wrestling / Columns
Magnificent Seven: Top 7 Outrageous Wrestling Moves
Hi, hello & welcome to the Magnificent Seven! Just before All Elite Wrestling held their rally and became the talk of the wrestling world, we were talking about something else that took place outside WWE. Namely, a new wrestling move invented by one Priscilla Kelly.
It’s kind of a new take on something Raven used to do. I remember when the man from the Bowery would remove a snot rag from his back pocket, blow his nose & stick the residue in his opponent’s face. Priscilla had a rag of her own to use on her opponent…
Indeed, the ol’ tampon to the face. This generated a ton of controversy & discussion once the footage hit the Interweb. Personally, it’s not something that’s going to motivate me to watch more of her matches or demand she get signed by somebody. I can see it appealing to other people, which is fine. It’s not something worth having an aneurysm over. Besides, outrageous moves & professional wrestling go together like peanut butter & jelly.
Priscilla’s tampon got me thinking though. What are the most outrageous moves in wrestling? Silly, ridiculous or disgusting things that wrestlers did in a regular basis in their matches that kinda worked for whatever reason? I’ve come up with the magnificent seven, along with one honorable mention.
The Nasty Boys were two guys that lived up to their tag team name. Brian Knobbs & Jerry Saggs were disgusting individuals that were willing to do anything to win a match. Including using Knobbs’ stinky armpit as an offensive weapon.
No, I don’t know why the name of the move changed for awhile when they went from the WWF to WCW. Perhaps WWF had a trademark on the term “Pit Stop” and planned on using it for something involving Thurman “Sparky” Plugg.
There are two moves from the Attitude Era that typically come up in any discussion of the silliest finishing moves. The Rock’s People’s Elbow gets a lot of talk because it was just Rock dropping a standing elbow on somebody after taking his elbow pad off and dancing around. I think Scotty 2 Hotty’s Worm wins the prize though.
I mean, this actually did finish some people. I seen it! The devastating karate chop must have hit the wrong part of his opponent’s throat or something.
ODB is a pretty outrageous wrestler in general. She’s all about drinking out of the flask and grabbing her boobs & things like that. So it should come as no surprise that she has an interesting take on the ten punches in the corner spot. Look at 1:43 in the video below to see some poor soul taking ODB’s crotch to the face ten times.
Not gonna lie, I’d be tapping out.
We all know it was Mankind that reintroduced the Mandible Claw to pro wrestling. It was only a matter of time after he started talking about testicular fortitude that the claw move would travel south. Once the Hardcore Legend made grabbing a man’s lower abdominal region a thing, everybody else wanted to do it too.
Its one of those moves everybody (at least the men) can identify with. Its one thing for you to grab your own, but for a competitor to do it? Unacceptable.
I remember seeing an early Rikishi Phatu dark match and not being impressed. I didn’t think a fat Samoan sumo wrestler in a thong, never mind the fact we’d already seen him in multiple failed gimmicks, was something people would want to see. It wasn’t at first, but right around the time he started rubbing his exposed ass in people’s faces was when he got over.
https://youtu.be/6GPJqY9XgiE
Somehow I don’t think it would have had the same effect with the Sultan’s genie pants.
Has anybody ever asked X-Pac what he was thinking when he came up with this move? “Yeah, I’ll jump crotch-first onto my prone opponent’s face in the corner! That’ll end well!”
https://youtu.be/yigkhaBE36I
It’s amazing he wasn’t injured more often when he missed. Or when he hit it. It was a tough call between this & the Stinkface for #2…I chose the Broncobuster because it was a higher risk move. If Rikishi missed the stinkface, not much was gonna happen to him.
Norman Smiley was a solid technical wrestler that could have a good match with anybody. Nobody associated with or watching WCW at the time really noticed until he introduced this into his repertoire.
https://youtu.be/nByAZv2KuDw
It started as a taunt to get himself going, but in later years he would do it to an opponent when they ended up with their backside prone to a Wiggle. It doesn’t quite make it on the list because I don’t think it was actually intended to hurt the opponent. Or maybe it was. It wasn’t like Norman’s tights left a lot to the imagination.
I don’t think anybody’s going to out-do this one. The combination of physical impossibility & the insanity of the concept makes Joey Ryan’s suplex the most outrageous wrestling move of all time. Its not even close, honestly.
https://youtu.be/67JCpbYjSB0
It’s going to take a heck of a thing to ever top it. I’m sure somebody will try.
Thanks for reading! Hit me up on the Twitter if you’ve got any suggestions for Magnificent Seven topics, or Botches, or secrets for beating Super Mario Brothers 3.
