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GOOD MORNIIIINNNGGGG 411!!!
Did ya miss me? Guess who’s back like Slim Shady! I hope y’all have been well! Clash happened last night, and as much as I’d like to wax poetic on how much Nikki Bella does, did, and always will suck both on the mic and off of it, we have more pressing issues at hand because if the little heart inside that beats for one specific grappler of the past, then we are closer now than ever before to get the return of…
Let’s Fucking go!!!
After a lengthy recap of last night, we se CM Punk awaiting the arrival of Seth Rollins. In comes Adam Pearce, who has never been important enough for me to bold his name, to tell Punk to stop playin. But Punk says nah, when Seth comes in, it’s on sight.
Jey Uso is here for the crowd to chant his song with a heavy French accent.
He makes his way to the ring as the crowd asks for one more time, but Jey says nah we can’t run it back, because he doesn’t have the title round his waist. He wonders if he should have maybe not helped Roman in his match. But if we know Jey, we know he’s all about family. He warns people not to put hands on his family, then calls out The Vision because it’s go time.
Unfortunately for him, they do not answer. Instead, LA Knight is out to some YEAHs.
LA says he believed he was going to win last night. He feels like a loser. They all lost that match, and Seth is still champion. The rap on Jey is maybe at some point Jey lived in his cousin’s shadow, he doesn’t know about that, but Seth damn sure lives in his wife’s shadow. This could have all been prevented, but Jey spoiled it. They could have sent Seth through a table. Jey spoiled that. Jey doesn’t get it. Elbow through the table, Seth out. Who spoiled it? Jey did. Jey doesn’t understand. LA wants to get him up to speed.
Jey tells him to get him up to speed then, Uce. Talk to him.
Bron Bron is here to cut them off. Bronson Reed and Bron Breakker are out with mics. LA sees they don’t have Seth or Heyman out here to talk to them. He’s hoping that they can string together a cohesive sentence while also struggling to do just that.
Breakker tells LA he can at least string together two wins. OOOHHH BURNNN.
He mentions that Heyman is in the hospital, and that should be a concern, because now there is nobody to hold them back.
The crowd shits on him and cheers for Roman, but Bron reminds them that Reigns is in the hospital because they put him there. He says Heyman isn’t here to stop them, Reigns is in the hospital, and they are going to put both men right next to him.
Reed wants to address Paris, and asks them to acknowledge their Tribal Thief. They put Reigns in the hospital, beating him down like no one ever has. Seth has a vision and it doesn’t include Reigns, so they took him out. It also doesn’t include Jey Uso or LA Knight.
Bron finally challenges them to a match.
LA Knight says he and Jey are a bit banged up, and they can handle their beef another time, but if Jey’s down, he’s down.
And thus concludes wrestling tag team matchmaking via promo 101.
Backstage, Asuka and Kairi Sane are walking around, high energy. Here comes Iyo Sky to apologize. Asuka tells her it’s ok, they are family. They will take care of Judgment Day for Iyo. Iyo asks if they need help, Kairi is about to accept, but Asuka is like nah we got this, don’t trip. Asuka leaves nd Sane tells Iyo don’t worry, everything will be ok.
Roxanne Perez and Raquel Rodriguez vs The Kabuki Warriors
Asuka and Perez to start. We get a lockup. Asuka tries to get Perez against the ropes, but Perez spins and gets a ref break. Side headlock from Asuka. Asuka with rights. Whip to Perez. Shoulder tackle does nothing to Asuka. Perez with a hard slap. Asuka smiles, kicks, misses, and Perez rolls out of the ring. Perez heads back in and the ref holds Asuka back. Tag to Raquel. Asuka spin kicks, misses, Raquel locks the head and deadlifts her for a suplex, but Asuka lands on her fet and tries for an Octopus. She gets it but Raquel breaks out and lifts Asuka, Asuka drops to her feet. Sane with a blind tag.. Kicks from the Warriors take care of Raquel, dropping her to her knees. Sane whips, reversed, kick off the corner, then she gets in a modified tarantula to Raquel! Rana after tha to the corner, Perez tags, pin from sane, Perez slips out. Tries for a slap, Sane catches it, catches a kick. Dragon Screw! Sane with a pin, bridge, 1..2…NO!!! Whip is reversed, Sane rolls over, leap frog, Perez dives through a split leg. Rana from Sane! Tag to Raqeul. Chop from Sane, another, right hand, wheel barrorw into a stunner! Blind tag from Perez, Sane didn’t see it. She dives off the 2nd rope for a crossbody, but Raquel catches her, Sane drops to her feet, Perez pulls Sane into the corner and a splashi n the corner from Raquel flattens her. Perez pulls Sane outside and sends her into the barricade.
We are back from a braek and RR hits another splash and gets a tag from Pere. She tries for an arm drag, Sane blocks, kick from RR drops her into a pin. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Perez whips, tag to RR, whip from RR to Perez into a kick from Sane. Sane ducks under a splash. She crawls for a tag. Get’s it! Perez gets a blind tag! Right to Perez. Dropkick from Asuka to RR. Asuka with a flurry. She hits a back elbow in the corner, big kick to RR. Asuka with an arm bar! RR there to drop an elbow and break it up. She drags Perez to the corner. Tag and RR enters with a body slam attempt. Asua slips off and RR hit a clothesline. Perez with a cartwheel knee drop to the back of the head. RR covers for 1..2.NO!!! Tag to Perez. RR bounces Asuka off the ropes for a suplex. Perez to the middle rope for a springboard moonsault. Sane in to stop the pin at 1..2.NO!!! Sane is attacked by RR, looking for the Tejana Bomb. Sane locks her arm across the ropes. Asuka sends her over the top rope. Perz with a bridge and a pin for 1..2NO!!! Asuka goes for Asuka lock! Getsi t! Perez flips into a pin for 1..2NO!!! RR on the apron, Asuka shoves her off. Sane is up top. Insance Elbow!!!
In the ring, Perez misses a kick ,Asuka kicks, misses, Pop Ro—NO!!! Asuka counters with a leg lariat. Pin but no, she wants the submission instead. Asuka lock! Perez taps!
Winners: The Kabuki Warriors
A really strong start with a lot of non-stop action and good tag work that only just fell apart a little at the end. Not even a complaint, just an observation, because this was a great ten minute sprint.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 11:39
Adam Pearce wants to talk WWE Women’s World Championship. He brings up Stephanie Vaquer and Iyo Sky. In three weeks, they go head to head live on ESPN at Wrestlepalooza.
CM Punk is still waiting backstage.
Finn Balor vs Dragon Lee
I was grabbing some cookies and enter the match around a minute thirty. Lee gets a pin for 1 then Finn drops him with a backbreaker. Finn gives us some Too Sweet then chops Lee in the corner. Finn whips hard and misses an elbow. Lee hits the ropes, ducks under, standing rana, dropkick sends Finn outside. Lee hits the ropes. Huge dive over the top rope! Lee to the corner of the barricade and soaks in the cheers. We get a commercial, and yes the cookies are good.
We back! Lee with a superkick to the chin. Finn stays standing, stunned. Lee flips over the arm into a powerbomb! 1…2..NO!!! Lee hits the corner, spins over Finn for a potential Dragon Sleeper. Finn counters for his own but Lee drops down, kicks. Finn locks the head, elbow drop to the chest! Cover! 1..2..NO!! ! Finn grabs Lee on the apron. Finn sends Lee into the post, Lee stops him with a boot, high kick to Finn, to the top rope! Lee flies! Crossbody! Cover! 1.2..NO!!! Lee to the top rope, flips off, rolls through, but Finn hits a dropkick! Finn to the top rope! Lee with a high kick to the side of the head. Finn in the Tree of Woe. JD on the apron. Lee runs and hits him with a rana off the apron!
Lee to the top rope where Finn hangs. Finn grabs Lee, pulls him by the mask to slam him down, then turns to the hop on the top rope! COUP DE GRACE!! COVER!!! 1….2…3!!!!
Winner: Finn Balor
I’d easily enjoy another ten minutes from these guys. Good shit.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 9:38
Backstgage, Iyo Sky, the greatest wrestler ever, runs into Nikki Bella, the least greatest wrestler ever. She wants to talk to Iyo, but here comes Asuka and Kairi who yell for Nikki to leave. She tells Iyo that they will win the titles, then help Iyo win her title. Iyo says she can do it alone, but Asuka says she didn’t win at Summerslam alone. They will be champions again.
Asuka leaves.
Sane tries to talk, but Asuka yells for her to come hither.
Backstage, Finn and JD are celebrating their win. They run into Dominik Mysterio and JD wonders where they were. Dom says AJ is still on his case, so they need to plan something. Here comes Pearce to ban JD and Finn from ringside. Dom is upset, but Pearce says this shouldn’t be a problem and if it is, too bad.
Finn laughs it off, says he’ll be there in spirit.
The War Raiders and Penta vs The New Day and Grayson Waller
Raiders start by just using their bodies as bullets, flying everywhere. Penta dives off te top rope onto the heels then The raiders and Penta get in the ring and all do the Penta strut.
We come back to Woods doing the only strut that matters, the Flair one, right in the face of Penta. Woods tries for a surprise cover, gets a 2, then turns into a knee. Tag to Waller, in comes Ivar. He knocks Kofi off the apron, drops Waller with a slam, hits the ropes, crossbody. He gets a war chant, misses the corner, Kofi in the ring and Ivar sits on his chest. That can’t be good. He goes for an X-Factor, but Waller moves. Tag to Penta! Tag to Woods! Penta with a right, a clothesline, kick to Walle,r slingblade to Grayson! Roll through to Woods INTO a DDT to Waller. High kick to Woods in the corner, trips Woods, delayed swinging kick to the chest. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Enziguri from Woods. Tag from Erik. Woods kicks the gut, another kick, blind tag from Grayson. He rolls in, Flatliner. Tag from Kingston. Top rope and he hits a frog splash off the corner onto the back of Erik. Cover for 1.2..NO!!! Penta in to stop it. Knee from Grayson to Penta. Ivar comes in, swinging heel kick to Grayson. Woods kicks him and hits a DDT to Ivar. Erik is up, turns, HUGE headbutt to the bicep. Rolling right from Woods. Tag from Ivar.
Erik catches Woods, HUGE splash off the top onto Woods. Penta tags in. Penta dives onto the back of Ivar, MEXICAN DESTROYER! COVER! 1….2…3!!!
Winners: The War Raiders and Penta
This was very House Show -esque. Not necessarily a bad thing, but also nothing to write home about. I should probably write home, though. I hope my mom is doing well.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 8:23
Backstage, Cathy’s Kelleys are with Rhea Ripley. She asks Rhea about Iyo, and Rhea talks about respect. When Asuka and Kairi come up, they appear. Asuka wonders why Rhea wants a title match before Iyo even wins. Rhea doesn’t get the issue with them. Asuka tells her that her and Iyo are not friends, and stay away from her. Rhea says she’s been trying to play nice for Iyo, but don’t push her. Asuka says she has made history for 10 years. She is Asuka. She will push anyone she wants. Rhea wants he to try her. No one is ready for Asuka, even Rhea.
Kairi Sane’s face behind Asuka this entire time is just a great touch.
Backstage, Roxanne Perez and Raquel Rodriguez are mad at Pearce. She wants to be added to the match. Pearce says they just lost. Finally, here comes Lyra Valkyria, Pearce’s supposed appointment. They bicker about Bayley and title shots. Pearce shuts them up and kicks out the girls then wants to meet with Lyra.
Pearce spoke to Bayley, and says although she said some weird things, she will be back soon. Lyra says she needs to get back in the ring, and wants Judgment Day. Either one. Pearce says ok, and welcome back.
They do the big time intros with AJ getting so much love from the crowd and Dom cutting that shit off real quick with an attack from behind.
Dom is such a great heel. Lol.
Intercontinental Championship
AJ Styles vs Dominik Mysterio
Dom hits the ropes, kick to AJ. AJ ducks nder, dropkick. He rips his vest off as Dom rolls outside. AJ is livid. He flies over the top rope with a first to the face.
We are back from the break and Dom is walking the ropes. He drops AJ quickly then gets tossed over. The top rope. Clothes line from Dom. Dom goes Guerrero with a flip over the top rope. Cover for 1..2.NO!! Dom with a right to the face. Kick to AJ. Another kick. He tries again, AJ catches it, blocks a right, hits some rights and lefts, drops Aj with a clothesline, hits the ropes, wsliding forearm. Aj with a splash in the corner. To the shoulders. Neckbreaker and a cover for 1…2..NO!!! AJ locks the head, Dom coners AJ. Dom runs into a boot. AJ to the apron. Rana to AJ to the outside! Dom rolls back inside as the ref counts. He gets to 5. 6. Baseball slide sends aJ flying. Dom to the apron. Tries for another rana but AJ catches him and powerbombs him onto the announce table!
We are back and both men are in the middle of the ring, exchanging blows. Dom flips over AJ but AJ hits a neckbreaker and a pin for 1..2.NO!! AJ with a pumphandle into a gut buster. Cover again for 1..2.NO!! Dom with a Michinoku Driver out of nowhere! Cover for 1..2.N!O!! Dom calls for the Three Amigos. He hits one. Another. Goes for the third! Hits it! Dom to the top rope! Frog Splash! COVER! 1…2….NO!!!! Dom tries for. 619! AJ catches him! STYLES CLASH!!! DOM HOLDS THE ROPES! AJ Pulls him into a pin for 1..2.NO!!! BOOT ON THE ROPE!!! AJ to the apron! PHENO—–
EL GRANDE AMERICAN IS HERE TO PULL THE LEG OF AJ!!! He has a loaded msk! Headbutt to the mid section Dom to the top rope! FROG SPLASH! HITS IT! COVER! 1.2……3!!!!!
Winner: Dominik Mysterio
Juuuust a bit deflating as far as the result goes, but the match quality was high as Dom continues to get better and better with every match – working with AJ will do that, I suppose.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 16:01
We get a quick “Can they co-exist” promo with Jackie and LA Knight.
Bacstage, Punk is still waiting. Rhea is here to tell him good luck. Here comes Pearce, and Pearce says Seth is in the building. He doesn’t know how or where he came from. Punk says he will go handle it, and Pearce wonders what that means.
CM Punk gets a hero’s welcome once he comes out. He’s got some words for Seth. He says this seemingly endless war between them two, this company and show doesn’t run on his timeline. Punk has been too patient. He is hijacking the show. If this means he’s gotta sing songs with his friends in Paris then so be it. He is out until Seth is out in the ring and faces him Man to Man.
Seth’s music hits and…THE MAN is here with a smile and a mic.
Saw that comin. Still love it.
AJ LEE chant and Becky calls her a dope that doesn’t work here.
Punk says he isn’t going to do this. He wants to talk to Seth. Becky tells Punk he doesn’t tell her what to do. This has everything to do with him. Punk affected her family. Punk doesn’t care. He sees where it’s going and doesn’t want part in it.
Punk looks to leave, but Becky demands he stay and listen to what she has to say. She has had to listen to Punk tell lies about her husband, berate the fathe of her child, the greatest man she has ever known.
Punk calls her husband a coward.
Becky says Seth has sacrificed more for this business than Punk will never know. He is more than Punk will ever be. Hot, jacked, talented, doesn’t interrupt her.
Punk wishes he would interrupt so we don’t have to listen to Becky anymore and punch Seth’s teeth down his throat.
Becky says he is just like us, love to hear our own voice. When Punk walked out here, he damaged not just Seth. When BECKY was in the ring, they would chant Punk to let her know she didn’t matter.
PUNK chant starts to reinforce this.
Becky says Punk is not the voice of the voiceless, he is the poster child for apathy. She didn’t forget. We didn’t get her to the main event of Mania, she did. Just like her and her husband got this business to where they are today.
STFU chant. They do a horrible job of bleepin that out. Becky continues to go on and on then says her husband is a visionary, a revolutionary, he is Seth Rollins. She is the greatest female wrestler of all time. Not just her saying it. They need Punk to get the hell out of the way. Punk is not what the business needs right now. She wishes Punk the best in his future endeavors. Punk doesn’t fit the vision.
Another AJ Lee chant.
Punk says that all sounds good. The Vision is a bit blurry, isn’t it, Becky? This is a ten year beef because they chanted Punk’s name during her matches? He understands the magnitutde of his name, he’s the best in the world. It’s not just him, it’s 30k maniacs in Paris that are saying it. They chant if he works here, if he doesn’t, if he’s sitting in catering, or in the ring. They chant if he’s champion or not. Know who else chants his name aside from all his friends in Paris? All the towns he was just in. Liverpool, Newcastle, Manchester, Leeds. Guess who wasn’t there? Becky and her stupid husband. Tell him again who runs things and he’ll tell her the only thing Seth runs is from adversary. He hides behind his title, behind Heyman, behind Bron and Bron, and now he is hiding behind his wife. He will not reduce Becky of her stature to just somebody’s wife because she is much more than that. She is The Man, she just has bad taste and married a bum. Punk needs Seth to know that, that he is a paper champ, and this between them will never be over.
Punk looks up at the stage, and there he is.
Seth Rollins without music comes out. Worry not, though, because the crowd has his baack with some singing.
Seth waves hi to Punk, says he’s been looking all night for him. If Punk has something to say to his World Heavyweight Champion, come on up and say it to his face.
Punk looks to make a move, but Becky stands in his way. H moves, she moves (just like that). Punk circles around Becky, but Seth walks away to the back. Punk turns and Becky is standing there with a grin. Big slap to Punk. Another slap to Punk. She shoves and slaps Punk around over and over and over and over…
Becky shoves, slaps over and over. Good lord. Punk is livid. Becky continues to beat him down, slapping his chest, head, body. Punk, red in the face, stares as Becky puts her chin out. She calls him pathetic.
Punk tells her that he will make Seth regret ever cashed in on him, and Becky will regret ever putting her hands on Punk.
Becky goes in on him some more, saying she already does regret it. She has Punk’s gross ball sweat on her hoodie. Go, get out of the ring, doesn’t France have a chant for this? Nah nah nah nah goodbye? Bye bye farewell. So gross, Punk is disgusting, pathetic. Punk will never be champion. KEEP WALKING AND NEVER COME BACK!
We come back to Punk looking for Seth. Seth is already gone. Pearce tells him he can see Seth on RAW. Punk wonders where Smackdown is next week. Pearce says Chicago. Punk says perfect. Home sweet home.
Jey Uso and LA Knight vs Bron Breakker and Bronson Reed
Bronson and Jey to start. Bron lifts up, Jey hits the ropes, tag from LA. They trade some YEET/YEAH hits athne drop Bronson into the corner. In comes Bron, and they drop him with ease. LA with an uppercut. Bronson with a headbutt. Reed flexes on them hoes then grabs the head and tags in Bron. Right hand to the gut. Bron locks the head, lifts up for a suplex, L lands on his feet, neckbreaker! Stops in the corner. Tag to Jey, LA runs with a big knee then Juey hits a hip attack. Cover for 1..NO! Whip to the ropes, Bron reverses, kick from Jey, Reed with a cheapshot. Bron kicks, corners Jey, hits an uppercut to the taped up ribs. Bron shoots Jey over the top rope to the outside.
We are back and Jey gets a quick tag to LA who comes in with some rights to Bronson. Clothelsi ne, another, a third and Reed won’t go down. He finally stuffs one and sends La into th corner. Elbow to Breakker, neckbreaker to Ree.d LA to the 2nd rope. Hop up into an elbow drop! Right to Bron, Bron hops down and barks, that distraction allows Reed to splash him in the corner. La rolls out and Bron grabs him, sending him shoulder first into the steps. He tosses LA back into the ring and Reed hits a senton. Reed corners LA and holds him. Tag from Bron who hits a knee. Bron with an overhead toss. Bron looks to Jey, barks a bit, then grabs LA up with a headlock. Suplex to LA. LA with rights but Bron stuffs him with a knee. Another suplex. Chinlock from Bron. Elbows from LA Knight. He reaches for a tag, Bron grabs his head. Ebows and a German from Bron prevents the tag! Tag to Bronson. Reed grabs LA and sends him into the corner. Reed whips, back elbow from LA. Reed grabs the boot, tries for another senton, but LA rolls out of the way! TAG! TAG TO BRON! Jey with punches. He lays the Smackdown. Back splash in the corner, high kick to the face. HIP ATTACK! SP—NO!!! GOZLE!!! Military Press, Jey lands on his feet. SPEAR TO BRON! Reed is in the rin! Jey turns and Superkicks him! Jey tries to send Reed outside of the ring with a clothesline but cant. Another. Here is LA Knight to help. They lock arms and send him over the top rope together! SUICIDE DIVE FROM JEY TO BRONSON REED!
In the ring, Bron tries for a spear! Kick! BFT!!! Jey from the top! USO SPLSAH! COVER! 1..2..NO!!! Reed is there to pull Jey out of the ring! LA Knight flies through the ropes into Reed! Reed kicks his knee and Sends LA into the ringpost HARD!!!
Reed is up. Jey rolls into the ring. Reed turns as the crowd talks shit. Reed enters the ring on the opposite side. Jey stands, Reed rushes but Jey moves and Reed hits the corner shoulder first. Superkick, Reed attqcks, Jey ducks and hits another superkick, another. SPEAR TO REED! Jey to the top rope! USO SPLASH! SPEAR FROM BRON BREAKKER!!!!! COVER!!! 1….2…3!!!!
Winner: Bronson Reed and Bron Breakker
Goodness, Bron and Bronson are a solid team. Good enough main event to close out their little time in France.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 13:59
After the match, Bron and Bronson attack Jey in the middle of the ring. Right hands and sentons keep Jey grounded. LA tries to make the save, but Bron hits him with a spear. Reed pulls him outside and sends LA into the announce tabkle. Bron drops the straps, Bronson is on the apron. Jey pulls himself up to his knees. Bronson calls for the end. He hits the ropes, gain, SPEAR!!! Bron drags Jey towards the corner. TSUNAMI!!!
JIMMY USO is here! Arguably just a little too late, but he’s got a steel chair and he rushe the ring. Bronson and Bron leave the ring as Jimmy beckons for them to come in. Reed and Breakker stand at the bottom of the ramp. Jimmy checks on Jey and Jey tells Jimmy he needs him, he cant do it without him.
End Show
