411’s TNA Impact Report 4.03.08

TNA Impact Begins…NOW!

-We get highlights of last week’s show.

-Cornette is in his office, apparently yelling at Morgan as JB runs down the card. Cornette comes out and says he was at the doctors, and while he was gone, Morgan said Team Tomko can have a 5th man, James Storm. JB is dressed like a gay biker. Morgan says he did his job and stepped up.

~TEAM TOMKO SPEAKS~
Team Tomko is out to the ring. Tomko says they all do the thinking on this team, and it pays off. Ray then says having the tag champions and greatest tag team of all time together is awesome. He thanks Morgan for allowing them to have a 5th member, and then they introduce the man that turned the wrestling world upside down by attacking Sting last week, James Storm.

Team Cage is out, all wearing Team Cage shirts. Cage calls Storm a lush, and says he cannot understand him. Cage calls him semi-retarded. Last week he hit Sting, but tonight he has town up to it as he faces Sting tonight. He also reminds Tomko and AJ that they will have to face he and Rhino tonight. Next Cage calls out that big goofy ass Matt Morgan.

Matt Morgan comes out and shakes hands and high fives with Team Tomko. Well that’s not good for Team Cage. When Cage asks about the 5th man, Tomko says that he can go get anyone he wants, even one of those MMA fighters that are training Joe. Cage says it looks like he has some egg on his face, and if they have to, all 4-members of Team Cage will fight the five members of Team Tomko at Lockdown. Cage closes by saying that he may have one last ace up his sleeve.

-Angle arrives and JB asks him about the sparring match he mentioned last week. Angle is letting him off the hook this week. He and AJ are fine and as far as Karen goes, he doesn’t even know that name anymore. Angle then says Joe will have to live up to his word about quitting TNA if he loses. Eric Young come sin and says Super Eric is here tonight. Angle calls him a child and a moron. Angle proclaims that he is the only super hero here.

-Earlier today a car arrive with Petey hanging onto the hood. Steiner drove to the arena that way. He then says he will show how he runs TNA and will cash in on a title shot. He also says he will make a man out of Petey.

-Crystal is here with “The Monsters of Rock,” which are Black Reign, Rellik and The Rock and Rave Infection. Rellik threatens Eric Young and says that he needs to take his mask and cape and realize that he isn’t in Smallville anymore. Holy hell that was bad.

-The Rock and Rave Infection come out and Hemme does her intro.

LAX (Homicide y Hernandez) w/Salinas and the Motor City Machineguns (Sabin and Shelley) vs. Black Reign, Rellik is Killer spelled backwards and The Rock and Rave Infection (Hoyt and Rave) w/Hemme

Rave and Sabin to begin. Quick counters, off the ropes and a spin kick by Sabin. Tag to Alex, off the ropes and the atomic drop, basement dropkick and then Sabin off the back of Alex with a dropkick to Hoyt. Cide up top, tagged in and the Guns hold Rave and Cide gets a senton onto Rave. Reign and Rellik in, double team face plant on Cide connects. Eric Young is in the crowd, and he leaves. We head to commercial @ 1:55.

Back from commercial @ 4:55 with Cide still being beat down. Rave in, double elbow by Rave and Hoyt and a cover for 2. A slam by Rave, he goes to the 2nd rope, leaps into an atomic drop and then the Gringo Cutter by Cide! Hoyt in to stop the tag. Off the ropes, Cide got the tag to Hernandez and he flies into level them. He tosses Rellik, cleans house, catches Rave and gets a sit out powerbomb for 2! Hoyt takes him to the floor, the Guns are in and toss Hoyt. They do dives onto the Monsters, Rave in with Cide but Cide decides on a suicide dive to Hoyt. Hernandez in to kill Rave, yeah, BORDER TOSS on Rave. 1…2…3. Rave is officially Hernandez’s bitch.

Winner: LAX and The Motor City Machineguns @ 7:20 via pin

-The Monsters beat down LAX after the match, Kaz is out and starts to beat them down but Hoyt chokeslams him. LAX and the Guns get beat down, and SUPER ERIC makes his way out to save the day. He tosses Hoyt, dual dropkick to the monsters and they are gone.

-JB is with Sting. They discuss last week, and Sting says it is great to be back where he belongs. He thought he had something to give again and wanted to step up to the plate one last time. But he didn’t plan on Storm attacking him. Storm may have well tosses gas on a fire, and Sting promises to make Storm a star tonight. It’s Showtime.

~ROUGH CUTS~
Kip was full of rage when he decided to make the split. And Bryan’s dad was in the wrong place. BG says he hurt his ego, and will do more than that the next time they meet. He hit his old man, and he should have taken it out on him. It gets serious. Kip says BG threw his whole career away for an Armstrong reunion. The two brothers need to go out back, beat each other down and settle it. Kip doesn’t want a relationship because it is over.

~A SITDOWN WITH KONG AND SAEED~
Tenay sat down with them earlier today. Tenay wanted to do this interview for a while, but Riesha had some conditions. No personal stuff, and that they could terminate the interview anytime they wanted. Tenay says little is known about them, and asks where they are from. Saeed is from Syria. Kong is from America, but makes her home in Japan. Tenay asks how long they have known each other. Saeed says many years, they met in the dojo and have trained, worked and battled together. Saeed says not to ask about her burka. Tenay then says Kong has been dominant, and asks if anyone can take Kong. Saeed says no. And that’s it.

-We get a Consequences Creed video package.

-Crystal is with Storm and Jackie. Storm says a 20-foot fall couldn’t keep him down, he and Jackie were at home drinking. He saw Cage and Rhino kiss and make up, and they actually call HIM brokeback? Sting was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He has no respect for Sting. He doesn’t care that he is a legend or an ICON. Storm is already famous, and tonight HE becomes an ICON and he will slap the paint off of Sting’s face. Sting can yell all he wants, because he will put his fist down Sting’s throat. SORRY BOUT YOUR DAMN LUCK!

Non-Title Match: Tomko and AJ Styles © vs. Christian Cage and Rhino

Cage and Tomko to begin. Tomko ruches him to the corner, but Cage is back with chops. A spin kick connects for Cage, and he celebrates. Tomko fires back, misses a charge and then Cage tosses AJ to the floor. Corner mounted rights by Cage, tossed off and Tomko press slams him, but Cage escapes and tags in Rhino. They double-team Tomko and then double backdrop AJ. Tomko with a knee to Rhino, backs him to the corner and AJ tags in. Chops by Rhino now, off the ropes and AJ with the sweet dropkick. He rakes Rhino’s eyes, gets a boot to the head but then runs into a powerslam by Rhino for 2. Tag to Cage, he lays the boots to AJ. Off the ropes and Cage fights off Tomko and AJ, but Tomko stuns him off of the ropes and eats a PELE by AJ and AJ covers for 2. We head to a commercial @ 3:30.

Back from commercial @ 6:45 with Tomko getting a powerslam on Cage for 2. Cage tries to come back, but eats a back elbow. Tag to AJ, he comes in with a chinlock to Cage. Cage fights to his feet, but AJ tags Tomko back in and they maintain control. Cage fights back, dives for a tag and gets it but the ref didn’t see it. Tomko is killing Cage with rights, AJ then chokes him out and tries to stop Cage from a tag try. Enziguri by AJ gets 2. AJ and Tomko working the double teams now, Cage in with AJ and working for a tag again. Cage comes back with an Implant DDT for a close 2! Cage looking for the tag, he kicks away at AJ and gets the tag! But the ref didn’t see it again as Tomko distracted the ref! The ref yells at Rhino, who them GORES the ref! Rhino in to clean house, AJ and Tomko try the tornado plex, but Rhino tosses out AJ. UNPRETTIER TO TOMKO! SICK GORE TO AJ WHO FLIP SELLS IT~! 3D is now out and then Nash is out with a chair to clear the ring. Jim Cornette is out and calls for the bell.

Winner: Tomko and AJ Styles @ 12:00 via DQ

-JB is with Cornette and Morgan. Cornette is yelling at Morgan, as usual. Cornette says it could be the worst night ever. Morgan says he will fix it. Tonight he will referee the Sting vs. Storm match, and he promises no problems. Cornette agrees, and says he better live up to it or next week a trained chimp will be doing his job. Cornette goes to find a ref’s shirt for Morgan, but he already has one.

~THE COURTSHIP OF VAL~
Val and Machismo are chilling in the hotel hot tub. He doesn’t have one at home and if you do not check into the hotel, it is free. Sonjay Dutt appears from the water, hilarity ensues.

X-Scape Qualifying Match: Elix Skipper vs. Shark Boy

Skipper attacks Sharky at the bell. Sharky fires back with rights, stomps a mud hole in hi and walks it dry. A bulldog by Sharky connects, to the 2nd rope and misses the fin drop. A spin kick by Skipper connect, Skipper looks to be back on his vitamins. A belly to belly by Skipper gets 2. To the floor they go, Skipper with a kick to the back of the head and then to the apron and crotches Sharky on the top rope. Sharky stops new school, missile dropkick by Sharky and both men are down. Rights by Sharky, off the ropes and the Thesz Press by Sharky. Fin drop follows and, then off the ropes, kick countered and a reverse neck breaker by Sharky gets 2. Skipper avoids a suplex, sets Sharky on the ropes and goes up top. Leaps all the way across for a cool looking leg drop for 2. Skipper up top, Sharky dropkicks him, then goes up and gets a top rope RANA on Skipper. The SHARK BOY CHUMMER finishes it.

Winner: Sharky @ 4:30 via pin

-Shark Boy, Curry Man, Johnny Devine and Sonjay Dutt have all qualified thus far for the X-Scape match to face Machismo.

-Crystal is with Traci Brooks. She is better from the beating at Destination X, but what happened is still in her mind. Tonight she and Banks face off, and tonight is about paybacks, and paybacks are a bitch, just like Banks. Love and Sky are here, and say that Banks is out of line. Is she isn’t careful, she’ll end up just like Roxxi.

-Crystal is with Sharky. She explains the X-Scape match, and then asks about Consequences Creed. He beat Elix’s BASS and will win at Lockdown. CURRY MAN IS HERE! He dances with Crystal, cuts one of his wacky promos, he and Sharky do the WHAT deal back and forth and then Sharky says his bass will be his at Lockdown. Curry man and Crystal dance more. Tremendous.

Traci Brooks vs. Payton Banks

They chase outside the ring, but when they get in Banks lays the boots to Brooks. Forearm shots by Banks, chops by Brooks and then a clothesline. Banks pulls her to the corner, gets a lung blower and then covers for 2. Cross face shots by Banks, she then chokes Brooks and then more boots by Banks. Back with the forearm shots, off the ropes, a boot by Brooks and another. Brooks spears Banks, double knee shots to the face and then to the corner they go. Face buster off the ropes by Brooks gets the win.

Winner: Traci Brooks @ 2:10 via pin

-After the match Sky and Love hit the ring and lay the beat down on Brooks. Salinas is out and breaks that up. Banks is back up and she and Brooks brawl again as Jackie hits the ring. She beats down Salinas and now Roxxi is out to attack Sky. Hemme is now out and the crowd wants ODB, but they get Sharmell with the strap! She cleans house and heels run. Booker is now out to call Sharmell back.

-Booker is yelling at Sharmell for getting in the ring. She says Booker knew he married a wild cat, welcome to the jungle baby!

-We get another Samoa Joe training video. Joe is training with a pack of wolves, like Davis, who also wants to be a champion. He says Kurt is working the old way, and he is world class and a great, but when it comes to wrestling, it takes more than a single leg to be a champion. He will beat his ass every time he tries to shoot on him. That gold medal doesn’t mean shit Kurt!

~THE CHAMP IS HERE~
Angle now comes to the ring. He says three weeks ago Joe said if he didn’t become the champion, that he would quit wrestling forever. Since Samoans are liars, next wee, he wants Joe to sign a legal document stating that if he doesn’t pin or make Angle tap, Joe will have to walk away forever.

Scott Steiner is out with his freak. Steiner says he hears Angle talking, bur he is here to set him straight. After Lockdown, he is cashing in his world title shot. After Angle and Joe kill each other, they have to fight him. But he will do it the fair way, and give them one month to prepare. At Sacrifice, Steiner will challenge whoever the champion is. Angle offers to shake, and Steiner refuses. He says to win first at Lockdown. And the way Joe is training, Angle isn’t going to win.

-JB is with Cornette and Morgan. Morgan is talking about money and says at Lockdown, they should have a queen of the cage match. All of the girls on the outside of the cage (minus ODB, Kim, Kong and Saeed.) They have to battle to get in. The first two to get in are in the match and then the winner in by pin. Reverse Battle Royal 2.0! Cornette says Morgan is crazy and then repeats the idea as if it was his idea. Wow.

-Kong and Saeed vs. ODB and Kim was also made official earlier in the show.

James Storm w/Jackie Moore vs. Sting – Matt Morgan is the Special Referee

Storm tries to attack, but that fails. They head to the floor and brawl by the announce table. They brawl up the ramp and then Sting tosses Storm down the ramp. They brawl into the crowd now, Storm whipped into the wall and as Morgan says to get it in the ring, Sting tosses him into the wall again. Moore grabs at Sting’s foot, but that allows Storm to get an Orton like Hangman’s DDT for 2. And we’ll head to a commercial @ 2:30.

Back from commercial @ 5:50. Sting fires up, beats down Storm and then delivers a backdrop. Eye poke by Storm, up top and Sting stops that. Sting up top…SUPERPLEX by Sting! 1…2…NO! Storm back with an Enziguri, but Sting stops the lung blower. Stinger splash misses, Storm gets the 8-second ride and covers for 2. Storm takes a drink, last call avoided and Sing goes for the deathlock. Moore up top and dives in, Morgan catches her and puts her on the apron. LOW BLOW by Storm. He gets the bat, Morgan stops that and tosses Sting the bat. Nails Storm as Morgan looks away, death drop and Sting wins.

Winner: Sting @ 8:50 via pin

-Team Tomko is out and they are pissed. They enter the ring and argue with Morgan. Ray is yelling and shoves Morgan. They surround him, and Team Cage is out! Big brawl now and Team Cage lays out Team Tomko. Morgan then levels Devon with a bicycle kick and gives AJ a suplex into a uranage! Team Cage fills the ring, and Cage rips off the ref shirt to reveal a TEAM CAGE SHIRT!

Remember to send your thoughts on the show for the 4R’s!