411’s WWE Smackdown Report 08.14.03

WWE Smackdown for August 14, 2003. Taped from St. Louis, Missouri
Report by Brad Jennette, EXCLUSIVELY for www.411wrestling.com

The video rolls, the pyro hits and we are TAPED FROM ST. LOUIS … it’s WWE Smackdown for August 14, 2003

NO CHANCE! Vinnie Mac struts to the ring with a smile. He gets on the mic and gloats about how a man we thought we all knew turned out to be not what we all seemed. Vince shows the footage of last week’s main event where Brock turned on Angle and slammed him into the cage several times. Vince announces that Angle is recovering at his home and will not be here tonight. Vince then introduces the REAL Brock Lesnar. Brock comes bouncing out with his usual goofy grin, only this time it looks like it belongs. Brock gets on the mic and says that the only reason he had Angle for a friend was to use him to get what he wanted. Once Angle defeated Brock for the WWE, they stopped being friends. Stephanie McMahon’s music hits and the Smackdown GM returns for the first time since Vengeance. She calls her dad a great businessman but a horrible father/husband. Vince says the biggest mistake of his life was making Stephanie the Smackdown GM. He then corrects himself and says marrying Linda was the biggest mistake of his life and that hiring Steph was 2nd. Stephanie goes to slap Vince but Brock grabs her wrist. Vince warns her about being physical and then pits Stephanie against A-Train in tonight’s main event.

WWE Tag Team Titles Match: The World’s Greatest Tag Team vs Rey Mysterio & Billy Kidman
YES! If they gave these 4 guys 15 minutes every week, this Smackdown reporter would be very happy, very happy indeed. This was basically the standard *** affair that TWGTT and anyone (especially quality guys like Rey and Kidman) always have. Charlie Haas proved his god status by kicking out of the shooting star press! The finish saw the referee get distracted on the outside with a skirmish between Rey and Shelton, only to see Shelton leave while the ref was still screwing around with Rey. Shelton hit his superkick onto Kidman from the floor and Haas rolled him up to get the pinfall and retain.
Winners and STILL champions: TWGTT

Billy Gunn vs Danny Basham
Pretty basic match that saw Shaniqua throw Torrie into the ring which was enough to distract the referee and allow the Bashams to hit their clothesline and russian leg sweep combo to end it. After the match, the heels beatdown Billy Gunn and Torrie Wilson. After a bit, Noble and Nidia tried to save but they got beatdown too. Nidia was on the receiving end of a nasty powerbomb from Shaniqua.
Winner: Danny Basham

Backstage, the APA are sitting in a locker room totally filled with Miller Lite. I’m talking every little shelf and open space was filled with 12, 18, and 24 packs. Bradshaw is convinced that Shaniqua is actually Shelton Benjamin in drag. He even has pictures to prove his point. Faarooq thinks they should reopen the APA offices because there is a lot of money to be made out their. Bradshaw seems more concerned with the pictures of Shelton Benjamin in a wig.

The Undertaker vs The Big Show
Lots of slow brawling from these two but it wasn’t horrible or anything. When Big Show was in control, he did at least work over the ribs with stomps and the like. The referee got bumped which allowed the two big men to head into the crowd for some more brawling. Taker took control and sent Big Show back over the railing. As Taker was climbing back over to ringside, A-Train appeared and broke a piece of wood over Taker’s back which caused him to be unable to get up. Big Show rolled back into the ring and Taker got counted out.
Winner by countout: Big Show

Backstage, the medical staff checks on Undertaker’s ribs.

WE LIE, WE CHEAT, WE STEAL! Your United States champion Eddie Guerrero bounces out in his lowrider for some color work on the next match up. Chris Benoit comes out next to join Tazz, Cole, and Eddie at the table. The US title will be on the line at Summerslam in a fatal four way match. Eddie vs Benoit vs Rhyno vs Tajiri

Tajiri vs Rhyno
This was a fun little match that had plenty of action packed into less then five minutes. Rhyno worked over the shoulder in-between getting his face kicked off. Rhyno took off the turnbuckle pad but got sent into it himself. Rhyno then got nailed with the big kick for the clean pin for Tajiri.
Winner: Tajiri

Eddie walks off for the lowrider after the match but Benoit wants a ride. They both get in and Benoit wants to bounce! Eddie freaks out and leaves the truck in the ramp way.

John Cena vs Zach Gowen
I’m sorry, but Gowen has gone stale for me already. I mean, he’s inspirational as hell, but they can’t have him get any wins without making his opponent look like shit. Plus there isn’t any psychology he can do. Cena cut a nice rap on Gowen before the match, calling him the perfect partner for a three legged race. Cena went for a super FU but Gowen countered with a single arm DDT for a 2 count. Cena bumped around for a bit but then countered a top rope body press to the FU for the pinfall.
Winner: John Cena

After the match, Matt Hardy attacked Zach in the ramp way and left him laying in a heap.

Backstage in the catering area, Spanky, Funaki, & Orlando Jordan are at one of the tables. Jordan calls Spanky out so Spanky pulls out 2 bottles of chocolate syrup and chugs! He sprayed some behind him and it landed on Vince McMahon. Vince asks who Spanky is. Spanky says he has been working for Vince for almost a year. Spanky says that Vince’s worst investment wasn’t marrying Linda, it was the XFL. This pisses Vince off and he tells Spanky to get in the ring right now for a match against the REAL Brock Lesnar.

Spanky vs THE REAL Brock Lesnar
Spanky springs to the ring and unloads several rights, but Brock says fuck it and destroys him. Brock brings back the TRIPLE POWERBOMB! Brock heads to the outside, grabs and chair, and gives Spanky one of the stiffest shots to the face I have ever seen in my entire life. Spanky is gushing blood. Brock tosses Spanky to the outside and then press slams him right into the steel post in a sick spot. Brock then leaves to some serious heel heat and he meets up with Vince at the top of the ramp and celebrates. Spanky does the mandatory blade job. This was the right thing to do for Brock and his newly fresh heel turn. Give Lesnar a real match like once a month, but just let him fucking maul people on a weekly basis.
Winner by DQ: Spanky

We come back from commercial with Vince still in the ring. He announces Sable as the guest ring announcer for tonight’s main event. She announces that the match will be no countout.

Stephanie McMahon vs A-Train
Sable jaw jacks at Stephanie a bit but Stephanie charges her and lays the smackdown. After a bit, A-Train came out and splashed Steph in the corner. A-Train went for the Train Wreck but Undertaker’s music hit. Taker and A-Train exchange fists on the ramp with Taker getting the upper hand. Big Show comes out from the back and destroys Taker’s ribs with some chair shots. A-Train then got back in the ring and hit a Vader bomb on Steph for the pin.
Winner: A-Train

Vince and Sable make out over Stephanie’s body to end the show.

End of Show.