411’s TNA Impact Report 5.27.10

-Here we go. We start things off with a recap of last week.

The Enigma and the A*****

-And here comes the enigma himself, Jeff Hardy, who is currently #3 in the rankings.

He asks the crowd what’s up. He’s out here for a pretty simple reason. He’s trying to figure out what’s going on with Mr. Anderson. He asks him to come out and explain himself. And here we go.

Anderson appears on the entrance ramp as he makes his way down to the ring. He tells Jeff that he gives assists when they’re needed to confuse people. Maybe he did that to confuse Jeff, all of these people, or because he’s an asshole. He tells Jeff to look at himself. He’s got green hair, sweet tattoos. Some lady has to walk down the street and think he’s an asshole. Jeff has to brace his inner assholeiness. He’s an asshole, she’s an asshole, we’re all assholes. He spells it out, and does some weird thing. GET READY TO FLY!

Here comes the former world champ with Flair, Wolfe and Beer Money. He says he got here and saw that he had a match with him. He doesn’t deserve to be in the ring with AJ Styles, who should have to buy a ticket to be in the same place as AJ Styles. Styles said that he requested to have a match with him. Hardy says he didn’t request to wrestle anybody. Styles says he was talking to Anderson. Styles’ says he (himself) is AJ Styles. The Phenomenal AJ Styles. Anderson says he knows who he (Styles) is. He’s the one. Anderson says he (himself) is… and pauses. He calls down the microphone. MRRRR ANDERSON!! Anderson! Anderson’s music hits as we head to commercial.

-We get a recap of the 3D/Neal rivalry.

We now see Ink Inc. and 3D arguing in the ring as we wait for The Band makes their way out.

Match 1 : Ink Inc. vs Team 3D vs TNA World Tag Team Champions The Band (Eric Young and Scott Hall) (w/ Kevin Nash) – Three Way Tag Team match

To my knowledge, this is a non title bout.

Young and Moore start off. Headlock by Young. He hits Moore with a shoulder block. Arm drag by Moore, and another. Reverse atomic drop, punch to the head, and he follows up with the leg drop. Pin but EY kicks out. Elbow in the corner by Moore. He dives off and hits a wheelbarrow bulldog. Tag to Neal. Ink Inc. hit a double hiptoss and then Moore hiptosses Neal on EY. Pin but only two. Boot in the corner by Neal. Springboard crossbody by Neal, but only gets two on the pin. EY rakes the eyes and slams Neal’s head into the turnbuckle. Slam by Eric and Brother Ray tags himself in. Neal avoids an elbow drop and hits the forearms. He bounces off the ropes but eats a clothesline. Huge right by Ray follows. Chop in the corner. He gets on top of him and hits him with some crossfaces. Devon tags himself in. He throws Neal into the corner, allowing Moore to get the tag. Moore ducks a right and hits some kicks. Sunset flip attempt by Moore, and he finally gets him over. Devon kicks out and Moore hits a flying leg kick. Neal gets the tag but so does Ray. He blindsides Ink Inc. from behind. Ray not letting up on Neal. Devon is questioning Ray. Ray brings a chair into the ring. Devon grabs it. Spear by Neal. Pin and that’s all.

Winner : Ink Inc. (Not bad, it was all about the storyline progression, but the match was still watchable. I have no idea why The Band was involved, but whatever)

3D argue after the match. Ray asks Devon if he’s out of his mind. He shoves him and Devon gets pissed. Ray tells Neal his ego’s getting out of control. At Slammiversary, it’ll be Ray vs Neal, one on one. Ray tells Devon to stay out of it.

-Christy is in the back with Kaz. Kaz says he’s more confident now than ever. Ric Flair comes up and they shake hands. Flair says he’s looking. Kaz has got it and he’s impressed him. If Kaz can manhandle Lethal tonight, he’ll have his full attention. He needs Kaz to wear him out. Styles interrupts and says he’s been looking for Ric all day. He says they have to talk. Flair says he’s talking to Kaz. Flair tells AJ he’ll be fine.

-Rob says he’s calling Sting out tonight. No surprises, not like Sting did last week. Sting got the moment, he’s got the match. A victory of Rob is the one thing Sting will never have.

Match 2 : Kazarian vs Jay Lethal

Kaz is now #10 in the Top Ten Rankings. We get a recap of Lethal’s recent success before this one gets underway.

Rear waist lock by Kaz, and he hits a forearm to the back. Lethal counters a backdrop and hits that flying leg kick. Kaz elevates him to the apron but Lethal maintains the advantage. Slingshot hurricanrana. Kaz goes to the outside. Lethal hits him with a suicide dive. Back in the ring now as Lethal covers but Kaz kicks out. Dropkick in the corner by Jay, and here comes the Naitch. Lethal is distracted. Kaz hits him with a knee from behind and won’t let up with the forearms. Slam by Kaz. Springboard legdrop connects. Lethal tries to fight back but can’t. Lethal flips out of a backsuplex and hits a chop. Here come the rights. Flying forearm smash. Sprinboard moonsault by Lethal. Pin but only two. Sitout jawbreaker by Kaz connects. Kaz charges Lethal but gets planted with a huge enzuigiri. Lethal thinking Figure Four. He’s taking a lot of time though. He locks it in. Flair runs to the ring and starts yelling for Kaz to get to the ropes. Kaz finally gets there. Flair looks really happy. Flair pie faces Lethal, and Lethal hits him with a right. Rollup by Kaz and he’s got the tights, 1…2…3! It’s over.

Winner : Kazarian (These two are capable of better, but what we got wasn’t bad)

Flair comes in the ring and starts kicking Lethal. Chops in the corner by Flair. Lethal counters a right and starts hitting some of his own. Huge rights in the corner by Jay. He starts hitting some knife edge chops. Flair flops down on the mat. Backdrop by Lethal and he clotheslines him over the top. Here comes Styles, and he blindsides Lethal. He starts stomping Jay. Kaz pushes Styles off of him. He goes to hit Jay but Styles starts arguing with Kaz. Lethal hits them with a double dropkick, knocking them both to the outside. Flair starts yelling at Styles on the ramp.

-Still to come, RVD is gonna call out Sting. Styles vs Anderson is gonna happen too.

-In the back and we see Shannon Moore laid out in the back.

-We get a recap of the Wolfe/Abyss rivalry.

Match 3 : Orlando Jordan vs Abyss (w/ Chelsea)

Jordan has pasties of Abyss on his pecs. Awkward.

Jordan goes after the injured arm but Abyss pulls back. Abyss now working on Jordan’s arm. Jordan rolls through and starts clubbing at Abyss’ arm. Shoulder block by Abyss, and a right follows. Abyss rips the pasties off. Huge backdrop by Abyss that could have ended badly. Jordan avoids Abyss in the corner and he’s now back on the arm. He drops an elbow on the arm and stomps it. He’s tearing at the wound, trying to reopen it. He goes to the top while still holding onto the arm. He dives off and drops an elbow on it. Cover but only two. Abyss hits Jordan with a big boot. Splash in the corner by The Monster. Chokeslam coming up, but Jordan rakes the arm. Jordan tries to float over in the corner but Abyss catches him and hits him with a facebuster. Pin but only two. Abyss clotheslines Jordan over the top. On the outside as Jordan pushes Abyss into Chelsea, and she goes down. Abyss throws Jordan into the ringpost. Abyss goes to check up on Chelsea, and Wolfe comes out with a pipe and lays out Abyss in the back.

Winner : Abyss via disqualification (What did you expect? It still accomplished something story wise, but the match was nothing special)

Wolfe yells at Jordan, “Get up bubble gum”. Tremendous. Back on the inside as both Wolfe and Jordan are beating down Abyss. Here comes Rob Terry. He hits Wolfe with a huge forearm and takes down Jordan with a clothesline. Wolfe counters the Freak Buster and bails out. Jordan gets planted with one though. Abyss picks up Chelsea and carries her to the back as Terry stands over Jordan.

-RVD is making his way to the ring as he’s gonna call out Sting when we come back.

-We get a video package of the recent happenings of the Stinger.

-And here we go, as the champ is making his way to the ring. He says he’s out here to talk to Sting. He knows he’s here, somewhere. Sting’s got a shot at the title, that’s what Sting wanted. Rob’s well aware of Sting’s iconic status, in fact, Rob’s achieved a few things in his career. It’s amazing that their paths have never crossed before. There paths are crossing now. Sting’s messing with the Whole F’N Show. And that brings out Sting as his music hits.

There’s no Sting to be found. Instead we get a video package of Sting attack RVD from his debut match with some super serial music. Sting says what he did to him then, is just a small taste of what’s going to happen at Slammiversary. Sting’s in the rafters. He’s going to take the title from him. It’s going to be Showtime at Slammiversary. Sting’s music hits as he walks off.

-Hogan says it’s been fun, but Anderson has backed himself into a corner. Now everybody hates him. Anderson says he’s been an asshole. Hogan says he’s one hell of a talent, but he needs to figure out what he wants. Anderson says he’s trying to do the right thing. He says he’s serious that when he extended his hand to Jeff, he meant it. He’s turning over a new leaf. He’s been doing some serious soul searching. Hogan tells him to prove it. Anderson tells him to watch what he does tonight in the ring with AJ. Actions speak louder than words.

-We come back and we see some midget named Psycho Dwarf (I think) from the new upcoming show, High Pint Brawlers at the announce table. They plug the show.

-In the back as Christy is with Roxxi. Roxxi says she’s excited to be back, but it’s kind of familiar. When she broke her ankle, it ruined everything. She’s very excited to be back and is ready to go. Christy informs her that she is facing Rayne at Slammiversary for the title. Roxxi is very excited.

Match 4 : Taylor Wilde and Sarita vs The Beautiful People(C) (Velvet Sky and Lacey Von Erich) (w/ TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne) – TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship

Psycho Dwarf is still on commentary. Taz and Dwarf are just spitting out sexual joke after sexual joke.

Velvet and Sarita start things off. Rear waist lock by Sarita. Velvet fights out and hits a hiptoss. Roll up by Sarita and she hits a back elbow. Tag to Taylor. Flipping senton by Taylor. Taylor counters a backdrop, hits an elbow and Sarita hits one of her own. Modified roll up by Sarita, and Velvet kicks out. Tag to Taylor. Drop toe hold/dropkick combo by the challengers. Pin but only two. Lacey hits Taylor with a clothesline on the apron. Tag to Lacey and they both throw Taylor into the corner before hitting her with a double clothesline. THE CLAW!! Lacey locks it in and hits the chokeslam. Forget about it.

Winner : The Beautiful People (Not much I can say other than this was bad)

Dwarf runs into the ring. They all give him high fives. He spanks Velvet and she’s pissed. She slaps him and Madison plants him with a DDT. They start laying him with the stomps. Lacey goes to help the midget and she kisses her. They start to make out in the ring as Velvet and Madison look on in disgust. This was all terrible.

-Jeff Hardy says he’s wrestling Wolfe for the first time. Hardy’s never met anyone like Wolfe, and Wolfe’s never met anyone like Hardy.

-Here comes Kurt Angle. He goes over to join Tenay and Taz on commentary.

Match 5 : Desmond Wolfe(#7) vs Jeff Hardy(#3)

#7(Wolfe) vs #3(Hardy) tonight.

Wolfe with a european uppercut. Snapmare and a shoulderblock. Wolfe cartwheels over a monkey flip. He goes for a monkey flip but Hardy drops his legs down on Wolfe’s. Wolfe kicks out of the pine at two. Wolfe avoids Hardy in the corner, hits the kick to the back and then that short arm lariat. Pin but Hardy kicks out at one. Wolfe goes for the running european uppercut, but Hardy hits that spin kick. Dropkick in the corner by Hardy. Baseball slide follows, and Hardy hits a plancha over the top. Desmond takes control again as he blindsides Hardy. Back in the ring now as Wolfe goes for a cover, but Hardy kicks out at two. Spinning takedown by Hardy. Twist of Fate countered by Wolfe into that flipping arm wringer. Pin but only two. Tower of London coming up. Hardy fights out but Wolfe keeps control. Running european uppercut by Wolfe in the corner. Wolfe wants that rebound lariat but hardy counters. He looks for the Twist but Wolfe counters that into the hammerlock/leg sweep. Hardy goes for the float over in the corner and hits the head scissors. Takedown by Hardy. Whisper in the Wind missed as Hardy took out the ref. Hardy ducks the rebound lariat and hits the Twist of Fate. Wolfe’s got something in his hand. He hit Hardy with it. Pin and that’s all.

Winner : Desmond Wolfe (Good match between these two, and definitely one of the better matches we’ve seen on Impact in recent weeks. Wolfe going over here is good too as it seems like TNA may actually care about him)

-Angle says he’s not going anywhere as he’s going to stay on commentary for the main event.

-Matt Morgan is in the ring. He says that two weeks ago, they got jumped from the back by Samoa Joe. They were then robbed of their TNA tag titles. And now, they’ve been told to find a partner to team with at Slammiversary. They’re going to turn that negative into a positive. He believes in giving opportunities. So what they’re going to do right now is grant an open invitation to anyone in the back to anyone who wants to be tag team champions along side them at Slammiversary. No one’s coming out. This is someone’s chance to be a star. Morgan points to Kurt Angle and calls him a little bald guy, telling him to get to the ring. Angle gets up and starts to make his way down. He keeps calling Angle kid. He asks Angle if he wants to be a star. Angle says he’s not a little bald guy and that the last time they were in the ring, he pinned Morgan’s ass. Morgan laughs it off and says they love a sense of humor. They want that on their team. They’re going to ask Angle one more time. Morgan throws Angle, and Angle starts hitting him with the rights. Security’s holding Angle back and Morgan’s taunting him. Here comes JOE! Morgan says he’s not scared but bails out. Morgan says they’re not going to get the answer they’re looking for tonight, so the Blueprint is off the clock. Joe and Angle have a stare down in the ring. Angle walks off.

-Tenay and Taz hype up Slammiversary.
Doug Williams(C) vs Brian Kendrick – X-Division Championship
Matt Morgan and ? vs The Band(C) – TNA World Tag Team Championship
Sting vs Rob Van Dam(C) – TNA World Heavyweight Championship

Match 6 : AJ Styles(#2) vs Mr. Anderson(#4)

Tie up to start, and Anderson pushes AJ into the ropes. AJ locks in a side headlock. Anderson pushes him off but AJ locks it back in. Anderson counters into a headlock of his own. AJ tries to push him off but can’t. AJ goes for a backsuplex but Anderson counters into a side headlock takeover. AJ scissors the head but Anderson flips out and locks the headlock back in. AJ with the head scissors again. Anderson kips up but runs into a headlock takeover by AJ. Anderson rolls him over into a pin but AJ kicks out. Forearm by Anderson, AJ with a chop, and they start trading shots. Kick by Anderson and he locks the headlock back in. AJ pushes him off, jumps over, duck under and hits the dropkick. He poses for the crowd before going for the cover. Anderson kicks out, and AJ starts laying him down with the stomps. Anderson fights back with the rights but gets a kick to the gut. Anderson counters a jump by Styles and hits the Green Bay Plunge. Pin but only two. AJ pokes the eyes. Enzuigiri by AJ. Pin but only two. AJ with the rights. He’s now choking Anderson with his boot. Snapmare by AJ and he locks in the chin lock. Anderson fights out with the rights. He ducks a clothesline and hits a crossbody, but AJ rolls through and gets his feet on the ropes for the win.

Winner : AJ Styles (With more time, this could have been great. For the 5 or 6 minutes this got though, it was pretty good)

Anderson starts laughing, knowing that he got beat at his own game. He calls for the mic. He doesn’t know how it keeps coming down either. He says AJ got him. He got him at his own fricken’ game. AJ says nobody saw anything. Anderson asks the assholes if AJ pulled the tights. The assholes say yes he did. Anderson says yes you did and nails him with a right. He’s now stomping him in the corner. Here comes Beer Money. Anderson tries to fight them off but he can’t. Jeff Hardy’s music hits and he comes running out with a chair. The heels bail out. Anderson accidentally bumps into Hardy, Hardy goes to hit him with the chair but hesitates. Hardy extends his hand and they shake. That’s how we’re gonna end it.