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Acero’s WWE RAW Review 8.9.21
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OH YEAH, THIS IS A WRESTLING SITE, ISN’T IT?
It’s Monday…you know what that means.
RANDY ORTON IS HERE!
He says this is where he is supposed to say, “Welcome to Monday Night RAW!” And say it, he does.
Riddle’s music hits immediately, and Orton looks slightly bothered. Down comes Riddle, sliding into the ring, flipping his sandals, and looking excited as all hell.
Riddle: “Randy, I missed you so much, bro…”
Riddle wonders where Orton went, thought maybe he was hiding, then he thought maybe Orton went on vacation. Point is, he missed Orton so much. He’s glad Orton is back. Which reminds him; 25 years ago, his step-dad went to get milk, but got lost and never came back.
RKO CHANT. Lol.
But bro, Randy, you’re back! This means t hey can team and be RK-BRO again.
Orton wonders what Riddle thinks would make him want to team with him again? Orton says they had a few matches, Riddle made a few shirts, they both got a buzz…on social media. But let’s be real, Orton works better by himself, and Riddle has done just fine without Orton, or his step-dads.
Riddle wonders if this means he doesn’t want to be a team anymore. He gets all sad and mopey eyed.
Orton says they WERE a good team.
AJ STYLES is here now. He’s with Omos, and comes out to make fun of Orton and Riddle, saying Bro a bunch of times. This is embarrassing, says AJ. He says this is so embarrassing that you could taste it, and some would say….TOO SWEET. Oop.
AJ reminds Riddle of Orton’s nicknames. He’s used and abused people, and you think he’s going to be Riddle’s friend? It makes no sense. It’s Randy Orton. He thought Omos breaking Riddle’s scooter would hurt him, but never thought it would be a broken heart that hurt Riddle the most, by Randy Orton. Well done, Randy.
Randy asks AJ to shut up. He’s been at home for 7 weeks, watching AJ run his mouth, walking round like he’s the man. The only thing bigger than AJ’s ego is that jackass right there. Lol.
AJ: “That’s cap!”
AJ challenges Orton, and Orton accepts quickly then goes to RKO AJ, but Aj escapes the ring. Orton waits for Omos to turn around. Omos does, Orton tries, Omos shoves Orton out of the ring. Omos wants to fight. Riddle is behind Omos, waits, goes for an RKO but Omos catches him!!! GOOZLE!!! Chokeslam to Riddle!
Riddle rolls to the outside, reaches his hand out to Orton. Orton looks down to Riddle and says, “That wasn’t a smart move, was it?”
So, apparently we have not gotten enough Corbin. He’s here, and I guess he challenged Drew McIntyre? He says he needs the money. His crown, car, and hosue is gone. His wife took the kids and left. He’s basically homeless. This weekend, he was staying in one of the production trucks. Jinder has offered him a chance to turn things around. He’s not jumping for joy to climb in the ring with someone that can cut his head off, but he’s running out of options. He’s desperate.
After a break, Drew is backstage to talk about Jinder and Corbin. It seems like Jinder is scared, and he cant put his finger on why. As for Corbin; he’s pathetic. He asks the crowd if he should feel sympathy. No. Corbin is a genuinely terrible human being. He once bragged about beating up a homeless man and stealing his dog. He knows Orlando wants to see Drew beat his ass.
Drew is asked about his sword. It’s named after his late mother. She past a few years ago. She got preggo with him, was told to abort, had him, never complained, not even when she had cancer, so imagine how he feels about someone like Corbin.
Match 1:
Corbin tries to cheap shot as commentary reminds us of the on-again/off-again Brand Invitational. Lol. OK. Jinder and his peeps are watching backstage as Drew hits a suplex and a cover for 1…2..NO!!!! Drew shoves Crobin to the ropes then clothelsines him over the top. Chop to Corbin. Corbin attacks the neck. He shoves Drew into the apron. Corbin grabs the head and sends Drew into the ring. Back into the ring, and Corbin hits a knee. Another knee. He send Drew over the top. Corbin rolls out and rushes Drew, but Drew catches him and hits a belly to belly.
We are back, and Corbin hits a superplex off the top. He covers for 1……2…NO!!!! Corbin ttacks in the corner, whip, and he dodges, slides outside, back inside, and Drew hits a headbutt to the running Corbin. Both men down. Drew beats down on Corbin. He rushes with a fist to the head, a clothesline. Whip to the ropes, belly to belly. Another out the corner. Corbin misses a clothesline. Neckbreker. Kip up. Drew waits in the corner. Claymore ready, but Corbin begs him on his knees, saying he has nothing else – he is desparate. Please.
Drew wants a mic. He tells Corbin that he is absolutely pathetic. He feels a little bad, though. He tells Corbin that if things are that bad, how much does he need to get by for a few days?
“$100,000” says Corbin. That’s all he needs. Drew calls this reasonable. Why not $200,000? How about $300,000? 3…2…1… CLAYMORE! Pin for 1..2…3!!!
Winner: Drew McIntyre
Nevermind that the Corbin storyline has more holes than Dusty Rhodes had polka dots, Drew really just came off as a dick, and he’s supposed to a fan favorite. This did nothing for no one.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 9:49
Jinder and Ren and Stimpy come down slowly, so Drew pulls his sword out to prevent them from coming out any further.
BACKSTAGE, Orton is walking slowly. Riddle comes by with his scooter, wants to know if they can still be friends, and if he can be in Orton’s corner tonigh. He wants to be there just in case, so he can help. Orton is quiet. He tells Riddle not to call him bro, and that’s just….sad.
Looks like they didn’t take the sign that the Jeff Hardy/Kross storyline wasn’t a good idea, because Jeff is back, and they’re going right back to the plan.
Match 2: Karrion Kross vs Jeff Hardy
Big Boot from Kross, and he shoves the rainbow covered Hardy into the corner. Hardy chants as Kross gets a T-Bone suplex. Kross sends Jeff outside hard. He follows and tells Jeff they’re not done. Whip is reversed, and Kross is sent into the steps. Jeff runs, hits Poetry in Motion off the steps into Kross against the barricade. Jeff removes his shirt and is hyped. Inside the ring, Jeff hits a Side-Russian Leg Sweep then heads to the top rope. Kross is up and trips Jeff.
We are back, and the guys are going back and forth with rights. Jeff kicks and hits a DDT. Kross kicks and gets hit with a right hand. Inverted Atomic Drop, leg drop from jeff. Dropkick to the head. Jeff with a running splash and a covr for 1..2..NO!!! Jeff kicks out of the corner, hits the 2nd rope, goes fo ra splash, and hits it. 1..2..NO!!!! Jeff rolls up Kross, gets a 1…2.NO!!!
Jeff runs to the corner climbs up, Kross catches him. SAITO SUPLEX. Kross with a Kross-Jacket from behind. Jeff taps!
Winner: Karrion Kross
The initial loss didn’t make this win any more important or impactful. I’d argue that it hurt a bit more, as the crowd was firmly pro Jeff (assuming there was no piped in shit).
Total Rating: *1/2
Match Time: 7:59
Kross decides to re-enter the ring, attack Jeff, and lock on the Kross Jacket once again.
Recap of Eva Marie and Alexa’s doings from last week, complete with the resurrecting doll.
AFTER A video package with a shitty song about best friends in the background, we head to Riddle, sad, on his scooter. He was so stoked to see Orton, but now he doesn’t want to be a team, be his bro, or want him in his corner. He doesn’t know what to do. If orton wants to be by himself, he’s gotta respect it. Also, he’s a stallion. Also, he scoots away.
Match 3: Alexa Bliss vs Piper Niven
Alexa stretches in the corner. Eva decides to sit on the corner for no good reason. WE WANT WYATT chant. Ref kicks Eva out of the ring. Alexa with a kick, right hand another kick, she shoves Alexa down, and Alexa crawls towards Piper slowly. Piper is freaked, but only just. Alexa runs, Piper lifts and Alexa gets a sleeper hold. Piper grabs the head and slams Alexa forward. Running senton, but Alexa moves. Bliss with a hard kick to the back. Alexa with another kick to the chest. Crossbody off the ropes. Cover for 1…NO!! Alexa leaves the ring. Front row loves her. Alexa walks over to Eva. Eva slaps the air? Bliss blocks her seond attempt, Piper is here to attack from behind. She grabs Alexa and rolls her into the ring at 9. Piper kicks the back of Bliss hard. Piper sends Alexa into the corner hard. Whip to the corner again, and a splash. She rolls Alexa into the center of the ring. Piper says Lily can’t help her, now. She then goes to talk shit to the doll. Ok…
Bliss is smiling, with hair covering her eyes, and we get a close-up of Lily…she blinks. WTF.
Bliss rolls Piper up for 1….2…3!!
Winner: Nobody. No one won here.
W….T…F….
Total Rating: One Corbin
Match Time: 3:31
Bliss dances with Lily as Eva Marie slaps Piper in the head.
BACKSTAGE, Miz and Morrison talk about Damian Priest being dry. In comes Sheamus, saying he cant stand Morrison. He’s the water head that cost him his match last week. Sheamus says someone is after his gold, and I am all but over this fucking episode’s writing.
Match 4: Sheamus vs Ricochet
Sheamus works the arm, drags Ricochet down, then they lockup again. Sheamus backs Ric up in the corner and scrapes the face, so Ric shoves him back. Ric with a go behind, attacking the back. Locks up from behind, Sheamsu hits an elbow. He cluibs the back. Side headlock takedown to Ric. Ric off the ropes, hurricanrana, dropkick to Sheamus, Sheamus to the outside. Sheamus back on the apron at 5. Kick from Sheamus. He drags Ric down and drives a knee to his face. Chop from Ric, another, knee from Sheamus. Body slam to Ricochet. Sheamus goes for a Brogue, but Ric holds the ropes and Sheamus heads to the outside into the table. Ric springboards and hits a crossbody to Sheamus.
Back, and Ric is fighting out of a hold. He hits some rights, but Sheamus drops him down then stands on his head. Back elbows from Ric until Sheamus hops on the apron. Ric hits a fist and hits the mask, hurting his hand. Sheamus to the top rope. High enziguri from Ricochet. Ric hops onto the apron. Sheamus shoves him off, Ric lands on his feet, hits a HIGH DROPKICK!!! Ric flies off the top with a leg lariat! Moonsautl to Sheamus! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Firemans to Sheamus. Elbow out from Sheamus. He shoves Ric into the corner, drop toe hold to Sheamus!
Ric to the top rope! He flies but…I don’t even know what happened. I think he hit the mask and he’s out. Ugh, that’s dumb. Commentary says he tries a headbutt. Brogue Kick. 1…2..3!!!
Winner: Sheamus
We were doin real well until Ricochet opts for a headbutt into a mask that he punched and was hurt by earlier, thus making him an idiot…
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 10:34
Priest’s music hits, and out he comes to shoot some invisible arrows.
Priest enters the ring and goes face to face with him. He is, it appears, here to steal his gold.
Sheamus backs up, not wantin any. Priest goes to shoot an arrow, and Sheamsus tries to attack. Priest sees it and shoves Sheamus as Morrison’s music hits.
Match 5: Damien Priest vs John Morrison
Priest send Morrison in the corner hard and hits rights and lefts, ending with an uppercut. Miz grabs one of the squirters as Priest grabs the leg of Morrison and drags him into the ring. Kick from Morrison. Sliding knee and a cover for 1…NO!!! Morrison mounts and hits some punches, then some elbows. He drives the forearm into the face, hitting some more elbows, then dropping a knee on the face. Morrison works the arm. Priest attacks the chest, drops a few legs! Priest is able to stand, drops Morrison hard, then gets distracted and Morrison hits an elbow. They go back and forth with kicks, leg sweeps, and missed moves. They each kick low, and that was a nice little exchange. Morrison sends Pries to the outside then flies over the top rope like a flying burrito into a crossbody. He sends Priest into the ring, Priest msises a kick, Morrison hits a kick. Springboard. Leg Lariat from Priest! He grabs the head of Morrison.
Miz squirts him from outside. The Reckoning and a cover for 1..2..3!!!
Winner: Damien Priest
Has every segment here been marred by childish bullshit?
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 4:06
After the match, Miz tries to squirt Priest again, Priest shoves Miz, Miz stands, and we see the folly that is Miz’s injury. Miz runs to t he back and Priest gets in the ring. He says that for months, they’ve all seen Sheamus come out and run his mouth.
Sheamus comes out to interrupt. He wants Priest to say it to his face. He expected more from Priest. Priest calls him a bully. He says he’ll deal with him how he’s dealt with every other bully. He wants to fight Sheamus for the title at Summerslam.
Sheamus says he talks a big game, and calls him a bully, and maybe he is. Maybe he likes it. He doesn’t care what Priest or any of us think. He will put Priest in his place. He’s down for Summerslam.
Priest turns and Brogue Kicks Morrison. Priest tells Sheamus that this will be him at Summerslam.
Backstage, Mansoor is apologizing to Ali by giving him a jacket. Ali loves it, says stop apologizing for his mistakes, but he must learn from them. Mansoor will do better next time. Tonight, Ali will show him how it’s done, Mansoor just needs to watch and learn.
Match 6: T-Bar vs Ali
Lockup and T-Bar grabs the neck and sends Ali into the corner and hits a back elbow. Whip to the corner, hard, and a back body drop to Ali. Cover for 1…2..NO! Ali attacks the mid, dodges a clothesline, hits a dropkick, and kicks the re-entering T-Bar. Crossbody off the top rope! T-Bar catches him! Hits some knees then just spins and sends Ali into the barricade hard. He sends Ali inot the corner. T-Bar ot the ring. He waits, spins again, then hits a big boot to Ali. Cover for 1..2..N!O!!! Whip to Ali into the corner, Ali kicks out of the corner and flies off for an arm drag, but T-Bar catches him and hits a backbreaker. Pin for 1..2..NO!!! Ali gets his foot on the rope. Mace rushes Mansoor with a HUGE leg lariat, screaming Snitches get Stitches. T-Bar tries for a chokeslam, but Ali is able to rll him up for 1..2.NO!!! Tornado DDT off the 2nd rope! Ali t othe top rope. T- Bar kicks from below, and Ali is crotched.
T-Bar grabs the head and puts Ali into a Torture Rack, then flips him off the shoulders with a knee to the face after. Cover for 1..2…3!!!
Winner: T-Bar
There is simply no recovery for Mace or T-Bar.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 3:04
Mace enters the ring, and they look to double team, but Mansoor flies off the top rope with ad ropkick to T-Bar. He attacks Mace, Mace sends him to the ropes, Mansoor holds on, Mace tumbles to the apron, Mansoor flies off with a springboard kick right to the head.
24/7 Champ is in the middle of a photo shoot. Akira, dressed up as a delivery man, tries to roll him up. In comes Janitor Truth and Reggies shoes some of his skills as an acrobat to escape while R-Truth says, “He on X-Box mode.”
WE ARE BACK, and Lashley and MVP are in the ring. MVp wants us all to stand for Lashley. MVP says there have been some false narratives being spun after Goldberg’s challenge. If Goldy was looking for a fight, it was in the ring, but he never raised his hands. He exited in an orderly fashioned, then returned and hit MVP wih a spear for no reason. He then lied, saying he did this because MVP was threatening his kid. MVP is a father, Lashley is a father, they would never do any such thing. He was acting in a humanitarian capacity. What he said to Gage, is if he loved his father, he implore him to dissuade him from this fool’s errand, because if Goldberg shows up, his career is over. He has been slandered before. He was ran over by a truck. He has four bruised ribs now. Only thing worse is a spear from the almighty.
They are violent by nature, and if Goldberg invited his son in battle, anything can happen, so maybe he shouldn’t bring him here. MVP says he cant cough or sneeze or laugh. MVP has a message for Gage – convince your father not to show up for Summerslam.
Lashley has a message for Bill. He tells him to not let his son watch Summerslam.
Lashley: “At Summerslam, Goldberg – you’re not next, you’re done.”
BACKSTAGE, Rhea is walking. She is stopped by Sarah. She is asked about her match tonight. Rhea says almost isn’t just good enough to stay the champ.Does Nikki have a dark side? Because she has not seen it.
BACKSTAGE, Nikki talks about nightmares and nightlights and deadbeat Charlotte, or something like that.
Match 7: Rhea Ripley vs Nikki A.S.H.
Nikki and Rhea start with some mat-based stuff until Rhea slams Nikki down ribs first. She stomps the ribs and back s Nikki into the cornerthen hits a shoulder. A right hand to Nikki drops her in the corner. Rhea sends Nikki into the corner again, then grabs her head and lifts her, then tosses her across the ring. Rhea sends Nikki to the outside. She follows, then lifts Nikki and drops her on the edge of the apron.
I decide to take a piss, but lucky for me, reader Scintilla covers:
Back from commercial, eventually Rhea pops Nikki up but Nikki reverses into a DDT, takes time getting up. Rhea reverses a whip, but Nikki gets a hurricanrana. A rollup only gets 2. Ripley targets Nikki’s ribs and goes for Riptide, but Nikki counters into a falling crossbody. Rhea puts Nikki in the corner and goes to work, then sets her up on the top rope but takes too long and Nikki knocks her back to the mat.
Charlotte knocks Nikki off the ropes for the DQ.
Winner: Nikki via DQ
As long as they continue to make it as if Nikki is someone who can only get a win as a fluke or a surprise, she will never be taken seriously, even in spite of the gimmick.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: Stopwatch Issues
Charlotte with a T-Bone to Nikki. She hits Natural Selection to Rhea.
Video package for Elias sees him throwing his guitar into the ring of fire. WWE stood for Walk With Elias, but not no mo. Elias is dead.
Charlotte, backstage, says she created a strategic opportunity to pour salt into the wounds of Rhea and Nikki. She will not be taking any chances. If they were on her level, they would have anticipated her attack. Charlotte drones on for a bit more then leaves.
Randy is asked why he has chosen to distance himself from Riddle. He says he only needs to beat AJ Styles, and he’ll do it alone. So…that answers nothing.
Match 8: Randy Orton vs AJ Styles
Orton with the rights. He sends AJ into the corner, uppercut. Orton with a right hand. AJ kicks out of the corner. Chop to Orton. Chop to Orton. Whip to Orton. Reversed. AJ. Slides underneath, trying to clip he leg, but Orton hits the uppercut! He lifts and drops Aj onto the top of the ropes. Orton stares down Omos then goes to stomp the hands. Orton kicks AJ out of the ring, then heads outside after. He grabs AJ and stares at Omos at the same time, then sends Aj into the announce booth. Tries fo ra back suplex, but Omos stares him down and Aj tries to attack. Orton sends him into the apron, then back into th erring. Orton goes back to Omos. AJ with a baseball slide. AJ from in the ring to the outside with a foreram.
Back, and AJ has a cravat on Orton from behind. Orton turns into it, pulls the hair, and hits a headbutt. Right hand from AJ. One from Orton. Back and forth. Right hands to AJ. Another. Aj kicks. Hits the ropes, Orton hits a clothesline. Powerslam to AJ. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! AJ kicks the back of the knee. Orton falls. Aj whips, Orton reverses. Backbreaker to AJ. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Orton sits AJ on the corner. Hits. Right hand to the head. AJ nearly falls off the corner. Orton hops bon, stares at Omos again. He locks the head of AJ after blowing a kiss to Omos. AJ slinks underneath and pulls the leg out. He hooks the leg and goes for a Calf Crusher, but Orton blocks it and attqcks the back, only for AJ to get the hold in. Orton gets to the ropes. AJ rushes the corner, Orton sends him over, AJ lands on the apron. Forearm. Sprinboard, goes for one, stops as Orton drops down, pops back up and hits a clothesline. He grabs AJ and hits the DDT off the ropes. Orton stands, turns, calls for the RKO. Omos grabs AJ and slides him towards the corner. Orton wants Omos. Omos removes his coat. AJ with an enziguri out the corner.
Out comes Riddle to shove Omos into the ringpost!!! He hops on the back of Omos with a sleeper!!! Omos backs Riddle into the post. AJ on the apron. Phenomenal Forear—-RKO!!!!!! Cover for 1..2……3!!!
Winner: Randy Orton
And of course, Orton was nice with it. Good main to a very very lackluster show.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 11:18
Orton is pissed. Riddle enters the ring to plead his case. Orton yells at him as Riddle wants a hug. RKO laughs this off, says get outta here. Orton leaves the ring, Riddle stops him on the apron. He tells Orton to listen to the people. Riddle holds his arms out. They hug. Riddle is all smiles. Orton pushes Riddle off of him. Riddle holds his arm high.
ORTON WITH AN RKO TO RIDDLE!!! Orton is all smiles.
End Show
