Down With The Brown: HulkaMania 3 (1988)

I got a few things to ramble about before we hit this week’s column, most of which have nothing to do with wrestling.

My boys ran out of miracles

Well, this has been a long week. As I’ve made no secret about, I am a die-hard Lakers fan, and the drubbing they recieved in the Finals is the most unpleasant I’ve felt about my boys since Michael Jordan gave an equally vicious ass-kicking back in the 1991 Finals. In a way, it’s good for the NBA, because we’re going to have a clean slate for the first time in six years. Because believe me, NOBODY knows what’s gonna happen next season.

A lot of people are weighing in on who to keep: Shaq or Kobe, because odds are one won’t stay if the other does. I love Shaq to death (as a player) but he really only has three, maybe five years tops left in him. And he peaked three years ago. It’s all downhill. I’m not a big Kobe fan, but he’s got a decade left at least. And he’s only going to get better.

And you and I both know he’s not going anywhere near a prison cell.

My two cents: Keep Shaq and try to get McGrady. Granted, T-Mac is NO Kobe, but at least Shaq likes him, and the one thing that killed LA in the Finals (aside from Malone’s injuries) is the total lack of team chemistry.

Kinda funny, Detroit wins the damn thing and STILL all anybody talks about in the NBA are what will the Lakers look like next year.

The best $10 you’ll spend this month:

I hesitate to say but I believe Jack Benny is the funniest man of the 20th century. My parents turned me on to his humor when I was a kid, and I’d like to think his verbal humor is what made me become who I am in terms of my writings and tastes in comedy. He dominated radio in the 30’s and 40’s and had a TV show that lasted for 15 years in the 50’s and 60’s. Literally, the man was on the air in some form for over 33 years straight.
And Diamond Entertainment, a small DVD company I’ve never heard of, recently released 15 episodes of his TV show which you can purchase at Amazon for $9.99. If you’re a fan, you won’t need any more coaxing from me. It’s a great set. If you have no idea who I’m talking about, well, I encourage you to discover one of the great treasures of American comedy.

The best $20 you’ll spend this month:

I’ll be reviewing it very shortly. The Ultimate Ric Flair Collection may soon be overthrown as the greatest wrestling DVD……

On to the tape at hand….

One thing I wish that Coliseum had done, and in a way, WWE video can still do, is do compilations of actual FEUDS, as opposed to just videos on their stars like Benoit or Cena. The Flair DVD has been the closest with its Race and Rhodes retrospectives, and yeah, there was that Austin vs. McMahon video way back when, but I always wanted, like, a Savage-Steamboat comp tape or a Piper-Snuka comp with all the setups, matches, and final blowoffs. Because for the most part, you didn’t get that. With a few minor exceptions.

I haven’t been a Hulk Hogan fan since 1988. That was around the time that I started to wear on “Hulkamania,” and considering I wasn’t a huge Randy Savage fan either (I never dug face Savage), 1988 wasn’t a terribly memorable period for me. But despite not being a huge Hogan fan, one thing I will say is that the HulkaMania series was at the beginning a pretty damn good series. The original HulkaMania (my first review here, oh-so many years ago) looked at the first year of Hogan’s reign, and showed some of his bloodier title defenses, and HulkaMania 2 looked briefly at the Orndorff feud, and that leads us to HulkaMania 3, which takes a novel approach, as not only is it a then mega-sized two hours, but it is entirely about his 1987 feud with Andre the Giant.

Your host is Craig DeGeorge who is out on a boat with Hulk Hogan. Craig seems to have bought himself a pair of BluBlockers for the occasion. It’s not a very big boat, so with the two and the cameraman, there’s not much room. I make fun of Craig’s sunglasses, but Hogan’s wearing the kind old blind people wear.

Piper’s Pit

This starts everything as Jack Tunney gives Hulk Hogan a large trophy for celebrating his third year as WWF Champion. Andre the Giant makes his big WWF return to congratulate Hogan and gives us a bit of foreshadowing as he says “Three years to be a champion is a long time.” By the way, I think this marks the first time the three major WWF icons of the expansion era were on camera at the same time (Hogan, Piper, and Andre.) Andre shakes Hogan’s hand, but there’s a degree of seriousness behind it, and Hogan looks a little confused.

Piper’s Pit

A second trophy is presented to Andre the Giant for his 15 years of going undefeated. (And before we start an argument, yes, Andre jobbed in his life, but since I don’t think he’d ever been pinned in the WWF, I’ll let it slide.) The trophy is noticeably smaller than Hogan’s and when Hogan comes out to congratulate Andre, Andre walks off in disgust.

Piper’s Pit

Now Jesse Ventura comes out to receive an award. Kidding. Jesse voices his disapproval about how Hogan gets a bigger trophy, and how Hogan hogged the limelight during Andre’s award presentation. Jesse also adds that he thinks Bobby Heenan may have been the one to bring Andre back to the WWF. He also knows more, but he won’t say what. Piper and Ventura start to argue, and Ventura challenges Piper to a match. Piper agrees, but then Jesse decides better. He decides rather than that, let’s get Hogan and Andre together and let’s see what’s going on.

Piper’s Pit

Here’s the segment that set the tone for 1987. Roddy Piper brings out Hulk Hogan. And Jesse Ventura brings out Andre the Giant. But Andre has Bobby Heenan with him. Hogan is shocked to see Andre with Heenan, and he begs Andre to not associate with Heenan. And Andre speaks the words I’ve damn near memorized.

“Look at me when I am talking to you. I’m here for one reason. To challenge you to a World Championship match at WrestleMania.”

Hogan can’t believe it. Heenan says “Well, believe this, Hogan.” And Andre tears off Hogan’s shirt, and in an unscripted moment that adds a lot of power, he rips off Hogan’s cross around his neck too. The digging of Andre’s fingers actually tears into Hogan’s flesh as Piper looks at Hogan and with a concerned voice he says “You’re bleeding.” Great TV.

Piper’s Pit

A dejected Hogan comes out, saddened that Andre has turned on him. But when it comes time to accept the challenge, there’s only one answer: “YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!”

What’s even better is that all of these Piper Pit’s are shown in their entirety.

The WrestleMania III Contract Signing

This is how you do a signing. In an office. With the two competitors staring intently at each other. Heenan steals the whole segment as he demands a new WWF belt to be made, because the current one is too small for Andre’s waist. Hogan calls Andre “sick” for getting a title shot. “All you had to do was ask.” Well, Hogan, Andre DID ask. Hogan says the contract was signed in blood. Andre brushes him off and walks away.

Hogan talks about lifting the 500-600 lb giant. At least Hogan isn’t exaggerating TOO much here. I think these days he claims Andre was 800 lbs and about eight feet tall.

Match #1

Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant

Say what you will, this was, and will probably remain, the biggest main event in WWF history. And while it was certainly no 5 star epic, it certainly did its best at hiding Andre’s limitations. The match is clipped so that only half is shown. And if you don’t know how this ends, you’ve got a LOT of homework to do.

Hogan reminisces about his friendship with Andre, and we flashback to Hogan saving Andre from a double team from Big John Studd and King Kong Bundy on SNME, and how the two teamed up to beat the giants on a later edition of the show.

Craig brings up the controversy about how Andre claims he pinned Hogan 30 seconds into the WMIII match, but Hogan kicked out with the ref unable to see it. And this “controversy” led to Andre requesting a rematch.

Andre the Giant Interview

Andre makes his first appearance since WMIII on SNME. He claims he is the real World champion. Heenan claims the refs are biased, and that Andre was cheated. Heenan shows the replay of the ref counting to three, even though he clearly corrected himself immediately. Heenan demands a rematch.

Match #2

Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy

This is from the November edition of SNME as Bundy challenges Hogan for the title. And Andre the Giant seconds Bundy to the ring. We clip to Hogan powering out of a Bundy headlock. A couple rights drop Bundy and as Hogan goes for a flying elbowdrop, Andre trips Hogan. The ref calls for the bell, but it’s not a DQ, but it will be one if Andre doesn’t leave ringside. A furious Andre leaves ringside, and in an awesome visual, destroys the cameraman who is in his way, and the camera stays up so we can see the abuse. Andre kicks and pummels the poor guy, and Jesse’s quick to add “Vince, right now I wish YOU were running a camera right now.” Andre tries to attack a second one, but this one wisely keeps just enough distance.

We clip ahead to Hogan Hulking up, but the legdrop backfires and he and Bundy end up outside the ring. Bundy gets back in, but Heenan grabs Hogan’s foot so he can’t make the count, and Bundy wins. So Hogan destroys Heenan, lifting him by the throat three times and sending Heenan right back into the neck brace he had just gotten out of.

By the way, eagle-eyed viewers will notice good ol’ bad boy Brian Bosworth in the front row, the man who ruined hairstyles for my generation for about a year.

(For those of you wondering, what ever happened to Brian Bosworth? Well, he appeared on TV here locally, and literally burst into tears about how screwed up his life was and how sorry he was to screw it up. Just in case you were wondering.)

So at this point, the storyline is this. Andre turns heel trying to become WWF Champion. Hogan beats him at WMIII. Andre wants a rematch, but it’s becoming obvious Andre really isn’t in any condition to wrestle much which becomes blatantly so at the 1987 Survivor Series, a show where Andre wins, but his performance is so slow and weak, it never airs on WWF TV. (It took me about three months just to learn Andre WON the damn thing.) And sending Heenan Family members after Hogan had run its course. So where to take this?

Enter Ted DiBiase.

Ted DiBiase was becoming a mega heel in damn near record time. Entering the WWF in the early summer with some vignettes, by late fall, he had become one of the most hated men in wrestling just by being an arrogant rich man. There were no feuds, no angles, just Ted being an asshole. And it was working big time.

Ted DiBiase Interview

DiBiase announces on Superstars on Wrestling that everybody has his price. Even Hulk Hogan. And he’s going to do what no man has done before. He is going to BUY the WWF Championship.

Jack Tunney expresses confusion over the offer. Gee, really Jack?

Hulk Hogan Interview

Hogan tells DiBiase “HELL NO!!!!! You want this belt? Come and try to get it!”

Ted DiBiase Rebuttal

DiBiase seems less than pleased. “Hogan, you’re a FOOL!” And he announces that he will get the title, though he doesn’t say just how.

Match #3

Hulk Hogan & Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Ted DiBiase & Virgil w/ Andre the Giant

Well, I think we skipped ahead a little bit here as DiBiase has already bought the services of Andre. We’re in MSG and oddly the play-by-play man is Vince McMahon (this may have been during Monsoon’s brief medical ailments). This may also have been Virgil’s wrestling debut, I don’t recall him having any WWF matches before this. Hogan and Bigelow get jumped immediately and Hogan and Bigelow just as quickly take command. Hogan destroys DiBiase and begs Virgil to interfere. DiBiase gets clotheslined in the corner and gets his face rubbed in the mat. Bigelow tags in and he flattens DiBiase with a clothesline.
Hogan back in and he continues the punishment. DiBiase gets in a middle of a Hogan and Bigelow fist sandwich as he gets bounced all over the place. Back suplex on DiBiase and Hogan asks for Andre to come in. Andre responds by tripping Hogan and knocking him down. And DiBiase finally takes control after getting destroyed for five minutes. DiBiase hits a clothesline, and to my shock, Hogan is the face in peril. Even worse, Virgil tags in, and he gets some offense in. McMahon mentions the upcoming Main Event show, so we are a little ahead of the plot line here. Andre chokes out Hogan with the bottom rope. Virgil holds Hogan for a DiBiase axehandle. DiBiase gives Hogan a megachop that sends him flying backwards to the floor, a pretty good bump for Hogan.

Resthold time for DiBiase and that leads to a double clothesline and Hogan makes the hot tag to Bigelow. Bam Bam annihilates Virgil with a clothesline. HUGE press slam and a big elbowdrop gets two. All four men in as Hogan hits the legdrop and Bam Bam adds a splash to get the three count.

Andre hits the ring and chokes out Bam Bam, headbutts him, then headbutts Hogan. DiBiase and Virgil doubleteam Hogan while Andre laughs, but Bam Bam recuperates and dropkicks Andre to the ground to a MASSIVE pop. Hogan grabs a chair and the heels run. Andre tries to enter the ring but DiBiase begs him not to. Pretty good tag match, there was some major heat for sure leading up to the rematch.

-Now we move on to one of the all-time great Hogan beatdowns as we catch the end of the Hogan-Bundy rematch from SNME. Hogan legdrops Bundy for the pin, then begs Andre to come in and fight him. Andre declines, so Hogan poses for the fans. Andre slips in and starts headbutting Hogan, then he proceeds to strangle the holy hell out of him. In a really weird moment, they keep playing Hogan’s music while this is happening. The British Bulldogs come out to help (funny how they always tended to) and Andre destroys them in about five seconds, throwing them out of the ring. And he goes back to choking Hogan. Strike Force, JYD, Jake Roberts all come out, but they can’t do anything to pull Andre off of Hogan.

Then in a great moment, Hacksaw Jim Duggan comes out with his 2×4 and smacks Andre in the back with it. The thing is, the 2×4 is SUPPOSED to break over Andre’s back, but it doesn’t. Andre lets up and goes after Duggan which gives the other faces time to pull Hogan out of harm’s way. Duggan stares at Andre and smacks the 2×4 on the apron which THEN proceeds to shatter all over the floor. Hogan gets carried out by the faces, Andre poses with the belt, and Andre comes off looking like a MONSTER, after looking like a puss for most of 1987.

Ted DiBiase Interview

DiBiase announces he has bought the services of Andre the Giant, and that when Andre defeats Hogan, he will give the belt to Ted DiBiase.

-Andre slams Hogan’s head into a table at the 1988 Royal Rumble then throws the table on him.

-A music video featuring Hulk Hogan working out. For some really weird reason, Jake Roberts’ theme music plays during it.

Which leads us to:

Match #4

Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant

People can argue about the WMIII attendance, which WM was the best, which match was the best, but the fact remains, that this match that occurred on February 5, 1988 was the single most watched wrestling match in history. Forget buyrates, cable ratings, all of that. This marked the first prime time wrestling match in over 30 years, and over 20 million people saw it. The numbers are out there, this was HUGE. And those who witnessed it, got to see maybe the most original way to screw a man out of a championship that I know of.

I was in elementary school when this match happened, and EVERY single person I know watched it, and every one of them was pissed off the next Monday.

It’s hard to even recap this match, there’s so little wrestling in it as Andre was in no shape to do much of anything. Hogan comes out wearing the new eagle belt which was supposed to be introduced at WMIV, but well…..here it is now.

Clip ahead to Andre choking Hogan, but Hogan Hulks up. He pounds away at Andre and hits a second rope clothesline. He goes for the legdrop but Virgil interferes. Referee “Dave” Hebner admonishes Virgil while Hogan drops the leg, and thusly we have no ref. Hogan argues with the ref allowing Andre to headbutt Hogan, give a godawful suplex, and pin Hogan, despite Hogan kicking out at one. Hebner counts to three, and the arena is STUNNED.

And DiBiase freaks out as Andre receives the WWF title and he promptly gives it to Ted DiBiase. You can tell the fans are waiting for something to happen, ANYTHING. But it doesn’t.

DiBiase puts the belt around his waist and they mock Hogan and his disbelief. And then things go from surreal to SURREAL as Hogan turns around, and suddenly there are TWO Dave Hebners in the ring. There’s a classic PWI photo of the two refs arguing while Hogan looks like someone stabbed him in the chest, but we don’t see that classic moment. The refs argue as Hogan threatens to beat them both up if they don’t tell him who refereed the match.

Okay, so Earl Hebner beats up Dave then throws him out of the ring, and somehow that tells it its Earl. That’s Vince’s logic. Apparently that makes complete sense to him. I have no idea why it does, but we’re just supposed to go with it. Hogan picks up Earl and throws him at Andre and DiBiase who have come back to ringside for some weird reason. But it doesn’t matter. Because the first title reign is over, and the original days of Hulkamania are DEAD!!!!

This is one of those matches that was absolutely horrible, but the angle more than saves it.

Back in the locker room, Hogan looks to be crying almost legit. “HOW MUCH MONEY ON THE PLASTIC SURGERY?!?!?!?!”

Meanwhile, DiBiase gloats over his newly “won” title. DiBiase asks Hogan: “How much did you pay to get a Dave Hebner look-alike to come out and try to confuse everybody?”

And then Jack Tunney announces that Ted DiBiase cannot buy the championship, and thusly, he has been stripped of the title. You know, Jack, you could have saved DiBiase about three months of scheming if you just told him that in the FIRST place. Anyway, since Andre gave up the title, he isn’t champion, and since Hogan was pinned, he isn’t champion either. Therefore, the title is vacant. And a 14 man tournament is scheduled for WMIV.

To my disappointment, the original bracket does not appear which had the DiBiase-Duggan match switch places with the Roberts-Rude match. (DiBiase was supposed to beat Duggan, then pay off OMG in the quarters, with a well-rested DiBiase shocking everybody and beating Hogan for the belt. This would end with Hogan winning the title back at SummerSlam.) But then Honky Tonk Man had to go and be a jerk and ruin everything…….

And let me stop now, JUST IN CASE you don’t know the backstory. Which is this:

Hogan was going to lose the title on The Main Event, no doubt about it. But at least to give the fans SOMETHING, the plan was for Randy Savage to beat Honky Tonk Man for the I-C title. Legend has it that Honky vetoed it, and even threatened to quit the WWF and show up on the NWA programming the NEXT day WITH the title. Honky’s demands were met, but Savage was infuriated, and there was actual concerns that Honky may have gotten a legit fight from Randy, either on-air or backstage. So to please Savage, the entire tourney was reworked, and Savage was given a run as World Champion. And Honky was punished for putting one over on Vince by getting annihilated by every face known to man as soon as he lost the belt.

That’s the story as I’ve heard, though I have my doubts. Especially when you consider Jeff Jarrett pulled a similar deal in 1999 only to get fired on national TV when the WWF-WCW merger took place.

Anyway, so how to introduce Randy Savage into the mix?

Well……

Match #5

Randy “Macho Man” Savage vs. Ted DiBiase

This is clipped from the pre-WMIV SNME as Savage is destroying DiBiase but Andre interferes by headbutting Savage, tossing him into the post, then throwing him into the front row. The dazed ref counts Savage out, but the heels continue to beat on Savage until Elizabeth runs to the dressing room and brings out Hulk Hogan to reinforce the “Megapower” alignment.

Match #6

Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant

This would be round three in the Hogan-Andre series. (There was an unofficial Round 4 Steel Cage match too as part of WrestleFest ‘88.) And I feel little need to review this match, because A) the WrestleMania matches have been reviewed to death and B) this match REALLY sucked.

I was a youngster who got the opportunity to see WrestleMania IV live on closed-circuit TV and I was thrilled at the prospect of seeing Hulk Hogan win the belt. Or maybe even see Bam Bam score the upset and win the title. Imagine my complete disappointment when not only Bam Bam, but Ricky Steamboat, AND Hulk Hogan go out in their first match. Granted, I had a great front row seat (and only when I realized it was right next to a GIANT woofer did I realize why the seat was available), but not only me, but pretty much most of the people in the auditorium with me were pretty pissed at Hogan’s elimination in round two by a stupid double-DQ. Ѕ*, and even THAT may be a little generous. You know, the double DQ made no sense anyway. Hogan hit Andre with a chair right in front of the ref, but he just stands there waiting for Andre to return the favor. But then again, I think it was the same ref who counted Bigelow out of the ring because One Man Gang wouldn’t let him back in. (Now THAT was a finish that pissed me off.)

Match #7

Randy Savage vs. Ted DiBiase

I think every Coliseum title in 1988 had this match on it, and while it was decent and all, it was nowhere near the magnitude that the WWF had hoped it would be. Ultimately, the Savage title reign was a mixed success. The DiBiase feud was great, but his subsequent feuds with Andre and Bad News Brown were disappointing at best. This is a clip job which ends with Hogan whacking Ted DiBiase with a chair so Savage could hit the flying elbow, win the title, and then sit in the background as Hogan stole as much spotlight as he could. This was around the time that I was starting to dislike Hulk Hogan.

Hogan calls the belt “our belt.” And that the title is in safe keepings “for now.” Man, Hogan is coming off like a prick here. In all honesty, with just a little tweaking, Hogan could EASILY have been the heel in the Hogan-Savage feud had Savage’s title reign only been more successful.

We finish with the Real American music video.

End of tape.

This tape for the most part was just like the WWF in 1987 and 1988. It starts out strong and exciting, then kinda peters out at the end.

But I give Coliseum all the credit in the world for this one. This is a GREAT retrospective of the Hogan/Andre feud with damn near every confrontation these two had in a two hour comp (The only glaring omission would be Andre’s mauling of Hogan during the SNME Battle Royal.) All the Piper’s Pits, the WM matches, the interviews, the sneak attacks, it’s all here, and is shown relatively in it’s entirety. (If you REALLY want the WMIV matches uncut, you can just get WMIV.)

The first hour and a half is awesome. The post Main Event stuff is kinda where it all turns into the Randy Savage show, but if you were a big face Savage fan, it should work for you.

Thumbs up, highly recommended, A-.

-Sydney Brown