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Acero’s AEW Dynamite Review 7.24.24
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I’m back, y’all! Did you miss me? Yeah, yeah, I know.
It’s Wednesday, you know what that means…
Marvez is, apparently, at the AEW hotel? Lol. Odd. Anyway, he’s trying to catch Ospreay before he heads to the arena for some words on his loss last week.
Here comes Will Ospreay, who runs to his car only to find out that there’s a razor blade in the tire, and he’s got a hell of a flat.
Will asks Marvez if he has a car, which is, for some reason, very nearby. Will then asks for the keys, hops in the driver’s seat, and readies to leave. Marvez enters his own vehicle in the passenger side and asks Will if he’s ever driven in the states.
I totally get what they were trying for here, but that was a horribly produced segment…
Why would Marvez park his car there? Why would Will’s car be there, specifically? Why would Marvez ask if he’s ever driven in the states when we just saw Will try and get in his car five seconds prior?
WE head live to the arena where some cheerleaders are welcoming MJF to the ring.
MJF cuts his music and calls Will a gutless coward, because he couldn’t hit the Tiger Driver. He couldn’t beat Swerve, so of course he can’t beat MJF. By the way, Swerve, he has not forgot about his world title. He is just waiting for the right moment to pounce, and Swerve should hope that moment doesn’t come. He says when the spotlight is on MJF, he shines bright like a diamond, but when it’s on Will, he melts. He beat Will without breaking a sweat. Easiest match of his life. He did it quick and efficient. His victory was dominant. He says people are probably telling Will to retire, but MJF suggest taking a long walk off a short pier. Lucky for Will, his granny died recently, so go ahead and dig a grave next to hers, but make sure it’s a football field away from her tombstone. Lord knows that fat skank needs all the room she can get.
Let’s talk facts, if he doenst like what MJF has to say, how bout he come out and face him like a man. That’s right, he won’t. He’s worthless. Speaking of which, the title he holds is worthless. *puke sounds*
What a joke. Working hard is for poors. We like this belt because it was held by International Talent. He would have to sit back and watch that anyone outside of USA matters. This makes us unpatriotic and treasonous. He deserves a title worthy of his intellect, bank account, and upbringing, all of which is superior. This title is nothing more than garbage.
He tosses it in a trashcan nearby and unveils a new title.
It is…The American Championship.
It’s hideous…
Lol.
He appreciates the USA chants, but he isn’t talking about nasty ass Nashville, he’s talking about the most magical place in the world, Plainville, Long Island, New York.
A flag drops, and confetti falls.
Will Ospreay is here! He runs down, chases MJF out the ring, and grabs the mic. He says MJF knew he couldn’t beat him, so he reached into his drunk, reached past his little dick, and pulled out the diamond ring and cracked it over his skull. MJF would rather cheat than admit that Will is on his level. He is here with the best news, he had a meeting with Khan. He’s got his rematch, and it will be at All In.
Will grabs the International Championship out of the trash can and carries it to the back.
Backstage, a ref is ready for the coin flip tonight. He walks into a room where The Elite are standing over a fallen angel.
Matt wants to. Use his own coin, flips it, and they win the advantage.
Jack Perry asks where Hangman Page is, with Matt replying that he knows the deal, and he’ll be there.
WE then see that the coin was double-sided.
FTW Championship Match
Chris Jericho vs Minoru Suzuki
Suzuki begs for a chop. Jericho gives him one, but Suzuki’s is better. They trade a few more for roughly three minutes, with the only update being that Jericho is bleeding afterwards. We are at the 4 minute mark and they go head to head, then chop some more. CHOP FOREVER chant, and I’d rather they didn’t.
WE are back from break, and they are still chopping away at each other. Jericho with a kick! Elbow to the head, another. Jericho’s chest is leaking blood now. Jericho hits the ropes, goes to kick but Suzuki catches him with an arm bar around the ropes! It’s legal! Suzuki rips apart the finers, then flips out of the hold and lands on his feet outside. He slams Jericho into the table, allowing Taz to talk some shit. Suzuki grabs a chair and hits Jericho in the ribs then across the back. Suzuki goes under the ring, grabs another chair. Kick to Jericho. He wraps the chair around Jericho’s hand, then grabs another chair and slaps Jericho’s hand with it. Suzuki grabs the han,d works the fingers, then comes bends them back in the camera of a nearby fan. Lol.
Jericho chops, but it hurts him more than Suzuki. He goes for the left hand a few times, right elbow from Suzuki. They roll into the ring. Suzuki working the fingers some more. Jericho rakes the eyes, Codebreaker! Cover! 1….NO!!! Some back and forth leads to Suzuki whipping Jericho, ducking under, SLEEPER! Jericho turns into it, locks he legs, goes for The Walls of Jericho. He gets em! Suzuki turns it around, punches Jericho’s head, kicks him away, ducks under again, and again the sleeper! Piledriver attempt,
LOW BLOW TO SUZUKI FROM JERICHO!!!! Jericho hits the ropes! Judas Effect! Cover! 1.2…3!!!!
Winner: Chris Jericho
Could have shaved off like five minutes and been quite alright.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 13:51
Minoru Suzuki is up! Jericho turns! SLEEPER HOLD ON JERICHO! PILEDRIVER TO JERICHO!
Big Bill and Bryan Keith attack!
Here comes Katsuyori Shibata! Bill and Bryan wait, but Shibata attacks from behind! He sends big Bill out the ring, then gets clocked by Bryan, but a whip reversal into a high knee from Shibata drops Keith and he rolls out of the ring.
Shibata stands on th 2nd rope to point at all of The Learning Tree. Suzuki stares down Shibata. They give each other a quick nod of acknowledgement then leave the ring.
Renee is backstage, and we see Willow Nightingale with her new CMLL Championship.
Stokely Hathaway comes into frame, says hello, and that’s enough for Kris Statlander to attack. She drops Willow onto some crew equipment. Stokely challenges Willow for an Eliminator Match next week for that title.
Earlier Today, Bryan Danielson and Renee had a chat. Bryan brings up Wembley, but here comes Jeff Jarrett to interrupt. He has heard Bryan’s convo, and he’s gotta say that Bryan knows better than anyone that he was crushed that he didn’t win the Owen. In hindsight, Bryan overcame the odds he didn’t. Bryan has a date with destiny. He was proud to raise Bryan’s hand. Now he’s got Wembley, and he’ll be facing a champ who knows what he needs to do to win. He gets it, Bryan needs to heal up physically, but he’s gotta fix that mental. Sounds like he’s got one foot out the door. If he is going All In, then go All In. A lot of people…
JJ sits down like a wise grandpappy.
A lot of people believe in Bryan, and he’s at the very top of that list.
Renee asks Bryan where that sits. Bryan says a lot of it is true. He’s got some work to do, he thinks.
Hikaru Shida vs Britt Baker
Britt tries to end it quickly with a rollup but only gets 2. Britt tries for a side headlock takedown but cant get it. Shida sends Britt into the corner, big clothesline. To the other corner, Britt with a rollup for 1..2.NO!!! She tries for Lockjaw! Shida rolls, Britt rolls through, pin for 1..2.NO!!! Shida creates separation. Both girls up. Kick from Shida. Shida sends her outside. Follows. Britt attacks the stomach, right to the face, knee fro mShida. She sends Britt into the barricade. Shida corners Britt in the barricades and beats down till ten. Shida sends Brit back into the ring. Slides her to hang over the apron, then runs with a knee lift!
WE are back in time to see Britt hit a Slingblade! Britt removes the glove and gets ready, but Shida attacks her in the corner. Britt hits a few rights. Shida kicks, hops over and hiyts a German! Holds on! Rolling into an arm bar! Britt turns into it, Shida shoots her over, locks the head, spins, rolls into a guillotine! Sick. Knee strike to Britt! Shida to the top rope! She hops of, rolls through, Britt kicks! Hits the ropes, missee a right, ducks under, spins for a strike, Shida catches it, hits her own, hits the ropes, kick from Shida! Shida locks the head, Britt with a bck body drop, but Shida rolls through and cvoers for 1.2.NO!!! Reversals galore! Shida attacks the head with right hands. Shida locks the head, tries for Falcon Arrow, Britt tries for an arm bar, Shida wont allow it, gets a rope break. Shida sees her kendo stick, reaches for it, but thinks twice. She says no, Britt locks up and ripcord elbow!
Britt with a neckbreaker! Cover! 1.2….NO!!! Kick to the head from Shida. FALCON ARROW!!! KItan—no!!! Counter! Roll through! Lockjaw!!!! Shida taps!
Winner: Britt Baker
I initially assumed a quick and easy win for Britt, but they gave this some time and ended up bein pretty good all things considered.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 10:16
Mercedes Mone comes out to cut off the celebration! She calls the win very impressive. She knows Britt wants a shot at the title at All In, and what would be hotter than that? She knows everyone is waiting for her answer, and the answer is NO.
From behind, AEW’s newest signee Kamille gives Britt a HUGE Pump Kick. Torture Rack to Britt and she hops around the ring to accentuate the move, then spins Britt into a powerbomb.
She holds Mercedes hand up over Britt.
PAC vs Boulder
Pac with a spin kick. He locks up for a suplex. Boulder overpowers, Pac lands on his feet, runs with a kick in the corner. Pac hits the corner, and gets trucked by Boulder. Boulder to the 2nd rope for a moonsault, misses. Pac with a spinning uppercut in the corner, rushes with a dropkick. Kicks to the leg. Pac to the top rope. Boulder turns.
Dropkick from Pac! Sends Boulder flying! Pac locks the head, tries for a suplex. GETS IT!!! HOLY SHIT! BRAINBUSTAHHHHH!!!
Winner: Pac
Lordy
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: Lil bit
We are backstage with Team AEW! Swerve says the spirit of AEW is on the line tonight. He asks his team if they are ready to get violent, and they will be sohwing them tonight.
Darby interrupts, says this isn’t about Swerve, its about getting even with The Elite. They wont see eye to eye. Swerve tells Darby after all this, if he wants to throw hands, then they’ll throw hands. Max says this isn’t about their petty problems and Bowens says this is about eliminating th
Mark Briscoe is the voice of reason with the following:
From ions ago till now, the battles amongst men have been aplenty, with blood spilled from evil men just as much as spilled from good men. We may be unsure of which we land, but one thing is for certain – tonight, we will bleed. The fortitude necessary to even partake in this locking of horns means none of us here have a semblance of care for our lives, and that is what will take us to the promise land. Let us rejoice in our shared apathy as if it were the single bond amongst us. Let us ride on into battle as one, and let the pieces fall where they must. Only then can we become victorious.
Mariah May vs Jobberella
May goes all Toni Storm on. The girl with a hip attack and a Storm Zero. Cover for 1.2….3!!
Winner:
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: Shorter than Pac
Toni Storm’s music hits. May fakes worry. She then laughs it off, but we see a stagehand enter the ring.
It’s TONI!!! She stares May down. May turns to see her, and they lock horns!! Rights and lefts over and over till refs come down to separate them!
Toni with a mic, asks May if she is prepared to die, because she is.
Blood & Guts Match
The Elite vs Team AEW
We are starting wit Jack Perry and Darby Allin.
Before Darby can even enter the cage Jack clocks him across the head. Jack takes Darby around the ring and grabs some steps.He attacks the back of Darby then sends him into the steps, where he collides knees first. They fight into the crowd, with Draby sending Jack into a bunch of trash. Darby walks Jack over to some fans and fights him back towards the ring. He holds him against the barricade then hits a huge clothesline sending Jack over the barricade.
Darby sends Jack back into the ring and follows. There’s a chair inside as well as a trash can. Jack has the trash can and clocks Darby across the head. Jack grabs some rope nearby and chokes up Darby a bit the ngrabs the trashcan and sets it up in the corner. Jack grabs Darby up in the corner and puts him on his shoulders then tries to lawn dart him into the trash can. He does! Jack sets the trash can up again and sends Darby into it a few more times, then punches the can out of position. He tosses it against the cage and taunts the fans. Jack toys with Darby, but Darby spits in his face and fights back with right hands. The timer shows up and we get
Nick Jackson
He’s got a large briefcase and a chair, and he makes his way down to the ring. Nick walks into the ring as Jack has Darby hurting. Backbreaker to Darby, and Nick flies over the top rope witg a leg drop across the face. Nick and Jack try to suplex Darby onto a chair, but he hits them with knees. Darby tries to hop off the ropes but Nick sends him into the cage, then hits a superkick! Nick runs the apron and hits Darby with a punt kick!
We return from break and Mark Briscoe is in the ring! Matt Jackson is out next and he’s got his own briefcase as well1 He grabs Darby and DDTs him into the case, breaking it apart a bit! Nick has Mark against the cage, and he’s busted open. It’s Matt, excuse me. He’s rubbing Mark;s head across the cage
Jack Perry grabs the briefcase that nick brought down and holds onto it while Matt powerbombs Darby onto the back of Mark Briscoe! Northern Lights to Darby across the ring then a catapult into the case. Nick to the top rope. He dives o nto Darby then runs up to give Mark a backstabber. The Elite stands tall.
Here comes Anthony Bowens! He enters the ing and goes straight for Nick! Big right, another, spinning fist to Nick. Clothesline sends Nick into the other ring. Matt misses a hit with the case, Kick, another, big kick to Jack. Fameasser from behind! Nicks shoots th case into the face of Bowens. Mark with a body slam! He heads to the top rope! Matt runs by to clothesline Darby hard. Matt lits Darby, Nick is in the opposite ring. We get a Driver attmpt but Briscoe flies off the top rope with a cutter to Nick! Socrpion Death Drop to Matt! Darby with his skateboard! He flies onto the back of Matt! It has tacks and they go through the arm of Matt!
WE see Bowens who has a pair of scissors!!! He stabs Jack across the forehead then stabs him over and over and over!!! He then puts the scissors in the mouth of Jack and pulls them open!!!! Mark with a crutch, smashes Matt in the corner.
The Rainmaker is here! He has a street sign that says RAINMAKER AVE. He enters the ring and smacks Bowens across the head, Mark is next, Darby kicks, hits the ropes, and gets smacked! Okada drops the sign and hits Mark with a tombstone onto the sign! Kick from Okada! Dropkick into a trash can ld.
We are back and it’s Max!!!! He runs down with a mic, enters the ring, and clocks Okada on the top of the head, then Nick, and a chain now, to Matt. He hits Jack with a chair, then climbs the corner with it and hits Okada across the dome. Max goes under the ring looking for something. Bowens clocks Jack with a chair. Max finds what he’s looking for: some barbed wire attached to some wood. The Acclaimed grab Okada, try to suplex him, but Nick and Jack stop them and send them flying. The Bucks drop Bowens onto the barbed wire!!!! Matt with a body slam onto it again!!!!! Nick hands Matt another board with barbed wire on it! They sandwich Bowens! Nick climbs to the top rope and dives off of it onto the sandwiched Bowens with a Swanton Bomb!!!!!
Okada has a handful of tacks!!! They put them into the mouth of Max Caster! The Bucks pump up their shoes! SUPERKICK TO MAAX!!!!!!
Nick: “He aint rappin anymore!!!”
Hangman Adam Page is next!!!!
We look at the top of the stage, but Page is nowhere to be seen. The Elite are waiting for him, and this allows Team AEW to get the upperhand. Darby corners Nick, Mark has Okada hurtin in the corner. Darby boun ces off both Bucks in opposiute corners, then whips Nick into Matt. He whips Nick into Mark, who catches him with an Exploder! Bowens is wrapping barbed wire around his leg. Max grabs Nick! SCISSOR ME TIMBERS WITH THE BARBED WIRE!!!
Swerve Strickland’s music hits, and here comes YOUR WORLD CHAMPION!!!
Swerve walks out wearing his title, with Prince Nana dancing aside him and…..
HERE COMES HANGMAN WITH A CHAIR!!!! He attacks Swerve’s neck with the chair, then sends Prince Nana away scared. Hangman has cuffs. He locks up Swerve, attaching him to the cage. It’s a short link. He hits some right hands then looks to lock up his left hand.
We head back to the ring where Okada dropkicks Mark into the barbed wire!
Page with a right hand to Prince nana!!!
He grabs the title and holds it in front of Swerve saying he doesn’t deserve this, it never should have been his. He wants to eat Swerve alive. Page with rights over and over across the dome.
In the ring, Mark gets powerbombed onto the board.
Matt has the mic, yells at Hangman, asking him what the hell is he doing?!?! They had a deal. A DEAL IS A DEAL!!! Last time they suspended him, but if he doesn’t get in the ring, he’s fired!!!
Page stops punching Swerve, then enters the ring. Nick goes to lock the cage. He doesn’t care about Swerve, he wants the bell rang. The match has officially begun.
Hangman gets in the page of The Bucks, but Okada is here to shove Page away. Mark and Darby fly into frame attacking. Mark attacks Matt in the corner. Swerve tries to get himself out the cuffs outside.
WE COME BACK and JEFF JARRETT comes down with his guitar! Cutler tries to stop him.
DADDY ASS is here, too! He grabs Cutler, tells him to Suck it, and hits him with a right! Guitar shot to Cutler!
It appears JJ has a key for the cuffs. They unlock Swerve as Perry watches on. Here comes Nana with some wire cutters. I guess they don’t have a key? Swerve is out!!! He cant get in the cage, though!
Hangman notices that Swerve is unlocked! Swerve cuts across a section of the cage and peels it across to enter the ring!!! He dropkicks Okada! Uppercut, roll through, uppercut to the back of the head! He grabsa a Buck and hits a backbreaker then powerbombs Nick into Matt. In comes Perry only to get hit with a sick BRAINBUSTAH!!!
Swerve stands slow and we get the staredown across the two rings. They take the slow walk towards one another, then exit and meet on the kissing aprons. They meet in the middle and go straight up hockey fight! Swerve misses a right, Page hits a lariat, goes for Buckshot, Swerve ducks under, tries for Big Pressure, arm drag counter, Swerve steps through, Page has the board with barbed wire. Tries to push it into Swerve’s face, but we get a Code Red from Darby!!! Flapjack from Oakada to Darby!!! Dual superkicks to Mark, but Briscoe with a double lariat! Jack with a GERman to Mark! FLATLINER TO JACK FROM SWERVE!
The Acclaimed enter the ring, with Max bleeding from above the eye. They have a table.
Swerve has a staple gun in his hand. He goes to Page, who is seated in the corner, and tries to staple his head but Nick runs up and hits a low blow!
Matt opens the briefcase! It’s a collection of staple guns! He hands one to each of his partners. Swerve holds his own up, Jack hits the back, then Matt, then Nick, and they go in on Swerve, stapling him over and over! Good lord!
Swerve has his own gun, and he IS LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF!!! He grabs Nick and Matt and makes them staple each other then sits Nick on the top rope and staples him. Backbreaker to Jack Perry, and a stpale to the nek! Dropkick from Okada! RAinma—–OKADA FLIPS SWERVE OFF!!!! SWERVE STAPLES HIS MIDDLE FINGER!!! PAGE WITH A BUCKSHOT…..TO OKADA!!! Swerve ducked!!! Swerve staples Page in the jaw! House call!
We are back and The Young Bucks are scaling the cage! There are four tables down below, two onn two, with Bowens in between them, sandwiched yet again. We see Bowens escape the trap and climbs the corner with Nick. Nick send Anthony into the cage surrounding a few times, and Bowens takes the table spot, falling into all four!
Nick poses high, then climbs down as Mark hits Okada with a Jay Driller! Kick to Matt and he gets his own Driller!!! One more for Jack Perry!!!! Kick to Nick! DRILLA TIME!!!!! FOR JAY!!!!
Mark lays Matt across a table in between the two ring. Darby has a kendo stick and smacks Jack across the stomach. He’s laid out on a table. FROGGY BOW TO MATT! Darby climbs the cage from the inside then monkey bars across the center and we get a COFFIN DROP ONTO JACK PERRY THROUGH A TABLE!!!!!!!
Max has the other case, and it has cuffs in it! Mark locks Jack Perry up against a wall of the cage. Mark with a kendo stick! He attacks Jack across the stomach. He asks Jack to quit! Jack says no! Another kendo stick to the stomach. Another. Mark wants him to quit. Jack splits blood into his face. Darby has a mic, asks if he quits, Jack says no, so Darby says ok, “et’s get this party started.”
Darby climbs all the way under the ring….
MARK WITH A CHAIRSHOT TO THE FUCKING DOME!!! HOLY FUCK!!!! He tells Jack to say it. Say he quits!
Darby finally shows up. He’s got a steel something or other. Mark has a chair again. Matt watches on, cuffed to the bottom rope. Matt tries to talk sense to Mark, but Darby has a can of gas and a lighter!!!! He walks over to Jack and pours gas all over Jack’s face! He turns to Matt in the ring, laughs at him, and leaves the ring again.
Darby with a mic, “I am going to light your ass on fire if you don’t quit!”
Darby wants a shot at the TNT Championship. He says agree to it or he’s lighting Jack on fire. Matt pleads with him, says if he wants the match, he’s got it. All In. This has gone too far.
Darby says no, hell no. He wants Matt to say, “I quit!”
Matt quits!
Winners: Team AEW
A slow start, a GREAT buildup of intensity and fun, and an end that, ironically, lost a lot of gas. We had nearly an hour of good times, with a lot of moving parts, and everyone bled for us and showed some guts. I can say that ending was a bit rough, but I had fun.
Total Rating: ***3/4
Match Time: 19:32
End Show
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