The ECW eXperience 9.05.06

Special b-day wishes go out to Randy, aka Dwayne, aka Debbie (it was college). And while I’m at it, happy birthday to Da Weedman, because it’s always 4:20 somewhere.

The ECW eXperience by J.D. Dunn September 5, 2006 Live from Columbus, Ga. Your hosts are Joey Styles and Taz. Extreme Rules: Sabu & Rob Van Dam vs. Test & Mike Knox (w/Kelly Kelly). Talk about your contrast in styles. Knox takes over on Sabu early, so Sabu tags out and grabs a chair from under the ring. Van Dam comes back on Test and nearly brains himself falling over the top rope on a running spinkick. They set up a table, and Test tries to press slam Sabu, but Van Dam comes off the top with a kick to break it up. RVD fights with Knox and Test on the apron, so Sabu springs off a chair and knocks all four of them through the table. Oh, that wacky Sabu! When we come back from commercial, Sabu has Test in the ring for the Triple-Jump Moonsault. Instead, Test trips him up, sending Sabu’s face into the chair. RVD sneaks in and dropkicks a chair into his face. Knox breaks up the Five-Star, though. Sabu and Van Dam bust out the old Michinoku Pro Camel Clutch/Dropkick only with the added value of a chair. Sabu hits Test with the Triple-Jump Moonsault for two. Sabu and Van Dam set up Knox on a table and come off the top just like old times for the win at 12:54. Crazy brawl, and hopefully this is part of an effort to create a tag team division. Knox and Test took some good bumps for guys their size. ***1/4 Kevin Thorne, vampire tweaker, gets his sexual fortune read. The forecast calls for flurries of gettin’ it on. Matt Striker complains about sports taking precedence over scholastics, thus guaranteeing that he will one day feud with Bradshaw. He also makes a Steve Irwin joke. Oooooh, that was out of bounds. At least let them bury the guy before you make fun of him! That’s at least as bad as anything said about Eddy Guerrero. The Sandman comes down and chases Striker away. Steven Richards vs. Balls Mahoney. Kevin Thorne and Ariel come down to observe. Ariel gives Joey a lapdance before the match. I guess it must be his birthday. Either that or she needs virgin blood. Balls fires off a few at Stevie, but Stevie comes back and slaps Balls around. Balls comes back with a flying elbow and jabs Richards in the face. Ariel distracts the ref long enough for Thorne to get a shot in and give Stevie the upset win. 3/4* Shannon Moore claims to be the Prince of Punk, so CM Punk shows up and calls him a poser. Then, he slaps Moore in the face. Moore then runs off to whine about it on his MySpace blog. HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO MEEEEEE! Handicap Match: The Big Show (w/Paul Heyman & the Enforcers) vs. Triple H & Shawn Michaels. Paul Heyman comes out and changes it from Extreme Rules to normal rules. DX comes out and doubleteams Show anyway. Show fights back because he’s big. So big, in fact, that TV doesn’t do him justice. Joey makes sure to note that. Show goes up but misses a pump splash. The Enforcers yank Triple H to the floor and mug him. That leaves Show in there alone with Shawn. You know, TV just doesn’t let you appreciate what a sexy boy he is. You have to see it live. Show overpowers him anyway. Hunter returns to make the save. You have to see him in person just to see how cerebrally he assassinates people! Shawn takes out the Enforcers, and Hunter goes for the Pedigree, but that leaves him open when Hardcore Holly runs down to attack for the DQ at 5:49. Hunter makes his own save with the sledgehammer. * Final Thoughts: I’m not really sure what the point of bringing DX in was, considering that Show didn’t accomplish anything even on his own show. This is something that could have been done next week on Raw if we didn’t have to shut down New York City so Vince could make his long-awaited wrestling debut at MSG. The actual ECW wrestlers wound up stealing the show tonight, which should tell you something about on whom they should be focusing.