wrestling / TV Reports
The Tremendous Tirade: WWE Raw 12.10.07
RAW…BACK IN THE DAY-The Legion of Doom and The Godwinns fought to a No Contest -Dude Love pinned Billy Gunn -Flash Funk defeated Kurrgan the interrogator by Disqualification -Los Boriquas defeated The Disciples of Apocalypse -Jeff Jarrett defeated Vader by Count Out -Salvatore Sincere/Tom Brandi defeated Marc Mero by Count Out -Rocky Maivia defeated Steve Austin by forfeit to win the Intercontinental Title -Lance Storm and William Regal defeated Goldust and Booker T -Steven Richards defeated Jacqueline -Batista defeated Rob Van Dam by Disqualification -D’Lo Brown and Christopher Nowinski defeated Al Snow and Maven -Triple H defeated Jeff Hardy -Kane defeated Rosie and Jamal in a Handicap match -The Dudley Boyz and Trish Stratus defeated Christian, Chris Jericho, and Victoria in a tables match -World Champion John Cena, defeated Armando Alejandro Estrada -Jerry Lawler and Carlito Caribbean Cool defeated Chris Masters and Viscera -Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas defeated The Highlanders -Triple H defeated Edge by Disqualification -Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and Ric Flair defeated Edge, Randy Orton, and Kenny Doane -Umaga defeated Intercontinental Champion, Jeff Hardy, in a non-title match -World Champion, John Cena, defeated Johnny Nitro |
WWE RAW 12.10.07
-We see the original Raw opening, as well as Raw openings through out the years in a montage of sorts.
-JR welcomes us to the show.
-Vince is out to kick things off. Shane and Stephanie are with him. Motherhood agrees with Steph. Vince’s strut is more absurd than normal. He puts over Raw and says they will be having a family reunion. Linda isn’t here because she has gastro-intestinal issues. Vince puts over Sheph and Shane as former champions, and now it is picture time. HORNSWOGGLE THE MIDGET LEPRECHAUN is here and grabs Vince’s leg, Shane has to pull him off. HORNS-WOG-GLE chants now, sweet Jesus. Vince then talks about dying, and then says he loves Steph and Shane…and “kinda” loves Hornswoggle. Awww, Vince loves US too! They go to take the picture, and…
HHH IS OUT to stop this. Steph gives him some fuck me eyes and Vince is irate. He says this should be a family deal, with all of his family. He knows this isn’t a secret anymore…they know…that he feels like he is almost a part of the family, almost like a son. “Sup Steph?” And family is about the people you love or loved…Vince, here is some of the family that you loved.
First out is a diva is from this generations, one he has loved…Melina! Secondly is a past diva…SUNNY~! I’d hit it. Hornswoggle plants his face in her tits, and HHH says to GIT HIM SOME~! Mae Young is next. Steph and Shane look OFFENDED~! HHH is sporting the same knee braces I have now. Mae tries to rape Vince and Melina tries to hold her off. Shane asks Vince about nailing her, and Vince says it was at MOOLAH’S FUNERAL. Damn. Shane leaves. OFFENDED~! Vince says to Steph that he was thinking of “mom” and HHH has more. He says some people have been mistaken for women and THE FINK is out with naked oily guy, Paterson, Briscoe, Bastion Booger and Lombardi as Abe Knuckle Ball Swartz. HHH just threw up in his mouth apparently, his words not mine. HHH mocks them all, including “I guess the Brooklyn Brawler was busy tonight.” Steph says Vince has problems and she says it is tie to embarrass Vince. She makes out with HHH. HHH says he’ll see her at home. Vince hates HHH and everyone can go to hell. Vince takes his leave of us and HHH consoles Hornswoggle who is now sad. HHH wonders if someone could make this right, with the sound of their music…
THE GODFATHER is out and Hornswoggle hugs HHH as THE HO TRAIN comes to the ring. JR: “Even Patterson is smiling!” Godfather says it is time for Hornswoggle to jump on the HO TRAAAAAAAAAAAIN and he dances with the chicks.
IC TITLE LADDER MATCH: Jeff Hardy © vs. Carlito
Carlito goes for a ladder, Jeff to the floor and eats a ladder shot to the face. Sets the ladder up, climbs and Jeff back in and eats a clothesline off of a counter of the TOF. Jeff tosses a ladder into Carlito’s face, sets the ladder on the mat and slams Carlito onto it. Jeff then dropkick’s Carlito off the apron onto a ladder. That looked bad for Carlito. Jeff sets a ladder, climbs, Carlito springboards in onto the ladder and then gets a sunset flip powerbomb onto Jeff! We head to a commercial @ 3:30.
Back from commercial @ 7:03 and Jeff goes up top. Trademark leg drop over the ladder by Jeff MISSES! Carlito lays the boots to Jeff and works over the left leg. Carlito puts the leg in the ladder and kicks at it. Carlito gets another ladder, and then slams it onto the other ladder the leg was caught in. Carlito stacks the ladders and slams Jeff’s legs off of them. Carlito looks to climb now. Jeff is up and nails Carlito. Carlito chop blocks the leg of Jeff, grabs the ladder and sets it up in the corner. They brawl and Carlito lays Jeff on the ladder in the corner. Carlito charges and gets backdropped onto the ladder! Jeff up top…SWANTON connects, almost missed though. Jeff sets up the ladder, climbs…Carlito shoves him off, and then gets the lung blower onto the ladder. Carlito sets the ladder, climbs now…Jeff back up, climbs and shoves Carlito off. Jeff all the way up and grabs the title.
Winner: Jeff Hardy @ 13:45
Rating: **¾
-Todd is with HBK. HBK was at the first Raw, defending the IC Title. He can’t remember who. It was a bit sketchy for him. Last week was horrible as Kennedy had a very bad segment. He wonders how well Kennedy could do against the real Marty. MARTY IS HERE to face Kennedy. HBK keeps calling him Kennedy, Kennedy. Nice. And this Sunday, Kennedy will face MRRRRRRRRRRRRRR HBK…HBK.
-We get some classic Raw moments. Good times…good times…
-Santino and Maria are in the ring. He hates this nostalgia show and feels they should honor the future of the show, him! He makes an open challenge and RVD IS HERE! IN GEAR!
RVD vs. Santino Marella
Santino attacks as RVD points to himself. RVD takes him out with a kick, up top, FROG SPLASH! He poses a bit and then pins Santino.
Winner: RVD @ 0:44 via RVD
Rating: NR
-We get a video package for EVOLUTION~!
–EVOLUTION REUNION
Flair is out first, then HHH, Batista is third and finally Orton. They are all sporting Evolution shirts, but not Orton. Orton stays on the ramp and has a mic. He won’t join them, because he is the WWE champion. He says Evolution only wants to ride his success. Besides, the last time he was champion, he remembers what happened. They show the video of the attack from back in the day. HHH says he does remember and says it was pretty cool. He then says they beat him up because he was a pain in the ass. Orton then says he wants to be remembered for being a member of Rated RKO and he brings out Edge! Edge says this Sunday, Batista won’t have his title either. Batista challenges him to come to the ring, and then Flair tells them to shut up! Flair says there is three of them and two of them so get a partner and we’ll get it on! They were ready for it and bring out Umaga!
Flair, HHH and Batista vs. Orton, Edge and Umaga
JIP with Orton running from Flair, and Edge tagging in. Rights by Edge and he beats down Flair. Chops by Flair in return and an Irish whip, backdrop to Flair. Lawler mentions that the Flair stipulation only counts in singles matches. Umaga in to punish Flair with the Vulcan neck pinch. Tag to Orton, STOMP time on Flair. Irish whip by Orton, but then misses a dropkick. Tag to Batista and he runs wild on Orton. He knocks down Umaga, attacks Edge and gets the Bossman slam. HHH in and dueling spinebusters on Orton and Edge. Flair in after Umaga cleared the ring and we got a DQ in there.
Orton and Edge run, and Umaga is left alone. LOW BLOW by Flair. Spear by Batista. Pedigree by HHH.
Winners: Flair, Batista and HHH @ 4:10 via DQ
Rating: **
-Jeff Hardy watches on from the back.
-We get more classic Raw moments.
-Hornswoggle hits on Molly Holly (~!) and Mickie James. Regal makes a rematch of Hornswoggle vs. Khali, and Finlay’s plane ticket was lost. Please bring back Big Show to kill Khali.
Hornswoggle vs. The Great Khali
Hornswoggle runs, Khali grabs him and we get a no contest because…
Hulk Hogan is here. Hulk talks shit, Hulk up and JUDO CHOP blocked but Khali with a boot to Hulk. He beats down Hulk a bit, HULK UP, YOU! Rights by Hulk, AX BOMBER! Khali to the floor and Hulk calls him back in, and Khali is held off.
Music plays, Hulk shakes with Hornswoggle and makes the “slam” motion to Khali.
Hulk on the mic now. Hulkamania is alive and well and so forth and so on. He thanks the fans, says good job for the WWE, the greatest company of all time. He says being in the ring is like nothing else, and watching the new stars is great. He is proud to be invited here to hang out. He misses and loves everyone, but never say never, OHHH YEAH. Savage tease??? He is going back to film American Gladiators, and pimps the show some. He and Hornswoggle do the hand cup deal and POSE! Ok, Hornswoggle posing is priceless.
Winner: No Contest
Rating: NR
-We get classic DX Moments.
-We get more flashbacks. SOCKO~! BED PAN OF DOOM~! CLEAR~!
SPECIAL BATTLE ROYAL
The Fink announces for this, awesome. Some of the people are Al Snow, Bart Gunn, Doink, The REPO MAN, Steve Blackman, Pete Gas, BOB BACKLUND, Gangrel (AWESOME ENTRANCE~!), Skinner, the Goon, IRS, Flash Funk, Scotty 2 Hotty, JIM FN NEIDHART, The Sarge and GILLBERG!
They all toss Gillberg to begin. Jesus that was a nasty bump. Backlund is gone, you know, I don’t care about the match because I just marked for the entrances. Doink is gone and so is Gangrel. Bart Gunn and Steve Blackman are all in great shape still. Gas, Bart, Blackman and Funk are all gone. So is the goon. Repo man is gone. Skinner tosses Neidhart. Clothesline by IRS on Scotty. Briefcase knocked into the face of IRS by Scotty. W…O…R…M~! HUH HUH HUH…CHOP~! Skinner tosses Scotty, but then Sarge gets the Cobra clutch! Skinner escapes, but Sarge tosses him and then IRS WINS tossing Sarge!
WAIT…TED DIBIASE IS HERE~! Hey tries to pay off IRS, he places the money in the case and they shake. IRS eliminates himself and DIBIASE WINS~!
Ted on the mic, everybody’s got a price!
Winner: TED DIBIASE @ 5:45
Rating: ELEVENTY BILLION STARS~!
-We get classic clips of slaps.
-BISHOFF WALKS.
-Bishoff is out, and he wants to let us know that for him to be invited here…he says it means a lot to him. **FAKE CRIES** It also reminds him, that some things stay the same. He sees the same people that he has been seeing for years. He is here to take the money from us, not put smiles on our faces. People like us will always depend on him. The McMahons will depend on him to reinvent the business over and over again. He tells them to stand and give him a round of applause.
JERICHO is out. This should be interesting. Bishoff says he fired him years ago, and Jericho tells him to shut the hell up. He also calls him an ass clown. Jericho remembers the firing, and actually thanks him because he was burnt out. But now he has some fire and passion. And the time is now, he is back and he will win the title this Sunday. Bishoff says good luck with that. Jericho mocks his bowl cut and pot belly. Bishoff mocks the 2nd coming, and says to save the people $40 and forfeit the title match. Jericho calls him a jack off, and says he would pick up a tranny for $20. Jericho does way too much rhyming for my taste there. Jericho then knocks Bishoff on his ass. Orton rushes out and they brawl, WALLS OF JERICHO to Orton! Orton taps and Jericho grabs the title and stares at it.
-Dusty Rhodes is out on commentary.
WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes vs. The Redneck Whirling Dervish © (Cade and Murdoch)
Holly and Cody argue over who will start, and we get Cody and Cade to begin. Some good reversals and a clothesline by Cody. Arm bar, off the ropes and a leg lariat by Cade. Tag to Murdoch, atomic drop and a forearm connect. Works over Cody, and then gets an elbow for 2. Cade backing, a slam and then misses an elbow drop. Tag to Holly and Murdoch in as well. Clothesline by Holly and then the dropkick. Levels Cade, Murdoch grabs Holly and Cade accidentally nails Murdoch. Cody takes out Cade, Alabama Slam by Holly on Murdoch and we have new champions.
Dusty comes into celebrate with the team and Cody and he hug.
Winners and NEW CHAMPIONS Cody Rhodes and Hardcore Holly @ 2:45 via pin
Rating: *
-More classic Raw with the celebrities that have been there over the years.
-Raw flashbacks about the chicks.
-Jillian is in the ring to sing for us apparently. She says she has a Christmas album coming out on ITUNES tomorrow. She starts to sing horribly, awesomely bad actually and TRISH is here! Trish says she is sorry to stop her singing, but she is just so excited to be back. Trish says she is happy for her, but the album is REALLY bad. Jillian says some things never change and maybe Trish is a big star, but she gets the award for biggest ego in WWE history. LITA is out now! They face off, and then Lita grabs the mic and says not only does Jillian’s singing suck, but her voice is just bad. Jillian says no one wants to see them, so she sings more and Lita and Trish beat her ass. The best part is that Jillian has the mic on and you hear her screaming really loud. They run her off and stand there looking hot and hug.
-Raw flashbacks of funny stuff.
-Raw flashbacks with weddings and such.
-We see Lita backstage and KANE is there. “AWKWARD!” Ron Simmons, stare, contemplate, DAMN!
-JR and King run down the Armageddon card:
WWE Armageddon – Sunday December 16, 2007 – Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
-CM Punk & Kane vs. Big Daddy V & Mark Henry
-Finlay vs. The Great Khali
-Shawn Michaels vs. Mr. Kennedy
-#1 Contender’s Match: Triple H vs. Jeff Hardy
-WWE Women’s Championship Match: Beth Phoenix vs. Mickie James
-WWE United States Championship Match: MVP vs. Rey Mysterio
-WWE Championship Match: Randy Orton © vs. Chris Jericho
-World Heavyweight Championship – Triple Threat Match: Batista © vs. Edge vs. Undertaker
-This just in, Marty Jannetty was fired during the commercial break.
-This just in, Marty Jannetty was hired back during the commercial break.
Mr. Kennedy vs. Marty Jannetty
Lock up and Kennedy works the arm. Drop toehold by Jannetty, some counters and a snap mare and a basement dropkick by Jannetty. Irish whip and Kennedy back with a basement dropkick. Kennedy works the leg, single leg crab by Kennedy. Why didn’t they remember the new Rockers when discussing Marty? Jannetty gets the ropes. Kennedy gets a dragon screw leg whip and cover for 2. Kennedy slaps Jannetty around, and then lays the boots to him. Enziguri by Jannetty, rights now, off the ropes and a back elbow by Jannetty. Suplex by Jannetty and a cover for 2. Rights by Jannetty, corner mount and more rights. Jannetty gets an atomic drop and then turns Jannetty inside out with a clothesline. Kamikaze roll countered, Rocker Dropper! Jannetty up top…and Kennedy knocks him down. Kennedy up…Kamikaze Roll countered into a roll up for 2. Kennedy gets a flatliner and that is all.
Winner: Mr. Kennedy @ 4:45 via pin
Rating: *
-After the match Kennedy beats down Jannetty, HBK is out to stop that and they brawl. HBK runs off Kennedy, goes to check on Jannetty and gets attacked from behind. Mounted punches by Kennedy, and HHH is out to distract Kennedy. He is wearing DX gear now. HBK tosses out Kennedy and now it is SHAMELESS PROMOTION TIME~!
GREATEST RAW SUPERSTAR OF ALL TIME PRESENTATION~!
Vince is out for his announcement. The person has to be linked to the greatness of the show, made the single biggest impact in Raw. He gets an envelope from a security guy and opens it. The greatest Raw star of all time is…VINCENT KENNEDY MCMAHON! He thanks the crowd.
FOLEY is out! No, my apologies, it is MANKIND! Vince says he is jealous, and tells him to leave. SOCKO ON VINCE~!
GONG. Taker is out now. 10-minutes after Taker’s entrance, he drops the coat and hat so he can chokeslam Vince to hell. Jesus he about killed Vince there. Taker poses, and disappears into the darkness.
Steve Austin is now out. He poses at the corners, and then gets a mic. He says this is a pitiful sight. Jesus Christ. Laying in the ring like apiece of trash. He came out to offer congrats to Vince for 15-years of Raw. He wanted to drink beer, celebrate and Vince is asleep. He puts over Raw, and says it needs a toast! GIMMIE TWO BEERS. He proposes a toast to Vince. He says after 15-years of Raw they have to drink a beer together. He lays down beside Vince and they snuggle. He says this isn’t working, so he pulls Vince up and gets new beers because the others spilt. He gives Vince a beer, they toast and drink. KICK…WHAM…STUNNER. Austin celebrates with more beer.
Austin now says the greatest superstar is not in the ring right now, but all around the ring right now and around the world. Awwwwwwwww. He then calls out the Raw stars from the years past for a beer bash. They all filter out and he calls JR and King in the ring as well. Vince is on the floor and had beer tossed all over him. He climbs on the apron and Austin knocks him off and ours out more beer on him. I think Punk was drinking a beer. STRAIGHT EDGE MY ASS! (It’s a joke people. Fucking chill.)
The greatest thing there was seeing Mickie, Trish and Lita walk to the ring together. Sweet Jesus.
The Tremendous Tirade: More of a fun show, great video packages with cool moments, stars from the past and about what you’d expect. No breakdown right now, read the column Friday for more thoughts.
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