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Csonka’s TNA Impact Review 5.24.16

May 24, 2016 | Posted by Larry Csonka
Image Credit: Impact Wrestling
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Csonka’s TNA Impact Review 5.24.16  

TNA Impact Review 5.24.16

– Ethan Carter III defeated Matt Hardy @ 6:45 via DQ [**]
Street Fight: Al Snow defeated Grado @ 4:20 via pin [½*]
Ultimate X Match: Champion Trevor Lee defeated Andrew Everett, DJ Z and Eddie Edwards @ 6:22 [***]
– Gail Kim defeated Sienna @ 4:12 via pin [**¾]
Ladder Match: Jeff Hardy defeated Tyrus and Spud @ 10:47 [**¼]

Shitty Shakespeare in the Park: Matt Hardy makes his way to the ring, claiming that he has evolved and is bigger and stronger ever. Matt is speaking with an odd tone, like he’s trying to be a Shakespearean actor; it’s not even an English accent, it’s just weird. He had a Slammiversary contract for a full metal mayhem match with Jeff an claimed if he signed the contract that it would be like singing Jeff’s death sentence. This led to Tyrus and Spud making their way to the ring. Spud ran down Matt’s new gimmick, claiming that he was a follower of the Iconic Matt Hardy, and said that Jeff had to be taken out. Tyrus was too nice to call him a lunatic. This led to Matt booking a ladder match, the Slammiversary contract will hang; if Jeff wins he takes the match and they can no longer associate themselves with Matt, if they win, Matt won’t have to take the match. I appreciate Matt trying to “evolve and change” his character, but he sounded like an idiot. He came off like Booker T in TNA, doing wacky accents because he can and because no one will tell him it was bad. Also, the match he made just feels silly, mainly because they didn’t even explain how he could make such a match that would have repercussions on Impact and Slammiversary. Give me something. Overall that was just… bad.

Matt Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III: EC3 has to win to get his match with Mike Bennett at Slammiversary, Matt is here to lose and look like a fool. After the basic open, Matt took control of the match and did nothing special. He changed his hair, but is wrestling just the same. They worked on the floor for a bit, EC3 tried to make the comeback but Matt cut him off. EC3 made his comeback after a lackadaisical heat, and as EC3 started to get momentum, Mike Bennett arrived and distracted EC3. EC3 would counter the twist of fate, and got the million-dollar dream. Bennett rushed the ring, attacking EC3, for the DQ finish. This was all part of Bennett’s plan to wear down EC3 prior to the big PPV rematch. Matt and EC3 did not need to lose here, so the DQ actually works as we build to the PPV. Bennett tried to explain that EC3 would not get the Slammiversary match because he did not pin or submit Matt. This was good work to get the heat on Bennett; he did well and the match will happen, this is just a detour before we get there.

– Post commercial, Bennett rambled on about making art in the ring. The basis was, again, that EC3 did not follow the rules and would not get his match. He got too cute and repeated everything he already said. It was useless coming right after the promo he gave, which I did like.

More Build For Maria vs. Gail: Allie was in the ring and brought out Maria. Maria came out and did her slow over annunciation speech, declaring that she was the one that got rid of Velvet Sky. Gail Kim arrived, and wanted no part of her shit. Maria claimed that she was in charge, and that they aren’t allowed to touch each other unless it is in a match. Maria then booked Kim in a match, and if Kim loses, she is gone from TNA. Sienna attacked Kim as Maria reminded her that she wasn’t going to wrestle her. This was all designed to set up the Kim vs. Maria match, I have no interest in the match but this did its job.

– Grado cut a promo about his match with Al Snow, he’s ready for him because he has a turkey leg and a chain.

– Robbie called Jessie; they were in the same room. Robbie claimed he found a guru to make hem better, and Jessie was completely ignoring him to talk with others.

– Kim was pissed off backstage about Maria, and claimed she wouldn’t let her to succeed and in the division she worked so hard to build.

– We then get a video package for the Snow/Grado/Shera angle.

– Pre-match, Snow cuts a promo about Grado being stupid for asking for a steer fight. He refused to do any hardcore shenanigans because he’s a wrestler and is hands are his weapons. He then hid while Grado made his entrance.

Street Fight: Al Snow vs. Grado: Snow attacked as Grado made his entrance. Snow then attacked Grado’s arm that he previously injured. Snow took the match to the ring, and slowly beat down Grado with rights, kicks and slams. Snow went for the moonsault, but Grado rolled out of the way. Snow busted out baby powder, and Grado kicked it into his face. Shera arrived with a trashcan full of hardcore toys, and Grado worked over Snow. Grado literally beat his ass with a cookie sheet, and then ate the turkey leg before hitting Snow in the balls with it. Grado got the chain, and laid out Snow. Sylvester LeFort (now Basille Baracca) and Marcus Louis (now Baron Dax) then ran out and attacked Shera. This distracted Grado, Snow hit Grado with the trashcan lid and snowplow and that was that. Snow and his new minions celebrated, this was no good, at all. The match felt like a low-level attitude era hardcore title match, and the addition of Baracca and Dax means that this feud will continue. I am not a fan of the Maria vs. Kim angle, but I can appreciate the solid build going on. This feud has been bad, and “Baracca and Dax” are bland/average as performers. Maybe they will get better, but they would not have been on the list of guys to bring in to the company to freshen up the roster.

– Reby and Maxell met with Matt, who is still doing his Dollar Tree English accent. Matt’s content is fine, but he comes off as a parody with the horrible accent. Poor Maxell cried during this.

Galloway and Lashley to Settle The Score: Borash addressed the finish of last week’s main event, and Lashley interrupted. Lashley said that he should be given the world title, and never has he had 20 idiots ruin a match like that for him. As he claimed he was the only real fighter in the company, Galloway arrived. Galloway praised Lashley’s killer instinct, but last week, Galloway claims he saw fear in Lashley. Lashley says he would have knocked out or tapped out Galloway last week, but before they could fight Dixie Carter arrived. She stated that they will rematch at Slammiversary, and the match can only be won via knockout or tapout. They only had two more Impacts prior to Slammiversary, so they needed to get this match set, and it worked following all of the brawls. Lashley called Galloway a bitch, leading to Galloway charging the ring and both men brawling until security tired and failed to pull them apart. Galloway kicked their asses, but then ate the spear form Lashley. Lashley took out security and then cut a ref in half with the spear. Lashley then choked out Galloway with a rope to stand tall and close out a great segment overall. Lashley continues to give zero fucks, and it’s great. These two have shown good chemistry, and I am looking forward to the match at Slammiversary.

Ultimate X Match: Champion Trevor Lee vs. Andrew Everett vs. DJ Z vs. Eddie Edwards: Edwards and hit dives to Everett and Lee as they made their way to the ring. They kept a great pace to begin, with Everett and Lee working together. They would argue, but Helms calmed them down and Everett tried to help Lee retain his title. DJ Z continues to be under utilized, working his ass off here. Edwards hit a double RANA on Helms’ boys. They did a good job of keeping the action constantly moving, while providing some good climb teases and fun offense. This is supposed to be a car crash style match, but they also did a nice job of not going too fast to where things lost meaning. Unfortunately Helms distracted the ref, as usual, and while Edwards got he belt, Lee stole it from him to retain. They were doing so well, and then they went with the predictable shit ending with Helms and also managed to give the division’s “signature match” under seven minutes. It was pretty good, but it should have been better considering the level of talent involved. Unfortunately that is what the X-Division has become, plus we needed time for the hot fire that was Snow vs. Grado.

– EC3 cut a good promo about his issues with Bennett. Bennett went back on their deal, and now he has to make a phone call he did not want to make. I am pretty sure that he threatened to kill Bennett as well.

Gail Kim vs. Sienna w/Maria and Allie (If Kim Loses She Must Leave TNA): They brawled right away, with Kim getting fired up and fighting with everything she has, selling the leave TNA stipulation if she loses. They spilled to the floor, and while Km had control Maria got involved, and that distraction allowed Sienna to take over and work the heat. They kept a nice pace as Sienna worked with her power advantage to punish Kim. She’s not a monster, but has a great ring presence as a badass chick you do not want tomes with. Kim started to make a comeback, but Maria pulled her to the floor. Kim managed to counter Sienna’s finish and roll into a sunset flip to get the win. Post match, Team Maria attacked and beat down Kim. They allowed Maria to get in a lot of shots after Kim was taken down, and this was the logical progression to get to their match. They didn’t get a lot of time, but they used it very well and it was an enjoyable outing.

– Spud and Tyrus talked about their main event match. Reby arrived and told them to win for her, because Matt has been a lunatic and hell at home (not even holding little Maxell) and she wants him back to normal and Jeff Hardy ended.

– Robbie and Jessie look for their guru, who is Raquel, the women who disappeared after hitting on Lashley months back. She slapped them in the ass and told them to go and work out. Shenanigans happened, the guys want to win the tag titles. Raquel is horrible so far in the ring, so a manager style role for her will be for the best.

– Next week is pick your poison for Galloway and Lashley.

Ladder Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Rockstar Spud and Tyrus (If Jeff Wins, He Gets to Face Matt Hardy at Slammiversary in Full Metal Mayhem: Spud and Tyrus attacked right away. They brawled on the floor for a minute and took a commercial break. Post break, Jeff was in control and working over poor Spud until Tyrus cut him off. They worked over Jeff, sign double teams, and then Spud grabbed a ladder. Before they could use it, Jeff pulled Spud into the way of a Tyrus corner splash, allowing Jeff to fire up and work over Tyrus with rights. Tyrus scooped up Jeff and hit the big ending, and then set up the ladder to climb. Tyrus tried to climb, but the rungs broke. He’s fat you see, wrestling humor. Also, instead of going up the other side he stood there like an idiot. Jeff hit the twist of fate on him, and then he and Spud climbed. Jeff hit Spud with a twist of fate on the ladder, and then climbed and got the contract. It was ok from an action standpoint, but there was no drama or real teases that Jeff may lose. I think we all knew he would win, but they needed to make us believe he may lose, and they never did that for me.

Be on the look out because in early June, I will have some special Slammiversary themed columns to get ready for the PPV.

* End scene.

* Thanks for reading.

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“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia!”

The final score: review Not So Good
The 411
While not a bad show overall, I would call this week’s show a below average effort. Matt new gimmick as a homeless Shakespearean actor was not good, in that it made his segments feel like a joke. His content was fine, but the accent ruined it. The Snow/Grado/Shera angle does nothing for me, the Maria vs. Kim build is solid but I have no desire to see that match, and the X-Division, while they worked hard, got screwed again with another short time frame (in their signature match) as well as the lame ending. Bennett is finding his groove more and more, Galloway and Lashley are awesome, and I appreciate some of the build to Slammiversary. Again, this was not a bad show, but a below average effort in my eyes. I feel like I say this a lot, but TNA does have a lot of talent and good ideas, it’s getting them all put together (and knowing what to leave out) that is the issue.