wrestling / Columns
Lansdell’s Sunday Brunch News Report 11.02.08
Greetings, humanity! Welcome to Lansdell’s Sunday Brunch with me, Chris Lansdell. I hope you all had a rocking Halloween and are not overdosed on cheap candy and booze. It’s been a busy wrestling week with a PPV and a ton of news, but my rant this week is only tangentially related to wrestling.
My son is a huge wrestling fan. Most of all he loves John Cena and Jeff Hardy. When I noticed in JP’s excellent column that Hardy’s Halloween package was on special, I figured I’d place an order for the little guy. $34.99 was a fine price considering he’d be able to keep wearing the shirt at least. After clicking through a ton of screens, we get to the shipping page. Living in Canada I’m used to paying a little more for shipping from US companies, normally around $10. The default option displayed is FedEx, $29.95. OK, I’ll just choose the surface mail option…
BUH? No surface mail option? Are you KIDDING me? Having the option of express delivery to Canada is not an issue at all, and more companies should do it. But when you won’t even offer the change to do it a little cheaper? That’s just wrong. These are tough times, WWE. I am not going to pay $5 less for shipping than I did for the fucking package. You can forget the next order I was planning to place, it was less than $29.95. What possible benefit to your company is it to NOT offer standard mail service? It can only cost you customers. In this case, it also cost you a 7-year-old fan.
Rant mode off. Bring me the BANNER!
The Spread~!
Whither Saturn?
Cena and WWE named in lawsuit
The Week in Links!
Sting to retire in 2009
Random Video Interlude!
Sapolsky released
Espresso Shots!
WWE signings of a humorous nature
The Tip Jar!
Have You Seen This Man?
Saturn has not been seen by anyone for a long time, feared dead
In a very strange and somewhat disturbing piece of news, the whereabouts of the criminally under-rated Perry Saturn are not currently known. At the funeral of Killer Kowalski recently, this was the number one topic of conversation among friends of Perry. Kowalski trained Saturn and many thought he would at least have shown up to say goodbye to his mentor. This led to speculation that Perry may not be alive. This has apparently been a concern for a while, as people have asked Dave Meltzer a few times to run a missing persons search (why couldn’t they do it themselves?) on Saturn, but it has always come up empty.
I am a huge fan of Saturn. The Rings of Saturn is one of my favourite finishers ever, and I thought his style that mixed striking with technical ability was a great asset. If the fears of his friends are true, then Saturn would be a great loss. It’s shocking to think that of the 4 Radicalz whose defections turned the tide permanently in the favour of WWE, we could be left with only one in Dean Malenko.
If anyone knows Perry or can point to his whereabouts, please let us know. There’s a good chance that this is all over-reaction and that Perry is just trying to distance himself from the wrestling world. In the event that there is something wrong, our thoughts go out to his family.
MOP to Cena – You can’t sing me!
Has-been rappers sue WWE, Cena and Sony for use of a line from their song
All of a sudden it seems to be en vogue to institute legal action against WWE. In the latest case, hardcore hip-hop due MOP are filing suit for the unlicensed use of lyrics from their biggest hit, “Ante Up”, in Cena’s entrance theme “My Time Is Now”. What exactly was stolen? Surely it must be the line “Lay your ass down for a three-second tan”? Perhaps “It’s the franchise and I’m shining now”? No, it is in fact the opening line “Brrrrrrrrrr ABADOO”, that well-known English phrase. Attempts to include Colgate-Palmolive as the plaintiff for the line “Brush your mouth like Colgate” were unsuccessful.
The time line of these events is a little strange, since the WWE first asked permission to use the line in early 2005 (and had permission granted by someone who had no authority to do so) and the suit was not filed until October 14 2008. The details of the case are available here in the court documents. To bring you the unique take that you have come to expect from this column, I checked with an Midwest lawyer (who wishes to remain anonymous) for the legal merits of the case:
it looks like from reading the pleading that WWE got some kind of authorization from somebody to use the sample, and the issue is going to be in large part whether it’s the right person and whether, if it was the correct individual, what WWE knew about who this person was. I don’t think that not being aware that they got clearance from the wrong guy will get them completely off the hook, but it would certainly make them look better in front of whatever judge ultimately determines the case . . . assuming that the merits of the case ever get put before a judge.
Stuff like this settles all the time. Over 80% of the time and by some estimates over 90% of the time. The plaintiffs don’t have to put the specific amount of damages that they’re looking for in to their pleadings, but it looks like they’ve got a number of at least $150k listed. If WWE keeps it toward that level, it’s pocket change compared to what they make in a year.
What will be interesting is what they do in regards to the injunction that is being requested, presumably an order that WWE is no longer allowed to use the sample. The standard for receiving a permanent injunction is VERY high, as you have to show you have some harm that can in no way be properly rectified by money damages. However, if the rappers really are unwilling to let WWE use the sample and want it stopped, there really is nothing that will accomplish that result aside from an injunction.
Like I said, though, I’m guessing this will settle quickly unless WWE realizes that these guys have a lower chance of success and lack the money to litigate, in which case they’ll probably try to stretch it out until their opponents run out of money and are forced to enter in to a settlement favourable to WWE. If I were WWE I’d offer a smaller amount of money to pay for past uses of the sample and a larger, more enticing amount per year or month for future uses. Then I’d stop using the song altogether anyway, so I never (or rarely) have to pay the plaintiffs again.
I’m almost certain that there’s a statute of limitations built in to federal copyright laws but don’t know what it is. However, three and sometimes even six year statutes of limitations exist in certain actions that I’m aware of. If it was a situation in which the statute clearly barred the claim, I doubt they would’ve been able to get an attorney to pursue it for them.
Many thanks, mysterious lawyer friend. It’s unlikely that this case will reflect poorly on Cena or WWE, since they went through what they believed was the correct process to obtain permission for the use of the line. They’ll probably end up paying for this in some way, but it’s unlikely that the plaintiffs will get as much as they’re asking for.
The Week In Links
After all, what’s a Sunday brunch without the paper?
The shows
Just like a TV Guide that’s a week old
Instant Analysis of Cyber Sunday. For a change they did a good job with this difficult-to-manage PPV.
Csonka’s Raw Report Raw got a 2.9 (rounded from 2.89) this week, which of course sparked mass hysteria everywhere except Titan Towers. Seriously people, World Series AND MNF? 2.9 is an awesome rating in the face of that competition.
Bauer’s ECW Report A 1.2 rating for ECW this week, which should keep it safely ahead of Impact, right? It was a good show, and deserved better. ECW and TNA both seem to be in the same position of putting on good shows to small audiences because nobody wants to give them a chance.
Lansdell and Westerfeld Brace for Impact What? A 1.2???? OK I know it was rounded from a 1.16, but if TNA brass have any sense they will gloss over that fact and use the increase as a motivator. TNA have worked hard for the past 6 months and are improving almost weekly. Well-deserved.
Rutherford’s Smackdown Report. Haven’t seen the show yet so I can’t comment. Last week’s rating was a 2.1 again, which is probably going to be a pattern until more markets pick up MyNTV.
Required Reading
Best of the week’s editorials
Credit where it’s due. Despite my friendly ribbing, Hubbard is actually a fine writer, as shown with this week’s look at wrestling monsters. Ooooh topical!
That wacky Bayani leads the staff in the preview for Battle of Los Angeles, right up there with the Ted Petty Invitational as the biggest non-RoH indy shows of the year.
The Bermanator makes a rare appearance to talk about Gabe being gone.
Wilcox looks at heels. Much to my disappointment, it’s not a foot fetish article featuring the feet of the Divas.
If you love somebody, set them free (free free, set them free)
Sting states that he will retire in 2009
In a rare interview with the Sun in the UK, Sting stated this week that he was going to retire before the end of 2009. Citing the desire to avoid being an embarrassment to Spike, his career and TNA (although the last one would be tough), Sting mentioned that he’s been feeling himself slowing down for the last year or so. We’ve been noticing that too Steve. He confirmed that this really is his last hurrah.
We’ve known since WrestleMania that TNA officials were inspired by the Ric Flair send-off and wanted to do something similar for Sting when he retires. Sting is a rare breed of performer who has managed to stay at the top of the card for many years, regardless of lay-offs and bad booking, and definitely deserves a big farewell. The problem is that TNA cannot give it to him. They don’t perform in front of 10,000 plus each week, or 20,000 once a month. The majority of Sting’s video library belongs to Vince McMahon and I can absolutely see him being a cock holster and refusing to let TNA use it. They do know how to put together a snappy video package, but that’s hardly enough to send the man off in the manner he deserves. It probably is time for Sting to hang it up; he’s still capable in the ring but the drop-off has been sharp and if he hangs around much longer he will not do himself any favours. He has saved his money and has a lucrative real estate business to which to turn.
It would seem that Sting is destined to end his career in TNA however, since he mentioned in the same interview that he has resisted signing with WWE over fears that Vince would use him to elevate his home-grown stars at the expense of Sting, a WCW product through and through. In light of this I hope that TNA and WWE can come to some arrangement about the use of video material from Sting’s career, and maybe even Sting’s Hall of Fame induction. I won’t hold my breath though.
All bow down and worship the greatest commentary team of all time. This clip centres on Mania 8, but their goodness knows no bounds
Gone Gabe-y Gone
Sapolsky released from RoH, steps down in FIP
You can add me to the list of RoH fans who did not see this coming. After my initial knee-jerk reaction it dawned on me that Sapolsky has done very little in the way of actual story booking, despite somehow getting the reputation of being a booking genius. The addition of Adam Pearce as the new RoH booker is something I will have to “wait and see” about, but my worry is that RoH is going to move more towards entertainment in an effort to grow their viewer base. They’ve started on this track with Rhett Titus, Grizzly Redwood and the Lacey saga.
Pretty much every writer on the site has already covered the Sapolsky firing, so I won’t subject you to the details again. What has recently come out is that Gabe is about to embark on a new project entitled Promoting Pro Wrestling, a guide to making people care about your product and your wrestlers. I’m glad to see Gabe isn’t totally without work.
One-line looks at minor news
Austin breaks MMA fighter’s nose – In related news. Austin is dating Gina Carrano…
Layla El is now Layla London – Paul? Is that you Paul? This is Vince. Fuck you.
Mike Tenay, Curry Man and Petey Williams to be added to TNA Impact game – Almost worth suffering the game to hit the Destroyer on Tenay
Evan Bourne suffers dislocated ankle, fitted with a huge boot – In related news, Big Show has lost a shoe.
Booker T and The Boogeyman kicked out of a sports bar for wearing a cross – See, Booker ordered a T-bone, and we all know there must be separation of Church and Steak.
Sign on the dotted line…IN BLOOD! MUAHAHAHAH
New WWE talent is already causing questions
WWE made some moves this week to bolster their FCW roster. Two of the three already have people wondering if anybody with a clue still works in an executive capacity for WWE. The one normal signing was Taylor Rotunda, son of Mike “IRS” Rotunda and grandson of Blackjack Mulligan. That’s some pure-bred stock right there.
The next signing is David Otunga, who was known as “Punk” (Fail 1) on VH1’s dating show (Fail 2) I Love New York. From what I’ve seen of the guy he’s a bodybuilder (Fail 3 and Wellness-in-waiting) and is ripped. He also has a law degree from Harvard Law. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WRESTLING??? Probably his biggest claim to fame is that he’s recently engaged to singer and Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Hudson, and due to the circumstances around her and her family right now he has been given leave.
The biggest head-scratcher of a signing comes from a 5-day program WWE put on to try and find new talent. Would-be entertainers paid $1,000 and more to perform in front of various WWE brass including Johnny Ace, who promised that at least one person with no wrestling experience would be signed from the event. That would end up being Matt Walsh, who claimed to be a model with no wrestling experience. However soon after the signing was announced, photos of Matt wrestling were found on his mySpace page. The page has since been made private.
I have to wonder why WWE would sign a guy with a million-dollar body and a million-dollar brain, along with a multi-million dollar wife, when any one of those three factors could yank him away from the business in a second. Harvard degrees do not come on the back of Oat Boats (NOBODY will get that reference) cereal boxes, and this guy could take a bar exam and be offered huge paychecks any time. In the event that he does manage to get on TV, that body and the TV experience could turn him into the next guy to leave wrestling for Hollywood. He could decide he’d prefer to be a kept man and live off his soon-to-be wife. WWE could invest tons in this guy, make him a star and then watch him do what Lesnar, Rock and possibly Lashley have done.
As for this Matt Walsh guy, have they never heard of due diligence? Presuming this wasn’t just a way to explain signing him having chosen him before the workouts, that is. Potential employers often check social networking sites these days for possible damning info before hiring someone, and in this case WWE would have found that the guy flat-out lied. Mind you, that worked out pretty well for that old dude from Tough Enough. He knows eats worms on national TV.
The Tip Jar
Your thoughts from last week
as far as influential women in wrestling, I do think a mention of Trish Stratus and possibly Lita should be brought up. There is no doubt that both of them had a large influence in wrestling for women, at least more than Stephanie and arguably more than Sable.
Posted By: Guest#9843 (Guest) on October 26, 2008 at 02:21 AM
you forgot at least 2 other influential women. Sunny & Trish Stratus
Posted By: eagle (Guest) on October 26, 2008 at 08:49 AM
I agree on Sunny, she redefined what women in WWF (at the time) were. As much as it hurts, Trish was not influential to the level the others were. She did what Sable did, only better: came in as eye candy and learned to wrestle. Sable blazed that trail for her, meaning Sable was the influential one. Lita…tough call. She took risks no other women took at the time, but that trend hasn’t really emerged. I’d say she’s a step short too.
Yeah, I was a little wrong about Austin. It boggles my mind that he is still so popular despite doing nothing for years. Oh well, there’s no accounting for taste.
Right then people, that’s the lot for this week. Randle, Cook, Clark and JP are in tomorrow. I’m off to watch my 2-0 Raptors play the Bucks. Stay Cool, Rock Hard.
Lansdellicious – Out.
