What’s All the Hubbub: Wrestlemania XXIII

The opening video shows highlights of past ‘Manias, like Warrior-Hogan, Shawn-Bret, Hogan-Rock, etc. It’s nice, but it’s hard to compliment it when they have so much history to work with. Sadly, my favorite moment (Savage and Liz’s reunion) is missing.

They show the audience from Wrestlemania III and use Vince McMahon’s introduction from that show to lead into Aretha Franklin’s singing of America the Beautiful. To say I appreciated them getting the Queen of Soul to come back twenty years later would be an understatement.

After that we get one of the best Wrestlemania intros ever, and rather than recap it for you:

You know, I buy the show every year for the wrestling, but the opening video often merits a ***** rating itself. This is one of those times.

Money in the Bank Ladder Match: Edge vs. Jeff Hardy vs. CM Punk vs. King Booker vs. Randy Orton vs. Matt Hardy vs. Mr. Kennedy vs. Finlay
I’ll get the complaints out of the way first. Complaint 1: There are two many people in this match, and a few guys (especially Punk) get lost in the shuffle at times. Edge and Randy Orton should have gotten a singles match. If you take out their spots from this match and get rid of some of the show’s non-match filler, there would have been plenty of time. Complaint 2: This match suffers from a lack of flow. Two wrestlers will come in and hit a spot, and then two more will come in and hit another spot. The spots are great, but the lack of transitions makes it very contrived. I want to state those things first because I do enjoy the match, but I had problems with it.

Of course, the most important thing in a ladder match is that it is exciting. There are several memorable spots in here: And RKO off a ladder, a Bookend off a ladder, CM Punk using the spinning ladder spot only for Edge to spear him and the ladder into two other guys, Kennedy hitting the Green Bay Plunge and squashing Hornswoggle, and of course, Jeff Hardy driving Edge through a ladder with a seated senton. And despite the large amount of people, there are several stories told here. Kennedy misses his Kenton Bomb on Matt only to suffer the Swanton from Jeff in a great moment. Rated RKO and the Hardyz both have tension at different points. Kennedy’s assault on Hornswoggle set up a feud with Finlay, and Matt threatening to hit the Twist of Fate on Sharmell unless Booker came down also set up a feud between those two. Sadly, nothing really came of these, but it was nice to see some thought into the future.

Perhaps the best thing about these “Money in the Bank” matches is how they all have a different feel to them. The first one was setting the standard and focused on hard work and crazy spots. The second focused less on the spots and more on the story, and with Flair, Lashley and Finlay in there, that was probably a good idea. This one is an epic war of attrition, and definitely owns in the spectacle department. The different personalities and styles also help keep the match fresh, as opposed to the Dudleyz-E&C-Hardyz TLC’s, which felt the same every time. Ken Kennedy was a good choice for the winner, but sadly was never able to capitalize due to a nasty set of coincidences. The fact that Kennedy’s win didn’t matter in the end probably means that this one will be forgotten more than the others.
Match Rating: ****

And now we get a look at the “Condemned” Opening. The fans seem to like it (I personally enjoyed it), but what is it really doing here? This just screams filler.

Todd Grisham interviews Ken Kennedy after his win, and Kennedy cuts a bland promo (for him anyway), and declares himself Mr. Money in the Bank……………..Bank! It doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

Oh look! The All-Grown up skit for Batista! How fun! This screams filler even more than the “Condemned” segment.

Inter-Promotional Match: The Great Khali vs. Kane
To say the IWC was not happy about this one would be an understatement. The match wasn’t nearly as bad as people thought it would be. They keep it short, thankfully, and Khali dominates for most of it, with bowling-shoe ugly offense, but it’s not that bad. Kane works in a smart spot with the chain from “See No Evil”. He puts Khali in Andre’s tied up in the ropes spot before getting a chain shot to the groin, and follows it up with a gratuitous body slam, in an ode to Wrestlemania III. The crowd pops for it and it was admittedly pretty darn impressive. Khali ends things with the Tree Slam, and then chokes him with the chain. Overall, this forgettable match is enjoyable if you like power matches.
Match Rating: 3/4*

We get another All Grown Up package for the divas of all things. Ughh.

After that we get the Wrestlemania Dance Party, which I will NOT complain about, because I love this sort of thing. How can I complain about a segment with Dusty Rhodes, Slick, I.R.S. Ted DiBiase, and Ricky Steamboat? The answer: I can’t!

United States Championship Match: Chris Benoit © vs. Montel Vontavious Porter
This would be known as the coming-out party for MVP. Up to this point, MVP had not shown any incredible skill in the ring, and most people were wondering why he was chosen to face Chris Benoit at the big dance. Any and all skepticism about the skills of MVP were removed by this match, because all of the quality of this match comes from him. The first few minutes establish that Porter can hang with Benoit on the mat, as he quickly and expertly outmaneuvers Chris in chain wrestling. Once the fans realize that Porter can hang, Porter gets his heat segment in by working over Benoit’s arm, which is smart as it should keep Benoit from hitting his suplexes or applying his submissions. MVP’s mixture of holds and strikes keep the arm working well. In the moments where Porter goes for the sizzle over the steak, he proves entertaining with the Ballin’ Elbow as well as a great spot where Benoit stops short of a big boot, only to run into a second big boot.

For whatever reason, Benoit chooses not to put any real effort in. His offense consists mostly of German Suplexes, which he shouldn’t be able to hit with his arm. In fact, Benoit looks entirely disinterested for the entire match. He’s willing to bump and sell for Porter, but he’s just going through the motions. The passion is not there. I noticed this when Benoit walked down the aisle and he had no fire in his eye, which Benoit always had. I privately wondered what was wrong with him, but I never imagined what was to come just a few short months later. Benoit gets a win with a diving headbutt, and gets adequate time to celebrate with the fans. It’s a sign of how much WWE respects him to give him a moment by himself, but Benoit’s heart wasn’t into that either. I must admit that it’s difficult to listen to JBL talk about how Benoit deserves this Wrestlemania Moment and how he’s a surefire Hall of Famer. The respect and admiration is obvious, and it’s just really sad. However, circumstances not withstanding, MVP had a career moment here, and basically earned the rating by himself.
Match Rating: ***

We get an All Grown Up skit for the Undertaker as well.

Oh, and now we get a worthless segment with Donald Trump, Miss U.S.A., and Boogeyman and Mini-Boogeyman where Trump asks for a sandwich. Aside from Trump no-selling Boogeyman, there really is no value in this skit at all.

And now we get a long segment of the Hall of Fame induction ceremony and then the parade them in front of everyone. The class of 2007: Dusty Rhodes, Curt Hennig, The Wild Samoans, Nick Bockwinkel, The Original Sheik, Jerry “The King” Lawler, and Jim Ross. That’s one Hell of a class in my opinion. Dusty is a class act saying “tonight, I truly have wined and dined with kings and queens”. Even though it takes a good chunk of time, you’ll never hear me call this filler.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: The Undertaker vs. Batista ©
Oh boy. Is there a more controversial match in Wrestlemania history? I’ve seen ratings for this match ranging from *1/2 to ****1/2. That’s kind of crazy when you think about it. Everyone is of course entitled to their opinion, but you didn’t click this post to read other people’s thoughts, you clicked for my thoughts. The best way to explain my thoughts on the match is that I thought this match stole the show, is the best match of the night, and I bought the DVD solely for this match.

Those of you who have read my columns know that I have no love for Batista, but he busts his ass in this match. I have a feeling that a lot of that has to do with the fact that this is placed in the middle of the card when it could very well have gone on last. The match already had a ton of hype behind it, as a considerable margin (18% according to the WWE Mobile Poll) believed that Batista would win. I was picking Undertaker, but I was uneasy about that decision. Both men do a great job at making you believe that Batista has a chance. When you add in that this show is ten years after Undertaker’s victory over Psycho Sid at Wrestlemania XIII, this match just has that big fight atmosphere that you want.

I’ll discuss both men’s performances separately. First, let’s go with Batista. Batista is in here with something to prove, and what he needs to prove is that he is equal with Undertaker and deserves to be in the main event. That’s both in real life and kayfabe, so it benefits the story of the match. Batista sets the mood of the match with a spear right off the bat, in much the same way that Austin set the mood for his match with the Rock at X-7 by jumping him. Batista proves that is willing to do anything to win, going up top for a shoulder block, hitting the falling powerslam through a table in a beautiful spot, and even breaking out a belly-to-belly suplex. And unlike Batista’s usual “look I has a moveset” attitude, he is doing it to win. This was the performance of Batista’s life, and if he wrestled at this level more often, I wouldn’t complain about him.

Undertaker also brings it, hitting all his signature spots, but also busting out the huge tope, and unlike a year later, the big dive was not a cliché. There’s an awkward spot where Taker misses his flying clothesline and hits what amounts to a flying knee, but otherwise he is on point.Taker also sells for Batista, which is a big deal when you think about it. When it comes to the finish, Batista hits the Batista Bomb, but Taker kicks out at 2. This was a great nearfall because WWE has done a great job of protecting the Batista Bomb, so it means something when Taker kicks out. Taker finishes moments later with the Tombstone Piledriver, but again, there is legitimate tension as you half expect Batista to kick out. This match did not need to be a catch-as-catch-can classic. It had a big fight atmosphere and all it needed were two bulls at the top of their game, competing for the title to the best of their abilities. Both men delivered in spades. THIS is what Wrestlemania is all about.
Match Rating: ****1/4

Oh, and now we get a video package for Bobby Lashley! YAY! (Please note sarcasm.)

Time for a segment with Vince McMahon cutting a promo on Donald Trump to “his daughter”. This is funny because it’s exactly what you expect Mr. McMahon’s character to be like. In fact, his cooing while talking about bashing Trump’s head in is funny than the “she just took a Trump” line.

ECW Originals (The Sandman, Tommy Dreamer, Sabu & Rob Van Dam) vs. The New Breed (Elijah Burke, Marcus Cor Von, Matt Striker & Kevin Thorn w/Ariel)
The most depressing part about this match is that only Tommy Dreamer is actively competing in the WWE. Striker has a great gig as a color commentator, but everyone else has either gone into semi-retirement or been future-endeavored. Which is a shame, because Cor Von, Burke, and Thorn all have a lot of upside. Cor Von is forgivable because of his family issues, and I have a ton of respect for him for putting his family first, but how WWE let Thorn and especially Burke get away is beyond me.

Sadly, there isn’t much to talk about here. Sabu is way off his game and Sandman is, well, Sandman, so they only get a few spots before Dreamer goes in to play Ricky Morton. The New Breed does a good job in their control segment. Cor Von in particular looks great due to his power moves and personality. Burke also looks good. Thorn gets one good move with the Rydeen Bomb but that’s about it. Striker serves as the whipping boy for Rob Van Dam, but is very entertaining in that capacity. RVD brings his signature spots but he’s really just going through the motions. Sabu nearly kills himself with a plancha con hilo on Cor Von, and they all hit their signature spots before Van Dam finishes with the Frog Splash.

The match itself was nothing special, especially in light of the extreme rules match they would have shortly afterwards, but there is something quite satisfying in seeing Tommy Dreamer, Sabu and the Sandman victorious at Wrestlemania. I never thought I’d see that.
Match Rating: *1/2

And we get another All Grown Up video for Stone Cold Steve Austin! This is beyond tedious at this point.

Next year, Wrestlemania comes to Orlando!
The Battle of the Billionaires Hair vs. Hair Match: ECW Champion Bobby Lashley w/Donald Trump vs. Intercontinental Champion Umaga w/Armando Estrada and Vince McMahon, w/Special Guest Referee Stone Cold Steve Austin
I won’t argue with the publicity that was gained from this storyline, but there was no way it could live up to the hype. And I’d never thought I’d see a Barber Chair get its own entrance. Not to mention Vince, Trump, Austin, and the actual competitors. It’s telling when Austin gets a bigger pop than everyone, and I’ll also point out that this makes the ECW and IC Championships little more than props.

Okay, now let’s get to the actual match. Umaga is talented, but Lashley and his four moves are worthless. There’s a nice sequence where Lashley hits Armando with a running powerslam, effectively making him a non-factor. After that, they trade floor bumps, but Umaga’s is better. Wisely, Umaga controls most of the match, but Lashley’s inability to sell makes it all rather tedious. Lashley doesn’t even get to hit his few moves that he has, and mostly gets to do punches in his few hope spots, with a notable exception being a Flair-esque slam off the top.
Austin asserts his authority and is the most entertaining man in the match simply with his body language. At one point, both Umaga and Lashley are down, only for Austin to declare the match no-count out, which gets a bigger pop than anything else in the match.

The real story is Umaga testing Austin’s temper by breaking the rules, until he finally drills Austin with the Samoan Spike, which draws a ton of heat. Shane McMahon makes an appearance and hits the Coast-to-Coast on Shane then takes over referee duties, but Austin keeps Shane from counting three after a splash, which is one piece of good booking, because there is no way Lashley should have kicked out of that splash. Donald Trump gets physical with a (terrible) clothesline on Vince. Austin stuns Umaga and Bobby Lashley wins after getting practically no offense. Austin beats up Shane to a huge pop, and Bobby gets the “big win” in a match where he looks like the sixth or seventh wheel. This was an embarrassment to wrestling.
Match Rating: -**

The post match haircut is entertaining enough, and Trump takes an awful stunner as a consolation prize for those of us who had to sit through that fiasco.

John Cena’s All Grown Up video! This is getting ridiculous. TOO MUCH FILLER!

Speaking of filler, Michael Cole no talks about the pre-Wrestlemania Match with Ric Flair & Carlito vs. Chavo Guerrero & Gregory Helms, surrounded by the WWE Undercard as the lumberjacks. See what I mean about that Edge vs. Orton match that should have happened?

Woman’s Championship Lumberjill Match: Melina © vs. Ashley Massaro
Oh boy. Toothpick pretzel girl with no talent is here because she bared all for Playboy, and not because of any notable talent. I don’t even understand why Ashley was in Playboy, because practically every girl around the ring, including Melina, is better looking than her. Mickie James would look great in Playboy and would have had a great match with Melina (See Backlash). Melina, to her credit, tries to make it entertaining with a few decent stretches, but Ashley is so awful that it makes Melina look bad. Ashley sort of hits a tilt-a-whirl headscissors and a monkey flip before Melina mercifully ends it with a roll-up. The less said the better. The only redeeming quality is Melina’s effort and personality.
Match Rating: 1/4*

Shawn Michaels finishes the All Grown Up videos for us. FINALLY.

The video package for this match is beyond epic. Honestly the build-up for this was one of the best in Wrestlemania history, in large part because Shawn was at the absolute top of his game. Even the “Tag Partners that Fight” storyline worked in context, since both men were babyfaces. Can this match live up to the hype?

WWE Championship Match: Shawn Michaels vs. John Cena ©
Well, I gave credit to Batista and Taker’s big match atmosphere, but this one has the big fight feel as well. The opening segment is actually the best in the match. HBK plays great mind games by slapping Cena in the face, dodging his punches, outwrestling him, and talking trash. Shawn (the character) clearly believes that Cena is not in his league, and that’s largely the psychology of this match. Shawn really wants to destroy the champ’s credibility, and he does a great job of that in the beginning. Both men do a great job at selling the story with their facial expressions. Eventually, Shawn’s little game of “I’m better than you” is stopped by a vicious clothesline. Shawn gets pissy about it and takes him outside, clocking him with an enzugiri before hitting a moonsault that bends Cena over the announce table quite nicely. Shawn doesn’t follow up on the potential injury though. He just wanted to get the spot in and prove he’s better than Cena.

The match hits it’s lowest point back inside, as Shawn blocks a kick and punches Cena’s kneecap. Shawn goes after the knee with vicious (but boring) chop blocks, stomps, and kneedrops. This would be forgivable if it lead anywhere, but Shawn chooses not to do that, opting for a tedious beatdown in the corner. I hate the fact that the knee work lead nowhere, and it’s hard to fault Cena for his moderate selling of the leg. What did Shawn really do to it? Cena pays respect to Shawn’s lack of work by falling out of the way of a charging Shawn, who hits the post trying a shoulder to the ribs, and cuts himself. Cena works his comeback, taking time to acknowledge the knee, but Shawn avoids the FU and nails the referee with a superkick. The FU is actually the most well protected spot in the match. Shawn counters it no less than five times, including a brilliant counter where he lands on his feet, and a dreadful counter where he botches the tornado DDT and instead falls on his face. Cena hits it once and Shawn barely kicks out at 2.

There’s a great moment shortly after Cena’s first comeback where Shawn gets pissed off about being upstaged, and pulls Cena outside for a nasty piledriver on the steel steps that leads to Cena bleeding from the top of the head. Shawn shows his arrogance by hitting the flying forearm, and immediately following up with the elbow drop instead of working over Cena some more. He pays for it when Cena nails him with a clothesline when trying Sweet Chin Music. After this, the two engage in the second best part of the match, that being the epic reversals and counters. Shawn is a master at coming up with creative counters and Cena holds his own, dodging a second enzugiri and applying the STFU. Shawn also gets a pretty sweet counter with a modified cradle while Cena tries to put the STFU again. Sadly, the awesome counterwork leads to a melodramatic finish. Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music only to crawl over to Cena, making it obvious that Cena will kick out. Then, they hold each other up as they both stand, and we get one last great exchange before Cena applies the STFU, and this time, Shawn has to tap out.

This match had an excellent story, as Cena treated Shawn with respect, while Shawn treated Cena as if Cena was beneath him. This led to Shawn underestimating him, making stupid mistakes and eventually getting caught. Everything up to the legwork is amazing, the piledriver is sick, the expressions are awesome, and the counter sequences are top notch. However, the match also fails from an extended segment where Shawn works the leg, which is uninteresting and doesn’t come into play after Cena’s selling during his comeback. The melodramatic finish is also quite annoying. Every match these two have had since has portrayed them as equals, and this match set up the psychology for one of my favorite matches. For that it deserves credit, but this match sure as Hell isn’t the classic that Jim Ross would have us believe.
Match Rating: ***3/4

The 411: This really was a strange night. The usual suspects (Shawn Michaels and Chris Benoit) deliver sub-standard performances, while Batista and MVP give career defining performances and steal the show. Three matches at or around the **** mark, as well as Benoit-MVP, makes this a good show, but be prepared for a LOT of filler in the form of "All Grown Up" commercials. The Battle of the Billionaires fiasco sadly lowers the quality, but other than that, there is nothing truly atrocious on here. At the very least, buy it for Undertaker vs. Batista.

Final Score:  7.5   [ Good ]