The Happy-Go-Sucky Wrestling Report: 06.03.09

Does anyone else remember Bill Kazmaier? If not, maybe this will remind you:

He also wrestled in WCW.

I had the pleasure this week of arm wrestling the strongest man to ever live. And since I’ve got nothing better to talk about here, I’ll even throw a picture up.

Damn the back of my head is awesome!

By the way, if you’re wondering who won, Lex Luger came in and hit him with his bionic forearm, allowing me the victory. Actually, I used two hands and the guy ended up letting me win. What an awesomely nice guy who is going around spending his days now teaching children about the YMCA. If he comes by your local YMCA, I’d highly suggest going out to listen to what he’s got to say.

Anyway, cue banner!

News: The WWE released Mr. Kennedy.

Happy: This has obviously been the talk of the internet for the past week and I, like many others am a little surprised. Just a little though and not much. Given the history of problems the guy has had since making his debut in the WWE, it just seemed like it wasn’t meant to be for this guy.

This was an interesting tidbit that Jeff Small put in yesterday’s news report that I wanted to post here too just in case you missed it.

August 25, 2005 – Kennedy debuts on Smackdown
October 2005 – Kennedy injures Hardcore Holly’s ribs at No Mercy
November 2005 – Kennedy wrestles Eddie Guerrero in his final match
December 2005 – Kennedy tears his lat
Total In-Ring Time: about 4 months

June 9, 2006 – Kennedy returns to Smackdown after a 6 month absence
May 7, 2007 – Kennedy loses his MITB shot as he had torn his right triceps
Total In-Ring Time: 11 months

August 20th, 2007 – Kennedy returns to Raw after a 3 month absence
September 10, 2007 – Kennedy is suspended for 30 days for violating the Wellness policy
Total In-Ring Time: 3 weeks

October 1, 2007 – Kennedy returns after a month’s absence. In this match, Kennedy injures John Cena on a botched hiptoss.
August 4, 2008 – Kennedy injures his shoulder
Total In-Ring Time: 10 months

May 25, 2009 – Kennedy returns to Raw after a 9 month absence
May 29, 2009 – Kennedy is released from his contract
Total In-Ring Time: 1 week

Total In-Ring Time: 26 months
Total Out of the Ring Time: 19 months

Looking at stats like that, the only real surprise comes as why didn’t this guy get his release sooner? Let’s face it, as I’ve said for the past couple of weeks, this guy was a walking liability just waiting to happen. Botch after botch, misfire after misfire, and injury after injury, it just wasn’t worth it to keep this guy around. He obviously needs to go back to training and improving his ring skills and learn how to take a bump.

It’s sad when you get to the point that nobody wants to get in the ring with you because they fear for their careers.

Go Sucky: Did this even have a rehab stint in FCW? I don’t recall ever reading or hearing about one. If that’s the case, then it’s also no big surprise that he’d botch a move. 9 months out of active competition and he’s immediately placed in a 5-on-5 main event match and put into a program with the champion. That’s a lot of work for a guy who’s just returning to work. That’s like walking into your office and having a skyscraper of mail in your “Inbox”. (Yeah, I’m still old school.)

What really irks me is this. Randy Orton once again, asked for someone’s head. And he received it.

Now I won’t argue that he had a legitimate gripe with Mr. Kennedy. Especially when you look at the nasty back suplex Kennedy botched on him, which could have really messed up Orton’s already messed up shoulder and collarbone. If you missed it…check it out.

The fact of the matter is this. Randy Orton doesn’t exactly have a clean slate himself. In fact, isn’t his shoulder injured due to his own mistakes on a motorcycle?

To react the way he did, in the middle of the ring, in front of the crowd and cameras just shows how much of a whiney, punk ass kid Randy Orton really is. I mean his anger level is so bad here that he nearly forgot to sell the suplex!

When he didn’t like Manu, Randy Orton went to Daddy Vince and asked him to go away. And Randy got his way. And now, big clumsy meanie head Ken slipped and bumped into him and gave him a boo boo and Randy goes to Daddy Vince again, and Daddy Vince lets him have his way.

Randy Orton, who has spent a good year or two of his own career on the shelf due to injuries, and put others on the shelf as well, should not be complaining one bit. If anything, it’s karma. I never hear about other guys getting injured or taking a nasty bump and costing other people their job. This Randy needs to be a man like this Randy!

As for Vince, he’d better watch how much pull he gives Orton over his company. This is a guy who is sitting on one strike (the second one has always been in question) for the Wellness program. And you want to talk about morale. Who the hell is going to want to get into the ring with Randy Orton if Orton continues to have a piss fit everytime he doesn’t get his way in the ring, then the WWE is going to have troubles finding people to get in the ring and work with him. We’ll have Triple H vs. Randy Orton at every Wrestlemania through Wrestlemania 35!

News: Kofi Kingston is the new United States champion.

Happy: There’s a lot of good that could come out of this. First off, this hopefully means that MVP is on his way to the Raw main event. I’ve read a lot of house show schedules that are still including him in the US Title hunt along with Regal and Matt Hardy. But in the next few months, after Triple H returns and the impending Evolution vs. Legacy feud ends, I’d love to see Orton still have the title and see MVP make his way back into the title scene and continue the unfinished business he and Orton started when MVP was first drafted to Raw. This title change could in fact be the beginning of a new top superstar in the WWE.

And not far behind in the soon to be main event scene is Kofi Kingston. This guy is getting a REALLY great child friendly push. I’m sure everyone’s noticed the pause of dialogue between Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole so that they can go “Boom Boom Boom!” with Kofi.

Kofi’s also got a pretty impressive resume in his short WWE career. He’s got a pinfall win over Chris Jericho for the Intercontinental Title. He was in the Money In The Bank Ladder Match and pretty much stole the show. He had a short reign with C.M. Punk as a tag team champion, and now his reign as United States Champion has begun. He’s also got some written history with Edge (who cost him his spot in the Elimination Chamber) when that main event push comes along.

To me, this match was two big steps in the right direction for the WWE in pushing new, fresh talent. MVP and Kofi Kingston are both very promising superstars that fit the kid friendly mold the WWE is going for. Let’s just hope they don’t get lost on the face heavy Raw roster throughout the rest of 2009.

And I’ll say this. Nobody is more thrilled that Mr. Kennedy is gone more than Kofi Kingston.

Go Sucky: It only gets bad if MVP isn’t heading toward a main event push. If MVP is still trying to regain the United States championship come Survivor Series, this title change, and this program makes no sense. I’m really not a big fan of face vs. face programs for titles, unless of course, it’s one face passing down a title in order to move forward toward a higher title.

If MVP’s push suddenly stalls, and the WWE pulls the plug similar to the way they’ve pulled the plug on Shelton Benjamin’s 500 pushes, Kofi’s title reign will be short. He’ll find himself jobbing again and MVP will get a lifetime sentence to midcard purgatory.

News: Many sites have published the photos of Striker showing off his genitalia.

Yeah I’m going to totally avoid using the term “Go Sucky” for this one.

I haven’t looked at the pictures, nor do I plan to. So I really can’t grasp…ok bad choice of words…I can’t really judge just how bad these pictures are. But what I do know is this:

1) Matt Striker has embarrassed himself plain and simple. If the WWE decides to part with Striker over this incident, he’s going to have a LOT of trouble finding work. He can kiss that old teaching profession goodbye! Matt of all people, who probably is a lot smarter than most, if not all of the WWE roster should know that pictures like that get around QUICKLY. Just ask Brittany Spears, Cassie, and Rihanna.

2) The WWE should NOT release or even suspend Matt Striker over this incident. Sure they are kid friendly now…but how many times have we seen nipple slips, bare male ass, men and women in thongs, Big Dick Johnson, and others on our TV screens? Not to mention how many wrestlers have posed in Playboy…AND Playgirl? Hmmm? If the WWE fires Striker over this incident, then they are bigger hypocrites than I could have ever imagined.

I’m not saying everyone in the WWE should go out and direct traffic with their penises, but what people do in their own time is their own fault. Matt Striker will have to live with this forever, long past his WWE career. Yes, Matt Striker is a constant representative of the WWE, but the WWE has represented this kind of garbage for a lot longer.

I know that won’t be a popular opinion, but it’s hard to expect anything else when you think about wrestling’s naughty past.

News: According to Dave Meltzer, Ric Flair has yet to sign a new contract with WWE, but may this week. Flair is being allowed to honor his remaining Ring of Honor commitments, but will not be allowed to be on Ring of Honor television.

Happy: Ric Flair to me has become a guilty pleasure. I love having him on my TV and love hearing him cut promos. Having Flair back in a regular role on WWE TV will be fun, and give us old school fans a little something to look forward to.

With a Flair contract, we can expect seeing Flair at house shows again, not necessarily wrestling, but in whatever role he decides to roll with the company. Whether it is a General Manager role, or just a mouthpiece behind a young superstar, Flair will always pull in a few extra viewers, and a few extra tickets to a show.

Go Sucky: I feel like a broken record here but I’ll say it anyway. AS LONG AS HE DOESN’T WRESTLE!

It’s obvious that Flair is going to get back into the business. And it’s obvious at some point, he will take a beatdown, or take someone to school every couple of months. But if he gets back into the ring, I think Flair will lose a lot of that “pizzazz” he has right now with wrestling fans. That match at Wrestlemania 24 was career defining and anything after it is just going to be a disappointment.

News: Buff Bagwell recently spoke with NY Daily News to promote the Legends of the Ring Convention this weekend. Bagwell commented on possible returns to the WWE and TNA…

Happy: Buff Bagwell went on to state that he wants to wrestle for the WWE so bad, that he would do it for free. That’s about how much Buff Bagwell would actually make in today’s WWE.

However, part of me would get a kick out of seeing this guy go toe to toe with, oh say Santino Marella. I don’t think Buff could bring anything to the WWE except comedy. Remember when Scott Steiner came back to the WWE after WCW was bought out? He had a couple of runs for the WWE title but for the most part, he spent his time feuding with Test over Stacey Keibler, then wrestling WITH Test before eventually leaving.

I’d see the same exact future for Buff Bagwell. If the WWE is looking to expand its comedy sketches, then Buff Bagwell might be a good character for it. Otherwise, the only good I could see from Buff Bagwell in the WWE is if he wanted to help put the young stars over. But honestly, Buff was never good enough to carry anyone over.

Go Sucky: Well, I think my Happy was actually my Go Sucky here! Buff Bagwell really has no business in the WWE. Not now anyway. TNA however, might be a good fit, especially with all the veterans on that roster. He might actually fit in. I think the last time we saw him in TNA, he was in the ring with Lex Luger trying to be Sting’s partner.

Buff said that if he were ever contacted by TNA, he’d “..Answer (even it was collect) and listen”.

Sounds like Buff is ready to live a life of poverty just in order to wrestle. You have to admire his determination, but I honestly believe his time has come and gone. Should have checked your attitude at the door Buff!

News: Sting is likely to wrap up his TNA career after Bound for Glory, with TNA giving him a “Ric Flair” sendoff.

Happy: As much as I love Sting and have enjoyed being able to watch him wrestle again for the last 3 or 4 years, this is going to be a great turning point for TNA. It’s at this point that TNA will likely (hopefully) stop focusing on the old veterans of the sport and will have used Sting enough to get a few guys over to continue TNA’s steady rise in popularity.

This will also free Sting up to do whatever he wants. I know a lot of people have been clamoring to see Sting show up in the WWE just one time. If anything, with Flair likely on his way back to the ring, Sting vs. Flair at Wrestlemania 26 doesn’t seem like that much of a stretch, although I’m not sure how many fans would actually like to see it.

Go Sucky: What I would like to see though is Sting get a better send off than what he will probably get in TNA. No offense to TNA but they just don’t have the kind of pull that the WWE has when it comes to bringing in the wrestling legends for appearances. Sting should be sent off by the guys who really defined his career outside of TNA. Let’s face it, Sting’s legacy comes from his WCW days. From his feuds with Ric Flair, Lex Luger, Barry Windham, Dusty Rhodes, Roddy Piper, Ricky Steamboat, and Vader.

Yes he’ll get send offs from Jeff Jarett, Kevin Nash, Mick Foley (if he’s still with the company) and the younger guys he’s been working with for the past 3 or 4 years. But honestly, seeing these guys together is old news.

Sadly, I think it’s too little too late for Sting to make any kind of short impact in the WWE. But I would like to see him get into a WWE ring just once. And then be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame for a fantastic, and more memorable WCW career. It’s doubtful we’ll see that, but he surely deserves it in my book.

Rapid Fire!

News: Samoa Joe announced the following on his Twitter, which also includes a picture of his broken fingers:

Just left Boise State training facility was told I have torn my tricep in addition to broken fingers. Sweet!…..

According to Pwinsider.com, a source has stated that Joe may be pulled from all bouts past the Slammiversary PPV, but also mentioned that he was willing to work through the injuries if needed.

This came down right as I was about to finish up this column. Obviously, the outlook is not good for Samoa Joe or for any of TNA’s future plans for Joe. Keep checking back with 411mania to check on the status of Joe and see what route TNA decides to take.

News: Hulk Hogan denies claims by wife Linda that he smokes joints with Brooke’s boyfriend, and Hulk accuses Linda of drug use.

I think we all need joints and drugs just to put up with all this drama…brother!

News: Rumor has it John Cena married his longtime girlfriend over the weekend.

Does this mean he won’t need to do the 5 knuckle shuffle anymore?

News: Lance Storm is boycotting TNA wrestling as it gives him nightmares.

It’s ok Lance. They did away with the Awesome Kong “Thong on A Pole Match”. You can come back.

News: Raw scored a 3.4 rating.

Proof that Nuggets + Lakers = Flair

And on that note, I’m outta here. If you’re in the central Kentucky area and you’re looking for some live wrestling this weekend, make sure you come out to Owenton to the County Fairgrounds for New South Wrestling this Friday! Doors open at 7pm!

Until next week my friends, may your lives be Happy…or Go Sucky!