wrestling / Columns
411Mania’s Squared Circle News Report 09.26.09
Welcome back inside the Squared Circle! How is everyone doing this week? I personally have had better weeks. Thanks to my job, high school football, and lots of news in the MMA world (Quinton “Rampage” Jackson retires?? WTF??) I had almost little to no time to write this column. However, instead of forcing you to read some horrible replacement writer (HI CHRIS LANSDELL) I decided to pump this baby out with the little amount of spare time I had. So bear with me here, it may not be my best week, but I promise I’ll be back next week with fists pumping!
This week just so happened to be the best week of television in awhile. Not only did we have TWO hours of Heroes, but we also had TWO hours of Hell’s Kitchen, a good episode of Entourage, and the Oregon Ducks were able to defeat the Utah Utes ending the Nation’s longest win streak! Now, if only LOST would hurry up and return….I would be in TV heaven!
Anyways…….
LET’S GET IT ON!!!!!
Biggest News Of The Week:
Reverend Al Sharpton Is Going To Host RAW…..And I Hate It!
If you remove that horrible hair off his head, he looks like the dad from Family Matters….
In some unfortunate news, the WWE has announced that none other than Reverend Al Sharpton is going to be the guest host on RAW next week. This is a stupid move by the WWE. Why? Because Al Sharpton is an egotistical douchenozzle, that’s why. Most of our international readers may be unfamiliar with Sharpton, so allow me to fill you in on who this dude is.
Sharpton is a civil rights activist in the United States who his critics describe as “a political radical who is to blame, in part, for the deterioration of race relations.” While that’s all good and I praise the man for doing what he’s done for the African-American community, a huge part of me believes that Sharpton is an egomaniac who is only looking out for one man….himself. Why else would he do ridiculous stuff like guest host RAW? What’s the benefit of guest hosting a TV show where the majority of the audience doesn’t care what he has to say? Ohhhh, that’s right! He’s got a reality show to promote! Let’s give Al Sharpton’s spokeswoman some time to explain why Sharpton is hosting RAW this week (thanks to Newsday for this!)….
“In order to raise awareness and actually do something about the devastating achievement gap in education between kids of color and their white peers the viewership of WWE events is precisely the group of people who need to be reached and involved. Reverend Sharpton has stated repeatedly that all of us must take extraordinary steps to reverse the current trend in education and that unlikely alliances (like with Newt Gingrich) and forums like the WWE should be utilized if they help close the gap.
Reverend Sharpton has led –and will continue to lead– the fight against the use of the N-word and bigotry of all types, but until we end disparity in education, such conduct will continue. Rev. Sharpton appeared on BET while fighting against the N-word in their videos and there is no difference.
As Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John McCain did before him, Reverend Sharpton recognizes that WWE events provide an unfettered opportunity to raise important issues to a national audience of Americans.
Rev. Sharpton has talked to Vince McMahon who assured him that they have corrected and will discontinue any racial denigration.”
Ummm, none of that really made any sense to me, but whatever. I just honestly can’t wait to hear what kind of reaction Sharpton gets when he comes out on RAW on Monday. I’m thinking it’s not going to be pretty. That is, unless of course he does something cool like bring back the NATION OF DOMINATION! But no, instead he’ll probably grant Mark Henry a title shot and when Henry loses, Sharpton will blame the white ref! I can see it now!
That’s one of the major things that bugs me about Sharpton. The fact that he’s trying to put an end to racism, yet he’s a pretty damn big racist himself. Here are some quotes from the man himself thanks to a wonderful little website called “Wikipedia”:
“White folks was in caves while we was building empires…. We taught philosophy and astrology and mathematics before Socrates and them Greek homos ever got around to it.”
“As for the one Mormon (Mitt Romney) running for office, those who really believe in God will defeat him anyways, so don’t worry about that; that’s a temporary situation.”
You see what I mean? For a civil rights guy, Al Sharpton sure has a tendency to NOT act civil. It’s just something I have noticed in the little amount of time I have spent researching Sharpton. He comes across as a huge boner to me and that’s just my opinion. Part of me also believes that Sharpton would rather be famous than a preacher and he should just come out and announce it.
That’s just my opinion and you don’t have to like it……
Remember This Guy???
Battle Kat
When I was a kid, Battle Kat was the BIGGEST MYSTERY IN THE WWE! You see, being a WWE fan back then was a little different then today. Back then we only had 1-2 hours of WWE TV every week (Saturday morning!) here in Oregon and if you failed to catch it…you were shit out of luck. That’s the main reason Battle Kat was the biggest mystery to me and my friends. We use to see him all the time in WWE magazine but we NEVER saw him on TV. We were fans by just the picture in WWE magazine alone. You know, this one…..
Who wouldn’t be a fan of that guy after seeing that ad? Well, seeing as we never actually got to see Battle Kat wrestle, I had to rely on the trusty old Internet (once it was finally invented) to find out the truth about Battle Kat and that was that the guy sucked donkey nuts. It’s a shame too because a guy wrestling as a cat has a lot of potential in my eyes. Then again, we should all thank the lord above that I’m not a wrestling booker……
Apparently this is Battle Kat’s theme song, for those of you who like listening to wrestling themes and all….
Random News Bits:
– Apparently everyone’s favorite worm eater, The Boogeyman, has disappeared off the face of the earth! He was reportedly scheduled to do some indie dates with Scott Epstein, but now he’s not returning any of Epstein’s phone calls. This is a bummer deal for fans who bought tickets to the shows just to see Boogey eat some worms. Perhaps you can get your $5 back if you email the guy.
– TNA has hired D-Lo Brown and Pat Kenney as agents to replace Jim Cornette and B.G. James. Many backstage are a little upset with the firing of Cornette still, but James was reportedly a joke as an agent and many workers believed that he only had a job because he was a friend of Jeff Jarrett. So basically in the end, you don’t really lose anything because…..
D-Lo Brown > Jim Cornette
YOU’RE LOOKING AT THE REAL DEAL NOW~!
Kidding of course. Cornette was one of the most valuable workers in TNA and why they fired him…I still don’t understand. Ohhh, that’s right. That’s because they hired Ed Ferrara. Wow, what a trade off!
– The relationship between TNA and the Bubba the Love Spong Show is apparently on the rocks. Dixie Carter has ordered that TNA workers are no longer able to appear on Bubba’s show seeing as he has been blasting Vince Russo by calling him a cancer to the company. Dixie, how can you punish Bubba for telling the truth? Karma is going to get you….
– TNA has signed Lacey Von Erich to replace Angelina Love in The Beautiful People. Love is currently having problems with her employment visa and TNA has no idea when she’s going to be able sort them out so the company hired Kerry’s daughter to replace her. And hell, when she actually does return you have a possible storyline on your hands.
– Apparently the WWE and Bret Hart are in talks about doing some business in the future. Hart has reportedly opened up to the idea of becoming a regular weekly TV character for the first time since he left the company in 1997. If this actually does happen you may as well consider this the GREATEST NEWS EVER! Imagine if DX was hanging out in the ring on RAW and all of a sudden Hart’s music comes on and here he comes….followed by the new generation of Hart wrestlers of course. Then again, doesn’t this sort of thing happen every year? We all get excited to see some sort of new Hart Foundation only to be disappointed when it never happens. I’ll file this news under “believe it when I see it.”
– Lillian Garcia has announced that she is going to start a band now that she has left the WWE. I’m sure she will release some awesome music that I’ll never listen to because I’m a dude. Why did you have to leave us Lillian? WHY??????
– Jim Ross has been pushing real hard to get Ron Simmons nominated into the WWE Hall of Fame next year. I’m fine with this selection as long he wears the old Faarooq Asad “gladiator” gear while giving his induction speech….
– The Great Khali is expected to miss some time due to a recent knee surgery. Can we please put Jeff Small on suicide watch now? I have been in this kind of situation before and I know it’s rough. I’m praying for ya buddy.
– During a recent interview with Sun Media, Chris Jericho had the following to say regarding the difference between playing a babyface and a heel:
“It’s hard to become a heel and harder to say one, from Hannibal Lecter to Freddy Krueger to The Joker. This is the character I play. I’ll fight kicking and screaming to never be a babyface again.”
I have to agree with Jericho here. It’s hard to be a long term heel in wrestling now a days. Playing a heel became the cool thing to do around 1997 or so and it hasn’t really cooled down yet. Not to mention, Jericho is a far better heel than babyface. Hopefully the man stays heel until he’s ready for his retirement run.
– The WWE has sent out another survey for a possible name change for the February PPV currently titled “No Way Out”. Here are the choices:
*Elimination Chamber
*No Way Out
*Battle Chamber
*Heavy Metal
*Chamber of Conflict
Personally, I’d go with “WWE: Overexposure”…..
(Credit goes to The Wrestling Observer for the above news!)
Wrestling Top 10 Lists:
Top 10 Hottest WWE Divas of All-Time
When Trish Stratus returned to WWE as a RAW guest host a few weeks back to remind us all of how hot she is. It inspired me to rank the top 10 hottest WWE divas of all-time! Now, the divas are considered females who wrestled in the WWE from 1996 to present time. So if you are wondering why I didn’t rank Sapphire, there’s your answer. Oh ya, and this list is MY opinion so of course you will hate it…..
PS: Don’t expect a lot of writing here. I wouldn’t want to distract everyone from the beauty of the women……..
This list is in a particular order……
10) Gail Kim
Gail Kim is not only a beautiful woman, but she’s a tremendous worker in the ring which is the ultimate double whammy! For now, let’s just bask in her beauty……
Here’s a classic. It’s Gail Kim vs. Nidia….
9) Melina
If Mick Foley was ranking this list, Melina would be #1 no doubt. However, she’s nowhere near the tops in my book. Her legs split entrance thingie she does gives her bonus points here so she beats out Gail Kim by just a smidge!
Hey look…it’s Melina in a shower!
8) Torrie Wilson
I’m not going to lie to you. Had I made this list sometime in 1998-2002, Torrie would probably either be #1 or #2. However, hotter chicks have since come out of the woodwork and have made my “heart” go elsewhere. Sorry Torrie…you could have had this!
Here’s Torrie Wilson and Dawn Marie kissing. How many of you have wanked off to this clip? (PS: I don’t really want to know)…..
7) Mickie James
When Mickie James first exploded onto the WWE scene as Trish Stratus’ stalker…I was in love. While I had heard of Alexis Laree when she was in the indy scene, I had never actually seen her. Then I saw Mickie make her debut and she had me at hello. However, now a days I just find myself going “Ehhhh, she aight” when Mickie’s on TV. My taste changes a lot over time people. Usually that is……
It’s Mickie vs. Trish!…….
6) Maria
Maria is freaking hot. That’s really all I have to say……
Well look at that…it’s Maria kissing Candice! HLA! HLA!……
5) Kelly Kelly
What is it about Kelly Kelly that makes her so hot? It could be her face I suppose. She has the kind of face that makes you just want to pull…..well, I’ll stop myself before I get too out of hand. You know Kelly Kelly is hot because she apparently bagged Jeremy Piven after his Raw guest host appearance and we all know that ARI GOLD IS GOD~! Props to KK……
It’s Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim vs. Rosa Mendes & Alicia Fox…..
4) Maryse
In my opinion, Maryse is easily the hottest “diva” currently in the WWE. I mean, just look at her! She’s not only beautiful but she’s also gorgeous. Yes, I know beautiful and gorgeous are the same thing, but that’s how HOT she is! I don’t usually like Canadians because of the way they smell, but I’m sure she smells delicious! (I have never actually smelled a Canadian, it was just a joke so settle down!)
Here’s Maryse in a DIVA DANCE OFF!…….
3) Sunny
Sunny is widely regarded as the “first” diva of the WWE. Back in the mid to late 90’s she was the hottest thing in the WWE (I was never a Sable fan….) and for that she gets the #3 ranking on this list. I had the biggest crush on her when I was a teenager, however once she entered her “crack whore” phase, my love for her started to die. What a shame as she had so much long-term potential…..
Whatever Sunny wants, she gets…..
2) Stacy Keibler
Man do I miss me some Stacy Keibler. Stacy’s one of those girls who is just too hot for the WWE, so she headed off to Hollywood where she is currently…ummm….appearing in music videos or something. I was bummed once Stacy announced that she was leaving the WWE, but it’s all good because now I get to see her on TMZ every now and then.
Let’s see them legs one more time!……
1) Trish Stratus
In my opinion, no diva in WWE history has been as hot as Trish Stratus. When Stratus returned as a guest host on RAW a few weeks back, she actually looked hotter…and I never thought that was possible. Trish was the total package. She was gorgeous, she could wrestle, and she was actually decent on the mic. Now, I need to hurry up and end this “top 10” list because I believe I’m coming across as a huge pervert….and I’m really just a little bit of a pervert.
Trish Stratus wants a spanking! (Wow, not a good end way to end it there, but oh well!)…..
YouTube! Find Of The Week!
Just because I love The Rock……
And that’s it for me this week. Remember, don’t be a stranger to 411! Bookmark the site and visit it countless times a day. Hell, be brave and make it your homepage! Trust me, it will make you a better person……
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