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411’s Instant Analysis 07.30.12: WWE Monday Night Raw

July 31, 2012 | Posted by Sat

Welcome to this week’s Instant Analysis of Monday Night Raw. I’m your humble reviewer, Chad Nevett and forget last week’s show. This is obviously going to be the best Raw in a long while. This is where the road to Raw 2000 begins. We almost didn’t get a Raw tonight, but I tend to think that was the universe trying to tell the WWE that three hours is too many. So, now, we begin the countdown to The Return to Two Hours. Let’s hope it’s not too long. And let’s get to Raw 1001.

SEGMENT ONE: Putting the Focus Back on the WWE Champion

I loved the irony of the end of this segment. The Big Show shoots off his mouth, John Cena runs out to confront him, AJ makes a match between the two for tonight, and CM Punk… stands on the sidelines. Actually, if they pushed this story in a similar fashion to last year, they could really play up Cena main eventing almost every PPV this year despite none of those matches being WWE Championship matches and CM Punk holding the belt the entire time. It’s hard to say that Punk has turned heel, he’s more just returned to what he was a year ago. Not a bad guy, but a bit brash and not afraid to demand respect based on actions. This story has potential and I liked this segment, irony included.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10

SEGMENT TWO: Santino Marella vs. Alberto Del Rio
Match Result: Alberto Del Rio made Santino Marella tap out
Match Length: Six minutes, 45 seconds

Well, we asked for longer matches and the former less-than-a-minute encounters between Del Rio and Santino got almost seven minutes. Obviously, the phrase that comes to mind is “Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.” This was a two-minute squash match stretched out until Del Rio destroyed Santino easily. But, it was almost worth it for the short promo Del Rio cut after the match: “I just destroyed the US Champion like nothing! Like nothing! Santino Marella is beneath me! Sheamus is beneath me! All of you people are beneath me! If it is not a world title match, I will not compete. Starting today, I will not compete until SummerSlam.” I really like that idea. Hopefully, they got the other way with Sheamus and have him wrestle more, destroying everyone in his path.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10

SEGMENT THREE: Thank You, Damien Sandow

After being made something of a joke last week, it looked like Damien Sandow was going to continue being a joke. Interrupting a comedy dance segment involving Brodus Clay and Vickie Guerrero had me worried about Sandow — instead, he just laid a beating on Clay, looking very much the threat he was built up as when he first debuted a few months back. Clay is the perfect choice for Sandow to feud with, because he’s big and he represents everything Sandow hates. Lovely.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10

SEGMENT FOUR: Street Fight – Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan
Match Result: Sheamus pinned Daniel Bryan
Match Length: A little under 13 and a half minutes

The first ‘RawActive’ match did things right, mostly by making all three options the same stipulation, basically. Sure, there are some small differences between each, but, no matter what, these two would have worked the match we saw. It’s the illusion of control, the illusion of audience participation… I can get behind that. Especially when it involves a match like this. Daniel Bryan was vicious and managed to dominate Sheamus for much of the match. Even when Sheamus would counter, like when he got the kendo stick, the counter wasn’t as effective as Bryan’s initial offense. I do wish that Sheamus had a bit more offense so the finish didn’t look like it came out of nowhere. I mean, Sheamus is the World Champion — he can beat down anyone and should beat down anyone and everyone (until losing the belt). A great choice for the first-hour main event.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10

SEGMENT FIVE: “You’re consoling an imaginary child!”

1. Why didn’t they just get Daniel Bryan a doctor? I mean, a performer says he’s hurt and the response to, first, try to force him to move and, then, insult him?

2. Few things are as funny as Daniel Bryan ranting about Little Jimmy.

3. And it was nice to have a break from that goofy, inane melodrama of AJ/Bryan… for a match.

Rating: 4.5 out of 10

SEGMENT SIX: Titus O’Neil vs. Kofi Kingston
Match Result: Titus O’Neil pinned Kofi Kingston
Match Length: A little under three minutes

Well, we asked for managers and we got it. I swear, when we bitch about something long enough, the WWE gives it to us and we regret it. I mean, the dude said that O’Neil is like Kobe Bryant in a Colorado hotel room: “He can’t be stopped!” And then he threw a shoe. Okay, the shoe was kind of funny, but… really, a shoe? O’Neil didn’t look too bad in the ring, though.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10

SEGMENT SEVEN: Heath Slater vs. Randy Orton
Match Result: Randy Orton pinned Heath Slater
Match Length: Around one minute, 20 seconds

When Slater made his open challenge, I expected Ryback to be the one to accept (it seems like if there’s an open challenge by a heel, it’s an excuse for Ryback to kill someone), but Orton was a pleasant surprise. I actually forgot that his wellness suspension was over until his music hit. Slater brief bit of offense set up the full Orton routine. A decent squash showcase match that the crowd loved because the crowd loves Randy Orton. And who can blame them?

Rating: 6.0 out of 10

SEGMENT EIGHT: Christian & Chris Jericho vs. The Miz & Dolph Ziggler
Match Result: Chris Jericho pinned the Miz
Match Length: Around 13 minutes, 15 seconds

It’s amazing how Jerry Lawler can veer between witty and stupid. He goes from “You have a short memory, Mr. Smackdown!” regarding Michael Cole’s shock at Christian cheating to win to “No one’s going to cheer that…” at Dolph Ziggler’s attack on Jericho after the match as we can hear people chanting for Ziggler in the background. Bravo, Lawler.

This was a strong match. Ziggler and the Miz worked the heel tag style perfectly, from beginning with cowardly, short times in the ring to, later, manipulating Jericho so they could double-team Christian behind the ref’s back. Basic stuff, but done effectively. And who isn’t excited to see Christian and Chris Jericho teaming again? They fell back into a nice rhythm and that finish combo of thumb to the eye and Codebreaker was great. My new favorite tag team finisher. What’s interesting is that, because of their opponents, Jericho was more of a face during the match, but Christian did a heel move to get the win. You know, if three-hour Raws means lengthy top-of-the-hour matches like this, I could get on board…

Rating: 7.5 out of 10

SEGMENT NINE: Tyson Kidd vs. Tensai
Match Result: Tyson Kidd won via retroactive disqualification
Match Length: A little over two minutes

Hey, I remember this feud! …I think… This match was a waste of time. Either do something here or don’t. I really don’t care, especially when it involves a post-match DQ. I hate post-match DQs! The match is over, so how can you lose it? It makes no sense. Goddammit…

The less said about the whole psychological evaluation of Daniel Bryan the better. It was awful. And I want to point out that it’s not paranoid to think someone is watching you when you’re being filmed for a television show that airs all over the world.

Rating: 3.5 out of 10

SEGMENT TEN: The 27th Airing of the Triple H/Lesnar Recap Video

Once was enough, guys.

Rating: 2.0 out of 10

SEGMENT ELEVEN: #1 Contender for the WWE Championship Match – John Cena vs. the Big Show
Match Result: ~~They both lost~~ THEY BOTH WON!
Match Length: Around 17 minutes

That finish was somehow both obvious and disappointing. Disappointing that CM Punk is doing things like this — and that the obvious triple threat match is happening. I find the Big Show unnecessary in what seems to be brewing here between Punk and Cena (their backstage interaction was really intriguing) and the Big Show seems like he’ll just be a distraction. Punk on commentary was great, as always. I guess the big sign that Punk is now a heel (or soon to be a full heel) is the way that he talks trash about Jerry Lawler. Anyone who feuds with Lawler in any way is automatically a heel in the WWE right now. It doesn’t matter if he’s right or not, of course. The match was fine, I guess. It’s what we’ve seen before many times and I don’t think either man did anything that stood out too much. They gave it a lot of time, which seems to be the running theme of tonight’s show.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10

FINAL THOUGHTS

Segment of the Night: Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan

Trash Segment of the Night: The Never-Ending Lesnar/Triple H rerun

Final Analysis: For the first (non-special) three-hour Raw, this wasn’t a bad show. A solid promo to begin things, three big, long matches, and a bunch of smaller segments to break things up that ranged in quality. Obviously, they could have cut a bunch of stuff and been left with a better show, but there is something to be said about breaking up the longer matches with some short, goofy segments. The build to SummerSlam is in full swing and, so far, it’s got me interested. Let’s see if they can keep it up.

Verdict: 7.0

411 RATINGS SCALE:
0 – 0.9: Torture
1 – 1.9: Extremely Horrendous
2 – 2.9: Very Bad
3 – 3.9: Bad
4 – 4.9: Poor
5 – 5.9: Not So Good
6 – 6.9: Average
7 – 7.9: Good
8 – 8.9: Very Good
9 – 9.9: Amazing
10: Virtually Perfect