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NEW USWA Championship Wrestling (9.1.1990) Review

June 6, 2020 | Posted by Adam Nedeff
USWA Championship Wrestling 9-1-1990
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NEW USWA Championship Wrestling (9.1.1990) Review  

-Jumping ahead a few weeks, so we’re not getting our much-craved closure on whether or not Dirty White Girl will get naked.
-Originally aired September 1, 1990.

-Your host is Dave Brown.


-We’re joined in progress so we don’t hear the jobber intros. Also, Gilbert is wearing a mask. Not much to this one, even less since it’s joined in progress, ends with the non-jobbers winning.

-So Eddie Gilbert takes us to footage from the Mid-South Coliseum to explain the mask. It’s a cage match with Austin Idol, Jerry Lawler, and Bill Dundee against Tony Anthony, Eddie Gilbert, and not-yet-mask-wearing Doug Gilbert. Bedlam is followed by pandemonium, and the babyfaces get the win. Tony Anthony bungles a double-team move and accidentally KOs Doug Gilbert with his own boot, and Lawler gets the three-count. And it turns out this is a hair match, so Doug Gilbert is getting his head shaved. And they pay off that stipulation since it doesn’t involve showing hardcore nudity on television, so Doug is bald.

-Back in the studio, they keep emphasizing that it’s “a flame-resistant mask.” Over and over again. And fire didn’t figure into this angle at all so I have no idea why they’re saying it. Eddie announces that his Great Granny Gilbert developed a hair tonic decades ago and it’s an old family secret, so Doug removes the mask, and he’s wearing a ridiculous-looking toupee, and Dave Brown just laughs at the heels as they brag about the miracle cure.

-We get an epic house show promo from Kowabunga and Bill Dundee. Dirty White Boy and Eddie Gilbert stole $5000 from Kowabunga after he won a battle royal, and he’s mad because “That could have bought a lot of Domino’s Pizza!” They promise to, ahem, beat the shell out of the heels in Evansville.

-Let’s go to Tessa vs. Dirty White Girl in a cage match, and Dirty White Girl gets the win with a handful of powder. 30 seconds of highlights, and I have a feeling the match went about 45. Anyway, Tessa has left the USWA as a stipulation of the match.

-In the studio, Sam Lowe and Doug Gilbert carry Tessa into the studio on a throne while ’80s dreck rock blares on the PA system. She cuts a Ken Patera-caliber promo inviting everyone to bring a valet into USWA and she’ll take out every one of them.

-On cue, Jerry Lawler and Bill Dundee stroll out to announce that they do indeed have a new valet, because Tessa was perhaps “too much of a lady” for their needs. They introduce Vicious Vicki, a tattooed, cigar-chomping, fast food manager-in-Ohio-lookin’ woman who goes straight up to Dirty White Girl and rips her dress off. Vicious Vicki starts to cut a promo, but it gets cut off by an ABC News Special Report and we jump straight to the next match. Amazon’s standards for acceptable content amaze me.

BRIAN LEE & DON HARRIS (Tag Team Champions, with Downtown Bruno) vs. TIM HALL & KEITH HAYNES

-Champs charge the ring and attack right away, do Dave Brown’s utter disgust. Suplex and a fist drop by Harris as Bruno just rants and rambles on commentary. And Brown runs down the current angle, where Downtown Bruno screwed up interfering in Jeff Gaylord’s match, then dumped him for losing, so Jeff’s a babyface now and he wants payback.

-BREAKING: Jeff Jarrett will be Jeff Gaylord’s partner in Evansville!


-Twilight Zone now has names, so Quasar starts with Maggs. They trade armwork, but Quasar connects with a dropkick and an elbow. He gets slammed off the top rope and hastily tags in Nebula. Rex King tags in and I swear, Nebula is the shortest professional wrestler I’ve ever seen in a normal match. He gets overwhelmed after a bit and tags in Shadow. Gaylord, the hot new babyface getting a big push started, finally tags in and just tackles Shadow from the turnbuckles to get the three-count.

Austin Idol is back for another run, so we get an Austin Idol highlight reel.

-We close out the hour and I’m devastated to say that we missed a Kowabunga match, based on Dave’s recap of the hour. Damn you, ABC News Special Report.

The final score: review Good
The 411
This rating is for Kowabunga's promo, to be clear.