411’s TNA Impact Report 03.04.06

Last week on Impact:

Match #1 Monty Brown killed Dylan Knight

Monty on the mic. “Christian, I didn’t come here for Knight, I came here for you, like last week. I must have had the wrong room, the men’s room. You are the type of guy that is around to help build things, but I am the man you build around. Champ, bring the title to the alpha male, or the Serengeti will be coming right to you.

Christian is out. “Quit whining Monty. I told everyone that there would be no glass ceiling. This will get physical, but let me say my peace. You’re always talking about the Serengeti, but what is the capitol of Thailand?…BANGCOCK!”

BRAWL~! Security pulls them apart as Tenay hypes the main event. Larry Z is here to restore order apparently.

We are back with Borash and AMW w/Gail. Harris says Destination X will be a war. JJ, Abyss and them will battle Rhino, Killings and Team 3D. Rhino and Killings will get a preview of what is to come. Harris promises to deliver a death sentence. JJ and Shelley are here, and Shelley says the footage is his greatest work. JJ tells Gail to get Jackie and make sure she is dressed properly for the viewing party.

Christopher Daniels joins the announce team.

Match #2 AJ Styles defeated Roderick Strong

In the back Gail and Jackie walk. Gail gives her an outfit we can’t see, and Gail says Jeff wants her to wear it. Jackie isn’t happy.

Match #3 Team Canada defeated The James Gang

LAX beats then down and Bullet Bob is down and he cleans house on Homicide and Machete. Damn I like Bullet Bob and all, but that just seems so wrong. He and Konnan face off and Konnan bails because his has worse hips than Bob.

Match #4 Samoa Joe ate Shark Boy

Match #5 AMW defeated Ron Killings and Rhino

Viewing party time. JJ is happy as they say Rhino may be done. Shelley tells “Uncle Jeff” that he will be blown away by the tape. Jackie is dressed like a dirty maid, Jeff drops a tape and they make her pick it up and she covers her ass.

We see the video now of Sting picking up the little kids at school. Dude has an Excursion. Shelley follows him to his house, which is nice as hell. Shelley’s commentary is hilarious here. We see Mrs. Sting in the backyard. Shelley is then on Sting’s property and we see Sting and the kids playing basket ball. Shelley then drives up next to him on the freeway and Sting doesn’t even notice him! Next is Sting at the Gym.

JJ approves and asks Young if he is convinced if Sting is finally gone. Young says he is preparing to comeback, he just knows it. He says not to call him “Showtime” because it will upset Sting. JJ says Shelley failed and has to go back and ask him in person if he actually quit. They mock Jackie some more as Eric Young says, “This is so the worst idea yet…he’s coming back!”

What did you think of the show last week?

Thumbs Up – 76.1%

Thumbs Down – 5.7%

Thumbs in the Middle – 12.6%

Didn’t see the Show – 5.5%

Thanks to all that voted, and remember at the end of this recap to vote for this week’s show!

Today on iMpact:

Jeff Jarrett w/Gail, AMW © & Abyss w/Jim Mitchell vs. Shark Boy, Buck Quartermain, Norman Smiley & Cassidy Riley

Lance Hoyt vs. Kenny King

Sonjay Dutt, Jay Lethal & Chris Sabin vs. Team Canada (Petey Williams & Eric Young & Bobby Roode) w/Coach D’Amore

And in our main event: A.J. Styles & Christopher Daniels vs. Samoa Joe © & Shannon Moore

TNA iMpact Starts…NOW!

Highlights of last week are shown.

Tenay and West welcome us to iMpact! The Ultimate X Cables are set up in anticipation of the match.

Jeff Jarrett w/Gail and Jackie, AMW © & Abyss w/Jim Mitchell vs. Shark Boy, Buck Quartermain, Norman Smiley & Cassidy Riley

They all brawl to begin. Team JJ starts to clear the ring and AMW beats down Riley and Buck. Riley gets superkicked to the floor and Now Abyss and Sharky brawl. Normal and JJ pair off. Shock Treatment to Sharky. Norman and JJ in, swinging scoop slam by Norman! BIG WIGGLE~! Abyss grabs him, BLOCK HOLE SLAM! JJ grabs him, Stroke and that’s all.

Winners: Team JJ @ 1:40 via pin

Wow, they don’t work by the minute. Why did Norman have to job his first time back with TNA since like, week 4 of the Weekly PPV Era? I guess if it is a one shot I understand, but man, BIG WIGGLE PEOPLE!

Alex Shelley arrives with his tape and JJ is happy. He says this is the proof that he is a quitter. Team Canada is out, and Eric Young reluctantly celebrates, because he reads the dirt sheets and knows better!

Commercial time.

We are back as Jeremy Borash is with Matt Bentley and Traci. He doesn’t play by the rules. He doesn’t care if Hoyt is big or strong, especially when he is on his back. Team JJ stops by and steals his promo time to tell us that they are having another viewing party. Eric Young steals the tape and leaves! I bet he’s calling Meltzer right now. Bentley cries and then leaves to call Uncle Shawn. Borash compliments Traci on her wardrobe.

Tenay and West talk about the tape and how Young stole it.

Highlights of Bentley bloodying Hoyt on Xplosion. That should have been on Impact last week instead of the squashes, because I donno, that was an actual angle for a PPV match and only about 57 people can get Xplosion!

Lance Hoyt vs. Kenny King

KK attacks at the bell and goes to work on Hoyt. Rights now, but Hoyt with a knee. Another and KK is rocked. Savage style hot shot by KK, springboards in and Hoyt nails him in the gut on the way in. Backdrop by Hoyt, and KK about lands on his head, and that didn’t look pleasant. Texas Powerbomb and that is all for KK. Go collect you $25 for your broken neck.

Winner: Lance Hoyt @ 1:25 via pin

Sloppy Squash.

Konnan is out and says they are going to beat down BG. Machete and Homicide drag him out and beat his ass. Kip is out to save him, and then they go after them.

Commercial time.

We are back with a look at Ron Killings new video, “Wass up?” I miss the old 3LK theme music.

Sonjay Dutt, Jay Lethal & Chris Sabin vs. Team Canada (Petey Williams & Eric Young & Bobby Roode) w/Coach D’Amore

Eric Young has the tape with him and is hiding it! He is awesome.

Sabin and Petey to begin, reversals and chops by Sabin. Irish whip, corner forearm smash to Petey. Dropkick gets 2. Tag to Jay, and a clothesline to Petey gets 2. Sabin nails Petey and Jay gets the basement dropkick for 2. Elbow to Jay and they sends Petey to the floor. Tag and a GERMAN by Roode gets 2. He chokes out Jay and a tree of woe! OHHHHHH CAAAANNNADA Nut Stomp! Tag to Roode again and he lays the boots to Jay. Eric has the tape in his tights! HAHAHA! Rear chinlock by Roode, JJ is out and wants the tape! This is hilarious! Jay manages a leg lariat to Roode…tag to Petey and Dutt. Arm drag to Roode. Spinebuster. Asai moonsault to Petey for 2. HUGE Tornado DDT by Sabin. To the floor with Roode, plancha by Lethal on Eric and JJ has the tape. Canadian Destroyer countered by Dutt, escapes but Roode nails him…Petey pulls him in…CANADIAN FN DESTROYER and that’s all.

Winners: Team Canada @ 4:45 via pin

Really fun match, although I could have used a bit more time. They also played more with the tape and Eric Young is just awesome.

Commercial time.

We are back with highlights of Christian winning the NWA Title, leading to hype for he and Monty’s match.

Borash is with Christian Cage. He makes JB shut up for his chanting. He says they are live in the peep show tonight. As he begins, Mitchell and Abyss are here. Mitchell says he stole Abyss’s world title shot. He needs to agree to a title shot…or…doomsday! Monty attacks! He beats down Christian with the NWA Title and they brawl backstage. They now get to the entrance ramp. Christian takes him down and they exchange rights and lefts. Christian rams him into the wall. He misses a charge and Monty POOOOOOOUUUNCE’s him off of the ramp onto a security railing! Cage rolls on the floor holding his ribs and screaming in pain. Rhino is out to check on Cage as Monty holds the NWA Title up.

Commercial time.

We are back with the viewing party! We get a warning from SPIKE saying that they don’t condone this! GOLD! Hidden Highlight kids. JJ puts over Shelley, but he seems reluctant.

Video time. He follows Sting, and Shelley says he will take his time. We see Sting at kids football practice, Shelley says he isn’t afraid. Then walking with his daughter and Shelley is all like, “Isn’t that cute…walking with his daughter… there’s a lot of weirdo’s out there…” and then the rest of the kids with a Beatles reference. Sting golf’s! Shelley keeps cracking on him. Shelley thinks Sting saw him and is now more afraid. Sting sees him! Sting tells him to get a life and JJ is out of his mind. You do not film my personal life, you stepped over the line. I WILL BE AT THE NEXT PPV! This isn’t a joke…he never should have gotten me started, and tell him Sting isn’t coming to the PPV…STEVE BORDEN is coming to the next PPV.

We see all the heels scared shittless, awesome facials including Roode biting a towel. Jackie is happy though. JJ asks if this was a piece of Info he should have known about before now? Shelley replies, “It did cross my mind…”

Commercial time.

We are back.

A.J. Styles & Christopher Daniels vs. Samoa Joe © & Shannon Moore

AJ and Moore to begin. Lock up and they eventually shove off. Off the ropes, chops by AJ. Hip toss to Moore, rights and then a head scissors by AJ. Joe in and they double-team Joe. They knock him to the floor and we head to a commercial @ 1:15.

We are back at 4:40 with Joe and AJ in. Tag to Daniels and they fight over who will beat on Joe. Joe levels Daniels with a chop, and then tags Moore. He lays the boots to Daniels. Off the ropes and a tag to AJ. Dropkick sequence and a count of 2 for AJ. Tag to Daniels, off the ropes and a leg lariat on Moore. During the commercial, Team JJ was silent as they left. Moore and AJ in, he takes AJ down and tags Joe in. Atomic drop to AJ, running senton and Joe is in control. Irish whip by Joe, running knee of DESTRUCTION! Tag to Moore and forearms to AJ. Joe holds AJ, Moore charges and nails Joe! Uh oh…some peoples gonna DIE! Spinkick by AJ and he needs a tag. He does and Daniels levels Moore. Kicks by Daniels, he then rams Moore into Joe. SWANK PLANCHA BY AJ TO JOE! Daniels rolls up Moore for 2. Moore and Daniels battle it out, FLATLINER by Daniels. Blind tag…Angels wings try…but Joe is in with a SICK CLOTHESLINE and that’s all!

Winners: Samoa Joe and Shannon Moore @ 9:50 via pin

Good main event this week, and nice to see a match get some good time..

After the match, AJ steals the belt and hangs it on the cable and tells Joe to go and get it. Joe gets pissed and yells shit at AJ.

JB is with JJ, Gail and D’Amore. D’Amore says they are screwed, but JJ has an idea and he has “his” number on speed dial.

Final Impact Thoughts: They continued to build to the PPV, as well as added a new match. The angles are progressing and there is enough going on to make you want to tune back in. The longer match for the main event was also appreciated.

And don’t be shy kids; send any thoughts a long you have via email!

READER PARTICIPATION: What did you think of the show? Click your choice!

Impact~! 3.04.06

What did you think of this week’s Impact? (3.04.06)

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Next week I will have the poll results at the beginning of the recap, along with the “Last week on Impact” recap.