411’s WWE Raw Report 02.01.10

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-Live from the Sommet Center in Nashville, TN

-Hosted by Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler

-Royal Rumble winner Edge is out to start the show. He says he’s back, and he’s not just back in the WWE but back in the main event of Wrestlemania. He wants to take us back six months ago when he and Chris Jericho had won the Unified Tag Titles, and then he got injured. The doctors had him coming back in March or later, and maybe even later. He was sitting at home watching the Slammy’s, and Chris Jericho thanked him for getting injured so he could team with the Big Show. He says when Jericho was making light of his injuries the room got very silent. Not because Dennis Miller bombed with another brutal joke. He made himself a promise that he has missed two Wrestlemania’s due to injury, and he wasn’t about to miss a third. He realized who he is, and that’s the Ultimate Opportunist. He promised he was going to prove the doctors wrong, and rehab harder than he ever had before. He promised that he would enter the Royal Rumble, and he was going to win. Seven weeks later Chris Jericho has his Slammy and a mug shot on TMZ. He has a ticket to the main event of Wrestlemania. He can face any champion he wants. Two years ago he faced The Undertaker, and he lost. But unlike Shawn Michaels if he wants to get him again he can have him. He asks if the smart thing would be to go after the guy who is undefeated at Wrestlemania, or a guy who has never even been to Wrestlemania. He says he could make his decision now, but he’s going to do the smart thing and wait until after The Elimination Chamber pay per view. One thing he does know is the Rated R Superstar is going to headline Wrestlemania. That brings out Sheamus, who says Edge has been back 5 seconds and he’s already mouthing off. Sheamus says things has changed since he’s been gone. Edge cracks that things have changed. Raw has been taken over by an evil Ronald McDonald. Sheamus says he was able to do something Edge couldn’t do last year at Wrestlemania, and that’s beat John Cena for the WWE Title. Edge reminds him that he made a career out of beating John Cena for the WWE Title. Sheamus says that was a long time ago, and this is now. If he can beat Cena and Orton he will have no trouble beating Edge. He tells him to run off to Smackdown before he gets hurt, and when Edge doesn’t move Sheamus takes him out with a cheapshot. Sheamus goes for the big boot, but Edge ducks and takes him down. Edge delivers a spear, and stands tall over the fallen champion. Well any doubt on Edge’s heel/face alignment was removed there.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: John Cena vs. Cody Rhodes
Poor Cody doesn’t have a prayer here does he? Rhodes attacks early with a flurry of kicks stomping Cena down in the corner. Cena fights back, but is quickly taken down with a Side Russian Legsweep for two. Cody hits a swinging neckbreaker for two, and drops a knee on Cena for another near fall. Cody goes for another kneedrop that misses, and eats a pair of flying shoulderblocks from Cena. Cena goes for the protoplex, but Rhodes counters into a rollup for two. Cena goes right back to the protoplex this time connecting and hitting a five knuckle shuffle. Rhodes counters the attitude adjustment with a knee to the face, and drops Cena with a faceplant suplex. Rhodes hits a moonsault for two, and then catches a charging Cena with a knee to the face. Cena immediately hits an attitude adjustment after that to win at 2:50. Insert SuperCena complaints here. Match wasn’t bad at all though. They packed a lot into just under three minutes.
Winner: John Cena (Pinfall-Attitude Adjustment **)

-A recap of Montreal is followed by Josh Mathews catching up with Mr. McMahon. He asks if he’s seen Bret Hart yet, but Vince says he hasn’t and neither has anyone else. He doubts anyone will either because he doesn’t think Bret will show up. Vince goes into his office where he finds someone who barged into his office. He asks if these Canadians have any humility at all, and says if he has something to say then say it. It’s of course not Bret Hart but William Shatner. Shatner says as a fellow Canadian, as a fan of WWE, and more importantly as a human being he can’t wait for Bret Hart to embarrass him tonight.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Jack Swagger vs. Triple H
Why in the blue hell are we bothering with qualifying matches if this is what we’re getting? What’s next? Orton vs. Primo? Michaels vs. Chavo? Swagger grabs a go behind, and celebrates until he gets a right hand from HHH. HHH comes back with a high knee, and clotheslines Swagger over the top as we head to break. We return with Swagger charging into a boot, but coming right back with a DDT for two. Swagger drops an elbow on HHH, and delivers a legdrop for two. Swagger goes for an abdominal stretch, but HHH counters into a hiptoss. HHH sidesteps a charging Swagger and fires him over the top rope to the floor. HHH comes out after him, but Swagger sends him face first to the apron. Back inside Swagger delivers a running powerslam for two, and locks in a rear chinlock. Swagger goes for a Vader Bomb, but HHH gets the knees up to counter. HHH hits the facebuster for two, and drives Swagger face first into the top buckle. HHH connects with the spinebuster for a two count. HHH goes for the pedigree, but Swagger counters into a backdrop. Swagger hits the Vader Bomb for two, and then delivers a belly to belly for a near fall. Swagger connects with a series of shoulderblocks in the corner, and then picks up HHH in position for another running powerslam. Swagger walks around like an idiot pointing at the Wrestlemania sign, so HHH counters into the Pedigree to finish at 9:07. Again Swagger goes in the ring and pushes a top guy to the limit in a good match. Is anyone paying attention? Anyone?
Winner: Triple H (Pinfall-Pedigree ***)

-William Shatner delivers spoken word versions of Sexy Boy, My Time is Now, Booyaka 619, and The Game. This is epic.

-Triple H stops by Shawn’s locker room to talk. Hornswoggle wants something, but HHH runs him off. He calls out Shawn for eliminating him, and says he never would have done that to him. Then he of course says of course he would and laughs it off. Shawn says it wasn’t supposed to be this way, but HHH tells him to get over it. He says what he needs to do is get in that Elimination Chamber, and one of them will win the title. He’s got no problem with tearing the house down with him in the main event, and all Shawn has to do to make it happen is beat Orton. I think Shawn lies down or something, because he didn’t really look convinced.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels
Orton backs Shawn into the corner, and they stare down as Orton breaks. A second trip to the corner ends with Shawn delivering a series of chops, and he then hits the ropes with a swinging neckbreaker. Shawn goes for Sweet Chin Music off the ropes, but Orton bails to the floor. Shawn goes out after him, so Orton heads inside and goes for the hangman’s DDT. Shawn ducks out of that, and chops Orton into the ring. Shawn hits a crossbody off the top rope for two, but Orton comes back to reverse an Irish Whip sending Shawn upside down to the corner. Orton hits an inverted backbreaker, and begins his signature stomps. Shawn comes back with a chop, but Orton answers with the standing dropkick for two. Orton grabs a chinlock, and sets Shawn up on the top rope delivering a European Upper Cut. Orton tries for a superplex, but Shawn fights him off. Orton goes back for the superplex, but again Shawn fights him off this time setting up the vintage Shawn elbow drop. Shawn tunes up the band, but Orton ducks and goes for RKO. Shawn counters that into an inverted atomic drop, and hits a chop. Shawn hits the ropes, and delivers a flying forearm. Shawn nips up, but Orton catches him in the nip up and rolls him up for the quick pin at 6:39. Shawn again looks to be on the verge of snapping, as he storms off. Whatever is building here is working beautifully.
Winner: Randy Orton (Pinfall-Rollup ***)

-Dibiase meets Orton in the back to congratulate him, and let him know he’s really sorry about last night. He says he can’t speak for Cody, but he’s really sorry. Orton stops him, and just walks away in disgust.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Mark Henry vs. Ted Dibiase
Henry shoves Dibiase away casually on the lockup, and follows with a big shoulderblock. Henry clotheslines Dibiase over the top to the floor, and heads outside after him. Dibiase is able to grab Henry’s arm and wrap it around the ring post, but Henry comes back with a headbutt. Dibiase gives Henry a drop toehold sending him head first into the ringsteps, and then rolls back inside. Dibiase goes to work on the injured arm with a series of legdrops on the shoulder picking up a two count. Dibiase grabs an armbar, but Henry comes back with a clothesline. Henry tries an avalanche in the corner, but charges into the boot of Dibiase. Ted goes to the top rope for a crossbody, but gets caught and put on the apron. Dibiase drops down with the injured arm across the ropes, and comes inside to go for Dream Street. Henry pushes him into the corner, and again goes for an avalanche again but again it is dodged by Dibiase. Dibiase connects with an armbar DDT which picks up the upset victory at 3:07. In case you were wondering this proves that in WWE’s eyes. Ted > Cody.
Winner: Ted Dibiase (Pinfall-Armbar DDT *1/2)

-Special tribute is shown acknowledging the passing of WWE Hall of Famer Jack Brisco.

-Kelly and Gail make small talk when Maryse walks by to tell Gail she’s really looking forward to that Championship match. She says she was watching Smackdown with what is going on with McCool and Mickie and how they are making a mockery of the title. She just wants a good title match, and then says something in French before leaving.

-Miz and Big Show are chilling in Shatner’s locker room, and Miz says when TJ Hooker gets here he has no doubt he’ll give them a Unified Tag Team Title match against DX. The Straight Edge Society shows up, and they are also looking for a title match because Teddy screwed them on Friday. That brings in the RAW MATCH NEGOTIATOR (complete with cheesy music and graphic). He makes a triple threat for next week, and then pimps Priceline.com and Wells Fargo before going to a freeze frame. Everyone else just looks at him like he’s nuts and walks off.

-HHH tries a pep talk to Shawn in the locker room, and tells him he needs to get over this and move on. He tells him he’s spiraling down, and it’s not the end of the World. He says he’s Mr. Wrestlemania, and he doesn’t need The Undertaker for that. He says there are plenty of other guys for him to compete with at Wrestlemania. Shawn says “not for me” and walks out.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Kofi Kingston vs. The Big Show
Miz heads out before the bell rings to get a closer look, and join the commentary team. Show overpowers Kofi at the outset delivering a headbutt and an open hand chop. Show delivers a forearm to the back, and hits a kneelift. Show fires Kofi away and charges with a boot, but Kofi ducks and Show straddles the top rope. Kofi hits a dropkick sending Show to the floor as we head to break. We return with Show back in control delivering a headbutt to Kofi and hitting a big open hand chop. Show grabs a chinlock with the arm trapped. Kofi punches Show to get free, but another headbutt sends him crashing to the floor. Miz gets up to get all up in Kofi’s grill as he lays on the floor, but MVP jumps from the crowd and attacks him before chasing him out the arena. Show palms Kofi’s head up to the apron, but Kofi drops down with him. Kofi goes to the top rope, but loses his balance botching the one legged dropkick. He still hits it partially, and continues his comeback with a spin kick, and low dropkick setting up the boom drop for two. Kofi hops to the second rope for a series of right hands. Show goes for the chokeslam, but Kofi pokes him in the eye on accident. Show goes for the knockout punch. Kofi ducks and instead the referee gets decked, and Kofi gets dumped to the floor. Referee Scott Armstrong comes out and disqualifies Show for hitting the official at 8:21. Show pleads his case screaming that it was an accident, but his complaints go nowhere. Very weird finish, but it gets Kofi in the match where he can hit some big spots. Provided Edge doesn’t steal his spot again.
Winner: Kofi Kingston (Disqualification-Idiot Referee *1/2)

-NASCAR guy Carl Edwards hosts next week. Wow, I can barely contain my excitement.

-Lawler is in the ring to introduce his “BFF” (Lawler’s words not mine) William Shatner. Shatner trips coming into the ring, and takes down Lawler in what may have been a work or shoot. Not sure, but Shatner looks bombed. Although that’s kind of his gimmick. Shatner’s only purpose in coming to the ring was apparently to show that he was actually here, because all he does is introduce Bret Hart. Bret says it was a little over a month ago since he was here, and for a month he’s been thinking about things and putting things in perspective. He came here for all the right reasons. Twelve years is a long time, and it took him a long time to come back and make peace. He says everyone warned him, but he was too naïve. He actually believed that this could be put behind him once and for all, but he was wrong and it doesn’t sit very well with him. He says he didn’t come here tonight to make peace, or for closure but to talk to Vince McMahon right now. He says Vince needs to get his ass to the ring, or they’ll take a camera crew to the back and find him. Vince struts out, and says he wants to get a few things off his chest as well. Before he does he wants to say he never regretted a thing he ever did or said to him. Bret congratulates him because that’s the first honest thing he ever said to him. He calls Vince the best there is, was, and ever will be at lying. He says Vince lied in Montreal, he lied a month ago, he lied when he said he was proud of him, and he lied when he said he was like a father to him. Bret says Vince couldn’t lace up his dad’s jock strap. Bret says John Cena called Vince pathetic, and Bret knows all about pathetic. Eight years Bret was in a wheelchair, and every day he thought about what it would take to stand up and just walk again. He said he’d sit there and cry himself to sleep, and feel pathetic. He says he promised himself he would get out of that wheelchair, and he would not feel pathetic again in his life. He says he showed up on Raw and offered his hand, and was kicked in the gut and left in the ring feeling pathetic. Bret says he has a problem with that. He worked for Vince for fourteen years, and always told himself that someday Vince would appreciate him. He says it took him 20 years to build up a reputation, and 3 minutes for Vince to tear it down. Then two weeks ago Vince described Bret as chewing gum that had lost all the flavor, but Bret says this piece of chewing gum has just enough flavor to kick Vince’s ass right here. Vince says in the interest of being honest he wants everyone to know all of Bret’s nicknames, and says the best there is, best there was, and best there ever will be is a crock. He remembers one more, and that’s being a Canadian hero. He says Bret isn’t a hero to Canadians, Americans, or anyone. Bret asks if he’s finished, but Vince says no. Vince says he has no idea what the people see in Bret. He is revered by the people, but Vince thinks he’s pathetic. Vince tells him he has no personality, and if it wasn’t for guys like Shawn, Mr. Perfect, and Austin he’d be a footnote in the midcard. He says Bret has no charisma, and no command over the English language. He says he has a hound dog looking face, stringy greasy hair, and dresses like a hobo. Vince says Bret deserves to be screwed. Vince says he’s rethought Stu’s induction into the WWE Hall of Fame, because he doesn’t deserve it. That’s enough for Bret to attack, and beat down Vince. Bret goes for the sharpshooter on Vince, but here comes Batista?!?! Batista beats down Bret, and then holds him for Vince so he can spit in his face. One would assume that Batista gets a title shot for his assistance? That’s all for tonight folks.