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Welcome to 411’s WWE WrestleMania 35 Report. We are LIVE in beautiful East Rutherford, New Jersey. Tonight’s Kickoff Show panelists are JBL, Sam Roberts, and Paige. They start by breaking down Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre. Kayla Braxton is backstage with Big E and Xavier Woods, who promise that Kofi Kingston will not squander this golden opportunity. They remind us that Kofi’s tank is full, full of memories from the past eleven years, and full of the knowledge that his family will stand with him until the very end. Edge and Christian then join the Kickoff Show panel to break down Daniel Bryan vs. Kofi Kingston.

Kickoff Show Match
Cruiserweight Championship Match
Buddy Murphy (Champion) vs. Tony Nese

Murphy goes for a running knee as soon as the bell rings, but Nese avoids contact. Nese slides out of the ring and trips up Murphy. Murphy heads to the outside, and Nese cartwheels off the apron and levels Murphy with a clothesline. The action returns to the ring, and Murphy takes Nese up top. Murphy lifts Nese onto his shoulder and then drops him gut-first onto the top turnbuckle. Murphy stomps a mud hole in Nese in the corner before landing a stiff kick to the back for a one count. Murphy locks in a rear chin lock on the mat and peppers Nese with elbow shots to the chest. It looks like Murphy is bleeding from his left eye. Nese finally breaks free and slugs it out with Murphy in the middle of the ring. Nese hits a running knee and a spinning heel kick to level Murphy. Nese follows up with a back elbow shot in the corner followed by a sweet springboard moonsault for a two count. Nese connects with a spinning heel kick to the gut, but Murphy fights back with a big boot. Murphy heads up top, but Nese catches him with a leaping palm strike. Nese heads up top and goes for a superplex, but Murphy tries to counter into a sunset flip powerbomb, but Nese blocks, but Murphy counters into a flipping slam. Murphy lands a knee shot, but Nese answers with a spike revere rana. Murphy goes to work with punches and kicks, but Nese catches him with a stiff forearm shot. Murphy turns Nese inside out with a vicious clothesline, but Nese regains control with a Fosbury flop dive to the outside and a 450 splash in the ring for a two count. Murphy responds with Murphy’s Law, but Nese gets his foot on the ropes to break the count. Murphy positions Nese in the corner and goes for the Running Nese, but Nese slides out of the way. Nese catches Murphy with a German suplex into the corner, and then he follows up with the Running Nese for the three count.

Match Result: Tony Nese defeats Buddy Murphy with the Running Nese.
Match Length: 10:46
Slimmer’s Rating: **½

Jerry “The King” Lawler joins the Kickoff Show panel to discuss the Miz vs. Shane McMahon.

Kickoff Show Match
WrestleMania Women’s Battle Royal

The bell rings and Nikki Cross immediately goes after… everyone. Mickie James works over Lana in the corner as Ember Moon eliminates Maria Kanellis. Asuka quickly eliminates Candice LeRae and Nikki Cross before focusing on Mandy Rose. Moon catches Lana with an Eclipse before eliminating Naomi with a stunner off the apron. Moon hits Rose with an Eclipse and heads back up top, but Lana shoves her to the floor for the elimination. Kairi Sane goes after Lana and heads up top, but Sarah Logan knocks her to the apron. Logan locks her sights on Lana, hits her with a pop-up head butt, and tosses her for the elimination. Sane heads back up top and connects with the Insane Elbow to Logan. The Riott Squad triple team Sane and toss her for the elimination. Logan and Liv Morgan team up on Zelina Vega and then level Asuka. Dana Brooke goes after the entire Riott Squad and eliminates both Riott and Morgan. Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville eliminate Zelina Vega, quickly followed by Dana Brooke. Mickie James drags Mandy Rose to the apron and super kicks her to the floor for the elimination. Deville eliminates James, and the final three are Sonya Deville, Sarah Logan, and Asuka. Asuka dumps Deville to the apron and kicks her to the floor for the elimination. Logan dumps Asuka and thinks that she’s won, but it looks like Carmella was never eliminated! Carmella whips Logan to the apron and then super kicks her to the floor to win the match. Mella I$ Money!

Match Result: Carmella wins the battle royal, last eliminating Sarah Logan.
Match Length: 10:42
Slimmer’s Rating: *¾

The first hour of the Kickoff Show finishes up with a discussion of Ronda Rousey vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Becky Lynch.

The second hour of the Kickoff Show starts with Shawn Michaels and David Otunga joining the panel to break down the card, specifically doing a deep dive on Triple H vs. Batista.

Kickoff Show Match
Raw Tag Team Championship Match
The Revival (Champions) vs. Curt Hawkins & Zack Ryder

Hawkins and Dawson start the match, and Dawson quickly catches Hawkins with a side head lock takedown. Hawkins fights back to his feet, but Dawson levels him with a running shoulder block. Dawson whips Hawkins to the corner and begs Ryder to make the tag. Ryder obliges, but Dawson traps him in the corner and lights him up with chops to the chest. Wilder gets the tag with a bigger pop from the crowd than he would have gotten 24 hours ago. “Thank you Dash! Thank you Dash!” Wilder dumps Ryder to the outside and makes the quick tag back to Dawson. Dawson rolls Ryder back into the ring, tags Wilder, and holds Ryder while Wilder hits an elbow drop from the top. Ryder goes for a sunset flip, but Wilder tags Dawson. Dawson rakes the face and locks in an overhead wrist lock / abdominal stretch combination. Ryder fights out with a suplex, but Dawson quickly tags Wilder. Wilder works over Ryder and makes the quick tag back to Dawson. The Revival go for a double team suplex, but Ryder counters into a double neck breaker. Dawson knocks Hawkins off the apron to prevent the tag and then successfully makes his own tag to Wilder. Wilder keeps up the pressure on Ryder and once again makes the quick tag to Dawson. Dawson chokes Ryder across the middle rope, tags Wilder, and lifts Wilder into a leg drop for a two count. Wilder kicks the back and locks in a side head lock, but Ryder counters into a back suplex. Dawson gets the tag from Wilder, but Ryder FINALLY makes the hot tag to Hawkins. Hawkins levels Dawson and Wilder with drop kicks and catches Dawson with a backslide pin for a two count. Hawkins rolls up Dawson for another two count. Hawkins gets another rollup for another tow count before Hawkins and Dawson level each other with stereo clotheslines. Ryder gets the tag and goes for the Rough Ryder, but Dawson blocks. Ryder heads up to the second turnbuckle and connects with a diving Rough Ryder. Wilder goes after Ryder, and they both spill to the outside. Hawkins gets the tag and covers Dawson, but Wilder pulls Hawkins out of the ring before the three count. Dawson heads to the outside and hits Hawkins with a brainbuster on the outside. Dawson drags Hawkins back into the ring, but Hawkins is motionless. Dawson tries to drags Hawkins back to his feet, but Hawkins catches him with a small package for the three count. THE STREAK IS OVER!

Match Result: Curt Hawkins defeats Scott Dawson with a small package.
Match Length: 13:21
Slimmer’s Rating: **½

Booker T joins the panel to discuss Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins.

Kickoff Show Match
Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Colin Jost is wearing a Cleveland OBJ jersey, so evidently he’s working heel tonight. Jost and Che immediately crawl under the bottom rope and hide under the ring. Braun Strowman quickly eliminates Lince Dorado, Curtis Axel, EC3, Shelton Benjamin, and Bo Dallas. Strowman squares off with Luke Harper, but all of the other competitors swarm them. Titus O’Neil dumps Heath Slater, and then immediately gets eliminated as well. Ali eliminates No Way Jose as Karl Anderson gets knocked off the top turnbuckle to get eliminated. The Hardy Boyz eliminate Rhyno and then hit Bobby Roode with Poetry in Motion. The Hardy Boyz eliminate Bobby Roode as Andrade eliminates Gran Metalik, Kalisto, and Chad Gable. Otis Dozovic hits the Ascension with a double caterpillar and then eliminates them, but Braun Strowman returns to the ring to eliminate both members of Heavy Machinery. Luke Harper tries to suplex Ali out of the ring, but Strowman delivers a big boot to Harper, eliminating both Harper and Ali. Ali landed hard and looks like he hit the corner of the announce table face-first. Andrade accidentally eliminates himself and O’Neil, and we’re down to the Hardy Boyz, Braun Strowman, and Jost and Che (under the ring). The Hardy Boyz try to suplex Strowman to the outside, and Jost and Che rush the ring to assist them. Strowman eliminates both Hardy Boyz and then turns to face Jost and Che. Jost says not everything has to end in violence, so he invites his therapist into the ring. Strowman destroys the therapist and eliminates Che. Jost tries to toss Strowman, but Strowman tosses him over the top rope onto several eliminated competitors to win the match.

Match Result: Braun Strowman wins the battle royal, last eliminating Colin Jost.
Match Length: 10:19
Slimmer’s Rating: *¼

The Kickoff Show finishes with a video package for Ronda Rousey vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Becky Lynch.

The main card starts with the host of WrestleMania 35, Alexa Bliss. Bliss says that since she’s the host of the show, she can create a WrestleMania moment with a snap of her fingers. To prove her point, she snaps her fingers, and here comes… THE IMMORTAL HULK HOGAN. Hogan and Bliss play to the crown, but Paul Heyman storms past them and makes his way down to the ring. Heyman says that if his client isn’t on last, then they’re not hanging around all night to wait. They’re getting their business done and then getting on a jet to Las Vegas, where his client is appreciated.

Universal Championship Match
Brock Lesnar (Champion) w/ Paul Heyman vs. Seth Rollins

Lesnar attacks Rollins as Rollins is climbing into the ring, before the match even begins. Lesnar hits an F5 on the outside and whips Rollins face-first into the apron. Lesnar whips Rollins into the barricade and then tosses him over the announce table two times. Lesnar rolls Rollins into the ring but then dumps him back to the outside. Lesnar again whips Rollins across the announce table, props up the hood of the announce table against the ring apron, and slams Rollins through the hood. Lesnar again rolls Rollins back into the ring, and the referee calls for the bell so that the match can finally officially begin. GERMAN SUPLEX! GERMAN #2! Lesnar goes for the F5, but Rollins slides out the back and inadvertently shoves Lesnar into the referee. The referee tumbles out of the ring, and Rollins hits a low blow while the referee is on the outside. The referee gingerly climbs back into the ring as Rollins hits the Stomp. Rollins hits a two more Stomps, and that’s enough for the three count.

Match Result: Seth Rollins defeats Brock Lesnar with the Stomp.
Match Length: 2:22
Slimmer’s Rating: ½* – They sacrificed having a match to create a WrestleMania moment.

AJ Styles vs. Randy Orton

Styles and Orton lock up to start, and Orton muscles Styles to the corner. Styles reverses positions and chops the chest. Orton sneaks out and goes for a quick RKO, but Styles blocks. Styles catches Orton with an arm wringer, but Orton breaks the hold and stomps on Styles ankles. Orton hits an uppercut, but Styles fights back with a drop kick. Orton heads out of the ring, but Styles connects with a slingshot forearm smash to Orton on the outside. Orton returns to the ring and knocks Styles off the apron. Orton follows Styles to the outside and drops him back-first onto the barricade. Orton rolls Styles back into the ring and covers him for a two count. Orton locks in a chin lock, but Styles fights free and beats Orton down to the mat. Styles hits a low clothesline and a forearm smash in the corner. Styles follows up with the ushigoroshi and goes for a Calf Crush, but Orton rolls through and stomps on Styles’ chest. Orton tries to set up for his patented rope-assisted DDT, but Styles counters into the Calf Crusher. Styles locks it in deep, but Orton makes it to the ropes. Styles goes for the Phenomenal Forearm, but Orton looks to counter with an RKO, so Styles drops back down to the apron. Orton crashes to the mat after the failed RKO, and Styles takes advantage with a springboard 450. Orton fights back and takes Styles up top and hits a gorgeous superplex for a two count. Orton drags Styles back to his feet and hits the rope-assisted DDT as the crowd seems to be reacting to something off camera. Styles catches Orton with a head kick and rolls him up, but Orton kicks out and immediately hits an RKO for a two count. Styles rolls to the apron, but Orton drags him to the top turnbuckle. Orton sets up for a super RKO, but Styles slides through the legs and hits a Pelé kick to Orton up top. Styles hits a Phenomenal Forearm from the inside to outside. Styles rolls Orton back into the ring and goes for another Phenomenal Forearm, but Orton tries to catch him in an RKO, so Styles again drops back down to the apron. Styles finally hits the Phenomenal Forearm successfully, and that’s enough for the three count.

Match Result: AJ Styles defeats Randy Orton with the Phenomenal Forearm.
Match Length: 16:06
Slimmer’s Rating: ***

Fatal 4-Way Match
SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match
The Usos (Champions) vs. Aleister Black & Ricochet vs. The Bar vs. Shinsuke Nakamura & Rusev

Jey and Black start the match, and Jey takes down Black with a side head lock. Sheamus tags Jey to enter the match and hits Black with a rolling senton. Rusev tags Sheamus to enter the match and levels Black with a shoulder block. Rusev tags Nakamura into the match, but Black dumps Nakamura to the outside. Jimmy tags Black and works over Nakamura when he climbs back into the ring. Ricochet tags Jimmy to enter the match, and Cesaro quickly tags Nakamura to enter the match. Cesaro swings Ricochet as Sheamus hits Rusev with Ten Beats of the Bodhrán. Sheamus moves on to deliver Ten Beats of the Bodhrán to Nakamura and the Usos as Cesaro continues to swing Ricochet. Black and Rusev get the tags, and Rusev beats Black down to the mat. Nakamura gets the tag and continues the assault on Black. Nakamura goes for the cover, but Ricochet breaks up the pin. Rusev gets the tag as Black makes the hot tag to Ricochet. Ricochet goes for a springboard crossbody, but Rusev catches him in the air and hits a spinning side slam. Rusev takes Ricochet up top, but Cesaro tags himself into the match. Cesaro, Sheamus, and the Usos head up top for the Tower of Doom, but Ricochet rolls through to avoid catastrophe. Sheamus is legal, and Ricochet hits him with the 630 from the top, but all of the other competitors break up the pin. Jey tags himself into the match, and everyone starts trading finishers. The Usos hit double super kicks, and Jimmy gets the tag from Jey. The Usos hit Sheamus with the Double Uce, and that gets the three count.

Match Result: Jimmy Uso defeats Sheamus with the Double Uce.
Match Length: 10:04
Slimmer’s Rating: ***½

The 2019 WWE Hall of Fame inductees are introduced.

Falls Count Anywhere Match
The Miz vs. Shane McMahon

Miz charges at McMahon as soon as the bell rings, but McMahon slides out of the ring. Miz chases McMahon back into the ring, but McMahon slides out the other side. McMahon grabs Miz’ father at ringside, so Miz charges out of the ring and chases McMahon around ringside. McMahon levels Miz and rolls him back into the ring. McMahon peppers Miz with body shots and leg kicks before posting him in the corner. Miz tumbles to the outside, and McMahon follows. McMahon connects with a mule kick to the head and slams a monitor into Miz’ face. Miz is flat on his back on the announce table, so Shane heads up top and looks for the table dive, but Miz’ father runs in front of the table to block Shane. Shane hops back down to the mat and call for George to face him in the ring. George climbs into the ring, and McMahon immediately shoves him to the corner and stomps a mud hole in him. Miz finally makes the save and tosses McMahon out of the ring. Miz tosses McMahon into the crowd and then checks on his father in the ring. Miz calls for a doctor to help his father and then dives over the barricade onto McMahon. Miz drags McMahon through the crowd and slams him into the support structure of the set. McMahon regains control and hits DDT on the support stage. Miz kicks McMahon off the support stage, and McMahon’s head slams into a metal railing. Miz goes after McMahon’s knee and repeatedly stomps on it. Miz grabs a steel chair and slams it into McMahon’s knee. Miz connects with two chair shots to the back as he beats McMahon up the stairs and deeper into the crowd. Miz launches McMahon over one of the international announce tables and then flips the table onto him. Miz damn near destroys the entire international announce position as he continues to beat McMahon through it. Miz slams McMahon through one of the announce tables but only gets a two count. Miz grabs a small monitor and slams it into McMahon’s face. McMahon flies backward off the announce position, bounces off the top of a golf cart, and tumbles to the concrete floor. Miz beats McMahon into the technical area and drags him up a series of steps. Miz gives McMahon a Skull Crushing Finale on a platform, but McMahon kicks out at two. McMahon climbs a camera platform as Miz is down on a platform below. Miz climbs up behind McMahon and traps him on top of the camera platform. MIZ SUPLEXES MCMAHON OFF THE CAMERA PLATFORM (and onto a crash pad below). McMahon lands on top of Miz, so the referee makes the three count.

Match Result: Shane McMahon defeats the Miz via McMiracle.
Match Length: 15:17
Slimmer’s Rating: **½

Fatal 4-Way Match
Women’s Tag Team Championship Match
Sasha Banks & Bayley (Champions) vs. Beth Phoenix & Natalya vs. The IIconics vs. Nia Jax & Tamina

Bayley and Tamina start the match, and Tamina takes control early. Tamina knocks the other competitors off the apron and returns her attention to Bayley, but Peyton Royce tags herself into the match. Bayley makes the tag to Banks, and the IIconics double team Banks for a quick two count. Bayley gets the tag from Banks as Phoenix tags herself into the match. Phoenix levels Bayley, but Royce tags herself into the match to face off with Phoenix. Billie Kay and Natalya get the tags, and Natalya and Phoenix hit Kay with the Hart Attack. Banks gets tagged into the match, and Bayley suplexes Banks onto Phoenix. Banks transitions into the Bank Statement, but Phoenix rolls through and goes for the Glam Slam, but Banks rolls forward and launches Phoenix into the corner. Natalya gets the tag and locks in the Sharpshooter on both Banks and Bayley. Tamina charges into the ring and lands a head kick to Natalya to save the match. Jax and Tamina deliver a double head butt to Phoenix before hitting the IIconics with stereo Samoan Drops. Jax and Tamina heads up top in opposite corners, but Phoenix knocks Jax to the floor. Tamina climbs down, but Phoenix and Natalya level her with a double shoulder block. Banks drags Phoenix back into the ring, positions her for Bayley to hit a diving elbow drop, and follows up with a frog splash from the top. Bayley gets the tag, and Bayley and Banks take Phoenix up top. Natalya pulls Banks into a powerbomb, and Phoenix hits Bayley with a super Glam Slam from the top. Kay tags herself into the match and covers Bayley for the three count.

Match Result: Billie Kay defeats Bayley after a super Glam Slam.
Match Length: 13:12
Slimmer’s Rating: **¾

WWE Championship Match
Daniel Bryan (Champion) w/ Rowan vs. Kofi Kingston w/ The New Day

Bryan grabs a standing side head lock to start and takes Kingston down to the mat, but Kingston catches Bryan in a head scissors to break the hold. Kingston gets a side headlock takedown of his own, but this time it’s Bryan with the head scissors to break the hold. Bryan goes for a monkey flip, but Kingston lands on his feet. Kingston launches Bryan to the outside and dives onto him. Bryan takes a moment to strategize with Rowan at ringside before heading back into the ring. Bryan connects with an uppercut and goes back to the standing side head lock. Bryan levels Kingston with a running shoulder block and locks in a surfboard. (Bryan’s shoulders were totally on the mat for more than a three count during the surfboard, but I guess we’re not paying attention to that in this match.) Kingston gets back to his feet and hits the Boom Drop. Kingston kicks Bryan to the outside and springboards toward him, but Bryan side steps him, causing Kingston to slam face and chest-first onto the announce table. Bryan rolls Kingston back into the ring and drives his knee into Kingston’s chest. Bryan drapes Kingston over the top rope, heads up top, and hits a diving knee drop to Kingston’s back. Bryan locks in a waist lock on the mat and then bridges into a pin for a two count. Bryan drags Kingston to his feet, maintains the waist lock, and slams Kingston back to the mat. Kingston fights back to his feet, drives Bryan into the corner, and finally breaks the hold with a volley of back elbow shots. Bryan quickly regains control with two running corner drop kicks, but Kingston tries to counter the third with a knee shot, but Bryan catches Kingston in the air and counters into a Boston crab. Kingston makes it to the ropes to break the hold, but Bryan immediately traps him in the corner and lands a series of kicks. Bryan takes Kingston up top, but Kingston shoves Bryan back down to the mat. Kingston hits a diving splash to Bryan’s back and gets a two count. Bryan and Kingston slug it out in the middle of the ring and Kingston goes for the Trouble in Paradise, but Bryan tries to counter into a Boston crab, but Kingston kicks him away. Kingston heads up top and connects with a diving splash, but Bryan tries to roll into the LeBell Lock, but Kingston breaks free. Bryan goes for the running knee, but Kingston ducks and rolls up Bryan for a two count. Kingston hits the S.O.S. but again only gets a two count. Bryan locks in the LeBell Lock, but Kingston makes it to the ropes. Bryan goes to work with the Yes! kicks, but Kingston fights back to his feet. Kingston stands in front of Bryan and trades kicks with him, but Bryan gets the best of the exchange. Bryan goes for a knee shot, but Kingston catches the leg and counters into an inverted suplex. Bryan rolls to the outside, and Kingston follows him. Rowan gets in Kingston’s face before leveling Xavier Woods and Big E. Kingston hits Rowan with Trouble in Paradise, and Woods and Big E follow up with the Midnight Hour on the floor. Kingston heads back into the ring and goes for Trouble in Paradise, but Bryan ducks and hits a running knee shot for the looong two count. Bryan repeatedly stomps on Kingston’s face and then goes back to the LeBell Lock. Kingston rolls into Bryan’s guard and then repeatedly stomps on Bryan’s face. KINGSTON HITS TROUBLE IN PARADISE! THREE COUNT! After the match, the New Day toss Bryan’s championship belt and bring out the official belt for Kingston.

Match Result: Kofi Kingston defeats Daniel Bryan with Trouble in Paradise
Match Length: 23:47
Slimmer’s Rating: ****¼

Backstage, Alexa Bliss checks on Colin Jost and Michael Che in the trainer’s room. They’re both banged up, but she says they’re in very good hands. Bliss leaves, and two doctors come to check on Jost and Che. The pull down their masks and turn out to be Scott Hall and Kevin Nash. Nash asks if they’d like to start with a prostate exam, and thankfully we head back to ringside for the next match.

United States Championship Match
Samoa Joe (Champion) vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio takes control early with a DDT and follows up with a hurricanrana and a 619. Mysterio heads up top and dives toward Joe, but Joe catches him in the air. Joe locks in the Coquina Clutch, and the referee has no choice but to call for the bell. I assume Mysterio’s ankle injury necessitated this match being very short.

Match Result: Samoa Joe defeats Rey Mysterio with the Coquina Clutch.
Match Length: 0:53
Slimmer’s Rating: ½*

Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre

Reigns immediately takes the fight to McIntyre and hits a Samoan Drop. McIntyre fights back with a spinebuster and a jackknife cover for a two count. McIntyre connects with a head butt and dumps Reigns to the apron. Reigns side steps a shoulder block between the ropes and drops a leg on McIntyre’s back. The action spills back into the ring, and McIntyre locks in an arm and chin submission. Reigns fights back to his feet and tosses McIntyre to the apron. Reigns levels McIntyre with a clothesline over the top rope, and McIntyre tumbles to the floor. Reigns heads to the outside and goes for the Drive By, but McIntyre steps out of the way to avoid contact. McIntyre rolls Reigns back into the ring and hits a back elbow shot in the corner. McIntyre grabs the legs and hits the Alabama Slamma for a two count. McIntyre goes to work with the ground and pound offense before taking Reigns up top. Reigns briefly ties up McIntyre in the tree of woe, but McIntyre pulls himself back up and flips Reigns to the mat. McIntyre slaps Reigns, but Reigns responds by leveling McIntyre with a clothesline. Reigns hits a big boot that drives McIntyre out of the ring. Reigns successfully hits the Drive By and then kicks McIntyre into the barricade. Reigns hits a Samoan Drop on the outside and rolls McIntyre back into the ring. Reigns follows up with a running clothesline and a Superman Punch before hitting the spear for the three count.

Match Result: Roman Reigns defeats Drew McIntyre with the spear.
Match Length: 10:18
Slimmer’s Rating: ***

Elias comes to the ring for his next performance, accompanied by himself on both piano and drums (on the big screen). They play some blues before Elias says that he’ll take it from here. He starts to play, but suddenly he’s interrupted by a special bulletin. There’s footage of Babe Ruth calling his shot… AND HERE COMES THE DOCTOR OF THUGANOMICS!!! Cena is in full old school Thuganomics mode tonight. Cena gets on the mic and destroys Elias, much to the delight of the crowd. He says they’ll be no AA today, but Elias is about to get the F-U. Cena levels Elias, hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle, and finished up with the F-U.

No Holds Barred Match
Triple H vs. Batista

Shawn Michaels is the special guest commentator for this match. Triple H comes down the ramp on some sort of insane Mad Max-themed vehicle. The bell rings, and Batista immediately drives Triple H into the corner. Batista beats Triple H down to the mat, but Triple H knocks Batista out of the ring with a back elbow shot. Batista tosses Triple H over the announce table, but Triple H leaps off the table and tackles Batista. Batista clotheslines Triple H into the timekeeper’s area, but Triple H grabs a toolbox and slams it into Batista’s shoulder. Triple H grabs a chain and whips Batista’s back. Triple H wraps the chain around Batista’s head and mouth before whipping him into the steps. Triple H grabs a pair of pliers and crushes Batista’s fingers. Triple H grabs a steel chair and a pair of needle nose pliers and toss them both into the ring. Triple H delivers a chair shot to the back and then sits on Batista’s chest. Triple H grabs the needle nose pliers and rips out Batista’s nose ring. Batista rolls out of the ring, so Triple H wraps the chain around his fist and dives off the apron. Batista catches Triple H and slams him onto the announce table. The table doesn’t break, so Batista slams Triple H onto the next announce table… which also doesn’t break. Batista whips Triple H into the barricade and hits him with a chair shot to the back. Batista drags Triple H back into the ring and splashes him in the corner. Triple H catches Batista with a knee to the face and then posts him in the corner. Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but Batista counters and slams Triple H to the mat. Batista dumps Triple H to the outside and slams his face into the announce table. Batista picks up the steps and slams them into Triple H’s face. Batista sets the steps on the announce table and clears off the adjacent able. Batista drags Triple H onto the table with the steps and goes for a Batista Bomb off the steps, but Triple H counters into a back body drop onto the table… which still doesn’t break. These New Jersey tables are legit. Triple H gets to his feet on one table as Batista gets to his feet on the next table. TRIPLE H SPEARS BATISTA THROUGH AN ANNOUNCE TABLE! (And that one actually broke.) Triple H and Batista both crawl toward the ring. Batista climbs into the ring as Triple H retrieves Sledgie from under the ring. Triple H charges into the ring and goes for a sledgehammer shot, but Batista counters with a spear. Batista grabs the Sledgehammer, but Triple H kicks it out of his hands. Triple H again goes for a sledgehammer shot, but Batista catches him with a spinebuster. Batista goes for the Batista Bomb, but Triple H grabs the sledgehammer on the way up, but Batista successfully hits the Batista Bomb for a looong two count. Batista drags the ring steps into the ring and positions them near the corner. Batista takes Triple H up top, but Triple H slides between the legs and powerbomb Batista on the steps. Triple H hits the Pedigree… BUT BATISTA KICKS OUT AT TWO!!! Triple H again goes for a sledgehammer shot, but Batista counters into a DDT on the steps. RIC FLAIR IS HERE!!! Flair hands Triple H a second sledgehammer as Batista grabs the first sledgehammer. Flair distracts Batista, and that allows Triple H to hit a leaping sledgehammer shot off the steps. Triple H follows up with the Pedigree and finally gets the three count.

Match Result: Triple H defeats Batista with the Pedigree.
Match Length: 24:45
Slimmer’s Rating: ***¼

Kurt Angle’s Farewell Match
Kurt Angle vs. Baron Corbin

Angle lands a few quick punches followed by a belly-to-belly suplex. Corbin rakes the eyes and lands a punch of his own. Corbin bounces Angle off the top rope and slams his face into the top turnbuckle. Corbin chokes Angle across the top rope, but Angle catches him with a German suplex. GERMAN #2! GERMAN #3! Angle covers, but Corbin kicks out at two. Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Corbin floats over and counters with a big boot. Corbin sets up for a powerbomb, but Angle counters into a back body drop before locking in the Ankle Lock. Corbin kicks out of the Ankle Lock and hits the Deep Six for a two count. Angle hits the Angle Slam, but Corbin kicks out at two. Angle drops the straps and again locks in the Ankle Lock in the middle of the ring. Corbin tries to crawl to the ropes, but Angle pulls him back to the middle of the ring. Corbin flips forward, tossing Angle face-first into the middle turnbuckle. Corbin taunts Angle and the WWE Universe with “You can’t see me!” Angle fights back, hits the Angle Slam, and heads up top. Angle goes for a moonsault, but Corbin rolls out of the way. Damn, Angle’s moonsault still looks gorgeous. I was worried it would be ugly, but it looked damn good. Corbin drags Angle back to his feet, hits the End of Days, and gets the three count.

Match Result: Baron Corbin defeats Kurt Angle with the End of Days.
Match Length: 6:04
Slimmer’s Rating: *½

Intercontinental Championship Match
Bobby Lashley (Champion) w/ Lio Rush vs. “The Demon” Finn Balor

The bell rings, and Balor immediately hits Lashley with a spin kick and a bicycle kick. Balor dumps Lashley to the outside and dives onto him. Balor retrieves Lashley and charges toward him in the corner, but Lashley catches Balor and slams him to the mat. Lashley hits two suplexes and then clotheslines him to the floor. Lashley slams Balor into the barricade, but Balor answers with the Sling Blade. Balor rolls Lashley back into the ring and starts to head up top, but Rush distracts Balor. LASHLEY SPEARS BALOR OFF THE APRON! Lashley drags Balor back into the ring and hits another spear for a two count. Lashley goes for a powerbomb, but Balor fights out. BALOR WITH A POWEROMB TO LASHLEY! Balor heads up top and hits the Coup de Grâce for the three count.

Match Result: Finn Balor defeats Bobby Lashley with the Coup de Grâce.
Match Length: 3:59
Slimmer’s Rating: *½

Winner Take All Match
Ronda Rousey (Raw Women’s Champion) vs. Charlotte Flair (SmackDown Women’s Champion) vs. Becky Lynch

Lynch goes for Rousey’s arm to start, but Rousey traps her in the corner and goes to work with body shot. Rousey knocks Lynch out of the corner and then does the same to Flair. Rousey hits Lynch with Piper’s Pit into the barricade and then hits Flair with Piper’s Pit on the floor. Flair gets back to her feet and launches Rousey into the barricade. Flair heads back into the ring, but Lynch is right behind her. Flair and Lynch slug it out in the middle of the ring, but Rousey charges back into the ring and launches herself off Flair to land a punch to Lynch. Rousey goes for an arm bar on Lynch, but Flair goes for a powerbomb on Rousey. Rousey holds on to Lynch’s arm as Flair tries to dump her over the top rope. Lynch frees her arm and then kicks Rousey between Flair’s legs. Flair drops Rousey, and she falls hard to the floor. Lynch and Flair brawl, and Lynch goes for the Dis-arm-her, but Rousey breaks it up. Flair hits a double Natural Selection and gets a two count on Rousey. Flair tosses Lynch to the outside and goes to work with chops to Rousey’s chest. Rousey goes for a flying arm bar, but Flair counters into a Boston crab. Lynch charges into the ring and hits Flair with a bulldog to break the hold. Lynch follows up with an inverted DDT / DDT combination to Rousey and Flair, and she gets a two count on Flair. Lynch connects with a volley of uppercuts to Flair and then heads up top with Flair. SUPER BEXPLODER FROM THE TOP! Lynch makes the cover but only gets a two count. Rousey heads up top and connects with a double crossbody to Flair and Lynch. Rousey locks in a double arm bar on Flair and Lynch, but Flair and Lynch lift her into a double team powerbomb. Flair and Lynch hit two more double team powerbombs, and that finally breaks Rousey’s hold on their arms. Flair tosses Lynch to the outside and covers Rousey for a two count. Lynch hits Flair with a kick from the apron and tosses her to the outside. Lynch squares off the Rousey and locks in the Dis-arm-her. Rousey rolls, but Lynch maintains the hold. Rousey gets to the ropes and lifts Lynch. Rousey slams Lynch into the corner and charges at her, but Lynch posts Rousey and locks in the Dis-arm-her around the turnbuckles. Lynch dumps Rousey off the top, but Flair joins her up top. FLAIR HITS LYNCH WITH A SPANISH FLY FROM THE TOP! Flair makes the cover but only gets a two count. Rousey heads back into the ring, but Flair immediately goes after Rousey’s knee. Flair stomps on Rousey’s knee and then slams it into the ring post. Flair locks in the Figure Four around the ring post, but Lynch breaks the hold. Flair whips Lynch into the barricade and heads back into the ring with Rousey. Rousey rolls up Flair, but Flair kicks out at two. Flair locks in the Figure Eight, but Lynch heads up top and hits a diving leg drop to Flair to break the hold. Lynch retrieves a table from under the ring and slides it into the ring. Lynch sets up the table near the corner, but Flair slams her head into it. Flair puts Lynch on the table and heads up top. Lynch hops off the table and goes for a powerbomb through the table, but Rousey knocks Flair to the outside. Rousey flips the table and draws jeers from the crowd. Flair charges back into the ring and hits a double spear to Lynch and Rousey. Flair gets a two count on Lynch and then a two count on Rousey. Flair sets up the table in the corner and slams Rousey’s face into it. Flair repeatedly slams Rousey’s face into the table and then hits Rousey with a spear. Flair goes for a double spear through the table, but Lynch and Rousey counter into a double hip toss through the table. Lynch and Rousey slug it out in the middle of the ring, and Rousey hits a vicious running knee shot. Rousey lifts Lynch and goes for Piper’s Pit, but Lynch counters into a crucifix pin for the three count.

Match Result: Becky Lynch defeats Ronda Rousey with a crucifix pin.
Match Length: 21:53
Slimmer’s Rating: ***¼