wrestling / Columns
Lansdell’s Sunday Brunch News Report 10.19.08
Greetings, humanity! Welcome to Lansdell’s Sunday Brunch, which this week is slightly rushed and possibly not up to my usual standards. Which means it’s only 8 times better than whatever Randle will try and make you read tomorrow. Why, you may ask? Busy time of year, and I’m not in the best of moods. Plus everyone in the house is sick except me. So you’ll understand why this really pissed me off:
WWE is not run by the Devil. That might seem obvious, but following some of the bullshit I’ve read in comments this week, I felt like it needed to be said. When news broke of Cade’s release (see below) and the sexual harassment suit being filed against WWE, IWC “experts” everywhere exploded into a tirade of WWE hate. Oh it’s no shock that WWE would get sued for harassment, they do this shit all the time on TV. Oh Cade got fired for being ill, that’s bullshit. Oh this bitch waits 2 years to say anything, she’s full of shit.
What the hell? First of all, sexual harassment is one of the hardest things to not only live with and prove, but to avoid as well. According to the letter of the law in most jurisdictions, the most innocent of remarks can be considered harassment if the recipient is offended by it. Most cases can be resolved by communication between the victim and offender, but from what we have been told this is a more serious issue because the woman followed the proper channels (reported it to superiors) and they refused to act. That makes the company liable in most jurisdictions. People who have been subjected to this kind of treatment, both by the person doing the harassing and the company that was supposed to have protected the victim, often have a difficult time trying to cope with it and understand why it happened to them. It’s not something that everyone can just get up and walk away from. Before you go judging people, try and understand the facts first.
Rant mode off. BANNER!
The Spread~!
Lance Cade details!
Cage on his way out?
The Week in Links!
Johnny Devine speaks
Random Video Interlude!
TNA changing PPVs!
Espresso Shots!
Hogan’s CCW news!
The Tip Jar and the Special of the Week!
But The Boogeyman does it all the time…
Details emerge about Cade’s release, and they only bring more questions
Early last week we found out that Lance Cade had been released by WWE, but no reasons had been given. He hadn’t been Wellness-suspended and was involved in the hottest angle in WWE in quite some years, possibly heading for a feud with his former mentor Shawn Michaels. There didn’t appear to be an obvious reason for the release, mirroring that of his erstwhile partner Trevor Murdoch who was summarily release earlier this year. We’re still waiting for anything concrete on that release.
We weren’t waiting long for more information as an unlikely source in JR gave us the semi-lowdown: Cade made some “bad decisions”, was on a plane and had a seizure which was serious enough to warrant emergency medical attention. One, some or all of these factors combined to lead to his release. JR said in his blog post that it was the kind of thing he would have hated doing when he was VP of Talent Relations. Of course, such a small amount of information did nothing but throw half a raw steak of news into the tank of half-starved piranhas known as the IWC.
WWE are bastards for firing Cade for having a seizure. Cade should sue WWE. Cade is an idiot for getting drunk. How come Jeff Hardy can get drunk on a plane but Cade can’t? Cade is an idiot for doing drugs on a plane. Enough is enough, WWE have had it with these muthafucking incidents on muthafucking planes. The fact is we just plane (HA!) don’t know right now what the “bad judgement” was, or if there really was any. JR has often been called a corporate shill with the information he puts in his blogs, and it could well be that he is merely toeing the line here. There are some possibilities that we should look at in terms of the possible bad judgement, however:
1) Drugs. Yes, it’s the white elephant in the room. Lots of illegal drugs, especially of the hallucinogenic class, can cause seizures, particularly if they are tainted or if the taker (not Taker) has a pre-existing condition. On a flight with the Raw creative staff it would have been easy to get hold of some (Double ha!) and doing this in public would definitely qualify as bad judgement.
2) Alcohol. This is definitely a long shot, since Jeff Hardy was also drunk in public (and on his last Wellness strike) and did not lose his job.
3) The most likely scenario appears to be that Lance Cade has a condition that leaves him prone to seizures. According to what I’m hearing from someone in the know, he is on prescription medication (cleared by WWE doctors) to control the seizures, but this medication prevents him from drinking (according to one version) or taking certain supplements (according to another version). Cade decided he wanted to get smashed/chiseled and came off the meds, which caused the seizure. WWE reacted as they did because a wrestler dying from a seizure while travelling on business would inevitably cause a firestorm of bad press, even if it was completely unrelated to wrestling. The pre-existing condition would not come out until after the media had gone to town on the WWE, and somebody (looking at you Nowinski) would start talking about concussions while others (like that Mero fuckstain) would talk about wrestlers dying. Cade had the ability to prevent the seizures and chose not to do so, which is certainly bad judgement and would warrant termination. Of course this is only an educated speculation, but it certainly makes sense in light of JR’s comment that it would be a hard discussion to have.
Whatever happened, Lance Cade hasn’t exactly set the world alight since aligning with Jericho. He cut a decent promo, got a pin on Shawn Michaels and got annihilated by DX. Although we wish him a speedy recovery, if his problems really are of his own making then we also wish him improved intelligence.
Coming back to his peeps?
The feeling in the TNA locker room is that Christian is done…is he?
Following his loss at Bound For Glory last weekend, and following rumours that he was becoming jaded with his direction in the company,the popular opinion among TNA talent right now is that Christian Cage will not be around much longer. He was not on the Impact following the PPV and is not scheduled for next week’s show. His contract is close to expiring, and a few weeks ago Edge had been quoted in an interview as saying he would love Christian to come back to WWE. Will this happen?
One thing is sure, and that is that Christian has not held the TNA title for a long time (since June of last year). He’s been floating around the upper card since Lockdown, briefly teaming with Rhyno and not much else. His signing was heralded as a big coup for TNA but it never translated to ratings, and his star has pretty much winked out in the company since. On the other hand he has to be seeing the success of Edge in WWE, and it would surprise me if Vince wouldn’t tempt him with both a title run and a feud with Edge in order to lure him back.
The question then becomes “How long will it last in WWE?” Vince dislikes disloyalty and unless Cage starts selling crazy merchandise, he’ll probably be back to perennial challenger in a heartbeat and a half after his title run. He’d also be back to the road schedule that caused him to leave in the first place. Is it worth it for Cage? The promised mainstream crossovers have not exactly materialised in TNA (he had, I believe, one movie role) and they would be easier to get from WWE. As little promise as WWE holds for him, the TNA title picture currently promises less. AJ-Sting is obviously the next title feud, and if Styles is able to win he MIGHT go into a program with Cage, playing off their history. If he negotiated that into a new TNA contract I could see him sticking around, but in case that doesn’t happen he’ll flee North.
The Week In Links
After all, what’s a Sunday brunch without the paper?
The shows
Just like a TV Guide that’s a week old
Csonka’s Raw Report Rating was a 3.1, which many are attributing to Haas Hogan. It was clearly due to Big Dick Johnson.
Bauer’s ECW Report Despite being an amazing show, the rating was a 1.1, leaving the door open for Impact…
Lansdell and Short Brace for Impact Rating recovered to a 1.1, tying it with ECW for the first time.
Rutherford’s Smackdown Report. Rating not available at opening time. Last week’s rating was a 2.1
Required Reading
Best of the week’s editorials
Slimmer may well be the most intelligent writer on this site, and his column this week is a perfect example of why.
Bauer, Mattis and Csonka cover a wide range of topics in thie week’s Buy or Sell, which is wat makes it so great.
Weyer takes a look at wrestling books we need. He mentions Savage, but leaves out the most important reason for wanting a Savage book: Why does Vince hate him?
Cook offers his opinion on TNA. Seems like a popular thing to do this week, after I did it in the last Brunch. We set the trends, my friends.
Devine conversation
Freshly-released X-division star gives us the lowdown
Johnny Devine, who asked for his release after Bound for Glory IV last Sunday, was on Fight Network Radio this week to give Canadian fans some more information on why he left TNA. Surprise surprise, it goes back to something I had said during the No Surrender Instant Analysis. Devine felt that he could not effectively showcase his talent and win fans in 2-minute TV matches, but at the same time the crowd pops for those matches and so the booking team never saw a reason to give them any more time. He wasn’t having fun any more and felt he had to leave, but he did note that he has not burned any bridges with TNA.
I have to wonder if this isn’t the start of a trend for all but the top few X-Division guys. They never get enough time to do anything special, but what they do do is popular and so they’re not likely to get any more. Some of them may stick around simply because they know WWE isn’t likely to take them due to their size, and they wouldn’t be a fit for RoH. Devine’s decision to leave may provide a bit of a wake-up call for TNA, which can only be good news.
Devine also said in his time on radio that he had spoken with Jimmy Rave and Rave was doing fine. He admitted that Rave’s injury was completely his (Devine’s) fault and the sloppiest thing he’d ever done in the ring. When it happened both Csonka and I exclaimed “HE KILLED JIMMY!”, so it’s good to hear that Rave is going to be OK.
This was actually a popular kid’s show when I was growing up. Never get away with it now.
Change for the sake of change
TNA shuffles PPV names
From the “Fuck it’s a slow news week” department, TNA decided to change around the names of their PPVs so that they make a bit more sense:
| Month | Old Name | New Name |
| November | Genesis | Turning Point |
| December | Turning Point | Final Resolution |
| January | Final Resolution | Genesis |
What does this mean to us? Absolutely nothing. Why did they do it? Who knows. Did it fill up some space? Hells yeah.
In related news, TNA were forced to move their Turning Point Final Resolution PPV from December 14th to December 7th when WWE moved Armageddon to December 14th. This will be a tough weekend for TNA to run as therer’s a huge boxing PPV the night before. Not that anyone watches boxing any more.
One-line looks at minor news
Brian Knobbs ejected from Fenway Park – Was he giving the Pitt Stop to vendors trying to charge him $8 for a warm watered-down beer?
Ashley Massaro hinting at a return to Playboy – I don’t even care enough to see these when they pop up for free.
TNA talent groaned when Nash cost Joe the title – Excellent! Let them book!
WWE want to tighten up the in-ring product – Start by firing half the roster.
Domestic violence charges against Vito dropped – The judge ruled that wearing a dress for so long made him temporarily a woman.
CM Punk to attend Chicago Thanksgiving Parade – Where he will be thankful for Jeff Hardy.
It hasn’t started, and already it’s hilariously bad
Reports say Nikki Ziering, who will appear on Hogan’s Celebrity Championship Wrestling, is pregnant
Oh this is classic. Nikki Ziering, a former model and ex-wfie of 90210 alum Ian Ziering, reportedly became pregnant during the filming of the soon-to-be-WrestleCrap show. According to Ed “Brutus the Man with No Name Zodiac Booty Man Disciple Butcher Brother Bruti Beefcake” Leslie, this is not a big shock, and although he admitted to sleeping with her he states that he was “not the only dog in that yard.” (Direct quote). He doesn’t seem too worried about being slapped with a paternity suit, but I guess it’s like the old saying: If you eat a can of beans, you’ll never know which bean made you fart.
The show itself looked semi-decent from the preview clips I saw, but then Battlefield Earth looked good in preview clips too. With no real celebrities on the show except for Hogan, no real point to the show (what do they win, a WCW contract?) and now this, it could well be the biggest clusterfuck since Lita walked into the men’s locker room.
The Tip Jar
Your thoughts from last week
Thanks for reminding me how simply AWESOME Soul Blade was back in the day. I have that full song on MP3 – simply brillaint.
Excellent column as always, and the “portly palsy partner” had me laughing so hard that my anus prolapsed.
Posted By: Gothekain (Guest) on October 12, 2008 at 12:39 PM
Where did you get the MP3?? I’ve been hunting everywhere for it and never been able to find it. I’ve also been looking for a full track listing for Legends of Wrestling II for the PS2, there is one song on there I love and have never been able to find the name of.
The reason people in Canada can’t vote for the PPV is it’s against US law. How many times do you have to be told this?
Posted By: Guest#9542 (Guest) on October 12, 2008 at 05:10 PM
Just once would have been nice. Seriously, that’s the first I heard of it. I have my doubts, could someone explain why this is so?
“Preach it my portly palsy partner”
Obviously not as tasteless as the joke about Owen, but do u think J.R. would really appreciate you bringing up the Bell’s Palsy issue (if that’s what u meant), and would u say it to his face? Not trying to be rude-Just curious…
Posted By: amusing comments (Guest) on October 13, 2008 at 12:15 AM
Yes, I would say it to his face. Do you know why? Because I too have been struck with Bell’s Palsy, and I have emailed JR at least twice in the past to let him know that he’s an inspiration to others with the disease.
And with that, I’m off like Lita’s panties. I have a poker game waiting for me, so that should be fun. Randle, Cook, Clark and JP will be in tomorrow, and of course El Csonka will have Raw coverage. Stay Cool, Rock Hard.
Lansdellicious – Out.
