Some of you are going to hate the column and rail against me regardless of what I say in my own defense, which is fine, but some unfortunate wording on my part painted me in a worse light then even I intended.

“It’s a shame that a lot of the magic of this match was killed alongside Daniel and Nancy Benoit, but that still doesn’t erase the magnificent storytelling of these three individuals.”

That was a line that certainly sounded better in my head then it reads in print, coming off particularly callous, even to me. The commenters that had issue with it had a good point. My intent was not “Fucking woman and kid, ruining my enjoyment of the match. Boo!” although it certainly appeared that way. I was trying to comment on the overall situation. At one point we could look at that match and that moment and feel good. Now, however, real life crashes in overpowers what used to be a good feeling. For the most part I can look at a Benoit match and not have the events of that weekend overpower me, but there is no way to look at Benoit standing amidst that confetti and not remember that his son is dead. I’m not expressing sorrow over just losing the ability to enjoy a wrestling match, although selfishly that does play a role, but the reason WHY I can’t enjoy said match. Perhaps I’m still not being clear and I’m sure you guys will let me know it, but I figured I should at least try to clarify a bit.

I was 100% serious about the Eugene as World Champ line though, so eat it.

2005 Royal Rumble Match (Royal Rumble 2005)

I love this match, probably more than the 2004 version (except for the downright racist treatment of Muhammad Hassan), from the way they paced everyone to the chaotic finish. Benoit served as a pretty important part of the match even though he didn’t really play a role in the finish. Starting things off with Benoit and Eddie, the two men that stood victorious at the end of WrestleMania a year prior, was a smart play. I believe that Benoit was the man with the longest time in the match that year, making it to the final six if I recall correctly.

My Grade: A+

Money in the Bank Ladder Match: Edge vs. Chris Benoit vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho vs. Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin (WrestleMania 21)

It’s easy to take the great Money in the Bank matches at WrestleMania for granted these days but they had to start somewhere and here is where it was. You can look at the talent involved here and just tell it was going to be a good match. In fact this was one of the few matches the lame LA crowd got into on this night. This was really where Edge’s star was made, and I think Benoit had a lot to do with that. Benoit selling the arm in this match was the best sell job I’ve ever seen, to the point where I thought he may have been legitimately injured, and without that great sell job the chairshot that Edge delivered to his arm would not have gone over nearly as well as it did.

My Grade: A+

Last Man Standing Match: Edge vs. Chris Benoit (Backlash 2005)

And here we have another show saving match, teaming with the Chris Jericho-Shelton Benjamin IC Title Match (of “Shelton, Shelton, is a little bitch” fame) to save a show that featured the worst Shawn Michaels match I’ve ever seen. But I digress. The match here was just a great brawl between two guys that had quite the history. They were tag team partners a year prior and now they were brutal enemies. Edge’s yearlong descent into madness over getting a shot at the World Title was a thing of beauty and this match is a good snapshot of that. I also always liked that he used a brick to beat Benoit. Why wouldn’t you bring a brick to a fight?

My Grade: A

Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero (One Night Stand 2005)

I was so excited for this match when it was booked. The two men that shared that great moment at WrestleMania XX, two good friend who had tremendous chemistry together, two of the best wrestlers in the world, wrestling in front of a receptive ECW crowd for the first time since their big Mania moments; how could this not be instant awesomeness? But there was no instant awesomeness. There was no awesomeness at all. Maybe it was the way the crowd completely ignored the match in favor of heckling Eric Bischoff and company. Maybe it was Eddie being legitimately pissed that he was tapping clean to the Crossface after putting so much effort into his recent heel turn (which resulted in the most uninterested Crossface sell job I’ve ever seen in a match). Whatever the reasons this match just didn’t, and maybe couldn’t, live up to the high expectations set upon them.

My Grade: D+

United States Title Match: Orlando Jordan© vs. Chris Benoit (The Great American Bash 2005)

And as punishment for blowing it at One Night Stand Benoit was forced to feud with Orlando Jordan for three months. To his credit they didn’t have bad matches but they weren’t particularly good either. This was probably the biggest win of OJ’s career and kind of (note I said “kind of”) legitimized his US Title reign. This match was actually one of the better matches on one of the worst PPVs of the last several years.

My Grade: C+

United States Title Match: Orlando Jordan© vs. Chris Benoit (SummerSlam 2005)

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the first day of Smark Hypocrisy 101. Our first case study today will be the United States Title Match between Orlando Jordan and Chris Benoit. If this had been any other combination of wrestlers this match would have been ripped apart in every way imaginable. Replace them with Triple H and Paul London and you’ve have enough Berrieds and Epic Fails to last you a lifetime. But since it had the IWC golden child in Benoit and the universally disliked Orlando Jordan the fact that it was a 20 second squash was perfectly acceptable and even referred to by many as “fresh.” I grant you that because the match ended by submission that made it a bit easier to swallow, but not by much. Add in the fact that they completely ran the angle into the ground over the next few weeks and there is no way I can give this a solid recommendation.

My Grade: F

United States Title, Fatal Four-Way Match: Chris Benoit© vs. Orlando Jordan vs. Booker T vs. Christian (No Mercy 2005)

Things got slightly more interesting when they booked the match that should have been booked at SummerSlam to begin with. Booker and Christian were actually having some good matches with one another and OJ fit in much better in a multiman environment (insert bisexual joke here) so things came off much better then in the last few US Title Matches. This match really served as more of a transition from Benoit-OJ to Benoit-Booker which, when you add the Benoit-Chavo and Benoit-MVP feuds indicates that Chris Benoit was one of the most racist wrestlers of the past decade.

My Grade: B+

United States Title, Best of Seven Series, Match 1 [vacant]: Chris Benoit vs. Booker T (Survivor Series 2005)

WWE desperately wanted to recapture the magic of the Benoit-Booker Best of Seven Series from WCW but it never quite worked. Of course Booker getting injured and being replaced by Randy Orton didn’t help much, but personally I was enjoying the Benoit-Orton matches better anyhow. Now generally I defend Michael Cole against most of the attacks he receives on the internet, but it really annoys me that whenever a face turns heel on another face those two men were “best friends” or “like brothers.” Can’t one good guy just turn on another good guy without there having been some sort of bond between them? In any event this match was good if not sort of paint by the numbers for these two, an acceptable way to kick off the series I suppose.

My Grade: B+

United States Title, Best of Seven Series, Match 4 [vacant]: Chris Benoit vs. Booker T (Armageddon 2005)

I’ll be honest, I haven’t seen this match. All reports seem to indicate that this was the best of their matches during the Best of Seven Series, and I believe it was the last one that Booker actually competed in. Hopefully I’ll be able to give it a look one day, but as for now I can’t really grade it.

My Grade: N/A

The Shimmy Likes It Raw!

What’s on tap for tonight’s show?

With the Bash behind us we are now on our way to SummerSlam. What matches lie ahead for the second biggest show of the year?

Raw has descended into chaos in the wake of Mr. McMahon’s accident. Will Shane and Stephanie take action against the lawlessness on Raw? Might we see the return of a certain monarch to Monday nights?

That does it for this week’s column. Next week is the final installment of the Chris Benoit Report Card as we look at 2006 and 2007. Until then, don’t die. Clark…out.