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Nebulous Dark Review
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Shahin (Sean) Solimon– Apollo
Ginger Christie– Nephele
Kent Hatch– Lone Wolf
(check out the rest of the cast here)
Directed by Shahin (Sean) Solimon
Screenplay by Shahin (Sean) Solimon
Distributed by Giant Flick Films
Not Rated
Runtime– 75 minutes
Available via Amazon Prime Video here
Back in 2008 I reviewed a “movie” called Battlespace for The Gratuitous B-Movie Column that I thought would forever be the worst movie I’d ever have to review while an internets writer/movie reviewer. Battlespace, “directed” by Neil Johnson, was such a complete disaster on just about every level I was shocked that it even got released. I mean, it looked like a movie, sure, but the actual thing was so tedious and incomprehensible that I was surprised it wasn’t recalled like contaminated meat. And now, thirteen years later, I believe I have experienced something that actually may be worse than Battlespace. If it actually isn’t worse than Battlespace, it’s so close that the difference between the two is negligible. So what did I witness?
A “movie” called Nebulous Dark. Written by, directed by, and starring Shahin (Sean) Solimon, Nebulous Dark bills itself as “experimental” and “stylized” and “inspired by” classic sci-fi TV shows like The Twilight Zone, but what it really is is mind-numbingly boring and thoroughly incomprehensible (and its “connection” to The Twilight Zone or any other classic sci-fi exists solely in Solimon’s head. Even saying the “movie” was “inspired” by The Twilight Zone is ludicrous). It has no real plot, no story, no acting, and while it does feature some truly impressive looking CGI and practical special effects, you can only look at that eye candy for so long before you wonder when the “movie” will be over. Thankfully, Nebulous Dark only runs for 75 minutes (it’s more like, maybe, 68 minutes of “movie” and then seven minutes of credits), but that’s still 75 minutes too long. It’s excruciating.
Solimon plays a guy named Apollo who exists in some sort of future where aliens have taken over the Earth, destroyed just about everything, and turned most of the surviving population into zombies. While wearing a slick looking trench coat and gas mask and wielding a shotgun or, sometimes, a machine gun, Apollo walks around this desolate post-apocalyptic world shooting at the zombies, mumbling dialogue and shooting at more zombies. Apollo also occasionally “dies” but is then brought back to life because he’s stuck in a time loop and then he just starts shooting at more zombies. Why is it important that Apollo is “stuck in a time loop?” I have no idea. Apollo eventually meets a woman named Nephele (Ginger Christie) who is a member of a group of survivors that want to meet Apollo because… I really don’t know. Nephele also joins in on the zombie killing.
Now, while all of that is going on, the head alien (I think they’re called Octaliens or something like that) sends various killer robots out to find Apollo and any other human survivors. The aliens are worried about Apollo eventually destroying them or something. It’s all very confusing.
The “movie” has very few practical sets. Just about everything seems to be some sort of CGI created environment. And while those artificial environments look great most of the time, you can only look at that stuff for so long before you wonder why there’s no story to go along with the visual effects. Who spends so much time on creating truly impressive special effects but doesn’t bother fashioning a story or a script to go along with them? It just makes no sense to me. Who besides writer/director/star Solimon liked the script and thought it was a good idea to use it? Did any of them actually understand what it was they were making?
The movie’s practical effects are fabulous looking. The zombie makeup is appropriately scary, and the head alien is a terrific “man in suit” type costume. But, just like the CGI stuff, you can only look at these things for so long before you realize that they’re just special effects. They have no story to work with.
The “movie’s” soundtrack, which resembles the licensed background music on YouTube streams I’ve heard, is actually pretty good for about five minutes. The music never lets up, though, and becomes so overbearing and repetitive that you want to turn the sound off. If you did it probably wouldn’t matter since none of the characters say anything of value. Much like things just happen in this “movie,” the “characters” in Nebulous Dark just say things. None of it matters.
No one acts in this “movie.” No one. They just stand around and sort of exist in the various environments that appear behind them. The dialogue that you can hear and understand is really just people talking. No one advances the “plot” or “story.” Some of the sequences where star Solimon is framed in a kind of “heroic pose” would probably make a good poster image, but, again, like everything else in this “movie,” you can only look at that kind of thing for so long before you become bored out of your mind. It’s all just so meaningless and pointless.
So why does this “movie” exist? Who was it made for? Who is going to watch it and enjoy it in any way? I have no idea. Beyond Solimon’s need for it to exist as it’s his “vision,” I just can’t see anyone, even “bad movie” fans, liking Nebulous Dark, even ironically. I’m not even sure the movie riffing world would want to try to make fun of it. There’s no joy to be had with Nebulous Dark on any level.
I don’t want to talk about Nebulous Dark anymore. It’s a “movie” I want to forget exists. It does exist, though, and it’s something that should be avoided. It’s such a depressing ordeal. You’d be better off searching out Solimon’s other movie, Sinbad: The Fifth Voyage, which is actually fun. That is an actual movie with life and soul and bright colors. Nebulous Dark is relentlessly terrible.
Don’t see Nebulous Dark. Avoid it, avoid it, avoid it.
So what do we have here?
Dead bodies: Presumably billions.
Undead bodies: Lots.
Explosions: A few.
Nudity?: None.
Doobage: An onscreen opening crawl that attempts to explain the “movie’s” plot but fails miserably, a fighter jet flying through multiple explosions in mid-air, an ominous opening theme, a guy wearing a gas mask, a lightning storm, a shotgun, zombie hooey, a flashback (maybe), giant robots that set things on fire, glowing skin, a diner, diner booth kung fu, a vault, a radio, machine gun hooey, a humanoid robot, more zombie hooey, an Old West town for some reason, flying saucers, an alien robot chase, even more zombie hooey, a montage of stuff happening, aliens arguing about something, something about a key, a video message that’s allegedly significant, more alien arguments, even more zombie hooey again, some stuff about aliens wanting natural resources, exploding robot, good God even more zombies, more flying saucers, a giant alien starfish that may be a spaceship, exploding alien ship, a human brain, a spinning clock, a bunch of stuff and special effects happen, and then it thankfully ends.
Kim Richards?: None.
Gratuitous: The opening cast credits resemble closing cast credits (and then are repeated at the end of the “movie”), Shahin (Sean) Solimon, Shahin (Sean) Solimon walking around in some sort of CGI environment while wearing a trench coat and gas mask, zombies, slow motion zombie roars, a shotgun shell floating through the air in slow motion, aliens and giant robots, newspaper reading, on screen chapters for some reason, stuff happening, a zombie with a machine gun, Shahin (Sean) Solimon giving an alien robot the middle finger, Shahin (Sean) Solimon shooting two machine guns at the same time, a parody of The Twilight Zone TV show theme, and seven minutes of closing credits.
Best lines: “What’s happened here?,” “I hope to God that this is just a nightmare and I will wake up soon,” “Whatever did this to you guys is going to pay,” “Neptune. Athena,” “Looks like we have new tenants,” “I had no clue what was going on,” “This place is like a comic book,” “Everything is going to be fine in the end. I promise,” “What evil power did this?,” “I’m sorry. I’m not the captain,” “I need you to trust me now. I need you to shoot me,” “This is what I was built for,” and “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
