411’s WWE Smackdown Report 06.17.04

WWE Smackdown Review by Yayowonder
June 17, 2004
Taped from Chicago, Illinois and delayed from my living room.

My name is Yayowonder and I will be recapping WWE SD! tonight for your reading pleasure. To my legions of SD! recap hungry fans I owe you an apology. I was all set-up to do my SD! report when I heard banging at my door. When I opened it, it was the Smark police and they had a warrant for me. It seems as though since almost everyone else has decided to make SD! the black sheep of wrestling television, I had to conform or would be sent to the Smark Abu Ghraib prison and have electrodes attached to my testacles. Luckily I had a plan for such an event. I quickly pointed behind them and said, “Hey there goes Ric Flair!” When they turned being the Eugene’s that they are, I kicked them in the ballsacks, hit each of them with a pedigree, and lovingly yelled “That was from the Game-Ah, circa 2001 to early 2004!!!” I then slammed the door in their faces. Fuckers.

We are 10 days away from Gabbo. No that’s not right, it’s Great American Bash. We start with a cement mixer parked in the arena (I’d be pretty pissed sitting behind that thing.

The Dudleyz v. Rico and Charlie Haas w/ Jackie Gayda for the Tag Team Championship
It already starts great as Bubba rips up a sign one of the fans at ringside on his way down the ramp. Hehehehe. We then have the tag champs walk down with Jackie, but Charlie refuses to walk the elevated catwalk. We start with Bubba showing his mean streak by kicking the ringside steps. D-Von and Haas start with Charlie taking him down and doing some amateur mat-work. Haas rolls through to a pin attempt that gets two. D-Von with punches and gets Charlie in the corner and follows up with more punches. Irish whip to the opposite corner and Charlie gives him an elbow on the follow-through attempt. D-Von runs in but only finds turnbuckle. Charlie with the snapmare and the dropkick. Bodyslam by Haas who then attempts to run the ropes, but falls out when Bubba holds the ropes. As Rico attempts to help and holds up the ref, Bubba goes on the attack on the outside of the ring. He tosses Haas back in, and D-Von follows up with blows o the head. In the corner D-Von gives Charlie a beat-down. D-Von brings Haas with him and tags in Bubba. Double team on Charlie in the Dudleyz corner. Haas thrown to the ropes but counters with the sunset flip attempt. Bubba counters by punching him in the head. Elbow drops by Bubba and a cover only gets two. Bubba puts Haas in the corner and tags in D-Von who follows up with punches. He then puts Haas in a neck vice in the middle of the ring. Haas is up and D-Von tries to put him back down, EXPLODER SUPLEX! Both competitors grounded and dragging themselves to their respective corners. Tags abound and Rico clotheslines Bubba and then D-Von. Rico with kicks to both Dudleyz. Rico with a modified neck breaker on D-Von (and it looked pretty sweet) and the shoulderblock on Bubba. Rico’s on fire, and I don’t mean because he’s a flamer! Rico with the pin attempt but the ref is trying to get D-Von out of the ring. Bubba kicks out by the time Lil’ Naitch turns around. Bubba with punches to Rico and throws him out of the ring. Bubba brings the ref with him as D-Von introduces Rico to the steps and then tosses him back in. D-Von in the ring with no tag, and both men put Rico in a neutral corner. Irish whip to the opposite corner. Bubba whips D-Von into Rico for the splash, but no-ones home! Rico with a clothesline on Bubba. Bubba then sticks him in the face, and gives Charlie (who was just standing in his corner) a taste of his boot. Bubba with a punch and a suplex. Bubba now has Jackie by the hair on the apron as Haas sneaks in behind. Haas attempts to attack, but Bubba moves and it Jackie to the floor. Bubba attempts german, which is blocked and then reversed into a german suplex by Haas! Charlie then goes outside to tend to Jackie as Rico goes on the attack. But Bubba gets him down and puts his feet on the ropes, as D-Von holds down Rico’s leg from the outside (little thing), and for the 18th time the Dudley Boyz are tag team champions. They make a quick exit as Heyman greets them at the entranceway. Grade: B. Good back and forth action between the teams, with no real breaks in the action. The thing is now that the Dudz are at the top of the mountain A)What’s going to happen to the Rico/Haas/Gayda dynamic (we can only hopes it MegaPowers explode 2) and B)What other team does SD! have that should take the belts off the Dudz?

CNNFN Video
Video of CNN Financial saying JBL was fired from Fox. Commercials.

Heyman promo
We’re back for a replay of the Dudleyz winning. This leads to Heyman at the ramp giving a promo. Saying the Dudleyz are champions again thanks to his motivation. We should be glad we got to see that piece of history tonight, as Paul Bearer did not. That’s because Bearer’s in “protective custody”. We then see video from last week of Taker bowing to Heyman holding the urn. Why did Taker do it, because Heyman controls the conscious of Taker, Paul Bearer. But one day he’ll follow Heyman regardless of Bearer. But for now Bearer is a weakness Heyman is willing to exploit. “Because ladies and gentlemen even the Big Dog, needs to be trained.” Hehehehe. At GAB Taker will be facing the Dudleyz in a handicap match. And he’ll do the right thing. Because if he doesn’t Heyman will have a crypt at GAB (tonight he has a casket in lieu of the crypt). And in that crypt will be Paul Bearer. And he will also have a cement truck just like the one we see here tonight. And if Taker doesn’t do the right thing, Bearer will find himself in a most terrible situation. At this point the cement truck fills the casket as Heyman laughs in the background. This is a mere demonstration, because the crypt will be taller then he is, and made of 3 inch glass. That way everyone can see in, but no-one can get Bearer out. He is going to fill the crypt to Bearer’s chin, and at that point he’ll say stop. Because he wants to see Taker’s emotions and to make sure he does the right thing. Because if he doesn’t Heyman will give the signal and Taker’s conscious will be suffocated, and be no more. But that’s at GAB, Heyman has another demonstration tonight as he makes Taker bow to him again. Commercials.

JBL Fired
UPN news segment on him getting fired.

Eddie Guerrero promo
“We Lie, We Cheat, We Steal” blares through the arena as Eddie drives down flipping switches in his low-low. Eddie with the belt on his waist “Orale mi raza! Viva Chicago, orale!” All last week Eddie was trying to watch JBL on CNBC, but couldn’t find him. But then he heard the rumor, he got fired. But JBL’s week wasn’t that bad, because Eddie gave him one hell of a limo ride “It was better than Disneyland!” We then see video from last weeks chauffer job by Eddie of JBL’s limo. We’re back and Eddie says he heard that JBL’s scheduled to come out later to say something. So why doesn’t he just come out now, and say it to him. We then get music, but it turns out to be the Basham Brothers. Or as I like to call them, Eddie’s JOB Squad. Doug on the mic saying everyone knows Eddie cheated to beat Danny, but he won’t do the same to him.

Doug runs in and gets the drop toe hold. Eddie with an arm wringer, and elbows to Doug’s arm. Hebner finally shows up to ref, and Doug gets a kick to the mid-section on Eddie. Punches by Doug and he had Eddie against the ropes. Eddie reverses and whips Doug against the ropes, back body drop on Doug. Doug in the corner and a chop by Eddie. Punches by Eddie. Doug tosses Eddie to the ropes and hits him with the back elbow. Kick and punches by Doug. Another arm wringer by Eddie and a kick to Doug’s gut. Hat trick suplex attempt. One and Danny’s on the apron which stops Eddie. Eddie’s pushed into the ref who was telling Danny to get down. Doug with a flying leg drop on Eddie. Danny comes in as the ref is still down and boots to Eddie by the Basham’s. One Basham holds Eddie up as the other connects with a clothesline. One Basham picks Eddie up by the legs (leaving his head a couple of inches off the mat), the other hits the ropes and comes back with a dropkick to his face. Daany finally out, and Doug with the pin attempt and only gets two. Doug with a headlock. Eddie powers out and Latino Heat’s up!!! Punches to Doug put him on the mat. Another hat trick suplex attempt or as Tazz calls them the three amigos. One! Two! Eddie hits all three! Eddie gives a little shake and then goes after Danny. He brings him into the ring and does the leg scissors/arm drag combo on both brothers! Eddie goes up, and it’s the FROG SPLASH!!! Eddie gets the win but Danny is in and attacking. Eddie stops this with a kick to his nuts and gives him the DDT. Another FROG SPLASH for Danny!!! Grade: B. Another good match as the action never took a break, and we got to see Eddie win without cheating for once. The two on one dynamic was really good too in building that Eddie can beat whatever odds are against him.

Cena to Angle’s office
Cena: “Lumpy” (looking at Angle), “Chumpy” (looking at Luther). Luther starts mving forward but Angle stops him as Cena pats his U.S. Title. “The Champ is here. You wanted to see me?”
Angle: “I wanted to see you.”
Cena: “You can’t see me,” (the hand movement) “everyone knows that.”
Angle: (laughing) “You know what Cena, I just wanted to let you know, that you were never one up on Kurt Angle.”
Cena: “I got one right here” (starts moving his belt side to side) “It’s right at your level, take a look.”
Angle: “Well, that’s why I put you in this tag team match tonight. Where your tag team partner is RVD.”
Cena: “That’s okay with me man.”
Angle: “Oh I know it is, because, you only have to get along with him just for tonight, because at the Great American Bash, it’s going to be every man for themselves in this Fatal Four-way.”
Cena: “I heard you last week.”
Angle: “But listen up Cena. It’s not going to be a one fall match. The Great American Bash, the Fatal Four-way match, will be an elimination match. Which means not only do you have to survive, but you have to outlast RVD, Booker T, and Renee Dupree to retain the U.S. championship.”
Cena: “Nawww. WWhhooaaa. Chill Lumpy. Chill. Now I finally know why you hating on my game.”
Angle: “Oh really?”
Cena: “It’s not that you hate me.”
Angle: “Oh yeah I do.”
Cena: “No you don’t hate me bro.”
Angle: “Oh I hate your guts.”
Cena: “You don’t hate the way I dress, you don’t hate how I rock my jjeewwwwrrry. Deep down, I’m talking deep. You want to be me.”
Angle: (Kurt disgusted) “Are you crazy?”
Cena: “No, no, no. You want to be John Cena. Because your boy can walk the street with his head up and he gets respect. Lumpy, you can’t even walk at all.”
Angle: “You better watch your mouth.”
Cena: “Hey, hey, hey man, it’s okay, I’m here to help you. Your not going to be John Cena in one night. But I got something to get you started.” (Cena grabs a “throwback” WWE cap from his back pocket, and puts it on Angle’s head). AHA! Oh by the way, I’m not touching you, I’m not touching you. How’s that for your probation, I’ll tell my PO you said hi.” (Cena walks out of the room.)
Angle: (Gets angry and throws the cap to the floor) “I hate him. I hate him Luther. I hate him. He’s going to lose his title.”
Commercials.

Announcer rap off
Matthews in the back with Funaki, Shannon Moore, Brian Hebner, and some stage hands, drops this gem: “Funaki I’m always here because I’m a trooper/When it comes to announcing, man I’m just plain super.” The guys disapprove of Josh’s street wise prose calling it horrible. Those jealous bastards. Hebner gives a beat as Funaki shows him how Kaientai use to kick it: “I am Naki, that’s my name/number one announcer, you just lame. You don’t scare me, I don’t care/like Kurt Angle, has no hair”. The guys jump back as Angle just strolled through to hear the dope verses of one MC Naki. Angle asks if Funaki thinks he’s funny. Angle books a match between Luther and Funaki.

Kenzo Suzuki v. Spike Dudley
Kenzo gets the King Mabel treatment to the ring again. Kenzo is disrobed by his Gaisha girl and were off. Lock-up and a knee to Spike’s gut. Knife edge chops by Kenzo sends Spike to the corner. Whip to the opposite corner. Spike gets hit with a double palm thrust from Suzuki. Kenzo with the vertical suplez. Pin only gets tweo. Kick to the back and then the chest of Spike. Knee drop to Spike’s temple. Another pin attempt gets two. Suzuki has an armbar. Spike punching his way out of it, and gets a clubbing blow to his back. Suplex attempt blocked by Spike, gives Kenzo another opportunity to club him in the back. Suplex attempt by Kenzo which Spike floats out of. Spike hits the ropes, Kenzo whiffs on a chop, and on the rebound gets hit by the shoulder thrust. Spike attempting the Dudley dog but gets the Meng chokehold of death (Antictype claw as called by Tazz). Kenzo then finishes with the Onsoligari (sp?) which for those that didn’t join us last week is a leg sweep during which your grabbing /controlling your opponents head on the way down. He does this by putting the palm of his hand across his opponents forehead. Grade: C. Another Kenzo squash. At least this match had a little bit more offense that distinguished him from everyone else. Sooner or later though they’ll need to give his finisher a name, as the name right now is hard to pronounce and guess to spell.

Newspaper clips of JBL getting fired.
Commercials.

JBL
JBL comes down with a new limo in tow. He’s walking to the ring with a bull-rope. Says we’re happy he had a hell of a week, losing his CNBC job and his limo ride from hell. And with Reagan passing last week all we wanted to talk about was JBL. He says this is what’s wrong with America, Americans are what’s wrong with America. We want JBL to fail because he threw us in the locker in high school, took our girlfriend, and was captain of the football team. We’re still jealous because he’s richer than us and better looking then us. We hate him because he has a backbone, and every-time he gets knocked down, he just picks him-self up. He then goes off on how he was in Afghanistan military base last year and there was no media. And the night before a soldier was killed, and instead of covering that a hero of our country was slain, the media covered Sean Penn was in Baghdad as a guest of Saddam Hussein. Ok this is really turning awkward because while JBL was talking about the soldier the crowd was booing him and chanting for Eddie. Now he’s talking about how he has gone to Iraq, as a guest of the U.S. government. And that calling him anything but a great American, is like calling Mother Theresa a prostitute. He says he left Fox News where he was a regular contributor to CNBC, ehere the ratings may as well be in the witness protection program. Ha! And after three weeks they realized he was a wrestler and fired him. Now he goes off on a rant about how everyone loves the 1st Amendment until he tried to use free speech. He now attacks the crowd because he has a backbone. He then tells a fan to put that flag away (a Mexican flag) because we’re in America. And that our founding fathers are rolling over in their graves. Finally he gets to Eddie and tells him blood is going to flow like a river. Eddie is everything JBL hates about America. He then condemns us for being under-achievers. He then says he will take his date with destiny and get the Championship come GAB. As JBL stalks the ring Eddie comes running in. JBL whips him to the ropes but misses the Clothesline from Wall Street and gets hit with the elbow. Eddie grabs the bull rope and JBL rolls out of the ring. Eddie swings it and almost hits him. Commercials.

Rey Mysterio, Jr. v. Chavo Classic w/ Chavo Lite for the Cruiserweight Championship
Kick by Classic leads to an armbar, then a legsweep on Rey. Classic with some arm wringers. Rey into the corner, picked up by Classic for the gutwrench driver. Classic goes up top and hits the moonsault! Two off the pin attempt. Mysterio with punches to get out, but no dice. Rey sent to the corner, but hits Classic with the boot on the follow through. Rey bounces off the bottom rope and hits the leg scissors on Classic. Classic in the corner, and Rey runs in. classic tosses him, but Rey lands on the apron. Classic runs to the ropes but gets a shoulderblock. Seated senton by Rey! He then hits Lite who was on the opposite ropes. Classic swings and misses, but connects the second time. He comes in to continue the offense on the seated Rey, when he gets dragged down and placed on the second rope. 6-1-9!!! Springboard legdrop! 1-2-3 and Rey Mysterio is your new Cruiserweight champion! Grade: B. It was a quickie, but gave Classic one final outing to show off his moves (some he created) and in the end to let Rey hit his spots and get the belt off him.

Luther
In the back, and buddy looks cut. He’s up next. Commercials.

Mordecai segment
He’s in a torch/candle lit room talking to his staff. And I guess we know where Mordecai is starting his plan to cleanse the sinners, all the way at the top. He’s going after Eddie Guerrero. He will pay for his sins and go back to the gutter from whence he came.

Luther Reigns v. Funaki
Funaki’s kick attempt is caught and met with a clothesline. Luther standing over a laid out Funaki and hits clubbing blows to Funaki’s head. Kick to the back. Luther puts Funaki’s head hanging from the apron, goes outside, and gives him the big boot. Luther back in but Funaki kicks him in the face out of the corner. Smackdown’s #1 announcer dropkicks Reigns in the gut. Funaki still in the corner raises the boot to Reigns face when he tries to run in. Funaki comes a running, but Luther has had enough and hits the spine-buster. Luther picks MC Naki up and hits a powerslam and that’s all folks. He grabs a mic “This is an example of what happens when you disrespect Kurt Angle. You have to deal with me Luther Reigns.” Luther’s getting out of the ring and Kurt stops him and shows the thumbs down. Luther obliges Emperor Angle’s wishes by giving Funaki an inverted swinging neckbreaker. Grade: C. Another squash. The inverted swinging neckbreaker was sweet looking, and should really be his finisher. Besides that it was your standard fare, but not a bad debut for Luther.

RAW Rebound
If you really want to know what happened on Raw, go here or here. I’ll be there this week cheering on Eugene! Commercials!

Earlier Tonight
We see clips from earlier of how Rey and the Dudleyz became champions.

WWE SD! GAB card
The Dudley Boyz v. The Undertaker
Cena v. Booker T v. Renee Dupree v. RVD, Elimination Fatal 4-way for the U.S. Title
Eddie Guerrero v. JBL for the Heavyweight Championship
Three matches? They got a week to get some more added.

Torrie Wilson segment
Torrie comes out dressed as Uncle Sam inviting us to party with the SD! divas at the GAB. She then lights a grill that was outside to let us know how hot we’ll get. Wow that was pointless.

Booker T interview
Grandmaster Matthews asks about teaming with Dupree in tonight’s tag match, and how at GAB they’ll all be competing against each other. Booker thinks it should be a one on one match at GAB. He says the clock at last weeks Triple Play match was either sped up or the judge was French or on something. It’s obvious to Booker that he wanted either RVD or Dupree to win. At this point Dupree interrupts saying it’s sad to hear a 5 time former WCW champion blame his inability to win on the clock. When he should feel lucky he has another chance at the belt at the Bash. Booker says Dupree should feel lucky to get the second chance. He’s not even an American, and he’s the one that got pinned by Cena last week. Dupree says Booker is lucky to have him as a partner, because no-one else on the roster could cut it. And he better have his back or he’ll be on the receiving end of the French Tickler. Booker: ”Tell me you didn’t just say that.” Commercials.

RVD/John Cena v. Booker T/Renee Dupree
RVD and Cena (with Sweetness’ jersey on) jaw at each other until Booker’s music hits. Dupree walks down to the ring and now Fifi has a beret. Ha! Cena tosses his Payton jersey into the crowd. Cena and Dupree start in a lock-up. Cena with a headlock, Cena into the ropes and hits the shoulderblock. Cena into the ropes again and Dupree leapfrogs him. Cena puts the brakes on and turns around to Dupree still facing the crowd. He gives the you can’t see me hand motion, and when Dupree turns around punches him in the mouth. Dupree down and Cena grabs the rear naked choke. Cena brings him to his corner, and tags RVD. As Cena holds Dupree in an arm wringer, RVD climbs to the top rope and hits the sunset flip but only gets two. Nice tag work. Atomic drop by RVD followed by a kick. Rolling thunder only gets two. RVD tries putting Dupree into the neutral corner, but instead gets put there himself. Dupree tries a punch and is blocked, RVD gets to the top and hits the kick. Two count on Dupree, as Booker breaks up the pin with an double axe-handle. Dupree with a rake to the eyes and goes to shove Book. Book shoves him back and he gets rolled up by RVD for two. Dropkick by RVD sends Dupree rolling out of the ring. Booker and Dupree are arguing and RVD takes the opportunity to introduce them to his feet via a double drop kick. Commercials.

We’re back…
…and RVD just dropped Dupree with a kick. He follows up with a bodyslam, signals for the rolling thunder, and heads to the ropes but is kicked in the back of the head by Booker. Dupree follows with a viscous clothesline, and a tag to Booker. Booker puts RVD in the corner and attacks with lefts and rights, and then follows with kicks. Book whips RVD to the ropes, and hits him with the back elbow. Pin attempt only gets two. Tazz calls Booker winning the belt at GAB. Booker with the Snapmare and follows with the knee drop. Booker tags Renee. Booker holds RVD up as Dupree kicks him in the ribs. Dupree with the bodyslam, French Tickler!!! Cena breaks up the pin attempt at 1. Dupree tags Book back in, and Book gives him a straight kick. Book gets two on the pin attempt. Booker has a headlock on RVD, letting him face Cena and reach out for the tag. That’s a little thing if you want to use it Haley. The demoralization alone from this technique makes it great in my eyes. It also is a great way to get the crowd going. RVD with elbows to get out of Booker’s hold. Book with a blow to the back. Booker tries to run RVD face first to the top buckle, but is blocked, and gets a kick for his troubles. Tag to Cena and Dupree. Cena with the clotheslines knocking down Dupree twice and then Booker. Cena whips Dupree to the rope and hits a big back bodydrop. Cena pumps the sneaks and gets Dupree up for the FU, when Book kicks him in the gut. RVD in and hits Booker with some offense, clotheslining Booker out of the ring. Cena then back bodydrops Dupree out of the ring. Now Cena and RVD start jawing at each other again. Oh-oh, tag team’s over as they start exchanging punches. Now Booker and Dupree roll in and attack Cena (Dupree) and RVD (Booker). A gong goes off, the arena turns black, and when the lights come back on, The Undertaker is in the ring. He grabs Booker by throat, but once Cena gets to his feet let’s go and gives John the big boot! He then starts a beatdown on RVD culminating in a chokeslam. Cena stumbles to his feet and gets hit with the Tombstone Piledriver!!! Heyman then walks down the ramp with the urn in his hand. Heyman stops half way and puts the urn in the air. After a few seconds of contemplation Taker bows to the urn. And we fade out. Grade: A. The sportz entertainment finish didn’t detract from this being a great match. Everyone was on point and hitting all their moves.

Overall grade: B. Some good matches, one great match, and some good segments (beyond Torrie and JBL’s sometimes rambling attack on the media), and good build to the PPV. JBL’s emotion really helped in adding fuel to his feud, that is once he got to the point. The tag match helped add that everyone for themselves vibe for the Fatal Fourway. And Taker attacking the faces let us know he is a servant of the urn. Which means his match with the Dudz should be him hitting a few moves, Heyman showing him the urn and Bearer, and then a fingerpoke of doom finish. As for the cruisers, now that the belts back on Rey, hopefully they’ll re-start the division and give us some really great matches. What’s not to like here people?

E-mail me at [email protected] with feedback or words of love.