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Random Network Reviews: Royal Rumble 2013

April 15, 2015 | Posted by Kevin Pantoja
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Random Network Reviews: Royal Rumble 2013  

Royal Rumble 2013
January 27th, 2013 – US Airways Arena in Phoenix, Arizona – Attendance: 13,000

The Royal Rumble is always one of the most fun Pay-Per-Views of the year and I remember being so excited for the 2013 version. First of all, the Royal Rumble match itself is always a treat. The bigger news here was that the Rock was getting his first WWE Title shot in over ten years, against CM Punk and his 434 day reign as WWE Champion. Going into the show, it was painfully obvious that we were headed on the road to “Twice in a Lifetime” but let’s see if the journey getting there was fun.

The opening video package is your basic Royal Rumble intro, showing past winners and their WrestleMania successes. It then turns the focus to the CM Punk/Rock rivalry that will headline the event. We go right to the opening contest but after the challenger comes out, the Champion and Ricardo Rodriguez are shown backstage. They bump into Bret Hart as Ricardo geeks out like a little kid. Bret wishes him luck and says that he reminds him of a Mexican Bret Hart. Ricardo continues to act like a kid so Bret puts the trademark shades on him. Strange but fun little segment.

World Heavyweight Championship Last Man Standing Match
Alberto Del Rio (c) w/ Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Big Show

After Big Show won the World Title from Sheamus in October of 2012, I expected him to carry it into WrestleMania and be beaten by someone like Ryback to make them a star. Instead, Alberto Del Rio won the title on an episode of Smackdown just weeks after turning face. Big Show’s plan is clear as he comes right out with some chops. Del Rio, inspired by Bret Hart, targets the leg of Show but is taken down. Show continues to pound away but he runs off the ropes, allowing Del Rio to dropkick him in the knee. The crowd chants “Si” as Del Rio strikes with a loud superkick and hurricanrana. He then goes all Rey Mysterio with a seated senton that keeps Show down for about six. Show counters the Cross Armbreaker by simply lifting Del Rio up and slamming him to the mat. Show grabs a chair, but Del Rio dropkicks him and takes it. He hits Show with it a bunch of times to “Si” chants. Del Rio goes to the second rope for a big chair shot but is caught in a Chokeslam. Del Rio rolls outside and makes the count before they move up the aisle. A low blow and superkick is able to get the big man down. Show is up at eight as they reach the entrance. At one point, Show takes a florescent light bulb from the entrance structure and breaks it over Del Rio’s back. The challenger sets up a table and actually climbs the structure. He brings Del Rio up with one hand and launches him off and through the table! At nine, Del Rio somehow gets to his feet. They go back towards the ring as Alberto is doing great as the resilient babyface. Show tries to kill Alberto with the steel steps but misses. Ricardo attacks Show and gets broken in half basically. An attempted Spear misses and Show breaks through the guardrail. Show is up at nine but gets taken own with multiple chair shots. He then drapes Show’s arm over the steps and slams it with a chair before getting a fire extinguisher and spraying Show. Show rolls inside and Del Rio applies the Cross Armbreaker while Ricardo duct tapes Show’s feet to the ropes. Somewhere, Batista is furious. DUCT TAPE? SERIOUSLY? Of course Show can’t get up and it’s over.

Winner and Still World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio in 16:58
Really strong opener. Big Show was a dominant presence and Alberto Del Rio, despite being recently face, was awesome in the resilient face role. I am not a fan of rehashing an old finish to the Last Man Standing match, but it made more sense here than in the Batista/John Cena feud. ***¾

Matt Striker interviews Dolph Ziggler, AJ Lee and Big E Langston. Dolph has to choose between numbers 1 and 2 and he selects one because he is number one. Striker brings up the stat that only two guys have won from that number. AJ gets in Matt’s face and threatens him with Big E. Big E takes the microphone and interviews Dolph in a ridiculous voice. He wants to cash in the Money in the Bank briefcase to win the World Title, win the Royal Rumble and win the WWE Title to unify them. He was about a year too early for that.

We get old school style quick Royal Rumble promos from the competitors. Antonio Cesaro says he’s going to make it four straight non-American winners, the Prime Time Players say they’re worth “millions of dollars”, Randy Orton promises to take the Rumble, John Cena says that the “Champ is here”, Wade Barrett says he will restore credibility to the Rumble, Sheamus wants to win back to back Rumbles, and Ryback is hungry.

WWE Tag Team Championship
Team Hell No (c) vs. Team Rhodes Scholars

I don’t get the obsession with giving tag teams the word “Team” before their name. Daniel Bryan hilariously covers his hears during Kane’s pyro. Cody Rhodes and Daniel Bryan kick things off, in a battle of two guys that I would love to see have a legit program somewhere down the line. “Cody’s mustache” chants ring out throughout the arena. Bryan gets Cody in a surfboard and tags Kane who dropkicks Cody for two. Damien Sandow gets the tag and eats some kicks from Bryan before both he and Cody are thrown outside. WE GOT US A FLYING GOAT as Bryan hits both with a suicide dive. The heels do turn the tide and decide to isolate Bryan. As Cody applies a half Boston crab, JBL mentions that Cody was 101-4 in amateur wrestling in high school. I never knew that. Bryan counters with a rollup but runs into a clothesline. Sandow enters with the elbow of disdain for two. Team Rhodes Scholars have great chemistry and really work tag formula on Bryan. Kane gets the hot tag after Bryan gets out of a submission and starts wailing away on Sandow. Big side slam from Kane gets a near fall. He goes up top but is stopped as Sandow climbs with him. He’s shoved off but Kane misses the clothesline. Sandow connects with a weird looking neckbreaker for two. Kane is up and goes for the double Chokeslam but it’s countered into a double suplex. Bryan blind tagged in, so Sandow’s cover on Kane doesn’t count. He turns right into a missile dropkick from Bryan as Kane Chokeslams Cody. No Lock is applied and Sandow taps.

Winners and Still WWE Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No in 9:24
Pretty good tag match. Both teams are very entertaining and put together a good effort. The crowd was hot and, while I thought Team Rhodes Scholars would have been good as Champions, I’m okay with the result. ***

The awesome Royal Rumble: By the Numbers video package is shown. I love those stats. We see Daniel Bryan and Kane celebrating backstage when Vickie Guerrero gives them their numbers. Bryan shows Kane his number, but Kane doesn’t return the favor. “IT’S THE RULES! I SHOW YOU MINE, YOU SHOW ME YOURS!” Kane’s response of “trust me, you would feel very inadequate” is great.

Michael Cole takes us to clips from the Royal Rumble Fan Fest, which featured an eight man NXT Tournament to earn a spot in the Rumble, won by Bo Dallas.

Royal Rumble Match
Ugh. I hate when the Royal Rumble doesn’t main event. As announced earlier, number one is Dolph Ziggler. Our second entrant is a surprise return by Chris Jericho to a huge ovation. He left the WWE the previous year after losing to Dolph. They trade some fun stuff with Dolph nearly being eliminated twice, while Jericho gets “you still got it chants.” Our third entrant is Cody Rhodes, who LITERALLY just competed. Since he’s a heel, he instantly works with Dolph against Jericho. Jericho gets Cody in the Walls, but Dolph breaks it up. This entrances seem quick as four is out and it’s Kofi Kingston. He comes in hot as expected. Dolph goes to eliminate him but he bounces off the ropes to survive. Everyone tries to eliminate everyone else now, but nobody is successful. Five arrives in the form of Santino Marella. He enters and throws everyone over the top, but nobody gets fully eliminated. He celebrates but calls timeout and brings out the Cobra. He strikes Kofi with it, but gets hit by everyone else and Cody dumps him. Drew McIntyre comes in at six, but I don’t expect him to do well. Cole claims that 3MB has a 10% chance of winning, since all three members are in, but JBL retorts “Heath Slater’s mom said that. They don’t have a chance.” My thoughts exactly. Jericho skins the cat like Shawn Michaels in 1995 just before Titus O’Neil enters at seven. Kofi and Cody actually try to work together but get taken out by Titus. He’s all like “MILLIONS OF DOLLARS” before hitting Kofi with a backbreaker. In another surprise, Goldust returns at eight! I LOVE GOLDUST! Cody is ready and they go toe to toe. Goldust is getting a massive pop. Dolph interrupts, leading Cody to bust out a Goldust move, before Goldust does it back to him. As we all know, they would go on to form the Brotherhood and be one of the best things about 2013. I may have missed it, but McIntyre is gone. Nine is David Otunga. No one cares.

Heath Slater, or as Michael Cole calls him, the Axel Rose of 3MB, is number ten. Again, not much of note really happens here. Number 11 is Sheamus, who won last year. He comes in and delivers backbreakers and slams all around before getting rid of Titus with five beats and tossing Otunga into him. He finishes the ten beats on Otunga and a Brogue Kick knocks him out. Tensai draws 12 and, like Otunga, nobody gives a fuck. Brodus Clay, Tensai’s future Tons of Funk partner is 13. JBL calls him Sasquatch and Latoya Jackson’s love child, which caused me to lose it. Goldust and Cody fight on the apron, with multiple near eliminations until Cody finally gets the better to tons of boos. Fourteen shows up and it is Rey Mysterio. I feel like Rey makes nearly every Royal Rumble, but is somehow always hurt by WrestleMania. He hits back to back 619s and drops the dime on Jericho. Halfway home as the other Prime Time Player, Darren Young is fifteen. The entire ring teams up to get rid of Brodus. Tensai is eliminated by Kofi, who is then knocked off the apron by Dolph. He lands on Tensai’s back, but Tensai drops him on the announce table. His feet haven’t touched the floor. He asks JBL for his chair and bunny hops back into the ring, in a cool moment. Number 16, Bo Dallas, comes in but people are paying attention to Kofi, who once he’s back on the apron, sends Young out only to be kicked out by Cody. Cody has a bunch of eliminations so far. The Godfather is a surprise number seventeen, with only two hoes that are dressed in way too many clothes for him. It was the best they could do with PG. Once he enters, Dolph dropkicks him out but his theme music never stops and he enjoys leaving with the hoes. Wade Barrett enters at 18, wearing the Intercontinental Title. He comes in hot and even takes down Sheamus. At nineteen, John Cena comes out and he means business. Everyone jumps Cena, but he’s Cena so he can take down everyone. He tosses Heath Slater and Cody Rhodes, which disappointed me.

Number twenty is Damien Sandow, and I wonder what the whole Kane and Bryan segment was about. It made it seem like Bryan had a bad number but he’s in the bottom third. Rey nearly eliminates Wade, who manages to hang out and kick Rey out. Jericho reverses the AA into the Walls to a HUGE pop. Speaking of Bryan, he draws 21. He kicks Sandow, Dolph and Barrett to “Yes” chants from everyone. 22 is the United States Champion Cesaro. He goes after Bryan, which is cool to me. The Great Khali draws 23, leading to Michael Cole saying he was the first guy to get eliminated by a Diva. I totally feel like Mark Henry was eliminate by Chyna in 1999. Kane is out next at 24, which causes Cole to make another mistake. He claims this is Kane’s 14th straight Rumble, even though he missed 2012. Kane doesn’t clean house like I’d hope as Zack Ryder comes in at 25. Team Hell No dumps out Khali before Bryan tosses Kane. Cesaro gets Bryan over onto the apron and knocks him into Kane’s arms. Kane holds him like he’s AJ as Bryan shouts “PUT ME BACK IN THE RING!” Kane declines and lets him go causing Bryan to give him a bewildered look. At 26, Randy Orton comes in and goes after everyone. Double rope hung DDT on Ziggler and Dallas. RKO on Ryder and he’s dumped out. The luckiest number in history, 27, is Jinder Mahal. Well, he’s not winning. Cena eliminates Cesaro to boos. Miz arrives at 28 and brawls with Cesaro in the aisle, as Cesaro beat him on the Pre-Show. At 29, Sin Cara enters to pretty much no reaction. Bo Dallas shocks people by eliminating the Intercontinental Champion, Wade Barrett. He gets mad and pulls Bo out, eliminating him before laying him out with the Bull Hammer. Our final entrant is Ryback. I would have booked Ryback to eliminate a bunch of people, so let’s see how this goes.

He eliminates Sandow and Sin Cara. Miz tries to get rid of him, but fails and is gone too. Jericho hits him with a Codebreaker to a pop before nailing Cena with the Lionsault. He nearly tosses Sheamus who hangs on. Jericho charges at Dolph, who superkicks him out. He ends up eating an RKO though as goes Cena and Sheamus. Orton’s hot streak ends when Ryback eliminates him. Our final four is Ziggler, Ryback, Cena and Sheamus. A Brogue Kick eliminates Dolph after 50 minutes. Cena’s five knuckle shuffle is stopped by the Meat Hook clothesline. Sheamus nails Ryback with White Noise. Brogue Kick attempt is countered and Ryback sends Sheamus over. The crowd is totally behind Ryback, who plants Cena with a spinebuster. Cena does use the STF to knock out Ryback but now has to move 300 pounds of dead weight. Ryback is up, bashing Cena’s head into the mat. He tries to powerslam Cena out, but he gets free and gets rid of him.

Winner: John Cena in 55:18
Solid Royal Rumble. There was a good amount of star power, which is always good. John Cena winning makes the outcome of the main event painfully obvious. He joins Hogan, HBK and Austin as two time winners. ***½

I absolutely love the video package for the WWE Championship match. Great stuff that highlights how right CM Punk was throughout his heel run.

WWE Championship
CM Punk (c) w/ Paul Heyman vs. The Rock

There is certainly a big fight feel in the arena. A first fight breaks out once we officially get underway. They go outside where they smash each other’s heads into the announce table. Punk nicely places the top of the announce table back for the Spanish guys. He’s such a swell fellow. Paul Heyman gets in a cheap shot but it barely registers on Rocky, though it allows Punk to get in a shot. A front suplex onto the guardrail from Punk is wise because Rock was attacked on Raw six days prior by the Shield. Back inside, Punk continues to focus on the midsection for a long time. He hits a springboard dropkick and Cole points out that Punk landed gingerly on his surgically repaired knee. He shrugs it off and dives from the top onto Rock. Inside, Rock sense a weakness and kicks Punk in the knee, but the Champion sends him outside and follows with a suicide dive. Inside though, Punk misses another springboard, allowing Rock to take advantage. He goes for his awful Sharpshooter, but Punk reverses into the Anaconda Vise. Rock gets free and hits a DDT. It’s clear that Rock not working often means that his matches have to have some down time. He looks winded now that the pace has quickened. Punk counters the Rock Bottom into a crucifix pin that Rock counters into the Sharpshooter. Punk reaches the ropes and rolls outside. Rock clears off the Spanish announce table that Punk fixed earlier. The jerk. They get to standing on the table and Rock goes for the Rock Bottom, but the table collapses on them. When they make it back to the ring, Rock gains a near fall and Punk kicks him in the head. The two men trade shots in the middle of the ring until Rock hits a clothesline and spinebuster. He sets up for the People’s Elbow but before he nails it, the lights go out. You can hear damage being done as Michael Cole somehow can tell that it’s the Shield. Rock is put through a table and Cole is certain of exactly what happened. Punk gets up and acts like the most surprised person in the building. It’s pretty funny. He brings Rock in the ring and covers him to retain. Vince McMahon interrupts though to strip Punk of the title because he said he would do so if the Shield got involved. Rock cuts him off, hurting at ringside, to say that he’s taking the belt and not Vince, so the match is restarted. As things begin again, Punk stomps on Rock in the corner before hitting a knee strike. He goes up top to nail the elbow for two. He goes for the GTS, but Rock gets free, hits the spinebuster and wins with the People’s Elbow.

Winner and New WWE Champion: The Rock in 23:46
As a fan, I hated this result. I wanted CM Punk’s title reign to continue but instead we’re heading to “Twice in a Lifetime”, which led to the first WrestleMania that I didn’t buy. The match was solid, though slow at times. The biggest issue is the finish. 434 days down the drain to the fucking People’s Elbow? ***½

The final score: review Good
The 411
There is nothing bad on the show. It only has four matches, and all four clock in with at least three stars. Nothing is mind blowing, but everything is damn solid. I didn’t enjoy the results to the Royal Rumble or WWE Championship match, which hurt things a bit. It’s still a very enjoyable way to spend three hours and is an easy watch.

article topics :

Royal Rumble, WWE, Kevin Pantoja