Memphis Wrestling (12.17.1983) Review

-Jumping ahead a bit, we have a full 51 minutes of episode this week!

-Originally aired December 17, 1983.

-Your hosts are Lance Russell & Dave Brown.

-Superstar Bill Dundee DEMANDS to hear the card scheduled for Monday night in the Mid-South Coliseum, and Lance concedes that, no, Bill Dundee doesn’t have a match scheduled, and Dundee wants answers. When the AWA World Heavyweight Champion is in the area, the Southern Heavyweight Champion always gets a match. Now, the World Jr. Heavyweight Champion is in Memphis, and Bill, the U.S. Jr. Heavyweight Champion, doesn’t have a match booked in the Mid-South Coliseum?!

SUPERSTAR BILL DUNDEE (U.S. Jr. Heavyweight Champion) vs. ROBERT REED
-And ANOTHER thing! Why is Robert Reed the best opponent that they can find for a champion like Dundee? Dundee refuses to even wrestle because he doesn’t want to be held responsible for all the channels being changed across Memphis because of this crappy match. He orders that Jerry Lawler, the Fabulous Ones, the Rock & Roll Express, and anybody else get out here, and Bill Dundee will wrestle every one of them, one after another, with a ten-minute time limit for each match.

-Well, here are Jerry Lawler and the Fabulous Ones. Jerry Lawler says he has a mixed tag match scheduled today, so he’s bowing out, so that leaves “The Bobbsey Twins,” and they flip a coin to see which one of them wrestles first.

SUPERSTAR BILL DUNDEE (U.S. Jr. Heavyweight Champion) vs. STEVE KEIRN
-Dundee gets the early advantage with chokes and punches while the audience goes into a long chant of “Let’s go Steve!”

-Steve is just getting the shit kicked out of him until he finally rams the Superstar into the turnbuckle. Keirn looks like he finally has some momentum going until a big tall bearded mystery man enters the ring and starts attacking Keirn? Who is this hillbilly?

-Stan Lane hits the ring and tries to fight the mysterious newcomer, but the mystery man kicks Stan’s ass too, like he’s saying “Don’t go messin’ with a country boy.” Babyface task force hits the ring and Dundee and his new friend take off.

-Monday night in Memphis, it’s the Main Event Tag Match of the Year! Jerry Lawler and Austin Idol team up to take on Joe LeDuc and RANDY SAVAGE! Aww, man, we missed his debut! The Fabulous Ones are out here and they want a match against Bill Dundee and whoever this Bigfoot-lookin’ goof is, they don’t even care if he’s a wrestler.

-Bill Dundee and accepts the challenge of the Fabulous Ones, promising to see them on Monday night, but he won’t tell them his friend’s name.

-Off to the Mid-South Coliseum, Dutch Mantell vs. Dennis Condrey. Dutch is about to put Dennis Condrey away with an abdominal stretch, but Norvell Austin interferes to stop that for the disqualification. Post-match attack goes wrong as Austin accidentally takes out Dennis with a folding chair and Dutch makes his escape.

-In the studio, Jimmy Hart and Norvell Austin announce that there’s been a rematch signed as a result of this: Dutch Mantell vs. Dennis Condrey, Loser Leaves Town. I like Condrey’s chances!

-Later in the night, a heel vs. heel brawl erupts between the Grapplers and the Bruise Brothers, so we have a No-DQ tag team match set up for this Monday night! I can’t wait to see if two guys stay on the apron for a large portion of the match.

-Aaaaaand one more Mid-South Coliseum highlight, Jerry Lawler vs. Randy Savage in a shitty cage. If you’ve never seen the cage in Memphis, it is 100% what Mick Foley was describing in his first book about the cage that “look-a like-a chicken wire, but it’s-a not-a chicken wire.” This cage does not look imposing, or painful, or interesting in ANY way. It looks like the stuff that surrounds the Christmas trees in the parking lot at Home Depot every December. There’s a spot where Savage rams Lawler’s face against a wall of the cage and it comes dangerously close to just completely toppling on the first three rows of fans, who would have suffered lethal splinters and severe inconveniencing at the first-aid station if it had happened. Pro wrestling is ridiculous enough without this promotion trying to convince you that these guys are in any harm’s way in this match.

-Joe LeDuc interferes, which Lance Russell reacts to with utter disbelieve because how was Joe LeDuc able to climb in there?! BECAUSE THE SPACES BETWEEN THE WIRES ARE A FOOT WIDE, LANCE! If you can enter the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese, you’ve had all the practice you need entering this shitty cage. Savage and LeDuc beat the hell out of the King.

-We get a promo from Randy Savage on a microphone that is struggling through this entire promo. Randy Savage and his dad have words for Jerry Lawler and his dad: JERRY LAWLER’S DAD IS DEAD, OOOOOOOOH YEAH!

-Lance Russell declares the Macho Man to be uncouth and goofy. Jerry Lawler promises to rip out every hair in Savage’s head, Austin Idol mails in a tape of himself beating the crap out of a tree to prepare for Monday, and Joe LeDuc assures us that he is still crazy, even if he has a hired maid and a limousine now.

EXPIRATION OF TIME, MIXED TAG: JERRY “The King” LAWLER & COWBOY LANG vs. GIANT FRAZIER & LITTLE TOKYO
FALL ONE: Rumor has it that Giant Frazier may be a relative of the mysterious man that we saw earlier in the show. Possibly an uncle. Heels try a double-team spot, but Tokyo accidentally dropkicks Frazier. Lance Russell tells us a story that we’ve missed in the month of episodes that I’m missing. Apparently the running gag right now is that Giant Frazier keeps signing tag team matches, but getting annoyed with his partners, and Frazier just leaves the ring if the match starts going badly.

-So now the Giant and the King go at it. Frazier gets popped right in the eye, so Frazier tags out right away. Lang and Tokyo do battle again and Tokyo turns it into a straight wrestling match to take the upper hand. Frazier tries to attack Lang, but Lawler acts quickly and goes after Frazier’s eyes again to stop that. Tokyo tries to get a criss-cross going, but Lang drops to the mat and rolls him for an abrupt three-count to take the fall…

FALL TWO: Well, hot damn, we’re actually getting a second fall in the Expiration of Time match! It must be Christmas. Jimmy Hart comes to the commentary table to try to do some damage control since his man lost the first fall and he wasn’t at ringside to help. So now Jimmy goes over to give Frazier some strategic hints (“HIT HIM!”) Tokyo tries to help too, but he ends up just running full-speed into Frazier’s ass and knocking himself silly.

-Lawler manages to get Frazier on the mat in a hold, so we get a comedy spot where Lang keeps running back and forth on Frazier’s body and Tokyo again bungles an attempt to help. Frazier makes a comeback but misses the legdrop. Lawler keeps duking it out with Frazier and overwhelms him as the bell sounds for the end of TV time, and Jimmy concedes that yes, Frazier has lost a step, but Jimmy’s going to rebuild him into a monster.

5.8

The final score: review Not So Good

The 411

It was fun to see a full-blown show again after the past few weeks. Oy, that cage, though.