411’s WWE Raw Report 03.05.07

For anyone who missed the UFC PPV at the weekend – great show. Couture was amazing as he turned back the clock. His domination of a fight against a bigger, younger, stronger champion was truly impressive. It’ll be a fight that goes down in the history of MMA as one of THE great moments in the history of the sport. I’m really glad I got the chance to see it. And now we get to see Couture v Cro Cop, probably, as the next big title match. Could be another great event. Lance Storm said something in his blog a few weeks back about how all you need to do to get people interested, in anything, is to build characters. That’s step one. Make the audience care about them (one way or another) and then provide a reason for them to fight. It’s really that simple and the UFC has got it down pat. They say that wins and losses mean nothing in wrestling, and that’s probably true, but if they did then we’d see far more interest in the undercard than we do these days. Just my two cents but giving better reasoning for fights (not over hair care products, spilling a cup of coffee or revealing that you killed your ex-girlfriend when that’s totally out of line with the characters continuity) like needing to win to get a chance to advance up the card could make wrestling far more popular than it is. But because Vince McMahon is obsessed with creating stars based on a look rather than a personality (Khali, Orton, Masters) the WWE will never really get that right. Shawn Michaels, for example, is Randy Couture. He’s facing, at Wrestlemania, the bigger, younger, stronger man in John Cena. The UFC has practically handed them their pre-show promos from both guys. Cena gets a little too cocky while Shawn is determined to beat the champ. He’s desperate to prove himself all over again as the Showstopper. This shit writes itself. But instead we’ve had weeks of “will he/won’t he” turn teases from Shawn that worked maybe half the time. Ultimately people don’t care if Shawn superkicks Cena before Wrestlemania. They’re more interested in two things. 1. The way Shawn performs at Wrestlemania. An aggressive performance and the main event work reminiscent of a younger Shawn could be highly memorable. 2. Whether Shawn can win. It’s a battle against the odds for him. But the WWE has Cena lined up as the babyface for some reason. If the UFC can consistently make different and intriguing main events while keeping their top guys STARS (which would be the complaint of HHH or Taker when asked to lose) then the WWE can and should learn from that. A little food for thought.

We’re in Phoenix, Arizona. Hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. Smackdown tapes in Tucson tomorrow. Tonight we learn the identity of the special referee, as ordered by the WWE board of directors making their first appearance since Flair was around in power, for the Billionaire Battle at Mania. Also Mickie James as a re-match for the women’s title in a Falls Count Anywhere match.

BACKSTAGE to start as Shawn Michaels stretches and is joined by John Cena. The champ wishes Shawn good luck in his match and Shawn does likewise. Cena starts to accuse Shawn of considering a backstabbing. Shawn points out he’s had his chances and didn’t do it even though he’s stabbed all his friends in the back and turned on all his partners. Cena wants to know why its different now. “Maybe it’s not” says Shawn. “That eases the tension” – Cena. He offers help if Shawn needs it. Shawn tells him he doesn’t need Cena’s help. Shawn makes it clear. He doesn’t want or need Cena’s help tonight. That gets HEAT. He heads out to the ring but that gets a positive reaction. Crowd wants these two guys to have a good relationship, I guess. Oh, that’s what I said at the top!

SHAWN MICHAELS v RANDY ORTON

Orton has Edge in his corner. Cena isn’t out here because Shawn just told him he didn’t need any help. Seems Rated RKO have buried the hatchet after their disagreement at the end of last week’s show. Orton starts fast with punches but Shawn catches him with a swinging neckbreaker. Shawn clotheslines him out of the ring and he bounces off the announce table face first. Shawn hip tosses him back in. Orton goes back to his striking to get back in charge but is soon trading with Shawn as the veteran brings his chops. Knee lift from Shawn but Orton backdrops him over the top rope. Ad break. We return with Shawn chopping away but he gets caught in a Boston crab. Edge applauds. Shawn struggles in the hold for about a minute before getting the ropes. Shawn grabs a sleeper but Orton goes to suplex out BUT Shawn counters into a crossbody for 2. Edge distracts allowing Orton to hang Shawn on the ropes then DDT him off it. Shawn is in dreamland so Orton takes advantage with more punching. Orton with the standing dropkick in the corner. Orton measures a kneedrop for 2. Orton goes to the trusty chinlock. Shawn gets out and goads Orton into swinging for him again to allow HBK to duck into a back suplex. Shawn with the flying forearm. He nips up. Atomic drop. Scoop slam. Shawn heads up top slightly slowly. Savage Elbow. Shawn considers warming up the band. Crowd gets very loud. Orton catches the kick but when he tries to counter into the RKO the referee is bumped. Edge throws the belt in but the referee sees it. Orton pleads innocence but Shawn gets a roll up in the process for the pin at 11.28.

Winner: Shawn Michaels via pinfall . Shawn keeps up the ‘plucky underdog’ label. Orton is in limbo right now. He’s below the main event guys but above everyone else on the show. JTTS.

POST MATCH RKO on a chair. Cena runs out to prevent further damage but Rated RKO head for the hills happy with the job done.

CLIPS – Lashley beating Hardcore Holly in a cage match. Then Lashley takes out the cage wall to squash Umaga on the floor.

BACKSTAGE Vince McMahon tells Estrada that Lashley is impressive. He wants to know what kind of Umaga is in. He wants a show tonight against Jeff Hardy. Coach tells Vince he looks stressed. Vince takes exception by pointing out he’s the chairman of the board so the board of directors will pick someone to please him. He says he’s made a few suggestions. Coach enquires as to who he has in mind. Vince says he’s suggested Shane McMahon because he’s “impartial”.

IC title – UMAGA (c) w/Armando Alejandro Estrada v JEFF HARDY

JR gets in his plug for Skittles before giving Hardy the new nickname of “Rainbow Warrior”. Umaga exposes the floor before even getting in the ring. Umaga cuts Hardy off right away and beats him in the corner. Jeff runs and dropkicks Umaga off the apron before adding in a dive over the ropes. Jeff baits Umaga in and he charges the ring steps. Hardy with a running clothesline off the apron. Back inside Jeff hits a low dropkick but Umaga crushes him with a big clothesline. Umaga does a series of butt splashes off the ropes. Lawler looks past this match and starts talking about Umaga’s chances against Lashley. Jeff attempts a fight back but gets levelled with another clothesline. Jeff in the tree of woe and Umaga adds in the running headbutt. Running butt avalanche. He calls for the spike. Samoan Spike and it’s over at 4.06.

Winner: Umaga via pinfall . Another squash on Hardy. That’s three straight. Umaga is being kept strong going into Wrestlemania and it shows.

CLIPS – Bobby Lashley’s eventful week. 1. Named Donald Trump’s representative on Raw. 2. Retained ECW title on ECW TV in a cage match with Holly (plus cage destruction, “OH MY GOD” – Joey) 3. Retained ECW title vs Mr Kennedy on Smackdown.

CLIPS – We see various celebrities get quoted as part of the build up for McMahon-Trump. Including some famous wrestling fans and John Travolta, taken totally out of context. Probably because his response was “who’s Vince McMahon?”

BACKSTAGE Todd Grisham interviews Ric Flair and Carlito. He reminds us of their recent history but tonight they’re competing for the remaining MITB spot at Wrestlemania. Flair says he has more passion so he’s going to Wrestlemania and then going on to win a 17th world title. Erm. Carlito says he’s going to prove everyone wrong because he wants to be a world champion. Flair reminds Carlito he’s already beat him once and he’ll beat him again. Wanna know why? “Because I can…WOOOOO”.

ELSEWHERE Vince McMahon phones Shane to see what the news is. He’s on his way to the arena. He says he’s confident the vote will go in favour of the McMahons.

Masterlock Challenge

The challenger is Hacksaw Duggan. JR puts Masters’ physique down to “high protein Johnny cakes”. Duggan demands that Masters put it on so he does. Ref has trouble getting the chair away. Duggan fights away in there while the crowd chants “USA”. But Hacksaw is fading quickly. Duggan gives the thumbs up though and battles back up. Masters keeps hanging on though because Hacksaw is running out of gas and Masters retains the unbroken streak of the Masterlock (kayfabe).

BACKSTAGE Vince McMahon walks. He’s on his way to the ring to find out who the special referee is.

ELSEWHERE Shawn comes in to bitch at John Cena and tells him he should have had his back. Or something. Bad audio on that.

PROMO TIME – Vince McMahon

Vince monkeys around with the barbershop stuff in the entranceway. Crowd chants “asshole” at him and “what” after each word. Donald Trump will be on Raw next week for a contract signing. He threatens another patented “billionaire bitchslap”. He’s interupted in mid flow by ERIC BISCHOFF. Vince isn’t happy to see him. Eric says he’s not the special referee but he does live here in Phoenix so he’s dropped in. He reminds us how Vince publicly humiliated him not so long ago. He says he’ll really enjoy watching Trump shave Vince’s head. Vince takes umbridge and suggests maybe he should just come out there and talk to the entire crowd seeing as they live in Phoenix too. He continues to ramble but he’s interupted by MICK FOLEY wearing a ref’s shirt. Vince butters up Foley briefly saying the board of directors is incredibly wise for choosing him before asking Mick how his kids are. Foley points out Vince is kissing his ass. Vince attempts to offer a bribe of some sorts. Foley asks for his old job back. Vince re-hires him so Foley plugs his new book, the Hardcore Diaries. Vince gives him a chance to plug his book whenever he likes. Foley says he spends much of the book questioning McMahon’s reputation as a creative genius. He wants Vince to pay for his hotel room bill as well for this trip because he bought a double feature Christy Canyon movie he doesn’t want on his credit card. Vince says they have a deal but Foley corrects him. He says he’s the special referee… for a rib eating contest at a restaurant in Phoenix tonight and dropped by to say hi. Vince is less than impressed and kicks Foley out of the ring. Now we have SHANE MCMAHON coming out here wearing a suit. Vince dances around to Shane’s music but Shane looks less than thrilled. He tries to get Vince to go backstage but Vince insists he come into the ring. He tells Vince the board voted 5-4 against them. Vince demands to know who the referee is for Wrestlemania. Shane whispers something into Vince’s ear and the sound of breaking glass kicks in. STONECOLD STEVE AUSTIN is in the house! Vince offers a tentative handshake. New shirt for Austin – “Arrive. Raise Hell. Leave”. Austin ignores the handshake and starts downing Steveweisers. Vince gets a beer in the face and he’s really unimpressed with tonight’s turn of events.

Seeing as I’m watching in the UK the time here is now 3.16. Coincidence?

BACKSTAGE Mick Foley reads parts of his new book to the Phoenix Suns gorilla. Ron Simmons strolls in to say Damn. Guest ring announcer for the forthcoming match is Smackdown’s Ashley Massaro. Lawler is ‘reading’ the new Playboy with Ashley in.

Womens title – MELINA PEREZ (c) v MICKIE JAMES

This is Falls Count Anywhere. Lawler is still oggling Playboy claiming it has “great articles”. Mickie dropkicks Melina while she poses for the paparazi. Then Melina runs like hell to the backstage area. She starts throwing stuff at Mickie to keep her away. Janet’s makeup area gets destroyed. Melina takes a header into a door and we’re into Maria’s locker room. Melina takes a spill over the sofa for 2. This brings out Victoria to assault Mickie. Torrie uses hairspray on her. Candice is there wearing just a towel, which Melina rips off and we have TITS on Raw. A momentus evening I’m sure you all agree. The cameraman falls over and we lose the feed. Candice, rather unusually, was wearing her panties under the towel. We return from an ad break with the girls brawling back out into the arena. They roll down the ramp where Melina gets a kick in from on the bottom. Back into the ring Melina goes to the hair. Mickie comes back with a Perfectplex for 2. Melina tries to climb the buckles but Mickie cuts her off. Melina avoids the super rana and Mickie lands on her head for the pin at 7.24.

Winner: Melina Perez via pinfall . That bump was SICK. Melina ducked and perhaps put Mickie off the bump.

POST MATCH Melina grabs the belt off Ashley and gets her in face so Ashley shoves her onto her ass. Mickie is on her feet, just about.

MITB #3 Qualifier – RIC FLAIR v CARLITO w/Torrie Wilson

This is for the final spot in the eight man ladder match. Carlito gets a quick shoulderblock before backing Flair into the corner. Flair chops him back but Carlito backdrops him for 2. Dropkick gets 2. Suplex gets 2. Carlito with a few strikes in the corner. Flair inverts an atomic drop and chops away some more. Kneedrop get Flair his first near fall. Carlito with a springboard back elbow. Somewhat early bump from Flair. For some reason out comes GREAT KHALI. Flair goes and chops at him. Khali shrugs that off. Carlito gets booted. Clothesline for Flair. Chokebomb for Flair. Khali celebrates to big heat. He grabs the mic and demands Kane.

Winner: no contest . If they don’t want either guy in the match then why book this match? Can’t Khali interupt something less important?

SHILL – ECW tomorrow features Steve Austin back in his old stomping ground.

HALL OF FAME 2007 – Dusty Rhodes, Curt Hennig, Jerry Lawler and the latest to be named is…NICK BOCKWINKEL. We get some interviews from his colleagues and Bockwinkel himself has a few words. He hopes people have good memories of his name. Lawler calls him the greatest AWA champion ever.

BACKSTAGE Edge and Randy Orton have a chat. Orton says he has a meeting with Coach so he can’t have Edge’s back tonight. Orton says he’s not going to lie. He just doesn’t have Edge’s back.

JOHN CENA v EDGE JOHNNY NITRO

Big pop for Cena. Before Edge gets here out come MNM. Announcers seem confused. Cena ends up trapped between two evils with Edge coming out here and MNM standing at ringside. Edge grabs the mic and tells Cena he’s “so ready to kick the hell out of you”. He says he’s a civil rights activist and can’t perform in front of the biggotted Arizona crowd. He says Johnny Nitro’s great grandmother was black so he gets the match instead. MNM circle the wagons to allow Nitro to jump Cena from behind and beat him down. Crowd still chants “Cena”. Nitro tosses him out to Mercury who runs him into the ring post. Nitro runs him into the ring steps. “EEEEEEEEEE” – Melina. Nitro gets a pin for 2. Cena battles back with a strong clothesline. Flying shoulderblock. Protobomb. Nitro can’t see him. Neither can Edge or Mercury. Five Knuckle Shuffle. The heels all try for cheap shots but Cena runs them off until Mercury dives in there with a chopblock at 3.20.

Winner: John Cena via DQ .

POST MATCH Snapshot for Cena. That brings out Shawn Michaels but he stops short of the ring. Edge bailed into the crowd leaving MNM alone with Cena. Shawn teases walking out on his partner listening to the crowd response, which is resoundingly negative before heading back in there to hurl MNM out of the ring.