The Happy-Go-Sucky Wrestling Report: 08.05.09

You know, a lot of times when I’m making my thoughts and arguments when I’m writing this little piece of cyber heaven, I always try to keep in mind that the WWE is being “kid friendly”. And usually I can understand it and make decent arguments out of it. But this past Monday, that all came crumbling down as I sat down to watch Raw with a cousin of mine who’s visiting this week from Texas. He’s 12.

As we watched Raw and watched Triple H come to the ring to take on Legacy in a 2-on-1 handicap match, I asked him who he thought was going to win, figuring it would just be a simple “Triple H” since he’s his favorite wrestler. Instead, I got this comprehensive response…

“Well given that Triple H has beaten up both members of Legacy and Randy Orton all at the same time before…duh!”

Sorry WWE. But you’ve officially been called out by your new target audience.

Anyway, it’s raining like you wouldn’t believe across the Bluegrass State and I’ve gotta make this quick since the power is likely to go out 3 or 4 times while I’m writing this. So let’s rassle! Cue Banner!

News: With Jarrett on hiatus, TNA released Creative Member Dutch Mantell and Knockouts Agent Savio Vega.

Happy: There are several rumors flying around the internet right now involving guys in “Jeff Jarrett’s clique”, and these rumors include the reasons why guys like Dutch Mantell and Savio Vega were let go. The main rumor is that Jeff Jarrett is about to be future endeavored by his own company.

There is a company called Panda Energy or something crazy like that that is rumored to be offering to buy Jeff Jarrett out of his ownership of TNA, and if he were to accept, he would become nothing more than a contracted wrestler, if that. No backstage job. No booking. Just guitar shots and figure fours. If that.

And of course, as many of you know, it would appear that Dixie Carter is hell bent on moving Kurt Angle into a creative role and giving him major creative power. And as much as I like Jeff Jarrett and everything that he has done for TNA, I actually kind of like the idea of a change.

TNA, outside a major flux in the ratings for a month or so a few months ago, has not grown. Given it really hasn’t shrunk in the ratings either, it’s still not going anywhere and if the company is going to continue to go after big names to join the company, then they have to start going somewhere to attract more advertisers. The better the ratings, the better the dollars.

Jeff Jarrett’s TNA seems to have plateaued. It would seem it’s not going to ever get any higher or any better than it is right now. So why not make some changes?

Imagine for a minute if you will if guys like Kurt Angle, Kevin Nash, and Booker T all had a role in booking TNA. These are all guys who have had superb careers due to good booking and are well respected in the business. I can’t help but to think we’d be in store for a better, hip, new product for TNA that would actually MAKE SENSE and give TNA a decent push in the ratings.

Especially if they were to fire He Who Must Not Be Named…

No, the other one.

There ya go.

Go Sucky: With the firing of Dirty Dutch and Savio Vega, we’re pretty much left with Lord Voldermort…I mean Vince Russo on the Creative Staff.

It makes me feel a little uncomfortable to see someone like Jeff Jarrett get booted out of his own company after all he did to get it started. All because he’s seeing someone’s ex wife. It’s uncomfortable because it just doesn’t seem right.

On top of that, some of Jeff’s other close friends are in trouble. One of them being Jim Cornette, whom I’ve always loved as that strung out, stressed out boss.

It just seems like there’s a lot of turmoil and unnecessary drama going on behind the scenes for TNA and that’s not healthy for a business. After awhile, the wrestlers are going to get sick of it and it’s going to bring morale lower than it already is.

On top of that, who’s to say that Kurt Angle has any clue as to what he’s doing when it comes to booking an entire company? Chances are, Kurt has only been in situations where he’s tried to lobby creative ideas for himself. Not for others.

If TNA really wants to get over this slump, they need to first, get over themselves. Second, they need to let Kurt Angle go. He comes off as a bit unstable with his “I’m Going To Do This!” and then “I’m Going To Do That!” and of course don’t forget that little rant he went on a few months back to The Sun where he talked smack about creative, including Vince Russo.

I’ll agree as far as believing Jeff Jarrett needs to be removed from creative control, but as for giving Kurt Angle control over the company Jeff started, that almost seems insulting.

Get rid of Vince Russo and we’ll talk.

Until then, just remember this, Kurt may get control of the company, but Jeff gets the girl.

Just sayin’.

News: Vince McMahon has asked Brooke Hogan about joining the WWE.

Happy: Surprisingly, Brooke Hogan has found a way to make herself a media darling and her show on VH1 is doing pretty good. So why not? It’s good pub for both of them!

Brooke Hogan in the WWE would obviously NOT make the greatest wrestler to ever live. But there is plenty of room for her and her massive, well lotioned by daddy behind to be a valet to a group like, oh say Legacy. She is after all, a 2nd generation star and it seems like the cool thing to do to hate her.

And how much fun would it be to run a storyline where Jillian Hall was the long lost twin of Brooke Hogan! I mean look at their resemblance!

The only difference is that Jillian Hall has sold more albums than Brooke Hogan.

Ouch. Yeah I went there.

Go Sucky: What on earth could the WWE possibly do with someone like Brooke Hogan in the WWE? She’s made a name for herself on reality TV shows, not in the wrestling ring. She will be immediately rejected by wrestling fans. She just won’t catch on. I can possibly see her being a “celebrity guest host” in the near future, but as for a permanent role in the WWE, just not happening.

Not to mention the chick is a walking time bomb for bad press. This is of course the same chick that, after her brother recklessly drove his car into a tree and turned his friend into a vegetable, said that her brother was in fact the victim.

But who am I to argue? Apparently Brooke Knows Best.

News: The WWE released The Brian Kendrick.

Happy: Farewell to the deadweight! I never quite understood the fascination or push of this guy. He was a decent wrestler but after his run with Paul London, it seemed pretty clear to me that Brian Kendrick was just a screw up or two away from being released, and that’s exactly what happened.

Fortunately for those of who are Brian Kendrick fans, you can find comfort in the fact that he will be able to actually wrestle the way he wants to wrestle. I recall a few years ago that guys like Kendrick and London were being held back in the ring due to the danger of their ring nature.

So let’s all sit here and await the return of Spanky!

Go Sucky: There was so much potential in this guy and at one point, I actually thought the WWE had a chance to turn this guy into the next Shawn Michaels. He had the personality and charisma. He CAN BE exciting in the ring. He had the big, quiet, strong valet in Big Zeke compared to Shawn Michaels’ Diesel. He had the chance. He even held the WWE title briefly during last year’s championship scramble! But he blew it. He blew it out in a big puff of smoke.

So Mr. Kendrick. Good luck in your future endeavors my friend.

News: Sgt. Slaughter will host Raw next Monday Night.

Happy: I actually like it better when the former legends host Monday Night Raw instead of the celebrities. Seth Green is fairly funny, ZZ Top was pretty lame, and I still don’t have a clue who Jeremy Piven is other than the gay guy from Rush Hour 2.

Anyway, it will be fun to see the Sarge dish out some corporal punishment to the heels on Raw…and probably Santino. Slaughter was an excellent commissioner back in the day when Raw was first starting to spread its wings. I’ve always been a fan of Sgt. Slaughter and I look forward to seeing him have some kind of role on Raw that doesn’t require him to dance around the ring with Hornswoggle.

Go Sucky: Come on WWE. Bring someone in that hasn’t worked backstage in the last few years. The Sarge, who of course was recently released from his backstage duties, worked occasionally and made several appearances over the years. You want to make an impact by bringing in a legend, bring someone in we never see like you did with The Million Dollar Man!

Rapid Fire!

News: Former WWE wrestler Gene Snitsky was injured an auto accident on Thursday. He took a bang to the head resulting in seven stitches in his eye, a sprained ankle, and severe bruising all over his body. He was scheduled for an indy show in New Jersey this past weekend but had to pull out due to the injuries he sustained. He is expected to make a full recovery.

I didn’t realize it was possible for Snitsky to look worse than this…

News: Blackjack Mulligan continues to recover from a stroke he suffered over the weekend. He is said to be slurring his words and having troubles with his vision.

Get well soon Blackjack!

News: Raw scored a 3.6 rating Monday Night, down from a 4.0.

I hope this doesn’t affect the “Summerfest” buy rates or the career of “Charo”.

News: Eugene (Nick Dinsmore) returned to action over the weekend at a house show.

D’oh! I mean…Duh!

Wrestlers Tweet The Darnest Things!

So why was Chris Jericho the Top Trending Topic on Twitter a couple of days ago? Here’s what people were saying about Y2J.

IAmJerichoRT @Arianna_McDouga:Cars were invented as a faster way of fleeing Chris Jericho. Not to be outdone, Chris Jericho invented the car accident.

RT @RY_2_J: @IAmJericho In a fight between Batman and superman the winner is Chris Jericho.

RT @RiderOfPl4gues: @IAmJericho Jericho is right behind you

RT @daddsy1: @IAmJericho Chris Jericho can play the violin with a piano

RT @texans_chase: @IAmJericho Chris Jericho puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.

RT @ChrisGlynn20: @IAmJericho Chris Jericho can speak Spanish in French

RT @JasonTH: @IAmJericho — Chris Jericho doesn’t bowl strikes. He knocks down 1 pin & the other 9 faint.

RT @FIONA_BELLAZARI: @IAmJericho A lot of men piss try to their name in the snow, CJ pisses his name into dry concrete

RT @Nani84: @IAmJericho Can kill two stones with a bird….. O.o

Yeah so most of these are ripped off old Chuck Norris jokes, but regardless, they’re pretty funny.

So what are other wrestlers tweeting about this week? Let’s find out.

Matt Morgan@Jaimie_mcnamee: what? (Are they stealing Stone Cold’s lines now?)

Roxy@SamoaJoe I’m quick! You know that! I’ll use you as a weapon for my enemies.(Anyone else get the image of Roxy using Samoa Joe like a bat here?)

Mr. Kennedy You can tell around here that we’re going on vacay tomorrow. Someone put a quarter in my wife today. More like a whole roll actually.. 🙂 (I don’t think I’d make smiley faces if I knew someone was putting their quarter rolls in my wife.)

Jeremy Borash If I could be any boxer in the world, it would be Don Flamenco. (Don Flamenco always pissed me off cuz I couldn’t ever knock him out in the 2nd fight. Now I suddenly hate JB.)

Awesome Kong@TaylorWilde I’m not a stalker or anything but I made that fake facebook of you because I just wanted know what it’s like to be in ur skin:D (Don’t we all?)

Kofi Kingston I’m sitting in first class about to watch season 2 of the Justice League. Is that wrong? (Yes, yes it is. You’ll watch old Jennifer Lopez movies and you’ll like it!)

The Miz then to be at the mohegan sun casino trying to eat n having peps with cena shirts on ask me for an autograph. Really? Really? Seriously? (Pwned!)

The Hurricane Got free tix to see the Mets play tonight but……nah! (That’s right Mets fans. Not even if they’re free.)

Alright the lights are flickering so, I’m outta here! Until next week my friends, may your lives be Happy….or Go Sucky!