wrestling / Columns

The Thursday JT-For-All News Report: 08.21.08

August 21, 2008 | Posted by James Thomlison

Hello, all! Small will be spending the next two weeks in his room, curled up in the fetal position, crying over the loss taken by his precious hero and current man-crush Khali. Seriously, he wants to have like a hundred of his babies, how creepy is that?

Wait for it……….

Wait for it……….

Keep waiting….

Keep waiting….

Yes, yes………….

THE “YOU SUPER FAIL AND SMALL ISN’T HERE TO HOLD YOUR HAND AND COMFORT YOU” WHAMMY!!!

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Thanks to Max-Whateverthefuckhe’scallinghimselfintheforumsthisweek-Power for the sick banner

We have a couple of things to get to before we get to the meat and potatoes.

Firstly, let me say this. In regards to Hidden Highlights, there was a very similar column many years ago that was no longer around and long forgotten. JP thought of that column and revamped it, offered the other half to me, and then we went from there. Basically, we didn’t build it from the ground up. We purchased an old, abandoned piece of warehouse property, tore it down, and then rebuilt it bigger and better from the ground up. We acknowledged the previous column and from there we took off on the new incarnation. This isn’t at all like taking a current column – which happens to be one of 411’s most popular – changing the name of it, doing it awfully, and passing it off as your own.

As most of you know through reading columns like Lansdell’s Sunday Brunch, Harrison’s AWA Reports, Michael O’s new Cheers & Jeers and others, there was a bit of a situation regarding Hidden Highlights and the fact that someone may have tried to jack the idea. Now, I was ready to go off. I had two pages of hate, fail, and pwn all ready to go. But then I realized, they simply do not matter enough. Hidden Highlights will always be the WWE, and some other rip-off will always be some random backyard fed in Idaho. If Vince doesn’t care about said backyard fed in Idaho, then why should I? They will never have signs taken to shows for them, they will never bring the quality that we did/do, and they will never have the connection with the audience and readership that we did/do (mostly because they don’t have anywhere near the audience or readership; NO HITS). So I’ll let them be. The point is that Hidden Highlights will always bring the quality goodness that we did, and JP still does. They can have their five paragraph, one page column that nobody reads. I look forward to reading Hidden Highlights in the future as the other ones die off in a slow death from going from 14 readers, to 11, to 9, to 7, to the point that nobody gives a flying fuck about their column (or website for that matter). Kind of like how none of us do now.

Keep it up, JP. Fuck those guys. Big ups to George Sirois! as well for taking his support all the way over to the Movies Zone.

That is all. I am done, and thank God right? We have things to get to… like this:


Create yours at BlingyBlob.com!

It’s okay Small, I’m sure Khali will get another chance someday. Until then though, let’s have some news, shall we?

NEWS FROM TITAN TOWERS (Thursday, August 14th – Wednesday, August 20th)

  • Obligatory Khali News.
  • The Great Khali’s banged up knees are a major source of concern within WWE. There are members of management who feel Khali didn’t follow the rehab program closely enough after his previous knee surgeries, which may be part of his problem now. Khali isn’t expected to be a long term full-time wrestler simply because his body cannot handle the workload.

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Oh wait, I’m not Small.

  • Hogan’s wallet knows best, or gets bested, or something.
  • A Pinellas County Circuit Court judge ruled Thursday that Hulk and Linda Hogan don’t have to go through with their Las Vegas condo purchase. Hulk didn’t want to go through with the deal despite already paying a $840,000 downpayment that can’t be refunded. Linda wanted Hulk to have to buy the condo.

    But Linda also scored as the judge ruled that Hulk will have to pay her $40,000 a month for living expenses starting September 1st. Linda will also have use of the couple’s house in Belleair Bluffs while Hogan will have use of their Clearwater condo. Hulk will also have to pay all of Linda’s utilities, water, phone, and sewer services fees and her household help.

    The first thing I will point out that isn’t is this news bit is that the ruling is for one years time. $40,000 a month plus all the other stuff is pretty steep, as Hogan is probably looking at around $700,000 for the year when all is said and done. I’m not attorney, but it seems odd to me that if he’s giving her forty grand a month “for living expenses”, why the hell does he have to pay all of her “living expenses”? That being said, a year from now they will meet again and I suspect that Hogan will show the judge how much the “other stuff” accrued in an attempt to get the alimony payments lowered.

    This news immediately garnered speculation that Hogan will once again be looking for a big payday in the ring. Joking speculation or not, fact is Hulk Hogan has plenty of other sources of income and I suspect it would take an insane check from Vince to ever see Hogan wrestle again.

  • Summer house cleaning!
  • According to WWE.com Stevie Richards, Robbie and Rory of The Highlanders, Colin Delaney, Smackdown Diva Cherry and referee Wes Adams have all been released from their WWE contracts. They were wished well in their future endeavors.

    And the string of releases continues! About the only surprise to me on the list is Colin Delaney. I think they may have missed the boat on him. They turned him heel (did Mark Henry really need Colin’s help to beat Tommy Dreamer?) which got him some heat for about a week, but then what? As long as he was as small as he is and was willing to take the punishment we’ve seen him take, he would have always been decent as a babyface underdog. Hell, ECW fans actually gravitated towards this guy so not sure why he wasn’t given more of a chance. As for the Highlanders, I’m surprised they made it this long following the TNA incident in March… or the fact that nobody gave a shit about them.

  • Ric goes home.
  • Ric Flair appeared at the NWA Legends convention in Charlotte, NC today and gave a speech saying how happy he was to appear at an NWA Legends event. He had not been able to during the past few years due to being under WWE contract.

    UPDATE:Ric Flair is being booked through Elaine Gillespie, who also represents Mick Foley and Roddy Piper. Flair is asking $15,000 for autograph appearances, well below what other names are charging. For example Hulk Hogan charges $75,000, Bill Goldberg charges $30,000, and Steve Austin charges $20,000 for such a signing. He has an offer of $50,000 to do a shoot interview, which most feel will be worth it as a recent Outsider’s Shoot interview grossed $50,000.

    Not real big news, but it is the first of likely many to come. Carolina is Flair Country and he was a major part of NWA so I say good for him now that he gets to make all these appearances and stack some coin on the side.

    UPDATE: I think it’s really smart of Flair to only charge $15,000. It allows for places that can’t pay the Hulk Hogan’s of the world a chance to bring a legend to them while giving Flair a payday. If he does take $50,000 for a shoot interview, not sure how much “shooting” they would get. There’s plenty of his past to talk about, but when it comes to Vince and the WWE, I wouldn’t expect anything juicy. They are on great terms and once Flair has made his “retirement tour” around the country and made some decent money, there’s always a chance he would go back to being a representative for WWE.

  • Here we go again!
  • Carlito’s future with WWE appears to be headed to an end. He has worked a few live events, but has not made his on-air Smackdown debut yet. He has spoken to friends about a release from the company. If he were to join Puerto Rico’s promotion, WWC, he would be their biggest star. He isn’t too drawn to work there, as it would be a huge transition from performing in front of thousands to hundreds. The last we heard about Carlito’s WWE departure was that he considered heading to Mexico’s AAA promotion and become a full-time wrestler, and would be their top heel. He is friends with TNA’s writer Dutch Mantel, and the company would like to reach out to the Hispanic audience. His departure could also land him in the NWE promotion in Europe. Carlito has a wide range of promotions that are showing interest in signing the Puerto Rican star.

    Man it seems like we hear this every other month now. This is becoming static noise and until I see him released or quit I’m taking this with a grain of salt, especially considering that since being drafted back to SmackDown! he has been sporting a new look. The real question I have is that if he’s so unmotivated, lazy, and has a poor attitude, why is he drawing such interest from so many other feds? I get that he’s a name and all but the lack thing an even smaller locker room needs is a piss-poor attitude festering around it.

  • Finally some people stepping up.
  • WWE has sent out a further 500 letters offering former employees free rehab. At least 12 former stars have taken them up on the offer. They are unnamed for privacy reasons.

    Good. I don’t need to know who they are or what the circumstances, this is good. Kudos to WWE for offering this to past and current employees, and kudos to the dozen people who are at least trying to change their life around.

  • J.R. speaks!
  • Only thing I found interesting:

    On Edge: Edge has been as good as any one in the WWE or elsewhere in recent weeks and quite frankly I don’t recall Edge ever being as compelling as he is as we speak. Edge has transformed himself into a demented, sick and evil man who seems to be looking forward to a jaw dropping outing Sunday inside the Hell in a Cell vs. The Undertaker. This match should close the show at Summerslam and will likely be a train wreck that includes casualties.

    Obviously, this isn’t really news, but it does allow for myself to chime in on the matter. I couldn’t agree more, J.R., especially now. I’ve said this about 19 times now, but Edge is about the best heel in WWE and is very strong when he is by himself. DROP THE BITCH, DROP THE CREW, AND GET BACK TO THE BADASSERY SHOWN WHEN YOU WERE RUNNING RAW THAT MADE ME WRITE A COLUMN COMPARING YOU TO SHAWN MICHAELS

  • really? Really? REALLY?
  • The Undertaker and Edge were both pretty sore following their match at Summerslam last night. Edge may be kept off the TV tapings this week to sell his “injuries” from the match.

    No shit!

    That is all I’ve got.

  • VIVA LA MEHEEKO
  • Shane McMahon was in Mexico last week and had meetings with the Televisa Network. Televisa is the leading television network in the country and broadcasts both CMLL and AAA.

    And with that, Vince’s wallet gets fatter. Kidding aside, Televisa is the NBC/CBS/ABC/FOX of Mexico, only there aren’t three twin brothers hogging up ratings. More broadcasting and more exposure of the WWE does nothing but help the bottom line and that is a good thing. It’s also nice to hear that the “President of International blah blah” is not just a title for Shane; it was no secret that he was a suit in the company that actually put in work, but little things like this remind people who may not be aware of his role with the company.

  • John Cena, 19 time world champion?
  • According to WWE.com, the title can change hands many times during the Championship Scramble but only the final winner of the match will be recognized as the new champion, not all the people who may “win” the title during the scramble itself.

    As well it should be. The last thing the record books needs is to stink it up with 13 new “title reigns” on five different guys resumes. It’s also smart that they are announcing this, ending any potential “well technically” bullshit that some sites like OWW may have wanted to put on their site. WWE is basically saying if it happened during the match, it didn’t happen.

    Okay, we’re switching focus, so I need to avert your attention so you aren’t solely focused on the E. I do so with this public service announcement:

    WHILE MOST OF YOU FOCUS ON THE YOUNG, SILKY SMOOTH SKINNED HOTTIE, I AM HERE TO REMIND THE WORLD THAT COUGARS NEED OUR LOVE TOO. YOU PEOPLE ARE SLEEPING.

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    Kate Walsh: Grrrrrrrrrrrr………

    You can be my cougar anytime, baby. But back to it…

    NEWS FROM O-TOWN> (Thursday, August 14th – Wednesday, August 20th)

  • Matt Morgan is heading for space.
  • Matt Morgan, known as “Beast” on television’s American Gladiators and a professional wrestling star for Total Nonstop Action (TNA) Wrestling, has signed on to have his DNA sequenced and digitized and sent to the International Space Station (ISS) with gaming legend Richard Garriott in October. Garriott will take DNA samples from select individuals on the “Immortality Drive,” a storage device that he’ll leave on the ISS as part of NCsoft’s(R) Operation Immortality(TM) and Garriott’s latest game, Tabula Rasa(R).

    About all I can muster here is that Matt Morgan is indeed an impressive physical specimen. What that has to do with this game I have no idea, nor do I have any idea why any of this is being sent to the International Space Station other than the fact that – in theory – if we all get wiped out then Matt Morgan’s DNA along with some other people’s DNA would be the groundwork for resurrecting the human race. Not to be a Negative Nancy, but if we’re all wiped out who exactly in the fuck is going to be donning lab coats and performing said resurrection? Cats? I’m useless on this news bit, I don’t even know why I included it.

  • TNA is responsive.
  • TNA Released a new trailer this week for the TNA iMPACT!

    Uploaded by 411Ramon

    This gets a plug because I have played this and found it to be a great game, and you can also read

  • The show is on, no wait… it’s cancelled… oh hold on, no it isn’t. It’s… there may or may not be a wrestling show on 9/6!
  • There is more drama between Ticketmaster and TNA Wrestling over the company’s September 6th debut at the Manhattan Center. Ticketmaster had mistakenly sent out notices that the show was cancelled and issued refunds, minus the non-refundable service charge. They have not rescinded the original cancellation and now some people that had ticket money refunded will have to pay for new tickets and the service charge again. There is a possibility that some fans will attend with tickets that were wrongly cancelled and those tickets will not scan because they would have been double sold. TNA is not happy at all about this, especially since it is their debut in the venue.

    UPDATE: Ticketmaster completely screwed up ticket sales to TNA’s 9/6 show at the Manhattan Center in Manhattan. If you bought tickets to the show prior to August 9th, those tickets are no longer valid. You will have to buy new tickets now due to some Ticketmaster mistake. You won’t be charged for your original tickets.

    As well they should be! TNA has been on such a roll lately with their claimed successes pertaining to house shows and overseas tours and such, a promotion this small was bound to hit a snag. Granted, this is a pretty major snag. Ticketmaster hasn’t placed any blame on TNA here so it looks like they did indeed drop the ball altogether. Way to go Ticketmaster. Good luck to the guy who screwed the pooch, good luck in keeping his job that is. I will concede the possibility of the venue having a little something to with it, but right now it looks like it’s all Ticketmaster and this hurts TNA. They need all the business and fan base they can get.

    UPDATE: Wow, it’s even more fucked up than originally thought. Again this does nothing but hurt TNA, and what’s worse is that TNA can’t even really use this as any sort of leverage in the future because Ticketmaster is THE game in town. Fans should not have to deal with such pain-in-the-ass circumstances either in today’s day and age. Wouldn’t surprise me if SOMEONE gets fired by the time it’s all said and done.

  • I don’t work for free.
  • Sting did not attend the TNA iMPACT! tapings this week because of his contract negotiations. Sources indicated that he would not return to the company until his contract has been restructured. His contract expires at the end of the year and the two sides are trying to work on an extension.

    TNA management had to deal with a similar contract issue with Sting last year. Jeff Jarrett didn’t feel Sting was worth the money that Dixie Carter was willing to pay him.

    I understand Sting’s position, but I think his timing on this really hurts the company. He shows up and is a part of a major angle ending the PPV a week ago and then doesn’t show? Resulting in TNA having to ignore it/him for two weeks of television time? (bare in mind I don’t read spoilers) To me, TNA has giving Sting enough money to buy themselves “a taping or two” while they negotiate his contract. Now, granted this could have been TNA not telling him to show, and if that’s the case then the loss is on them. If this is Sting’s doing though it just feels poorly handled to me.

    Time to switch gears again, so to get you out of your silly TNA mindset:

    A PUBLIC SERVICE REMINDER THAT COUGARS NEED LOVE AND YOU SHOULD STOP IGNORING THEM. OR RATHER, KEEP IGNORING THEM AND I CAN HOG THEM ALL TO MYSELF!

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    Charisma Charpenter: Don’t forget about me, JT.

    Don’t worry, sweetie, I haven’t…

    NEWS FROM BRISTOL, PA (Thursday, August 14th – Wednesday, August 20th)

    Expanding your fan base.

  • ROH is set to make their St. Louis area debut on 12/5 with a show at the Gateway Center in Collinsville, IL. Tickets go on sale this Monday at rohwrestling.com. ROH is apparently looking into running a show in the Nashville market soon.

    I said it the last time I did this column regarding a very similar news bit; this is nothing but a positive thing for ROH. Nashville and St. Louis are both HUGE wrestling communities, and getting their product to the fans live can only help build their fan base and generate revenue (through both live shows, PPVs, and merch)

    Merch Guy: Rule #5. Do NOT come up to me flexing your muscles and handing me video of your matches. I CAN’T SIGN YOU. I’M SELLING MERCH!

    (…..if ANYONE gets that, five gold stars for you…)

    BEFORE WE GO, HERE’S SOME QUICK AND DIRTY NEWS

  • Umaga suffered a knee injury at a live event in Johnson City, Tennessee. He has been diagnosed with a torn posterior cruciate ligament (PCL). The injury will not require surgery, instead Umaga will rehab the injury and likely be out 4-6 weeks.
  • Walter “Killer” Kowalski was downgraded Monday from “guarded” to “poor” condition. He remains unresponsive after suffering a heart attack on August 8th. I wish and hope nothing but the absolutely best for Walter and his family.
  • In a Summerslam dark match, Big Show defeated Bam Neely. This was urgent news to report because it allows me to mention the fact that Bam Neely fucking blows; or rather, his current role sucks balls. Whichever you prefer.
  • WWE’s The Life & Times of Mr. Perfect DVD is due out on 9/9. I will own this.
  • WWE fun fact: After his match with JBL following RAW Monday, CM Punk spoke to the crowd, mentioning that he made his Chicago WWE debut as a “gangster” for John Cena’s WrestleMania 22 entrance!
  • The AAA: Best of TripleMania PPV will begin airing Sunday Night on PPV.

    COMING ATTRACTIONS

    – Bayani is in later.

    – Fact or Fiction is already up.

    – Chin and Csonka are in tomorrow.

    – Prag and Sforcina are in Saturday

    – Lansdell’s rounds out your weekend on Sunday

    …..oh, and read my INTERVIEW WITH CHRIS LANSDELL!. 411’s MySpace has some good shit going on.

    This is the part where Jeff Small tells you that he’s Jeff Small and you’re not. If you ask me I say in that case, lucky you. Have a good weekend all!

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    James Thomlison