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411’s NWA TNA PPV Report 03.31.04

March 31, 2004 | Posted by Dave Gagnon

This is Dave Gagnon, this is TNA, march 31st 2004.

I had a rough week. A really rough week. A bad week. An awful week. I feel like crap. I’m sorry in advance if this report is shorter (or suckier) than usual but I can’t help it.

However, I can tell you that there will be a new Canadian Rants next week. I was supposed to do the “friendz” thing I told you about last week but with this sexual harassment lawsuit, it will wait a week or two.

On with the show…

Before we start, let’s not forget the silliest rating system around, The Exclusive Dave Gagnon TNA Rating System!

AJ Styles Rating: Excellent Match
Raven Rating: Very Good Match
Jeff Jarrett Rating: Good Match
Sonny Siaki Rating: Average Match
Jonny Fairplay Rating: Bad Match

Your hosts are Mike Tenay and SCREAMIN’ DON WEST.

1st match: Low Ki and Christopher Daniels vs The Naturals – Tag Team Tournament Semifinal

Now that Hass and Benjamin are no longer together, Ki and Daniels is probably the best tag team in North America today. After a flurry of offense from XXX, The Naturals took over with slower paced (“methodical”) offense until Daniels got the hot tag at the 9 minute mark. Nice springboard moonsault that took out both Naturals. The Naturals then double-teamed him until Low Ki joined the action. Great double team move by XXX: Daniels lifted Douglas in the air and Ki springboarded off the top rope with a flying roundhouse kick. The Naturals eventually recovered and went for a double suplex on Low Ki but he countered with a sweet armbar. The Naturals took over control again. When they went for a double suplex on Ki, he escaped and rolled Douglas into a submission armbar hold. In desperation, Douglas tried to use the white powder (or is it ceremonial salt?) but Low Ki kicked the powder into Douglas’s face. Where’s Mr.Fuji when you need him? The match finished with a suplex/neckbreaker combo on Douglas for the win.

Winners: Low Ki and Daniels at 12:05
Rating: Jeff Jarrett

Backstage, Scott Hudson interviewed Kid Kash and Dallas. Dallas was the mystery man from last week. Johnny Swinger is no longer his partner. Kid Kash and his family member are going all the way.

2nd match: Kid Kash and Dallas vs Slash and Synn – Tag Team Tournament semi-final

Sadly, no solo from Slash tonight. Well, the tag scene in North America is worse than an Old Navy commercial. It could be worse. Remember when The New Blackjacks were fighting The Godwinns on Shotgun Saturday Night? You may laugh but Blackjack Bradshaw will main event a PPV pretty soon. Pretty blah match. Dallas is very green and I’m surprised that they didn’t find somebody else to be Kash’s partner. Dallas won with a sitout powerbomb on Synn.

Winner: Kash and Dallas at 8:45
Rating: Jonny Fairplay

Did you know that Jeff Jarrett pissed off the entire country of Mexico when he defeated Latin Lover? No? Here’s some footage from TNA. We can only hope that somebody from WWE will cause that much reaction when they’ll have their first show in Mexico this week.

Tenay tried to interview America’s Most Wanted but Jarrett, Raven and Styles interfered. Big schmozz to remind us that everybody wants to be the NWA world heavyweight champion. Except James Storm.

Backstage, Scott Hudson interviewd Monty/e Brown. He is intense to say the least. He has a match with Sabu later tonight.

3rd match: Monty/e Brown vs Sabu
Sabu hasn’t been genocidal and/or suicidal since he arrived in TNA. I know that you don’t hear this one often but that’s the case. I imagine somebody saying in the office “Gee, Bob, you used to be really genocidal but you changed. Come on! Cheer up and be more genocidal”. Anyway, Brown attacked Sabu to start. Maybe he should do like Bad News Brown and always attack before the bell. Maybe I should call him Bad News Monty Brown from now on. Sabu quickl came back with a springboard flip legdrop for a near fall. After several boring minutes Sabu put Brown on a table, but side of the legs gave out. Remember when Sabu fought Scorpio on RAW and the table NEVER broke and Sabu went apeshit? Aw, memories. Sabu springboarded off a chair over the top rope with a legdrop onto Brown, breaking the table underneath him. Hogan never tried that one. From there, back and fourth action until they brawled outside of the ring for a while. The ref ruled it a no contest. I’d say a double countout but it was waaaaaaaay longer than a 10 count so who knows?

Winner: NO ONE at 10:15
Rating: Sonny Siaki

Backstage, Scott Hudson interviewed Glenn Gilbertti and David Young. Glenn should find a new name. Hudson pointed out that Young was a miserable jobber and should kill himself right now. Maybe not in those words but you get the idea.

Backstage, Scott Hudson interviewed Shane Douglas and Shawn Michaels’ Cousin. They are determined. There’s still tension within the team, though.

4th match: Simon Diamond and Sonny Siaki vs Shane Douglas and Shawn Michaels’ Cousin vs Glenn Gilberti and David Young vs D-Lo Brown and Apolo

Well yes, El Leon is dead. El Leon meant “The Lion” by the way. Apolo is unmasked and ready to be a tag team champion. Wow, D-Lo Brown sure is better used in TNA, huh!? Winners will get the the first title shot at the champions. Lots of tags and back and fourth action action in the early portion of the match. Douglas and HBK’s cousin got into another fight, leading to them returning to the back and abandoning their opportunity at a tag title shot. Great strategy. Johnny Swinger interfered with a chairshot to Diamond’s head. Young went for the win but Siaki broke up the pin attempt. Back in the ring, Apolo gave the poor Young a TKO for the win.

WINNERS: D-Lo Brown and Apolo at 9:55.
RATING: Sonny Siaki

Backstage, Scott Hudson attempted to interview Abyss but a mysterious woman told him that Abyss was focusing on his match. By the way, I don’t mind people dissing TNA but PLEASE stop referring Abyss as a Kane ripoff. Especially because most of the people saying that never actually saw him wrestle. He is a great big man wrestler who happened to have a mask. Hey, Kane doesn’t even have a mask anymore!

Video package of Amazing Red’s highlights.

Chris Sabin then came out and relinquished his X divison title. He lost his smile, apparently. The winner of the following match will be the new champion.

5th match: Frankie Kazarian vs Amazing Red – X Title Match

Good action early, about what you would expect from a normal X division match. Nice looking dive to the floor by Red in the middle match. Red avoided Kazarian finisher and countered with…something. There’s some moves that I just can’t call and it was one of them. Kazarian followed up with a great looking slingshot DDT on Red for a near fall. Kazarian scored a couple of near falls after that. Great looking sunset flip slam by Amazing Red for a near fall. However, he missed his Red Star and Kazarian rolled him up for a three count. The wrong man went over here, in my opinion. After the match Kazarian slapped Sabin. That Poor Guy Sonjay Dutt attacked Kazarian. Jerry Lynn and Elix Skipper ran out too, taking turns punching away at Kazarian. So the whole team TNA hates Kazarian.

WINNER: Kazarian at 9:05
RATING: Sonny Siaki

Backstage, Scott Hudson interviewd 3 Live Kru. According to them, Ron Killings WILL be the next world heavyweight champion.

Next week, the Americas Cup: Team Mexico will once again defend their title against…The United Kingdom. Ahem. The captain is Dave Taylor who used to tag with William Regal and Bobby Eaton as The Blue Bloods in WCW. I really liked that team for some obscure reason.

Vince Russo joins the commentary team for the main event.

Main Event: Ron Killings vs Raven vs Abyss vs AJ Styles

Jeff Jarrett is watching! Styles took a bad looking bump on the back of his head when he slipped on a springboard attempt. Back and fourth action for the early portion of the match. Raven and Sting went at it after Raven suckerpunched him. Sting, what a waste of time. They brawled into the ring. Abyss helped Raven until Killings and Styles dove onto them. From there, back and fourth action with several near falls. Everybody had a chance to win the match. Styles had Raven down for a pin but Jarrett interfered. Sting intervened and they brawled at ringside. Vince Russo then ordered Jarrrett to return to the back but Jarrett threw Russo’s white towel in the ring. Styles thought Russo threw it into the ring. That distracted him, allowing Raven to gibe him low blow and the evenflow ddt for the win.

WINNER: Raven at 11:25
RATING: Jeff Jarrett

That means that Raven will fight Chris Harris and the winner will face Jeff Jarrett in a steel cage match for the world heavyweight title.

Average show tonight. The road to the world heavyweight title is entertaining. But Vince Russo’s presence is unnecessary.

Feedback is always appreciated: [email protected]

See you next week the TNA report and a brand new Canadian Rants.

Gags

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