Acero’s WWE RAW Review 5.30.22

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It’s Monday…you know what that means.

GROUP HUG! BIG GROUP HUG!!

WOW HAVE I MISSED YOU ALL!

Wanna see my schedule for the past few weeks?

College Graduation, College graduation, five day music festival in Las Vegas, a LA Galaxy football game, a night in LA for a 30th birthday party (not mine), a huge soccer game at the pub I run, one more concert, and a high school graduation! I have one more on Wednesday, which is causing me to miss AEW in Los Angeles, but it’s my final sibling, and we all were worried he wasn’t going to finish, so I guess I’ll show up.

AND WTF, Y’ALL? SASHA! MY BELOVED!

Needless to say, I’ve missed everyone, and although I have NOT missed RAW, I can’t wait for Wednesday.

Let’s see if this absence has allowed me to take a step back and enjoy RAW….TONIGHT!!!

Becky starts RAW of with a welcome, and says it’s been a while. She says she has never felt up to it without her title. So many of us prayed for her downfall. So many of us prayed she wouldn’t get her hands on that title, but lucky for her, she runs on spite and coffee, and she’s feeling pretty fueled up. Some people collect stamps and friends, but she collects enemies and will keep doing so as she rises to the top. She is on track to do so, because she is days away from regaining her title. She knows the odds are stacked against her, but she defies odds. She wants to take us back to May 10, 2020, Money in the Bank, when Asuka won the Money in the Bank contract. Credit to her, Asuka learned her way to the top. This is why, when she went off to create life like the God she is, she generously gave Asuka the greatest gift of her career by handing Asuka the title. Even then, she had a plan. She knew Asuka was the best, but also knew she could beat her. She knew when she came back, Asuka would still hold the title and she would be able to get it back, but instead she created a monster who became accustomed to being handed things.

This gets the attention of Asuka, and out she comes.

Asuka says that Becky is still big time baby. She mocks crying, and tells Becky to shut up. Asuka says no one is ready for Asuka. Not Bianca, not Becky, because she is ready to be the new RAW Women’s Champion.

Becky says this isn’t how that works.

BIANCA IS HERE TO WHIP THIS SEGMENT INTO SHAPE!!!

Bianca brings up the rules we are all aware of regarding a Triple Threat. Bianca wants to stop talking and get down I nthe ring. She brings up Asuka kicking her last week, and she’s got a lot to say in the ring tonight. And as for Becky, she can’t wait for Sunday. She don’t care what her odds are, the only percentage she is sure about is that the title is 100% not going anywhere.The girls all try to attack one another, with Becky rolling out of the ring to talk some shit. Asuka vs Bianca up next.

Match 1: Bianca Belair vs Asuka

Bianca locks up from behind into a takedown. She gets a side headlock but asuka gets a leg scissors. Bianca kicks out, Asuka shoves, shoulder tackle to Asuka. Bianca springboards, so Asuka kicks her midsection. Asuka sends Bianca into the corner, she cartwheels, hops up top, and smacks her ass. High kick and a kip up from Bianca. She tosses Asuka across the ring with ease. Another toss. Asuka corners Bianca with a boot, reg holds her back, lock up from behind but Bianca elbows out. She locks the head of Asuka, hits a suplex, rolls through for another one, but asuka drops out, shoots the leg, picks the ankle, and gets in a lock!!! Bianca rolls out, Asuka rolls through with her and keeps the hold in. Asuka drops down into a knee bar. Bianca rolls sideways and lifts up Asuka!! Asuka hits a few elbows, then jumps into the arms of Bianca and locks in a guillotine. Bianca lifts her up for a suplex!!!! Springboard moonsault! Pin for 1..2…NO!!! Whip to the center of the ring, Asuka reverses, arm lock!!! Bianca rolls into a Triangle hold, but Bianca lifts her up and drops her on the ropes! They tumble to the outside over the top rope!!!

We are BACK and Bianca is hurtin. Asuka is on the apron shouting at Becky. She hops to the top rope, continuing to tlk shit to Becky, allowing Bianca to run up and hit a right hand. Bianca attacks th back on the top rope, then locks up for a suplex. Asuka punches the gut, tries fo a right, Bianca backflips off the top rope, and Asuka dives off with a dropkick! Cover for 1..2…N!O!! Asuka rushes the corner, Bianca moves, grabs the hed and sends it into the buckle a few times. Bianca sets up for KOD. Asuka elbows out. Bianca tosses her off the shoulders, and Asuka lands badly on her knee. Asuka rolls to the outside a Becky feigns care. Asuka hears the mocking, but here comes Bianca to lift her up and send her ack into the ring. Bianca enters the ring, gets hit with a high knee from Asuka. Cover for 1…2…NO!!! Asuka looks for the Asuka Lock.

Bianca backs Asuka into the corner, Asuka grabs the arms, Bianca reverses for a Glam Slam, Bianca tries for another springboard moonsault, Asuka moves. Cradle but Bianca rolls onto Asuka for a surprise pin. 1…2…3!!!!

Winner: Bianca Belair
An abrupt and somewhat odd ending, although I enjoy the story they told. Essentially, Asuka has a litany of submission moves in her arsenal, but Bianca is too damned strong for them to mean anything because she is able to power out each time. Nicely done, ladies.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 13:00

Becky enters the ring, drops Asuka then hits a Manhandle Slam to Bianca!

Last week, Kevin Owens challenged Ezekiel, and Zeke accepted.

Match 2: Kevin Owens and The Alpha Academy vs Rey Mysterio, Dominik Mysterio, and Ezekiel

Gable and Dominik are goin at it when I come back from grabbing a Coke. Gable hits a belly to belly, another one, cover for 1..NO!!! Gable works the left arm, Dom punches, hits the corner, hops off with an arm drag. Owens comes in and tumbles over the top rope as Dom holds it down. In comes Otis, Rey is in to dropkick Otis, Dom hits one, finally Zeke comes in to join and we get a triple dropkick to send Otis to the outside! The faces celebrate, but here is Gable to shove him off the top rope to the outside. Ref holds the faces back as Gable heads out to whip Dom into the barricade.

We are back, and Dom is in the ring with Owens. Rey saves him from being pinned, and Kevin tags in Otis. Otis whips, then smashes Dom in the corner. He kicks the chest, Otis drags Dom to the corner. He climbs up the corner, then goes for a big splash. Dom rolls out of the way. Zeke wants the hot tag. HE GETS IT! Otis reaches for Gable, tags him in as well. Zeke with a punch, a back elbow, whip to the corner, reversed, Zeke with a mule kick out of the corner. Owens in, high knee to Owens. Zeke sees Gable in the. Corner, hits a big splash, then one for Owens, another splash in the corner, he gets Gable on his shoulders and spins for a sit out powerbomb. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Otis in to stop the pin. Dom to the top rope, he flies, Otis catches him, Rey with. Seated senton! Owens in to send out Dom! Rana from Rey to Owens!!! 619 misses so Owens superkicks, but Rey ducks and the kick hits Gable!! Zeke sends owens outside. In comes Dom.

Double 619 to Gable!!! Zeke lifts Gable, delayed suplex and a cover for 1…2….3!!!

Winners: Rey Mysterio, Dominik Mysterio, and Ezekiel
Not bad, not great, Dorothy’s bed, I suppose.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 8:31

Owens is PISSED. He tears apart the announce table as Gable and Otis stare him down with frustration.

Commentary tries to keep the show going, but Owens yells that this isn’t funny, interrupting their HiaC shill.

Last Monday, Seth interrupted a Cody match then stole his belt from a fan and beat Cody with it. Lol. Nice.

Here is Cody, live!

Cody Rhodes stares at the crowd with intensity. He’s got the mic. He grabs the pocket watch out of his pocket, holds the heft in his hands, nods slowly, then says,

“This watch I got here was first purchased by your great-grandfather during the first World War. It was bought in a little general store in Knoxville, Tennessee. Made by the first company to ever make wrist watches. Up till then people just carried pocket watches. It was bought by private Doughboy Ernie Coolidge on the day he set sail for Paris. It was your great-grandfather’s war watch and he wore it every day he was in that war. When he had done his duty, he went home to your great-grandmother, took the watch off, put it an old coffee can, and in that can it stayed until your granddad Dane Coolidge was called upon by his country to go overseas and fight the Germans once again. This time they called it World War II. Your great-grandfather gave this watch to your granddad for good luck. Unfortunately, Dane’s luck wasn’t as good as his old man’s. Dane was a Marine and he was killed, along with the other Marines at the battle of Wake Island. Your granddad was facing death, he knew it. None of those boys had any illusions about ever leaving that island alive. So three days before the Japanese took the island, your granddad asked a gunner on an Air Force transport name of Winocki, a man he had never met before in his life, to deliver to his infant son, who he’d never seen in the flesh, his gold watch. Three days later, your granddad was dead. But Winocki kept his word. After the war was over, he paid a visit to your grandmother, delivering to your infant father, his dad’s gold watch.

This watch. This watch was on your daddy’s wrist when he was shot down over Hanoi. He was captured, put in a Vietnamese prison camp. He knew if the gooks ever saw the watch it’d be confiscated, taken away. The way your dad looked at it, that watch was your birthright. He’d be damned if any slopes were gonna put their greasy yellow hands on his boy’s birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. His ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you all.”

Wow…just wow.

……………

Kidding. We go to commercial.

Upon return, we are reminded that Cody will meet Seth in Hell in a Cell this Sunday.

Coy takes in the love, smiles a bit, then says he has always been a fan of Seth Rollins. From the first time he saw Rollins, the potential for greatness was there. Know who else saw said potential? Cody’s father, the man who raised him.

Weak Dusty chant.

He told Cody about the special ingredients Seth had that would make him a generational talent. Seth lives up to the hype. So imagine you get the call, that Cody gets his second chance against Seth Rollins. Cody was nervous, truthfully. Very nervous because everything he had done, all he had gone to, he couldn’t return with a loss, and he didn’t. He was at the top of his game. They ran it back, and both times he was the better man, and it has driven Seth mad. Cody defines envy then says jealousy leads men to desperate measures. He is a maniac, but this is also why he is dangerous. Sunday, he is walking into the biggest challenge in his entire career. Hyperbole much?

He needs Seth to feel what he says next: all the respect and every ounce of his self-control will be locked outside of Hell in a Cell. Seth will be locked inside with a man who wants to hurt Seth very very much.

Seth’s music hits, but instead of the man, you get the laugh.

We then see Seth in the crowd with a mic, lookin like a DJ from Florida. He says Cody can wax poetic all night long about Seth’s motivation, but he will make it very easy for Cody to understand – he doesn’t like Cody and doesn’t want Cody here. He tried to accept this new version of Cody, but every week the pandering got worse and the Cody chants got louder and louder and now all he hears in his sleep is Cody over and over, and he can’t stand it any longer.

Seth says Cody left WWE six years ago because he weren’t good enough and every single day he was gone, Cody and his little friends tried to tear down what Seth was building here, and when that didn’t work out so well for Cody, he came running back – The Prodigal Son returns home to fulfill his family legacy. NOT ON MY WATCH, PAL! You don’t get to the be the conquering hero in Seth’s kingdom. NO sledgehammer to the throne, then come back and try and take that throne from Seth! He doesn’t like Cody, doesn’t want him here, and in six days, he will prey on his insecurities and will do more than change Cody – he will end him. Only then can we all wake up from this American Nightmare.

Cody is curious – what right now is stopping Cody? Three ropes? A barricade? What is stopping both of them? Why are they waiting? Seems the time for talk is over. Cody tells Seth to come down and talk with his actions.

Seth walks down the steps, looks to hop over the barricade, then laughs at Cody, says he’ll see him Sunday.

Cody would rather not wait. He leaves the ring, hops the barricade, and attacks! Seth tries to fight back by using a trash can. Seth locks the head, Cody lifts him, sends him into and through the barricade! Punches from above, followed by some stomps, and out come some officials to break everything up.

Michael McGillicutty sighting.

Just as it looks to be over, Seth escapes into the ring then out of it.

Cody returns the favor from the top of the stage. They finally break them all up as Seth screams, “You’re going to hell!!!”

Crowd chants THIS IS AWESOME.

We are back to RAW, and Alexa Bliss makes her entrance.

We are reminded about the time she won the MitB contract and cashed in an hour later.

Match 3: Alexa Bliss vs Piper Niven

Bliss tries to attack but gets dropped hard. Piper lifts Bliss up, sends her into the corner face first, then rushes for a hard splash. Bliss rolls out of the corner. Lol. Why did she do that? Piper tries for a submission from behind. Bliss elbows out. Piper drops her hard, covers for 1..2.NO!!! Piper sends Alexa into the corner, mises another splash, Bliss ducks under a right, hits a rana, kick to the knee, knee to the afce, dropkick! Piper still on her knees. Bliss with another dropkick! Finally to her back1 Piper up for another kick, Bliss hits the ropes, and gets caught, then dropped hard. Piper tires for a senton, Bliss rolls out of the way. Piper shoves her down hard.

Piper tries for a splash off the corner, but Bliss moves! She heads to the top rope, kicks Nikki off the apron. Twisted Bliss and a cover for 1..2….3!!!

Winner: Alexa Bliss
Welp..
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 3:19

MVP is backstage whispering to Omos as we hear Miz’s music. Back to the ring, and here comes Miz all suited and booted. Miz TV is next.

Y’all, I went to go get some food from th kitchen and come back to a bunch of 24/7 madness. Street Profits basically stand aside and watch from their seats as Dana and Tamina have a mini match. Tamina wins the title with a Samoan Drop. She then kisses Akira in celebration, only for Akira to hit a backslide and win the title…

Recap of the Ali saga that introduced Veer two weeks ago.

Match 4: Tommaso Ciampa vs Mustafa Ali
Ciampa with the beat down to start. He elbows the shoulders then locks in a chinlock. Ciampa whips, cuts short a reversal, and hits a hard clothesline. Ciampa to the top rope. He applauds Ali, mockingly, then drops down hard on him for a pin. 1..2….NO!!!! Boot to the face. Another. Ciampa with a gut punch. Snapmare into a chinlock. Ali is able to escape and hit a boot to the face of Ciampa! Suicide div to Ciampa on the outside!!!

Ali rolls him inside, ets to the top rope, but here’s Theory to pull the leg out from Ali, causing the DQ.

Winner: Mustafa Ali
Seems kind of a dumb decision to cause a win here, and did we ever get a reason behind Ciampa’s attacks? I’ll reserve harsh judgment since I haven’t been around, but seems kind of short sighted for a debut.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 3:19

Theory grabs Ali, says a win is a win, but why wait for the future, let’s do the title shot now.

Match 5: United States Championship Match
Mustafa Ali vs Austin Theory

Theory attacks in the corner, beating Ali down then whipping him into the ropes and hitting a back body drop. Theory covers for 1….2…NO!!!! Ali with. Kick, surprise tornado DDT off the 2nd rope!!

Ali to the top rope! Theory crotches him! A-Town Down! Cover for 1..2…3!!!

Winner: Austin Theory
Kinda lookin like Ali was brought back solely to make Theory look better.
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 1:44

Out comes Adam Pearce to inform Theory that Vince was impressed, but has also decided that hed rather see them in a fair fight this Sunday at Hell in a Cell.

Riddle is backstage, shouting out Orton real quick, before explanining that he will get his vengeance, because he didn’t come alone. Shinsuke is here. Riddle and he have a common purpose – to bleed the Bloodline dry. They will take the titles and theres’ nothing they can do about it.

OK…

Match 6: The Usos vs Matt Riddle and Shinsuke Nakamura

Riddle and Jimmy to start. Riddle with. Kick to the chest, a deadlift gutwrench and Shin tags himself in. We get an assisted floating bro and a pin for 1..NO!!! Jey in with the tag, splash in the corner, Shin hits a knee, another, driving it hard to the side of the head. Sliding kick to Jey. Tag to Riddle. Kick to the chest from both men. Riddle locks the head, hits a Fishermans and a pin for 1..2..NO!!! Cravat from behind, jey tutns into it, Riddle hops up into a kimura, tag from Jimmy, pulls Riddle back against the ropes. Jey with a Samoan Drop. Cover from Jimmy for 1..2..NO!!! jey with a cheap shot. Jimmy stomps the back. Tag to Jey. Whip to the corner, hard. Tag to Jimmy. Right to the head. Chop to the chest. Jey gets shoved off the apron. Tag to Shin, he comes in, ducks a right, high kick, in comes Jey, knee, drop the leg on em! He bloks a right, right hand, kick to the chest, another, another, boot in the corner, Shinsuke goes crazy! He lifts Jimmt, whips to the corner, rushes, grabs th boot, swing, kick to the back, and shin with a Sliding German!!! Shinsuke to the middle rope!!! He flies with a kick to the jaw! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Jimmy with a superkick out of nowhere! Tag to Jey! Frog Splash! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Riddle flies off the top!

We abruptly go to commercial!

We are back, and Riddle wants the tag. Tag to Riddle Kick to Jey! Kip up! Right hand in the corner, another! He tries for a suplex, Jey attacks out, Riddle hits a suplex anyway, hits a Broton, grabs Jey off the apron and ties for the Orton DDT! Jey counters, Shinsuke gets a tag as jey sends Riddle over the top rope. Jey hits the ropes, Shinsuke in with a huge kick to Jey! Cover for 1..2….NO!!!! Jimmy in to stop the pin! Jimmy grabs Shin, high kick from Shin, Jey with a Superkick. Tag from Riddle. Riddle ducks a right, hits a powerslam, another, grabs Jey by the head, and hits the Orton DDT! Riddle tries for the RKO, Jey escapes, SUPERKICK TO RIDDLE!!! Jey chokes him up on the rope. Ref holds him back at 4. Jimmy has Riddle’s scooter and hits Riddle in the face with it, right in front of the ref for the DQ.

Winners: Riddle and Shinsuke
Didn’t we JUST see something lik this happen? The match was solid, good action, and Shinsuke looked more motivated than I’ve seen in years, but the ending was just….
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 11:56

Shinsuke attacks Jimmy on the outside. Riddle attacks Jey. Hey gets him to the top rope. SUPER RKO OFF THE TOP ROPE!

Ali is backstage, saying he’s been to hell and back to earn this shot. He doesn’t stay down, he gets back up, so this Sunday, at Hell in a Cell, he knows the odds are against him, but he wont stay down. He’s walking out of Chicago the new US Cha—-

Theory attacks from behind and takes a selfie.

Match 7: Liv Morgan vs Rhea Ripley

Liv shoots out the gate with a dropkick, but Rhea no sells it and hits a headbutt. She tosses Liv across the ring, Liv kicks out of th corner. Liv hops ove the back, Rhea catches Liv on her shoulders, Liv turns this into a submission on the back of Rhea. Rhea backs into the corner, again, a third time, but Liv won’t break it, so Rhea just falls backwards onto Liv. Cover for 1..2.NO!!!! Liv sends Rhea into the corner, Rea kicks out, kick to Liv. A big stomp. Another. Kick to the gut. Liv sends Rhea to the outside. Liv hits the ropes, slides but Rhea catches her and gets Liv on her shoulders. Liv lands on the apron, kicks the chest, then Liv tries for a rana, only for Rhea to hold on and swing Liv into the barricade. Another weird commercial break hits here.

We come back, and Rhea has a cover. We see priest and AJ Styles are ringside. AJ cheers Liv on as Rhea locks in an abdominal stretch. Rhea stands and drops Liv down by the hair. Leg scissors from behind by Rhea. Rhea screams that she is pathetic. Liv rolls back into a pin, Rhea lets go, hits aclothesline. Rhea mocks AJ then goes back to talking down to Liv. Liv with a right, blocks a right, kciks, another kick, an enziguri. High knee in the corner, misses a back elbow, sends Rhea into the corner, and Rhea tumbles to the outside. Liv hits the top rope, She dives and hits a hard crossbody to Rhea! Liv tries for Oblivion, Rhea stops her, pin for 1..2..NO!!!

On the outside AJ attacks Priest. Rip Tide attempt, but Liv floats over, hits a backstabber, stacks Rhea. 1..2….3!!!

Winner: Liv Morgan
I’ve been missing for three weeks, and although I know this not to be true, I feel like I’ve seen this match a solid ten times. The good news is that Liv seems to be growing as a performer, but man do they suck the marrow out of things fast.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 10:12

Priest looks to attack Liv. He enters the ring and tries to corner her, but here comes Finn!!! He attacks, Rhea stands, Liv gets to the top rope. Aj enters the ring. Rhea is all smiles. Liv dives with a dropkick to Rhea! AJ with a Phenomenal Forearm to Priest! Finn with the stomp to the chest! TOO SWEET!

Up next, the official contract signing between Bobby Lashley and Omos/MVP.

Yup, this is closing the show.

MVP says he did everything for Lashley, but now here we are. This Sunday, no cages that’ll fall and let him accidentally win, the only thing that awaits him is the brutal beating Omos wil put on him. Bobby’s era exists because of MVP and is nothing without him, so it’s fitting that this Sunday, it comes to an end once and for all.

MVP signs.

Lashley says MVP’s got this all wrong; he never needed MVP. He’s a leech. He just wanted to stay relavant.

MVP says he’s talking to much, just sign the contract. Lashley says he considered MVP a friend.

MVP says he considered Lashley a brother, now sign the damned contract.

Lashley says this is just his opportunity to send both their asses to hell.

It’s official, says Pearce, but MVP says it’s not done yet. He knows Lashley is full of anxious energy, but let’s not wait for that.

Omos stands, so does Lashley. Pearce tells them to take it easy. Lashley tosses the table outside, and here comes security to pull the two apart before they can interact. Omos and Lashley each take turns tossing security out of the ring. Finally, it’s Omos and Lashley with nothing in the way.

But heres Cedric to clip the leg of Lashley. He hits a springboard kick to Lashley. Lashley corners Omos then lams Cedric down hard. Big Boot sends Lashley down, then here comes MVP to attak. He yells for Omos to get a table.

Omos sets the table up in the corner, lifts Lashley, Lashley lands on his feet. SPEAR TO OMOS THROUGH THE TABLE.

End Show

6.0

The final score: review Average

The 411

Well...I've been gone for three weeks, and have, admittedly, been unable to catch up with the nine hours I've missed, but unfortunately, it appears that I missed absolutely nothing, as they are still doing the same shit they were three weeks ago. The show started strong, with Asuka and Bianca having a well put together match that told a story, but after that we went into cruise control, with some really long lulls before getting to the weak ending of a contract signing that involved Omos. I loved Seth's promo, but it seems like we could have started with it quite a few weeks ago. We also got TWO security/agent stoppage, TWO matches with title implications ending in intentional DQs, and a lot of awkward cuts to commercial. All in all, it appears I did not miss much, because I certainly did not miss RAW.