Five-Star Conversation 10.21.08 Hierarchy Lowdown

No room for comments this week…suffice to say, though, Tina Turner was one of the BEST concerts I’ve ever attended and I’ve been to literally hundreds in my life, as, when I was Music Director for my college radio station, I was going to two-four a week. I found this footage on YouTube.com of the show I attended, although I didn’t shoot this myself:

THOUGHT OF THE DAY: ANYONE ELSE THINK JIGGLIN HALL SHOULD HAVE ACCOMPANIED HAAS HOGAN TO THE RING ON RAW SINGING “REAL AMERICAN”?

BONUS THOUGHT OF THE DAY: ANYONE ELSE THINK JOE THE PLUMBER BECOMES JOE SIXPACK AT QUITTING TIME?

BREAK IT DOWN!
As we’ve been focusing on the Raw main event lately, I decided to start looking at the rest of the show and see what ELSE is going on. Here’s the way I see it (and I want to state up front, recently elevated developmental talent isn’t listed, as they’ve hardly had the opportunity to be established…we’ll get to them, though):

MAIN EVENT

Batista (F)
John Cena (F, injured)
Shawn Michaels (F)
Chris Jericho (H)
Randy Orton (H, injured)

UPPER-MID CARD

Kane (H)
Rey Mysterio (F)
CM Punk (F)
JBL (H)

MID-CARD

Kofi Kingston (F)
Lance Cade (H)
Santino Marella (H)
Shad Gaspard (F)
JTG (F)
Cody Rhodes (H)
Ted DiBiase (H)
Manu (H)

SUB-MID-CARD

Charlie Haas (F)
Bob Holly (F, rehab)
Jamie Noble (F)
William Regal (H)
Snitsky (H)

LUCKY TO BE EMPLOYED

Paul Burchill (H)
Deuce (H)
Jim Duggan (F)
Paul London (F)
Chuck Palumbo (H)
Val Venis (F, injured)

Altogether, a formidable roster, faces and heels are all well-proportioned and distributed according to “spot” and it seems virtually everyone is getting their share of airtime, although some performers could certainly stand a larger slab of the pie, most notably to me, anyway, Jamie Noble, Paul London and Val Venis, but nothing is perfect (Quite frankly, I’m convinced at least the former two are being held “hostage” by Vince against TNA’s X-Division). I’d LOVE for William Regal to have a larger role, too, but he screwed himself with that Wellness violation after he won the King Of The Ring, so reticence to trust him is sadly understood. And, yes, this is my own personal acrimony speaking here, but WHY include Jim Duggan on the Rawster? Sign him to a Legends contract and make him a Road Agent.

As for the rest, as is the case with any industry, not everyone gets to be the lead…some are merely the grease that helps lubricate the machinery (I’m not saying a word…). I recognize Venis is seen in this light by McMahonagement, a skilled mechanic who can make talent higher on the card look like a million bucks when called to do so, but IMO, that’s a mistake. That, too, is where we find Paul Burchill, Chuck Palumbo, my old pal Deuce and Snitsky (who sometimes gets a little time against the higher-ups, but he never goes anywhere as a result), which is pretty much where they belong.

Scrolling up the card we see something truly great happening…performers languishing in the middle of the card are actually being given the opportunity to get a rub from the higher-ups, namely, Charlie Haas in what is becoming the Monday night sleeper feature on a weekly basis in this new imitation gimmick. It’s appearing McMahonagement is heeding my advice in JBL’s regard last week and taking him down the card to help put over Haas, which is really working on both levels; JBL is hurt and broken down, having come out of retirement, but is still able to put his aggravating brilliance to its best use to give Haas the rub in short but effective squashes, where, it stands to reason Haas will eventually go over. (Obviously, the whole imitation gimmick has a short shelf life, but he’s managing to earn favorable fan attention, which is the first step…whether he’ll be able to maintain it is a question only time will answer.)

Likewise, we’ve got UNTOUCHABLE getting rubbed like Aladdin’s lamp. Aside from their obvious pedigrees, the point of the stable, Ted DiBiase, Cody Rhodes and Manu find themselves led by The One-Man Dynasty Randy Orton, a bona-fide main-eventer and perhaps WWE’s most bankable star of tomorrow. Too, and many have decried this move although I’ve previously defended what I believe to be WWE’s logic, CM Punk is lending his popularity, not only to SIMPLY PRICELESS by feuding against them, but to his partner, Kofi Kingston, as well. Let’s don’t forget WWE’s new kid-friendly intentions and who it is chanting Punk’s name. By pairing the exciting and innovative Kingston with “the kid’s champion” Punk (whom I am convinced WWE REALLY want to push to kids as a result of his straight-edge lifestyle), Kingston is popular and, hopefully, elevated by association. Also, it’s NOT a bad idea to have a second face team on the show to challenge SIMPLY PRICELESS. CRYME TYME have improved vastly since their first WWE run and, I must admit, they ARE fun to watch (especially in their current feud with WWECW’s incredible John Morrison & The Miz), but they’re not on the same level as Punk & Kingston.

The one thing that concerns me in UNTOUCHABLE’s regard is Manu. Am I alone in thinking he just kinda…showed up one night, told us who is dad is and then just pals around with the other guys who have famous dads? Also, am I alone in thinking Natalya would go a long way in giving this stable some tone?

Finally, with the unfortunate demise of the team comprising Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch, Cade has found himself sitting underneath the considerable learning tree of World Champion Chris Jericho, which, as has been recently evidenced, is a treasured seat to be certain. I personally have never been too terribly convinced that Cade’s upside had anything much more going for it than the fact that he was trained by HBK and possesses an intimidating physique…that is, until I heard that promo he cut on Raw a couple of weeks ago. He seemed to have “found” something he’d previously lacked, or hadn’t yet managed to cultivate. I’m hoping for Cade’s sake that this is what we’re seeing, although, with the HBK/Y2J seemingly having reached its end, Jericho seems to be increasingly distanced from Cade. I still believe, and we’ve touched on this in previous weeks, that there’s still a lot of ways HBK is a relevant player in Batista’s quest to swipe Y2J’s gold, which means there’s still ways for Cade to involve himself, as well…we’ll see.

Or not. I originally wrote this Monday afternoon and, taking a break, checked out the 411 Newsboard to find he’d been released by WWE. At the time I write this, the most I know about the reasoning is explained in Jim Ross’ blog, but there’s still a bit of purposeful vague language therein, so I still am in the dark over exactly what, beyond mere speculation, occurred to encourage this abrupt release, but that’s not the focus of this week’s column, so we’ll move on. Suffice to say that WWE at least appeared to have a plan for Cade.

Toward the top of the card, we have Mysterio and Kane embroiled in their program, which, to me, is a much better story in theory than in practice, especially with the unmasking stipulation added to their meeting at the last PPV which telegraphed that Rey wouldn’t be losing. These two, as I’ve said in the past, appear to be held just outside the main event itself, and will only be included should the true main event level suffer a depletion in numbers due to Wellness violations, injuries or what have you. Also, the sad fact of the matter is, although exciting and effective performers, these guys have been around for quite awhile now and, as with us all, aren’t getting any younger. Mysterio, especially, has been battling a bum knee since long before joining WWE and I still don’t know if I trust that biceps of his.

Here’s a cynical look at the top of the card:

In the same precarious vain, Batista has been plagued with muscle-related injuries and, as a result of having been introduced to the business in his very late 20s, is closing in on 40, which is not a good combination. One has to wonder how much gas HBK has in the tank, as well. He’s second to none in that ring, but if you want to talk about someone who’s managed to rack up his share of injuries over the last couple decades, HBK’s name is right up there. Hell, it’s a miracle he’s even able to perform at ALL, and there HAVE been rumors that he’s been contemplating retirement at WrestleMania. Too, the long-term welfare of the seemingly indestructible Cena has recently been called into question, as well, after this most recent neck injury. The upside to Cena’s situation is that he’s educated in physiology and is hyper-cognizant of his body and how to care for and train it, which has helped him avoid and minimize damage heretofore. I previously refer to Orton as being looked at by the company as a sure-fire future main-event mainstay, however, he’s also looked at by some as one of the more injury-prone youngsters in the business today. His arrogant, shall we say, mischievously rambunctious nature likewise wasn’t winning him many fans on either side of the curtain (aside from your friendly, neighborhood retailer of ladies’ purses), although it would seem becoming a father has served to quell that youthful petulance somewhat. And then there’s our champion, Chris Jericho, who has enjoyed a long, successful career, predominantly free from injury with a fantastically mature and professional sensibility about him. However, we’ve also seen that he had few qualms with respect to leaving the business to explore options elsewhere in the entertainment business, and not limited to his band, Fozzy (although it does appear as if he’s perfectly happy in WWE for the foreseeable future).

All said, we have a fantastic and vibrant main event scene on Mondays for the time being, but time will march on and accidents happen. Nonetheless, it appears as if McMahonagement has set a timetable for itself in Raw’s respect, talent has a plan, is being elevated and people are working together (and not in a capricious manner, either), so, for now, at least, and in terms of talent, the “flagship” show is apparently in good shape!

Turning to SmackDown!, though, the story takes a strange turn, one that I’d not realized until I actually broke down the roster (By the way, I’ve not forgotten about Gregory Helms; he’s simply been rehabilitating a NASTY neck injury for a good while now, and, although has been returning to television in a curious and entertaining fashion, his place on the card has yet to be really determined, so I simply removed him until he makes his full return. Also, I know Edge isn’t technically injured, but for simplicity’s sake, we’re gonna call him just that.):

MAIN EVENT

The Big Show (H)
Edge (H, injured)
Jeff Hardy (F)
Triple H (F)
The Undertaker (F)

UPPER MID-CARD

Brian Kendrick (H)
Mr. Kennedy (F)
Khali (H)
Vladimir Kozlov (H)
Umaga (H, injured)

MID-CARD

Shelton Benjamin (H)
Montel Vontavious Porter (H)
R-Truth (F)

SUB-MID-CARD

Primo Colon (F)
Carlito (F)
Curt Hawkins (H)
Zack Ryder (H)
Jesse (F)
Festus (F)

LUCKY TO BE EMPLOYED

Kenny Dykstra (H)
Funaki (F)
Super Crazy (F)
Jimmy Wang Yang (F)

The most striking nuance prevailing in SD!’s roster is that, although the overall differential existing between face and heel stands at 13/11 in favor of the faces, the corresponding ratio between the main event and mid-card is 5/8! The cynic will respond to this observation by saying, “Of course! Triple H is a face and needs to have a roster to roll over!” and, as the brand’s standard-bearer, it does stand to reason that a long-term face champion (for HHH could be just that) would require a litany of opponents to challenge him for his belt. The cynic could also suggest, “But even Jeff Hardy, another main event face, is on his hinder for the belt!”, to which I’d respond in devil’s advocate fashion that such is irrefutable, but it also makes the belt appear all the more valuable…but it could be argued that Vince gave HHH SD! for his birthday. Geez, makes you wonder what he’ll get if he gives Vince a grandson.

Before we delve too deeply into specifics, it can also be noted that SD! could be referred to as the Friday Night DogPound! because of the generous number of performers in the proverbial dog house: The three Wellness Brothers, Jeff Hardy, Kennedy and Jimmy Wang Yang; Kenny Dykstra (I don’t believe anything specific has ever been mentioned, but it is highly regarded that he managed to piss off someone, and his lowly place on the roster supports that notion); and, finally, the guy who has a unique way of making friends with his dick out, MVP. The only person enumerated above enjoying anything close to resembling a push is Hardy, who, ironically, is the only one with two strikes on his head…but then is also the only one in the main event. It appeared as if MVP and Kennedy were headed that way, but their respective faux pas shook McMahonagement’s faith in them (in Kennedy’s case, with good reason, as he made McMahonagement appear foolish in addition to himself). Can we then assume SD! is also WWE’s version of puRgatory?

Moving on, again to start at the bottom of the card and work our way up, we’ve mentioned The Wanger and (Oh my God, they’re killing) Kenny; elsewhere we have Super Crazy, who I still believe is worth a hell of a lot more than what he’s allowed to display for us these days (especially last Friday!), but I think Vince keeps his talons sunk into The Insane Luchadore 1) to prevent him from heading to TNA’s X-Division (where even THERE he’d be utilized in better fashion) and, 2) for the Latino connection, although I SERIOUSLY doubt La Raza is going to want to tune in to witness one of the proudest Mexicans working in the American business today jobbed hither and yon week after week. As mentioned in Raw’s regard, not everyone on the roster is going to be a star, but all can and should be useful. While a sad fact that these four aren’t being given much of an opportunity, speaking in terms of overall function, we have at least three reliable mechanics who can provide exciting matches for the upper-tiersmen who need a recognizable personality over whom to score a victory.

The sub-mid-card is solidly the tag division, as, unlike on Raw, the teams are their own little microcosm kept apart and away from the others higher on the card, which isn’t necessarily a BAD thing, in and of itself, but it could be so much more. It seems, and has for a good long while now, that SD!’s writers appear to have a checklist of that which to feature in a week’s time and plug in the proper components, give them a time limit and blithely let them go with little to no concern toward storytelling, intrigue or importance, just nonchalant wins here, meaningless losses there, and it won’t matter because in a few months, there will be a new team (or diva, for that matter) along for a title change that will re-start the whole cycle, and if someone manages to gain the interest of the fans such that McMahonagement takes notice, despite its indifference, such talent will be plucked out of the mire and given a shot higher on the card. Not the most scientific of methods, but that appears to be what we have going at the moment.

There are two talents in the tag division at the moment who appear to have McMahonagement’s interest piqued at the moment, and only one whom I feel has a chance of breaking out and moving up the card:

Festus is the kind of character Vince loves, even if he’s just the 21st Century model of George Steele. Steele wasn’t title-bound, but he did have some high-profile moments back in the day and I do have to give McMahonagement points for a bit more of a creative approach to introducing an atypical big man; however, on the minus side, and I bemoaned this in The R’s for quite some time, as fresh and amusing as the Festus character can be, it’s also as one-dimensional as was Eugene, and we saw how that worked (and even there, we saw a MUCH better wrestler than Festus sacrificed on the alter of Vince’s shortsightedness and self-amusement). If anything, I can see Jesse being moved into a handler role, which, to me, as absolutely ass-backwards booking, as Jesse is the actual wrestling portion of the team, but we’re talking Vince here.

The man with the tremendous upside in the tag scene is Primo Colon. He’s got the pedigree of being the son of Puerto Rican legend Carlos Colon and appears to have a much more serious game face than that of his brother, Carlito, his current tag partner. He’s also wowing audiences with his high-flying antics in the ring and is currently enjoying a run with the WWETTTs with said brother. The gimmick they currently employ, though, appears to telegraph the near-to-immediate futures of Los Hermanos Colon – – they don’t always see eye-to-eye, but they manage to work together and get the job done. How long till we see their differences cause a rift between them, leading to a title loss and a program where Primo ultimately goes over his mouthy older brother (and, if my above postulation holds true, a ride up the card, possibly into the UST hunt)…?

The inclusion of Los Colons on the scene bodes poorly for Jesse & Festus, though, because with only one heel team, that of Curt Hawkins & Zack Ryder, they’re destined, at least for the time being, to the absolute bottom feud on the card, which almost makes me wonder if they’d not be better served to go the singles’/handler route, if for no other reason than a better spot and more exposure in a better light.

The first solo column I ever offered here at 411 was a guest commentary analysis of the most recent Draft and, in such analysis, I originally had suggested sending Hawkins & Ryder back to development for some sorely required seasoning. As a face team on WWECW, they earned serviceable pops recreating ROCKERS’-like double-team maneuvers, and for their size, was impressive, the downside being, because of their size, such moves were executed at half the speed, thus giving the old Ashley Massaro-like “wrestling underwater” impression…not good. However, they were hooked up with Edge, Vickie & Chavo Guerrero and Bam Neely to comprise LA FAMILIA (or, for those of us here at 411, THE RATED RMY), and I decided to allow them the fresh start this new role offered, as sometimes a heel role can completely transform a bland face to a stellar new height, especially considering they were working with the #1 heel in the business at the time.

What followed was pretty much more of the same, only on the different side of the fence and without the flashy moves that helped to set them apart. Furthermore, their roles in THE RATED RMY proves to be even more disappointing because, whether or not it was McMahonagement’s intention, when rookies are paired up with world champions, it really should be the rookies’ responsibility to sit under such champion’s learning tree and soak up as much knowledge as they possibly can about the business, performance, psychology, everything, and yet, we see this sham of a team absolutely NO better than they were than when they were first brought up. I’ve had several comments and e-mails from various astute readers echoing my sentiments, so I know it’s not just me.

Even if they were blithely selected for the role to work with Edge because they all share the same hair, and all McMahonagement intended for them to do was to take bumps to “protect” the cowardly champion, they, as performers who, one must assume, wish to succeed in the business, should have been crawling into bed with Edge and Vickie to get themselves (pardon this one) Edge-ucated and be putting the knowledge they gleaned into action. No such doing, however. Therefore, they’ve earned their spot at the bottom of the card and I’m back to where I was months ago wishing they’d head back down south, although, now, given the opportunities afforded them with no results, one wonders if the wrestling industry is really for them.

The midcard is staunchly reserved for the UST scene, comprised of champion Shelton Benjamin, MVP and WWE prodigal son R-Truth. Since having returned to SD!, Benjamin has finally found his niche and balanced his hyper-exciting move set with that of a heel’s offense and has infected such performances with an impressive dose of heel psychology such that he’s proving he’s more than worthy of being a champion. This is incredibly encouraging because many of us were concerned and frustrated regarding the state and future of Benjamin’s status in WWE. Happily, Mr. Potential appears to be well on his way to claiming a higher spot on the card and is likely going to be around for a good long time, seemingly having shaken the bugs out of his performance. If he can now tweak those shaky mic skills, he could be trading in his US gold for that of a world title!

R-Truth has returned with much fanfare and become immediately involved in the hunt for Benjamin’s UST and I think it’s a great move (It also gives me the impression that Vince is looking to set an example to any other possible TNA defectors that he might be inclined to make them bigger stars in the course of a couple months than TNA can do for them in the course of a few YEARS). Although possessing similar styles, the two express themselves very differently in the ring, R-Truth boasting some extremely flashy offense that thrill fans’ well beyond his audience-inclusive neo-Sandman entrance (even if the song itself is like two cats fucking on a chalkboard). I’ll assume last Friday’s straight up squash of MVP, in which we saw another (surprising) example of an Ashley Massaro special, was an anomaly. I wouldn’t be surprised at all to see Truth relieve Benjamin of his ten-pound burden, but hopefully it’s done in a manner such that Benjamin manages to retain his heat and momentum while still giving Truth a clean shot at establishing himself as an important member of the roster.

This could be where MVP comes into play. Granted, we’re seeing The Playmaker pay for his rude (albeit hilarious) comment during the piss test with this uncharacteristic losing streak; however, wisely, it also appears that such punishment is being written into the story, as well, which is clever.

One thing that puzzles me, though, and perhaps I missed something, but the last time I checked, wasn’t MVP all up on SD! GM Vickie Guerrero to renegotiate his contract, but that she didn’t have the time/inclination to do so? And now he’s excited about an Incentive Clause coming into play? If he was this close before, because he hasn’t won any more than a handful of matches in the interim, why wouldn’t he just get out there and win the extra couple matches to kick that clause into effect, rather than whine about a renegotiation? And if he was disallowed such renegotiation, doesn’t that damage his credibility as being all he claims to be to the brand? If not him, what about his agent? Wouldn’t he, at least, be fired up to find a more accommodating agent? Also, how would you readers feel if MVP acquired a manager-like agent?

SD!’s upper-mid-card is what I find truly exciting in today’s WWE. Whereas the roles of those comprising Raw’s upper-mid-card are fairly rigid, SD!’s has the ability to move virtually anywhere on the card and make lesser stars seem more important while still allowing the same talent to dip its proverbial toe in the main event without giving the impression that McMahonagement is reaching for a top of the card clash, as we’re seeing currently with Vladimir Kozlov.

I’ve been highly critical of Kozlov, both here in my own column as well as in The R’s, and I still remain skeptical over his longevity. I admit the push he’s been written into has been quite good, having sacrificed only that “lucky to have a job” category, touching briefly up the card just a bit to establish an undefeated streak, but I still maintain a solid run with the UST would have served him better in the overall (which lends me credence to my overall synopsis in his regard). He has also, as I predicted, become much more impressive in the ring as his opposition has become more formidable, which needed to happen for him to have any shot at moving up the card. He’s not disappointed in that regard.

It’s my personal suspicion that Kozlov’s going to simply be a red herring in the Triple H/Jeff Hardy situation, though. With The Moscow Mauler having pinned Hardy cleanly last Friday, with merely token offense afforded by Hardy, we’re now looking squarely at HHH/Kozlov, figuring Hardy can’t get the job done against him. However, Cyber Sunday offers fans the option of a Triple-Threat. Imagine if voting lands squarely in that situation and Hardy gets back that win when the WWET is on the line? Hardy wins the big one, HHH drops the title without being at fault and Kozlov is merely a pawn who can be built up again on the following show, as Hardy’s offense is just the sort to score such a sudden win (although I’m sure we’ll see HHH block the head butt to the midsection and turn it into a Pedigree for the successful defense; however, should HHH lose the belt, it allows him the opportunity to win it back for his 13th title victory, putting him just within the handful of wins required to eclipse Ric Flair’s record, which we all know he will). At any rate, solid booking has us all guessing over the outcome of this one, which is the point and makes it a lot of fun!

With the in-ring debut of Ezekiel Jackson last Friday and the manner in which THE Brian Kendrick handled such squash, taking the liberty of landing The Kendrick on the fallen Super Crazy post-bout and giving a victory jog around the ring, it’s time to start growing concerned about one of my favorite WWE commodities. When TBK first unveiled his new gimmick post-Draft, Zeke tagging along, it was my expressed concern in The R’s that Kendrick would simply be a pawn by which to debut the impressive bodyguard who would eventually grow tired of his “boss” taking credit and capitalizing upon his (Zeke’s) handiwork and turn on Kendrick. We saw those seeds sown last Friday and mark my words, they WILL come to fruition. It’s a great story and I hope Zeke is a true superstar in the making…but so is Kendrick. This kid has jumped from being non-existent on Raw to flirting with the main event on SD! and not looking a hair out of place. The only thing Kendrick has working against him is his meager relative size and being overshadowed by Vince’s potential Lashley-consolation prize. Let’s pray this doesn’t become the case.

(A quick Barry Horowitz for myself dating back to this same period in The R’s – – I said it was wise to keep Ezekiel covered for the most part until such time that he actually steps into the ring; then and only then do we have the grand unveiling and are forced to see exactly how huge is this man really, which is exactly what happened and with exactly that effect. Good thinking WWE and good call on it, geoff! Hahaha!)

Kennedy is a bit of a conundrum. It occurs to me that I’m perhaps my own personal bias in his favor has him placed a bit too high on this list, because, upon reflection, it seems as if he’s yet to recapture his previous momentum prior to that fated and well-publicized Wellness infraction, especially considering the weird over-the-top commitment to over-reality selling period into which he entered upon returning to Raw after having served his humiliating suspension. He appears to have come beyond that period now, and, although is still fantastic on the mic, still manages not to have returned to McMahonagement’s good graces, therefore finding himself floundering without a solid role on the show. I touched on this earlier and it seems to me that SD! is the home of Wellness offenders whom Vince has yet to really forgive and forget. Perhaps this is their opportunity to gain back corporate confidence…but don’t they need to be given the chance to do so…? Granted a mid-card heel isn’t a bad thing necessarily, but I think Kennedy’s upside extends beyond that at this point.

We’re starting to see an interesting development in Khali’s regard…although I have him listed as heel, it would seem he’s moving squarely into a tweener role, perhaps a slow burn face turn…? The fact that he stood up to La Moo-Moo-Cita and Big Show on Friday was quite curious…but what interests me the most is the fact that it makes sense and actually works! Granted, the lame finish between The Undertaker and he was disappointing, but, again, in terms of story, it all works. A Khali who can think for himself is a scary thing and, with a revitalized Show (we’ll get there) on the roster, we could be in for an interesting ride…albeit a slow one once it reaches the ring, but just the sort of clash Vince loves. This turn could also be addressing the point I made earlier with respect to the lopsided face/heel count. At any rate, a face Khali offers Fridays something different and he has to be considered a threat to any and all because of his sheer size.

That leaves us with the incredible Umaga. I’ve made no secret how in absolute awe I am of this guy, whom I figured initially to simply be another of Vince’s one-dimensional monsters…boy, was I wrong! Umaga, of course, is always going to be a threat to any titleholder, but he also appears to be the mighty threshold of any face looking to jump to main event status, as if to say, if you can make it over this Samoan mountain, you’ll do fine. That’s not a bad place to be, especially considering he manages to maintain his spot notwithstanding some pretty high profile losses…he’s just that good.

We’ve pretty well discussed the main event as it relates to HHH and Jeff Hardy. HHH will either lose his belt to Hardy or Kozlov, or he’ll hang onto it and look for the next challenge (now THERE’S some brilliant analysis!). Personally, as I’ve stated before and for myriad reasons, I think the time is right to allow Hardy a run, but we’ll have to wait and see. Should HHH prevail, though, against whom will he battle? Taker and Show are currently at each other’s throats and Taker’s feuds tend to be pretty all-encompassing and singularly-driven, as are his title chases, and with Vickie involved on Show’s behalf, continuing the alacrity she and Taker hold for one another, I’m betting we see HHH’s view steered elsewhere for the time being.

And what of Taker and Show? Although I personally groaned inwardly at the notion of still another program between these two, Show is still pretty slim, all things considered (although he HAS already increased in weight by almost 15 pounds since his return) and his mic work has never been better. Although not quite hitting stride with the transformation Chris Jericho has managed over on Raw since his return, Show is definitely on a roll much greater than he’s ever been and I’m loving the continuity of the power struggle between Taker and Vickie. It’s consistent and, for now, at least, entertaining.

Altogether, SD!, too, has a solid roster, although much more flexible than that of Raw’s and, although with a bit more cut-and-dried situations and talent involvement, I’d say we’re in pretty good shape in terms of rosters on the main shows. The main event appears to more stable for a long-term, as well (sans Taker, who, like Michaels, has hinted strongly toward the possibility of a WrestleMania retirement), thus giving one the implication that the next big deal SD! produces will likely be shipped off to Raw because SD! has such an increasingly vibrant roster than does Raw.

I was going to move on and discuss WWECW and this new crop of developmental graduates, but I’ve actually almost hit the content limit for the week, once I include COMMENTPALOOZA, plus, it strikes me that I am sorely undereducated in both regards, and so therefore need to study up before I can comment in the same vain with anything resembling a practiced eye. We’ll call this good enough for this week.

COMMENTPALOOZA!
Punk couldnt hold TITOs jock strap!
Posted By: mr. HALLIDAY (Guest)

Arriba…

I don’t care who’s offended by WHAT– in a civilized society physical violence should NEVER EVER be considered the answer. PERIOD. Once Hall attacked he gave up the moral high ground. Anyone who thinks otherwise is either 15 or a complete idiot.
Posted By: M:-X (Guest)

To M/ X I am not 15 nor an idiot. I am a member of MENSA. I must disagree. Sometimes violence is necessary. Sometimes you just have to jack somebody to make them understand when to shut up. How can someone who thinks violence is never justified enjoy a show that’s based on fake violence?
Posted By: BK (Guest)

I agree and appreciate both of your opinions. M:-X, I concur 1) that violence is reprehensible which only very rarely solves any issues. Even if the initial vitriol that escalated a certain situation to such a level is quelled when one party manages to “pw3n” the other, the fallout from such situation can have far-reaching consequences that ultimately re-emerge at a later time, etc., however, there are regrettable instances where a measure of violence is really the only option, but we’re not here for geoff’s personal morality issue theatre, are we? The only thing I suggest is to be wary of making blanket statements in any situation, as there really are VERY few absolutes, and 2) This was NOT one of those situations where violence was a last resort on Hall’s part, and, as I said in the column itself, as well as you pointed out, Hall lost his ability to walk away from this sad encounter with his head held high, knowing he was in the right and that he acted in an appropriate manner. Would Owen have approved, I think is the question Hall needs to ask himself and make peace with that answer himself.

BK, I’m not going to question or doubt your MENSA affiliation, but if you are, I am honored to have such a distinguished mind reading my work…welcome! Just be careful how you throw around that vaunted title, because you’re inviting criticism, as was evidenced last week. But to point, I’m pleased you brought up the issue of this column and our involvement in this site surrounding violence. Violence is a natural, human instinct…one of our more baser of the sort, but it’s natural, nonetheless. The reason I prefer professional wrestling to the new trend of MMA or the more traditional sport of boxing is because I appreciate the fact that ours is a sport of creativity and cooperation where we are treated to the spectacle of violence without the actual consequences (in an ideal situation). I, too, am awestruck of the mindset of a performer; when we go to work, the day may call for answering a phone, assisting a customer, pitching a new product to clients, teaching youngsters their ABCs, what have you…when a professional wrestler goes to work, s/he may look forward to leaping from ten feet in the air through a table or working a stiff :20 match in front of 20,000 screaming fans.

For me, the violence I sometimes feel like dishing out over the course of a rotten day is supplanted by that which I am supplied by what I see on television in a professional wrestling capacity (these words were much truer when I worked for my former boss…!). Now I am pleased to simply allow my baser human instincts to be sated by that which I view in the ring…I suppose I’m mellowing with age.

Geoff, I appreciate the effort but this isn’t getting it done. I think it was only a couple of weeks ago where someone said that this was becoming a must-read on 411, and I agreed. Now it’s becoming a message board for you, the gun, and toddo. The quality of your column is falling faster and harder than Owen Hart. Have a good day, sir.
Posted By: Owen Can’t Fly (Guest)

If more people posted opinions, it would not seem that way Owen Can’t Fly. Besides, Geoff said from the get go that he wanted to open up the column as a way to promote conversation between the readers and himself, I think he has done a good job of that. So what if the comments board features a lengthy conversation between two of the readers… that is what it is there for, to promote debate, and intelligent conversation… With the occasional political jab thrown in for good measure. Perhaps a talking point for the comments section would be helpful though, similar to what Jordan Williams does in the Games Zone. He asks a question every week to get the comments section pumping and involving more people. Perhaps something to keep the conversation relevant to the article would appease Owen.
Posted By: Toddo (Guest)

I understand the concept of creating more interaction between us, you are right, Toddo, that can be a good thing. My gripe is that Mr. Eubanks is one of the more talented columnists on this site (in my opinion) and more of him and less of us is a good thing for all of us. In fact, one of the commenters mentioned how Geoff’s 4R replacement sucks. I guess I’m just a disgruntled Eubanks mark. Everyone have a good week and weekend.
Posted By: Owen Can’t Fly (Guest)

I see your point Owen.. Geoff is an incredibly gifted writer, so you are saying less response from him on what we say, and more of just what he thinks… That makes sense. I can totally dig more of Geoff’s writing.
Posted By: Toddo (Guest)

Well, first off, the whole Owen Can’t Fly thing is absolutely awful.

That bug out of my butt, I absolutely love and appreciate you guys for keeping me honest and making sure I continue to meet the lofty bar you feel I’ve managed to set for myself…that’s humbling and gratifying. On the subject of Hart’s, Bret once opened a promo by saying, “You know, my mother once said not to dishonor an apology with an excuse” and that’s always stuck with me. I do, though, believe there is a difference between an excuse and explanation, if you’ll allow me to provide one for you.

I took a detour from our previous week’s conversation because I wanted to discuss the roast while it was current. In monitoring the comments section, I, also, could see there was going to be plenty of discussion along those lines, as well, and so with all of that INCLUDING that which I’ve already provided this week (last week being the originally intended date to post all of this), I was concerned about overkill; therefore, I simply discussed the roast and attempted to make a more concerted effort to be extra-involved in responding to the comments, with the intention of allowing myself more time, too, to consider the overall roster situation, such that the quality of such presentation would be greater this week as a consequence. I hope that holds true.

With respect to Toddo’s suggestion that I provide a specific topic for commenters, I thought of that initially, but 1) I didn’t want to sound too much like Linda Richmond on Coffee Talk (World Wrestling Entertainment is only one of the three…DISCUSS!), and 2) I was reticent to come off as if I was attempting to start my own Fact or Fiction, although if this is a well-received concept, let me know and perhaps we can “make it work”!

And really, thank you again, guys.

Scott should just wait for Bret to get his hands on Owen.

Now that’s a good line.
Posted By: Davis (Guest)

Was Bret Hart there? Cause if he was I’m sure Bret would have made some statement and I’m sure he would a done a lot worse things to that fat bastard than hall did.
Posted By: Guest#0598 (Guest)

Thanks, Davis! And, no, 0598, Bret was most decidedly not there. Lord, if he had been, I think even Hall would have had sense enough to step aside and say, “Hey…he’s all YOURS, Chico man…I’ll be at the bar.” I’m still shocked there hasn’t been a “hit” placed on Graham by a certain Sharpshooter.

Geoff, get back to the 4 R’s. JT is fucking them up, with his dull humour and boring personality.
Posted By: Matt P (Guest)

Yeowch. Jeremy is still a new talent in The R’s, and I have a lot of faith in him. Besides, as I said this week, just because the roster and the vast majority of those comprising it are in a pretty good place in terms of hierarchy doesn’t necessarily mean the writing is doing such hierarchy or talent proper justice, and, believe me, that makes it really tough to analyze. Sometimes those R’s were an absolute bitch to compose.

Scott Hall. . .shouldn’t have reacted the way he did, but I see why he did it. The joke, I don’t understand why you would do something like that. Did the comic think he was being “cool”? I wonder if he attacked the comic after taking a little “survey”. I don’t want to condone what Hall did, but that guy was such a douchebag. Hall is going through a rough patch right now. I just hope that he can get it together. Not just for him, but for anybody else that could be in his way.
Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth (Guest)

It’s like what a REAL comedian, Chris Rock once said, “I don’t CONDONE it…but I UNDERSTAND.” Popular humor in America has reached a real impasse in the last decade as edgy, tasteless humor has really come to the fore. There really is an art to being “tastefully tasteless” and clearly, not everyone can pull it off.

I think South Park has always and continues to walk that fine line of tastelessness and self-redemption, as they offer both sides of a hot-button issue and absolutely display the ludicrous fanaticism displayed by those who cease to the forest for the trees and offer a middle ground in the end without force-feeding morality to its viewers. But again, I’ll step off my soap box and move on.

(BTW, Schmoove, since we discussed Cade this week, I thought it would be overkill on my part to go into it too much more now, although I don’t think it’s a work.)

Hey homie, if you’re going to bring up Mr. “Don’t call me Morales” Moroles, give him respect and call him by name. Apparently he still stays the night in his classroom…

Anyway, regarding the roast … I have not seen the clip nor do I care to. I think that type of immaturity (meaning Scott Hall’s charging of the stage) is a main reason why I don’t care much for this “sport” that you love so much. I recently saw an interview with Jeffrey Ross, who is considered the king of the roastmasters, and he simply said that everything goes at a roast, and if you don’t have the balls to take it, don’t come. Yes, he is the one who said, “I wouldn’t fuck Penny Marshall with Penny Marshall’s dick. I’d rather fuck Peter Marshall. Apparently, Penny and Rob had a bitter divorce settlement. She got the talent. He got the tits.” He also compared Shaq to a gorilla, mentioning that his knuckles looked scraped and that he must have walked to the roast. The point is that when you go to a roast, deal with it. If you’re one to get offended, stay away. And if you’re such a baby that you want to fight in real life while faking it as your profession, just get over yourself.

All this is meant lighthearted and not meant to start an argument, so don’t get all crazy mad and attack me (like Scott Hall). I’m just making a point.

Really I just wanted to write to talk about good ol’ Tomas. “Hey classe…”
Posted By: Kevin (Guest)

For the uninitiated, this is my brother who never ceases to make me LMAO, and this certainly was no exception. We’re going to break from the wrestling here to give Senor Tomas Moroles his props, so if you’re not interested, please scroll down.

Senor Moroles was brought in to our high school mid-semester after the previous Spanish teacher, a first-year instructor who was basically the incredibly and unfortunately fey product of a gay union between Eric Bischoff and Mr. Garrison was “removed” because he simply could neither establish nor maintain even the smallest semblance of control over the class.

Senor Moroles, on the other hand, was a captain in the army, not that he was able to command any more control or respect from the students. When it came time for class instruction, all someone had to do was raise his/her hand and ask, “Senor Moroles, what was it like in the Army…?” and he’d sigh, look at the time and concede, “Okay, clase, I can tell you one story, but then we have to get today’s lesson done.” Next thing he knew, the bell was ringing and kids were charging the door. I swear, following that class, I can’t conjugate a past tense verb, but I know how to field strip a variety of rifles.

We’d take quizzes and then have to hand our paper to the person in back of us to correct it…and then came the DISTRIBUTION OF THE RED PENS. Not only did he distribute the red pens (that he was sure to inform us EACH TIME, “I paid for out of my own pocket”), and not only were they NUMBERED (a strip of paper scotch-taped to it), we had to send around a NUMBERED SIGN-IN SHEET to assign our name next to the corresponding pen. And each day following, he’d be handing back our quizzes with the same litany, “Clase, I handed out 30 red pens yesterday and only received 28 back. This is important to me, you know, because I pay for them out of my own pocket.”

He’d also complain, “Clase, I was here until midnight last night!” which absolutely befuddled us…WHY? We correct our own papers…he never gets to the lesson plan…aside from entering the grades into the lesson book and numbering those red pens (that he paid for out of his own pocket, mind you), WTF did he have to DO?! Scary thing is, he wasn’t lying…one night after a game or something, I forget exactly why, some of us were on campus late and, sure enough, there he was, head bowed over his desk, comb-over drooping sleepily.

His (Kevin’s) senior year, my terrorist brother and his friend Eric Martinez were TA’s the same period (which, of course, in HS, means free period), so they got the hall pass and wandered the halls, happening to pass Senor Moroles’ class. Peering in the window as they passed, he was obviously embroiled in enlightening the clase about the time he stormed the beaches at Normandie, so Kevin & Eric sneak in the classroom, give the students the “SSSH!” sign and proceeded to lift up his DESK and take it outside without ol’ Schwartzkopf being any the wiser, to the end that, when he FINALLY turned around, he simply stopped mid-sentence, mouth open like the line in his field defense, no doubt, the class HOWLING, laughing only the more when he fed them the line, “Clase, where is my desk?!”

Yes, I grew up with this kid. Obviously, when I put that Figure-Four on him in the living room when we were kids, it made him mad…it made him MEAN mad. Love ya, Quevino.

AH offered the following two contributions:

see when I started watching wrestling in 2000, WWE had a great midcard scene with Angle, Benoit and Jericho. These guys could go up in the Main Event any time with feuds against HHH, Rock, Taker, Kane etc but also go up against mid-low carders (Billy Gun, XPac etc). 2002 was kinda similar with the Smackdown Six.

I hope I discussed this sort of thing to your satisfaction this week, as that’s pretty much what I see happening on SD!, and, of course, should there be an opening on the Rawster, it’s my belief the Draft exists to keep things level such that the Raw main event will always be comprised of the biggest and brightest, sans a couple gimmes for SD!.

Do you remember when JBL was talking about Eddie during the Eddie Tribute Show and talking about him being his Best Man. He came across as a decent person (although he would then go on to mock Eddie in matches against Mysterio and Benoit just to get cheap heat).

JBL also loved to drop his longstanding relationship with the entire Guerrero clan, having attended family reunions, etc. Yes, I think there’s a LOT to John Layfield that stands apart from JBL and I’d be VERY interested to know the difference.

Are we just being overly kind to the memory of that neck-breakin’ bastard Owen Hart? I am sure he loved his family, but does that make him unique? Some of his jokes that I have read about don’t seem all that funny either, he often seems like a douche in many wrestlers’ recollections that I have read, even when they are attempting to make him sound like a saint.
Posted By: Reality (Guest)

I’d be interested in checking out some of these accounts. I’m not saying I don’t believe you, I’d just like to hear/read them for myself. Considering Owen’s penchant for mischief, it wouldn’t surprise me if he was less than saintly, but I am not deifying him, I simply have a hell of a lot of respect for the man, as a performer and for the way he was taken from us to feel Graham’s comment was appropriate. I felt the same way when Roddy Piper stood in a TNA ring and accused Vince Russo of killing Owen. I’ve never heard Owen to be referred to as a douche, although I can see them being sore over being humiliated by one of his pranks, especially with Daveyboy Smith as his partner in crime (if you’ve read The Dynamite Kid’s autobiography, you know Smith was witness to some of the vicious, old school ribbing that pervaded wrestling dressing rooms in the ‘80s).

As far as referring to him as “neck-breaking”, I’d defer to the man whose neck he injured, Steve Austin, to hang that nickname on him and, considering that he was the man to induct Bret Hart into the WWE Hall of Fame, I have to assume there to be no bad blood there.

Thanks for the kind words geoff, and iv gotta agree with you about the first point you made about people hating jbl.
i mean, when he got put in the title scene with eddie, eddie was still finding his feet as champion and only really had his defence against angle at mania to work on, so when they moved jbl up to work with him, i though jbl would be putting him over. so when he actually won the title, i was miffed to say the least.
Posted By: DaJ (Guest)

You bet, DaJ! I was writing for TWTF when JBL was mega-elevated into the main event scene and, man, did I earn JBL’s hatred of collective IWC writers during that period! I was SO pissed off about JBL dethroning Eddie (mainly because of the “Heil Bradshaw” incident) and, moreover, going on to be the champion on SD! for almost a year; despite the presence of Rob…Van…Dam on SD! at the time, I boycotted the show until it became clear that he was going to lose the belt.

Of course, we know now that Eddie was cracking under the pressure of being the brand standard-bearer and actually went to McMahonagement, asking to be relieved of such duties and went to bat for JBL to be the man to succeed him as champion, so that says a lot in my book. And, of course, what makes Eddie’s passing all the more tragic is that, the day he died was the day of the PPV that he was scheduled to win back the SD! title. Awful.

And thegun has the last word:

The part of Lanny was a reference to how you used to play “The Genius” as a child with your brother. Either you forget the “evolution”, as the Toddo likes to proclaim, of the legendary “Leaping” Lanny Poffo to “The Genius” or you simple dismissed Leaping Lanny as a totally different character just like I have dismissed Skinner as being Steve Keirn or Barry Windham being The Widowmaker. I wonder if Barry evolved into The Widowmaker or if he ever repented of that?

Of course, and no, I was just thinking you were referring to something else…duh on my part.

And I was looking forward to a solo Windham run in The WWF!

I have little tolerance for award ceremonies in the entertainment industry. Especially those in which the person is recognized for being exactly who they aren’t in reality but blurring reality in the recognition they receive in the ceremony.

A roasting of Iron Shek is really as laughable as it gets. Not only did this man play the part of an anti-American villain, he is most remembered for 5 things.

1. Losing to Hulk Hogan during Hulk’s rebirth in the Real American WWF.
2. Saying, “USA, phooey! (spit)
3. Those swank boot with the toes pointing up.
4. Turning the surfboard into the longest resthold in the history of modern wrestling.
5. Breaking kayfabe and getting caught with the white powder with Real American Jim “Snotball” Duggan off the turnpike in Jersey.

I am only guessing that since the Comedy Central community felt the need to roast the “B”est of B-listers Bob Sagget, then the community was due to roast the prince of the fairground circuit, Iron Sheik.

There’s a growing sense in Hollywood that the number of awards shows is getting well out of hand, is cheapening the significance of the truly meaningful awards (The Oscars, The Grammys) and especially when such flamboyant exercises are simply an attempt at stroking egos already raw from coddling and cheap ratings-getters among the “Us Weekly” set. I’m inclined to agree, although the news helicopters covering the Vanity Fair post-Oscar party down the street from me would still keep me awake long into the night regardless.

This, obviously, is a situation with much less glamour and fanfare. Imagine a red carpet entrance for the DVD, where Missy Hyatt, fresh lesion on her upper lip, mic in greasy hand, attempts to catch the attendees as they exit the back of a ’74 Vega, asking, “Who’re you wearing…wanna blow job?” Quite frankly, it seems to me some of these attendees were likely there mainly to get a rub off Sheik’s frequent Howard Stern appearances where it seems to me, Stern has Sheiky on in much more the “car wreck” radio feel than anything else.

My opinions on forever Blue Blazer aside, when you have distasteful people in a confined space, disaster is sure to follow. Add to that a little drink and a hot microphone, it is lucky the place didn’t burst into flame over the ego war of these “legends” of the mat fighting over who would get the most mic time.

I am actually sadden for our wrestling community as a whole for this incident. These out of the limelight famers represent most of those are on the downside of the profession. In a decade, you might see your a ham and egger pull a similar stunt at a function near you.

And thegun sums up the whole schmozz with bonus points for the appropriate use of a Bobby Heenan catchphrase. When the heroes of yesteryear are reduced to this simply because they don’t have their heads so far up Hogan’s ass that they could tell you if he had stuffing or potatoes at last year’s Thanksgiving dinner (Yes, Leslie and Knobs, I’m looking at you) and Hall STILL comes out looking worse, it’s a sad day.

Since I don’t want to end on such a down note, here’s something that will hopefully provide you with a little levity:

KAREN ANGLE DONE WITH TNA
As a consequence of the impending divorce between Kurt & Karen Angle, the only wife of an Olympic gold medalist in professional wrestling was released from her services with Total Nonstop Action, news which disappointed 411 workhorse Larry Csonka. Said Larry, “I’m gonna miss seeing her bodacious rack each week.” Buck up, kiddo, there’s a ray of hope yet. If the divorce settlement doesn’t go in her favor, you could always visit her at work and stuff a dollar in her garter.

Karen Angle became known for her mock-up televised magazine show called “Karen’s Angle”, where she would host an interview segment featuring a member of the roster. Her final guest was none other than Hardcore Legend and Best-Selling New York Times author Mick Foley. At least she went out with a BANG-BANG.