wrestling / TV Reports
411’s TNA Impact Report 5.29.08
TNA Impact Begins…NOW!
-We get highlights from last week.
-Tenay and West welcome us to the show.
~BOOKER and the BOYZ SPEAK~
Team 3D comes to the ring, followed by Booker T to kick off the show. Ray says in this sport, guy like Booker and 3D are referred to as the bad guys, because they do bad things to good people, and they like it. Tomko is in the back, getting ready for his KOTM Qualifying match, and Angle is in Hollywood shooting his next project. So the three of them will be representing the bad guys. Are they really the bad guys, or is this guy? They lower a big picture of AJ Styles. It’s his giant trading card actually. They say that this is his new trading card, and say that this card is soon to be a collector’s item. Nobody can find AJ Styles right now. Ray asks if they are the bad guys, or is it AJ? AJ is a scumbag, a wife stealer, a home wrecker even! An Adulterer he says. Ray now stands on the picture and says AJ slept with Karen Angle while Kurt’s children were asleep in their beds. Are they bad? Or is AJ bad? AJ is as low as it gets he says.
Booker now says that he is ROYAL T. When he came to TNA he promised to bring his grace to TNA, and bring them prominence. He has done that already. In turn he was promised many things, and received nothing in return. He got a locker room that smelled of rodents, rodents that used it as a pissing playground. Is that any way to treat royalty? He will prove at the KOTM that he is the best and will make all of us bow down and kiss his royal feet. Especially Joe. Thank you all.
Devon now discusses Hector Guerrero and LAX, who comes to the ring with Salinas. Hector says they have talked enough. You can bloody and beat them down, but they will just keep coming back. Cornette said that at Slammiversary LAX will battle Team 3D. But why wait?
As they are about to come to the ring Christian Cage makes his way out to the ring, along with Rhino. Cage says he is sorry to stop LAX, but he has something to say. He asks Booker what he has been smoking and calls him Bob Marley! Cage says people won’t respect him for what he did in the past, and that embarrassed Booker. Cage doesn’t care that he is a 5-time WCW champion, because he is NOTHING around here until he becomes TNA World Champion. Speaking of that, Cage and Rhino will qualify for the KOTM match at Slammiversary.
Samoa Joe now comes to the ring as we enter old school ECW territory. Joe is in the crowd, because he’s a people’s champ. Joe now says they are all getting ahead of themselves. Joe tells Cage that he will win the KOTM match at Slammiversary. Like the people will tell you, they want a champion that kicks ass to keep the title. That makes no excuses. He’s talking to Booker. Booker, for everything you say and claim to be, when you look in Joe’s eyes, well, it is real easy to find him. Say what you got to say. He then calls Booker a punk ass bitch. And everyone already knows this. Joe says the time for talk is over, and tonight Cage, Rhino, LAX and he should put differences aside and beat them down for what they did to AJ. They then run off Booker and Team 3D.
AJ then comes out and takes out 3D with chair shots as Booker runs away.
-TO THE BACK with JB and Karen Angle. She is happy that AJ is ok, and she is glad that he is ok because she would have blamed herself. AJ apparently has something to say to her tonight, and she doesn’t know what it is.
-Tenay and West recap what just happened.
-TO THE BACK and Lauren is with Ace Young, who will sing at Machismo and Val’s Slammiversary wedding. Val is star struck. Lauren asks Machismo about last week and Dutt says then says tonight the Rock and Rave will get there’s tonight. Machismo says he is a little stressed and has pre-wedding jitters. Dutt says it is not too late. Young has a surprise for after the match.
-KONG is here and grabs Lauren by the hair. Kong will beat up another American from the crowd.
-Lord, Hermie Sadler is doing commentary.
The Rock and Rave Infection (Hoyt and Rave) vs. Sonjay Dutt and Black Machismo w/Val and Ace Young
Dutt and Rave to begin. Off the ropes, counters and a knee by Rave. Off the ropes again, crazy head scissors by Dutt. A tag to Hoyt and Machismo, Machismo escapes a press slam and gets jabs to Hoyt. Hoyt tosses him to the corner, Rave in and rights to Machismo. A hip toss and cartwheel by Machismo. Tag to Dutt, off the ropes and a boot and then Dutt and Machismo argue over some miscommunication, which allows Hoyt to come in and clean house. Double back elbows and a double elbow drop on Dutt gets 2. Hoyt tags in, chokes out Dutt in the corner, a big slam and a cover for 2. Dutt battles back, and counters a chokeslam into a RANA! Tags to Rave and Machismo, he goes to the apron, springs in with a missile dropkick on Rave. Hemme trips up Machismo, and Young trips up Hoyt. Machismo then rolls up Rave for the pin.
Winners: Dutt and Machismo @ 3:30 via pin
-Machismo then calls Dutt in the ring, and we head to a commercial.
-Back from commercial and Machismo and Dutt are still there, what did they do during the break? Machismo says he has been watching him and has something to ask him. There is only 10-days to the wedding, listen, I have seen it. I asked you last week to be my best man, so accept it now like a man! “WEEEL YEWWWW BEEEE MYYY BESTTTTT MANNN? YEAH!!” They shake. Ace Young then says they will have the bachelor party next week. They then show an Ace Young Video, starring Val and Machismo. Wow.
-Tenay and West discuss the KOTM Qualifying matches for tonight.
-TO THE BACK as the Beautiful People are with Lauren. They say they do these interviews and Lauren disrespects them. They then place a brown paper bag on her head and tell her to GET TO STEPPING! They promise to do this to all the wenches in TNA that disrespect them. They call Roxxi a hideous she-beast. It makes Love want to barf, which she only does when she wants to get under 95-lbs. Right. So Lauren is an idiot that didn’t see that coming and Love has an eating disorder. Tremendous.
Angelina Love w/Velvet Sky vs. Roxxi
Roxxi rushes the ring and goes to work on Love. Slams her to the corner, Irish whip and a back elbow connects. A clothesline and mounted right and lefts on Love. Roxxi slams her down, more rights and then chases Sky around the ring. Back in, but Love is back up and clotheslines her down. Love slams Roxxi’s head to the mat, to the corner and lays the boots to her. Irish whip, back elbow by Roxxi but Love back with the bicycle kick and a cover for 2. Love throws a fit, forearms to Roxxi now and off the ropes but Roxxi catches her with a fall away slam. Both ladies are down, work to their feet and Roxxi with clotheslines. Forearms now, Love is down. A big boot by Roxxi and a cover for 2. Roxxi nails Sky off of the apron, Roxxi rolls up Love for 2. Roxxi goes for the Voodoo Bomb, countered and Sky SPRAYS hair spray in her hair, and Love gets the flatliner for the win.
Winner: Angelina Love @ 3:30 via pin
-After the match they give Roxxi the brown back treatment as well and then lay the boots to her. ODB and Gail Kim on crutches make their way out and ODB takes a crutch and clears the ring, making the save.
-TO THE BACK as JB is with Cornette. Cornette blows his load over the fact that JB took part in the Kong killing a fan deal. Cornette says he will not take the fall for it. JB tries to explain himself, and Cornette says he should have taken one for the team. JB shows him the rating from last week, which says it was the highest rated segment of the week (it wasn’t, it tied for the lowest segment of hour two with the Sting interview, which is bombing since it has been shown a few times already) and Cornette is pleased now. He speaks pig Latin, to keep it between them. Cornette says to make sure they sign releases. Booker and 3D are here, he complains about his locker room again and Cornette says it is good enough for everyone so it is good enough for Booker. Booker disagrees, but Cornette doesn’t care. Booker says he is taking over the office and dismisses Cornette. Ray then tells Cornette to do the right thing. Cornette says he has to go to the ring, and says when he comes back, they shouldn’t be there.
-Eric Young searches for Elvis.
~CORNETTE SPEAKS~
Jim Cornette is out to hype Slammiversary.
*The King of the Mountain TNA Title Match: Joe © vs. Roode vs. Booker vs. ??? vs. ???
*AJ Styles vs. Kurt Angle
*TNA Tag Title Match: LAX © vs. Team 3D
As he is about to leave, Kevin Nash is out to the ring. He says he couldn’t hear what Cornette was saying, and says Cornette will do nothing to Booker and 3D. He makes fun of the security in TNA, and speculates that someone will take a dump on Cornette’s desk. Cornette asks what Nash is doing out here, and Nash says it is apparent that Cornette has lost control, and might want Nash’s help. Cornette says he knows Nash wants something in return, and Nash says he will take care of the three gentlemen, and in return Cornette will make Nash the special enforcer for the KOTM match at Slamiversary. Nash says it is all about business, and Cornette agrees. Nash says to ask him nicely, he does, and Nash says it would be an honor.
-MORE DISTURBING FOOTAGE OF ABYSS AIRS. He can go home soon, he is still disturbed, he is no longer a danger to himself and such.
-Kong, Saeed and JB are out for the next KONG CHALLENGE! During the commercial they picked a victim.
Awesome Kong’s $25,000 Open Challenge: Awesome Kong vs. Victim
Kong chases the Victim around, grabs her ad tosses her down. Kong grabs her by the hair, knees her and then connects with a right. The Victim runs to the floor, Kong chases and drags her back to the ring by the hair. Kong tosses her back into the ring, lays the boots to her and then more rights connect. Knees by Kong, KONG BOMB KILLS HER! That is all. That looked like it hurt, badly.
Winner: Awesome Kong @ 2:20 via pin
-TO THE BACK and JB is with Booker and Team 3D. Nash walks in and Booker says they are having a meeting. Nash says it will be easy on everyone if they hit the bricks. Devon says there are three of them and one of him. Nash says Louie is with him, Louisville Slugger. He clears them out, and says it is nothing personal, just business.
-We get a video history of Rhino vs. James Storm. It gets stopped because they are brawling backstage! Jackie is there and nails Rhino with a shovel, and as Storm gets an advantage, security breaks it up.
King of the Mountain Qualifying Match: James Storm vs. Rhino
We come back from commercial and they are brawling out to the ring. Lots of brawling, Rhino suplexes Storm onto the ramp and chases Jackie away. Storm then spits beer in Rhino’s face, hits him with a water bottle and then slams him into the security barrier. Finally into the ring and Storm gets a snap mare and right into the chinlock. Rhino escapes, battles back and shoots Storm off of the ropes, reversal and Storm with an Enziguri, a knee buster and then a neck breaker for 2. Storm now chokes him out over the ropes, Jackie lays in some forearms and we head to a commercial @ 3:40.
We’re back from commercial @ 6:45 as Rhino makes his comeback. To the corner, shoulder block to Storm and then a belly to belly. Rhino sets for the gore, Storm sidesteps him and gets the last call, but Rhino rolls to the floor. Jackie and Storm rolls Rhino back into the ring, Storm follows and covers for 2. Storm sets for another last call, Rhino ducks and then GORES STORM INSIDE OUT for the win. Storm sells it like a champ, he is the man.
Winner: Rhino @ 8:45 via pin
-The King of the Mountain TNA Title Match: Joe © vs. Robert Roode vs. Booker T vs. Rhino vs. ???
-We get a video package on the history of Cage and Tomko.
-JB is with Tomko, who is working out. He has no remorse for what he did to AJ. It is all about Tomko, and it is Tomko time! He will wear Cage’s blood tonight, and then he will go to the KOTM and win the TNA World Title. Christian, you’re just dead!
King of the Mountain Qualifying Match: Christian Cage vs. Tomko
Tomko attacks as Cage was playing to the crowd in the corner. He then uses Cage’s ring gear to choke him out. Cage back with chops, a boot by Tomko, press slam try, Cage counters but gets tossed to the corner. Back elbow by Cage, to the second rope but Tomko gets a bog boot, sending Cage all the way to the floor. We head to a commercial @ 1:30.
Back from commercial @ 4:45 with Tomko getting a powerslam for 2. Into the chinlock goes Tomko, Cage escapes but Tomko takes him right back down. Tomko for the press slam and then transitions it into the sack of shit slam for 2.Cage back with boots, Tomko with chops and then tosses Cage to the floor. Tomko tosses him back into the ring, chokes him out in the corner and maintains control. Stalling suplex by Tomko and a cover for 2. Rights by Cage, but Tomko powers him back to the corner and sets him up top. Rights by Tomko, Cage battles back and then gets a tornado DDT! Chops by Cage, off the ropes and Cage drop toeholds Tomko to the ropes and then stands on his back to choke him out. Reverse DDT by Cage, goes up top and MISSES the frog splash! Tomko back with a clothesline, which gets a close two count. Cage with rights, unprettier try, countered, and Cage is NAILED with the tree slam for a close 2! Rights by Tomko in the corner, Cage powerbombs him down! Up top…FROG SPLASH connects! 1…2…NO! Tomko gets the TKO and a cover for 2! Tomko misses the bog boot, unprettier countered but Cage is able to get it this time! 1…2…3!
Winner: Christian Cage 11:00 via pin
-The King of the Mountain TNA Title Match: Joe © vs. Robert Roode vs. Booker T vs. Rhino vs. Christian Cage
-JB is in the back with AJ and Karen. AJ says they can all wait as he will go to the ring to make his announcement. AJ is heavily made up from his beating last week.
-Kurt Angle made record time from Hollywood and walks in the back.
~AJ and Karen~
Karen comes to the ring and has a mic. AJ’s music hits, but he doesn’t come out because Kurt Angle is beating the shit out of him. They brawl backstage, Kurt wins.
Kurt comes to the ring now and asks if Karen was expecting AJ. He won’t hurt her, but the world needs to know that she ruined their marriage. Kurt wants her to admit that she cheated like a prostitute. He calls her a whore, and she slaps him. AJ now rushes out and attacks Kurt before he can do anything to Karen. AJ is kicking his ass, but Team 3D, Booker and Tomko all hit the ring. They essentially prison rape AJ in the middle of the ring, ankle lock by Angle as Tomko beats on him but here comes Christian Cage. Numbers game, heel beat down. Angle kicks AJ’s ass some more, Booker with a superkick to Cage as he was being held up. It’s 5 on 2, where is Rhino’s punk ass? What about Joe? Booker with an ax kick on Cage. So, AJ, now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.
-End scene…
