wrestling / TV Reports
Acero’s AEW Dynamite Review 11.24.21
Loading...Hello, it is I, the disgruntled fan who has beef with Seth Rollins! I damn near got that ass, but stupid securrrrrity had to stop me! I’ll get you, Rollins…if it’s the last thing I —Oh, a Cheeto!
CM PUNK IS HERE TO START THE SHOW!!!!
Before CM Punk can even hop on the top rope, MJF’s music hits, and out comes Maxwell to the lud chants of ASSHOLE.
He asks Punk if it feels good getting interrupted, then calls CM Punk “Punky Brewster.” Lol.
Crowd chants for him to shut the fuck up, and MJF says no. He directs his attention to Punk, saying he hurt his feelings. He extended his hand for a shake and Punk walked away, this hurt almost as much as when Punk took his ball and went home like a little bitch.
You know what was great, though? The Pipebomb. It was a great promo. It’s fair to say that the pipebomb was his best moment. The problem is that every MJF moment is the best MJF moment. Unlike Punk, he’s not a one-trick pony. MJF respects him, all he’s done, and even that he’s straight edge. Granted, never could he imagine a straight-edged man looking so much like a meth addict. It must be difficult, too, since considering if he had Punk’s face, he’d have to down eight shots of whiskey in order to look in the mirror. MJF says there is very much an issue here. Punk would be asked who he wanted to face, and he’d name everyone except for MJF. He can pretend it’s beause Punk isn’t interested, but in reality, it’s because he didn’t want none. Who could blame him? His entire life, he’s been a big fish in a small pond on the mic. Too bad, though. MJF is about to verbally finish him quicker than his UFC career.
He tells Punk he can drop pipebombs all he wants, because he is MJF, and he drops nukes.
Punk goes to grab a mic, and holy shit, I am hyped.
CM Punk: “I’m so disappointed in you.”
Punk wants to thank this young man for introducing him. CM Punk had no idea his first name was Maxwell, in fact he though MJF stood for My Jealous Fan. CM Punk’s got the time!
Seems like it still kinda does, if MJF is stuck on the fact that CM Punk never brought him up. The last thing he wanted to do was feed his rotten little ego. He’s in Max’s head. Probably has to do with the fact that there’s a poster of Punk on his wall. He’s disappointed because last week, he shut up the great MJF without saying a word. MJF had a whole week to think of good zingers and came out here with the lowest hanging fruit. He thinks he’s somebody, what MJF does is revolutionary, when in reality, he’s just a less famous Miz.
HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!
MJF tells the crowd to settle down. He says that was really solid – really creative stuff. ALMOST what MJF wanted. Come to think of it, that phrase perfectly encapsulates Punk’s run here thus far. Maybe it’s true; nostalgia is a drug that causes us to misconstrue the memories, and that’s all Punk is. Guess what, he’s right, MJF was a fan. How couldn’t he had been. In this ring, on the mic, no one could touch CM Punk – he was the best. Or so he thought. Ever since Punk’s return, he’s struggled to beat the easiest and struggled to say anything of intrigue.
He takes a whiff of Punk.
He says Punk’s breath smells like shit, probably because he’s been kissing so much ass recently. Punk has robotically kissed ass. He’s going to do an impression.
MJF mocks Punk with a robotic INSERT NAME OF TOWN, INSERT NAME OF COMPANY, INSERT NAME OF OPPONENT. Robotic. Pucker up, Punk. He’s gone soft. His hair is going gray, and based on Punk’s eyes, if anyone needs to Go 2 Sleep, it’s Punk. Something just hit MJF. This isn’t CM Punk anymore, it’s PG Punk. What happened to the guy he grew up on, the renegade, the ass-kicker, the outsider, because he might as well be out here preaching Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect.
“Here’s the problem, PG.” He can see Punk. He can see right through them. He claimed to just come back from the youth, but he also came for the money. He stayed on his couch for 7 years. Excuse after excuse not coming back. Why? Too busy making comics no one read, and movies no one saw? Or was he terrified, afraid he couldn’t hang, maybe afraid he couldn’t hang in the first place.
Punk should have been utilized and showcased as the number one guy, and now he has a chance to prove the people who thought that right, but can he? Will the crowd feel this way in a month? Two months? A year? Doubt it.
MJF represents everything about this business that Punk hates. He was born for this. He is every promoter’s wet dream, while Punk was a misfit from the dumpiest part of the Midwest known as Chicago. He had to work his ass off to get where he is, but MJF didn’t. After all Punk’s hard work, deep down he knows it, Punk’s whole career, he’s been nothing more than second best. Whether it was the You Can’t See Me, Man or the King of Kings, you were never up to snuff, and now that he is MJF’s ring, in HIS company, things will be no different. CM Punk may claim to be the best in the world, but MJF is better than him, and he knows it.
CM Punk says there is some truth, a little bit. Scared? Comin back after seven years? A little bit. He won’t lie, not even to MJF. He didn’t know if we would care or remember. He didn’t know if he still had it. Trust him, though, he’s not afraid any longer. Not afraid of MJF. The timing might not match up, but he was selling out MSG when he was marking out for Rosie O’Donnel. And the last time MJF did a song and dance, he made the NY Times. Wanna sing Punk a song? Don’t worry, he’s in the ring with a professional, and he’ll make the NY Times again, but this time it’ll be the obituaries, beause he just enrolled into a college that his parnets cannot afford. MJF talks too much. Punk does too, but he backs it up, while MJF cant back it up without his backup. FTR, Wardlow, Spears.
Punk says he went for the heart and soul of AEW, Darby Allin, and that just chews MJF up, doesn’t it? He beat Darby. He didn’t need a ring to do it. MJF is too busy talking about how he is the most powerful of the four pillars, he doesnt even realized he’s been replaced by Britt Baker!
Punk says they’ve wasted these peoples’ time. They call Chicago the Second City, not because there’s a city better. He’ll be 2nd proudly. Chicago is called the Second City because they burned the city to th ground, built upon it, and flourished.
And who is the top guy here, anyway? MJF? No. Because the only time he’ll be on top is if khan has a daughter that MJF marries.
Last time he was in Chicago, he gave out ice cream bars, and the only thing he thinks that can top that is punching MJF in his little needle dick right now.
Match 1:
I’m a little late to the match because I chose to post a lengthy comment instead of focus on the match. Sue me.
I come to qith QT trapping Punk in the corner. The Factory is ringside, but they get kicked out quickly after the ref catches Nick holding Punk’s ankle. QT is upset, runs into a body slam. QT knees Punk out of the corner. Right hand to Punk. Punk whips, hits a right, gets taken into the corner by QT. Snapmare. Boot to the face. Another boot to the face. Punk with a right to the head. QT kicks out of the corner. Another right to the face. Punk dropped to the knee. Whip from QT, reversed, Punk with a back body drop! Clothesline to QT sends him to the outside. Punk to the apron, runs with a clothesline!
Back from a match goin a bit too long, and QT is pissing off the crowd. He shoves Punk’s face a few times, gaining the ire of Punk. He stands, kicks QT on the side of the head. Punk with a right, another, another to the dome. Whip and a high kick to the chin. Neckbreaker to QT! Punk with a short armed clothesline.
Punk to the top, he flies with an elbow drop to the chest! Nicely done. Go2Sleep! Pin for 1..2….3!!!!!!
Winner: CM Punk
A little long, but likely for a reason. Nothing matters after that promo, though. Holy shit…
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 10:51
Backstage, Cage is with Lucha and Jungle Boy. Cage says they have a ton of momentum, and when they got that, they gain confidence. They feel unbeatable, and when they feel this way, good things happen. For example, today he found out that Lucha and JB are ranked #1. They’ve been here before, but the difference is the momentum and confidence, and Christian Cage. He will make sure they win the titles.
Kingston is backstage with some catering. He wants to tell Mox he misses him and says hi to the wife and kids, and in come 2.0.
They tell Eddie, as his friend, his article in the press looked to be Eddie coming off as not hungry anymore. This is the kiss of death. They want him to know he’s here to help. Kingston asks Garcia who he is staring at. They mention Moxley, and Kingston flips. One tossed cup of coffee into Kingston’s face and Moley flips until people come to hold him back before he murders 2.0 and Garcia.
The Gunn Club is here. They’re up in action against Bear Country next.
They attack Bear Country before the match starts. Ref restores order as
Match 2: The Gunn Club vs Bear Country
Boulder lifts Billy and presses him up and down. On the outside, Colt sends Bronson into the barricade, then Boulder gets sent into the ring steps.
Back in the ring and Bronson sends Colton to the mat hard before knocking his brother off the apron.
Bear hits the ropes, Colton holds onto Aubrey, Bronson gets distracted. Colt 45. Cover for 1..2…3!!qw
Winners: The Gunn Club
Sloppy start, uninteresting characters, and opponents no one really cares for make for a short but unwanted segment.
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 1:33
The Gunn Club celebrates unti. Darby’s music hits. Out comes Sting by himself. Austin runs up the ramp to attack Sting, but Darby comes flying out of the freaking tunnel like a damned bullet! JEEEEESUUUSSSSS! He crashes into Austin then he and Sting run down the ramp to attack, but Billy and his son leave the ring and walk up the ramp to grab their bro/son.
January 8th is touted as “Battle of the Belts.” What’s that mean? Who knows…
Backstage, Cole is pissed with Fish. He says the past few weeks have sucked. He tells Cutler to keep recording. The Bucks arent’ cleared, and Cole knows this because they talk every single day, just like Fish. They are best friends, practically family.
Here comes Best Friends. Chuck, Orange, and Wheeler say their team is literally called Best Friends.
Cole says it’s just a name, where’s Trent? And Orange…he’s a horrible friend. Yuta probably doesn’t even have friends. Fish wants to know what kind of name is Yuta. Cole says if Orange and Yuta are better friends than Bobby?
Fish asks what Yuta’s middle name. Orange steps up. Cole says they will pay for this.
We head to a contract signing with Dante and Team Taz. Lio is here, stops the signing, saying this is business they don’t want to be a part of. Lio takes the pen, but Dante takes the pen back. He signs this. Team Taz is hyped! He says done deal! Lio is shocked! Dante leaves the room.
Well I’ll be…
Match 3: Thunder Rosa vs Jamie Hayter
Lockup to start! They roll across ropes int othe corner. Thudner takes Jamie down. Side headlock from Jamie, but Thunder raises out of it. Hayter with a punch to the gut, she chokes Rosa up against the ropes then slaps her in the face. Thunder fires back with a huge slap of her own. Rope work, reverse and Rosa gets sent to the outside. Jamie follows, whips Rosa, Rosa reveres and sends Hayeter into the barricade. Kick to Jamie, Rosa sends Jamie’s face into the apron. She breaks the count, comes back ut, and Jamie send her back-first into the apron. Some axes to the back. Hayter sends Rosa into the barricade. Roa attacks the mid section. Chop to the chest. Another. Rosa sends Hayter int othe ring. Stomps to Rosa across the chest. Rosa attacks the mid, Hayter attacks the back. Rosa with a dropkick to the spine. She chokes Jamie up on the 2nd rope and runs with a seated something or other. Both girls on the apron, Rosa drops down, Hayter too. Rosa sends Jamie into the barricade hard then again. Rosa to the ring, hits the ropes, dropkick from inside the ring. She grabs Hayter, hits a suplex on the outside. Rosa slides in, then out and flies off the apron, but Hayter catches her, sends her into the ringpost, then slams her down hard on the mat.
WE are back, and Rosa hits a huge dropkick to Hayter in the ring. Rosa rushes the corner, hits a huge clothesline, then slinks through the ropes and to the top. She swings with some knees. Rosa runs and hits another dropkick to the seated Hayter. Rosa drags her to the center and covers. 1..2….NO!!! Rosa grabs the head, calls for the end, locks the head, her back stops her. Hayter with a chokeslam to the knee, focusing on the back. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Hayte pulls back on the chin of Rosa. Rosa turns into it, side Russian Leg Sweep attempt, but Hayter stops her, hits an elbow, Rosa with a right. Back and forth with some hard hits, going at it like hockey. Hayter wins it with a punch to the back. She locks the head, goes for a suplex, Rosa escapes, Russian Leg Sweep! Peruvian Necktie!!!! Rebel distracts! Baker in the ring. She pulls Rosa off of Hayter! Jamie holds Rosa! SUPERKICK FROM BRITT!!! ROSA MOVES! IT HITS JAMIE!!!
Rosa sends Britt into Rebel on the apron. Hayter tries to kick, Rosa rolls her up with a 1..2…3!!!
Winner: Thunder Rosa
Some hard hitting shit, here. I’d rather have a more succinct ending from Rosa than a rollup, but that’s opinion more than anything.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 10:41
After the match, Rebel and Britt check on Jamie, but Jamie is pissed and shoves both of them before heading to the back on her own.
Marvez is backstage with Jericho. He says it’s Thanksgiving Eve. Jericho cant get much more out before 2.0 and Garcia walk into Jericho’s interview. Jericho tells them to buy some chains and nails to help protect them when Eddie breaks into their house and beats their ass. Jericho then says that Matthews has a square head. He looks like an ugly Spongebob. It’s like a box. He has a square head.
The crowd takes some time, but gets the Square Head chant Jericho obviously awnted.
Jericho tells them that if he ever…EVER interrupts him again, he won’t toss coffee into their face, he’ll knock their teeth down their throat.
They leave, wanting no trouble.
Parker: “All due respect, watch your mouth.”
Jericho tells Alex Happy Thanksgiving then calls his head a Rubix Cube.
Ah shit! I’m late to the start of the match!!
Match 4: Daniel Bryan vs Colt Cabana
Bryan escapes a submission and chops Colt away from the center. Chop from Colt, Bryan works the left arm, kicks the back of the leg to get Colt to his knees. Bryan with a kick to the chest, one to the back, another to the back of his head! Colt with a chop, Bryan with an uppercut. He sends Colt to the corner, COLT CABANA chant. Bryan corners him. Bryan runs, tries for the dropkick, but Colt moves out of the way! Chops from both men. Colt with. Bunch of rights then an elbow to the top of the head. FLyin Apple, Bryan side steps, waist lock. German! Bryan releases. He rushes the corner, and hits the dropkick this time. Kick to Colt. Chop. Kick. Chop. He sits Colt on the top rope facin the crowd. Bryan locks up, possibly a back drop, Colt with a punch. He’s got Bryan’s head locked. Eblow sends Bryan to te ring. MOONSAULT from Colt! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!
Bryan stomps Colt in the face a billion times, then turns it into a LaBell Lock, but flexes before he locks it in!
Winner: Bryan Danielson
Total Rating: **
Match Time: About 3:45
Bryan won’t release the hold!
Bryan is pointing to something in the ring, and I think it’s a tooth cover or something.
WE ARE BACK, and Tony is in the ring with Bryan. Not me. Schiavone.
Bryan says it’s funny, because when he debuted in Chicago, he got a much different reaction. He wonders, is it him or is it Chicago? He has one word to describe this……FICKLE. Bryan is not fickle. He came out and said he was going to kick Colt’s head in, and he did. He also kicked Colt’s teeth out. Next week, they are in atlanta, and he hears there are a couple of Dark Order members to fight him next week, and he’ll kick their heads in. This will all lead to the ultimate head kicking. He tells Hangman..
Well, nothing, because here comes the cowboy.
Page says he gets it; Bryan has made his point. This is Chicago, and this place holds a special place in his heart. Page tells Bryan he wants to defend the title here and now. The Dark Order stuff is over.
Bryan says of course, after he’s already wrestled. TO Bryan, that’s not Cowboy Shit, that’s Coward Shit. Nice.
Page says ok, but he’s not leaving Chicago without a fight. So since Bryan just had a match, he’ll give Bryan the first shot.
Page stands with his hands behind his back.
Bryan is insulted. He drops the mic, then slaps Page in the face, Page retorts! They GO AT IT!!! Bryan sends Page. Othe apron, he kicks with a boot, goes for a Buckshot, but Bryan rolls out of th ring quickly!
Match 5: Cody Rhodes and Death Triangle vs FTR, Malakai Black, and Andrade El Idolo
Cody and Dax to start. Lockup! Dax gets Cody into the corner. Ref breaks it, Dax backs up to talk some shit. In the center of the ring, and they lockup again. Side headlock from Cody. Rope work and Cody drops Dax with a shoulder tackle. Another lockup and Dax gets a side headlock. Dax with a shoulder tacle! Cody hops over, Dax kicks, lokcs the head, rope assisted supelx, but Cody floats behind, kicks drops and uppercuts! Cody with a body slam! Cody remove the belt. He tosses it into the crowd. Blind tag from Pac! Pac works the arm! OMG THE CROWD THROWS THE BELT BACK!!! Lol. Dax and Pac go at it. Andrade grabs the belt and tosses it under the ring. Pac and Dax are just great. Pac whips, hits the right hand to the forehead. Tag to Cash. Pac works the arm. Cody gets his weight belt back and puts it on as the crowd boos him. Lol. Cash works the wrist, twists, Penta to the top rope after a tag! He drops a stomp on the gooch! Jesus. Cover for 1…2..NO!!! Cash with an elbow. Chop from Penta. Another. Kick from Cash, he hits th ropes, Superkick from Penta! Cash with a surprise clothesline! Tag to Andrade! Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Suplex but Penta gets a cradle! Andrade rolls through, kick to Penta, whip to the corner, back elbow, body slam attempt, Penta tags in Rey!!
Rey flies over off the top, kick from Andrade, Rey lips to the apron, Andrade runs, block, high kick from Rey, Rey dives through the ropes, rana, lands on his feet, dropkick! Another kick! Shit! Tag to Penta. Snapmare from Rey, in comes Pac, all three kick Andrade, then hit a dropkick. Cover for 1..2..N!O!!!! Penta works the arm, Cody tags in and gets booooooooeddd. Andrade with a right, shoves Cody to the corner, tag, ref is distacted, all four attack Cody. Crowd loves it. Black is legal.
Suplex attempt to Cody, Cody tags Rey, Rey kicks Black, then hits a double cutter to FTR! Kick to Andrade, chop to lack! Rey runs up the corner, flies, locks with Andrade, rana!!! Kick to Black, the leg, kick to thE HEAD!!!REY LOOKS TO HIT THE ROPES, TULLY THERE, REY KNOCKS CASG, DAX, STO FROM BLACK!!
We are bck and Penta and Andrade get the tags! Penta to the corner, hops over Andrade and hits a backstabber! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Chop to Andrade. Tag from Pac, he flies off the top with a dropkick, high kick to Black, Uppercut to Dax, to Cash. RELEASE GERMAN TO BLACK!!! Pac hits the ropes and flies over the top onto Black and Andrade! He sedns Andrade back in, Blac hold pa’s boot. Shoulde to Andrade, flies over the back, kick tot h gut, kick to the chest, another kick, hits the ropes, kikto the head. In comes Cash to drop Pac on the knee!!! Penta in to doube underhook into a piumphandle! Made in Japan! Dax in, Clothesline! Piledriver to Pent!! REY FLIES WITH A DROPKICK!! Black send Rey to the ropes, HIGH KNEE!! Cody in! Locks the head. Rmoves his belt, tosses it to crowd again! Goes for a kick to Andrade, he side steps, Cody kicks Pac! Elbow drop forom Andrade, rusn to the corner, Pac STANDS UP AND HITS A ELLY TO BELLY!!!!
Tully in the ring! Arn to the apron! He enters!!! Tully removes the jaket! Jose gets in the ring to take his jacket off, grabbin his balls. Tully and Arn each punch Jose! Alex sends Jose into the crowd. FTR comes into the ring! They chase Arn, Rey flies off the top with a crossbody! Slingblade to Wheeler from Penta. One to Dax Lucha Bros send FTR to the outside!!! Penta hits the ropes and dives over! Rey bounces off the top rope with a crossbody!!!! Pac to the top! Black with the mist!!!
Pac falls off the top rope, covering his eyes! Andrade with El Idolo! Cody on the apron. Black shoots him off. Pin for 1..2…3!!!!
Winners: Malaki Black, Andrade El Idolo, and FTR
Total Rating: ***3/4
Match Time: 16:12
End Show
