The Island of Misfit Shows: 6:05 – The Legends Reunion

– Sequel. Usually a sequel to such things as movies fall below par of what you got from the original, because either of hype, rehashed plot, or the lack of key actors. In this case, this review is a Sequel, and the show it’s following up couldn’t possibly be worse than the original, Heroes of Wrestling. Featuring three matches dipping into the negative star scale, Jake Roberts making an ass out of himself, terrible commentary by some idiot and Dirty Dutch “Our Target audience is 50 Year Olds” Mantell, and all around piss-poor effort from the wrestling to production, NOTHING can be worse than that. And so we have 6:05-The Legends Reunion. A show highlighting stars from the last 30 years (and a few new guys to keep things fresh), it has all the right signs of being a flop.

– ”Live” from the Hard Rock something or other at Universal Studios. Just picture the XWF cross-bread with WCW Saturday Night. Commentary is handled by Jim Cornette (WOOO!, but only for matches 1-7), Lance Russell, and Ron Niemi. Cornette alone is better than the suck from the pieces of crap from Heroes of Wrestling. We also have random guys doing interviews, but who cares. Ring announcing is done by former WCW and current TNA guy Dave Penzer, and the referees are Earl & Brian Hebner. Or maybe it’s Dave & Brian.

– We already get a waste of time in the form of the “TNT Girls”, formerly members of the Nitro Dancers. None are named, and we never see them again. At least it only ate up about 90 seconds of the PPV Time.

– “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan vs. Nikolai Volkoff (w/ The Iron Sheik):
Oh fuck. I’m guessing Volkoff sold/lost his (much) old(er) jacket, because he STILL wears the USSR/USA jacket and hat. Jim Cornette makes fun of him for this, commenting about the fall of the Soviet Union and Volkoff not knowing it. The Iron Sheik gets on the stick for Old Times sake with the “Iran #1, Russia #1, USA Hawk-Ptooy!” Sadly, he doesn’t offer to bend Duggan over, and fuck him in the ass until he’s humble, but then again, Kanyon is booked for the show too. Cornette continues being God, questioning wether Sheik said “hawk-ptah” or “hawk-ptoo.” Sheik has a unique shirt on… the Hall of Fame logo with Hulk Hogan. SHEIK BROKE KAYFABE! Next he’ll probably get busted with Jim Duggan for posessing Marijuana and Cocaine… oh wait. We get a WEIRD edit job, as Duggan starts a USA chant, then we pan the crowd, then cut back with everyone sans Duggan and the ref’ outside the ring. Lockup, and Volkoff rakes the eyes. Volkoff with weak shots against the ropes and Duggan eats turnbuckle. Duggan no-sells and gives Volkoff a taste instead. Duggan with mounted punches in the corner, followed by a whip to the corner. Duggan with the 3-point stance clothesline, and it’s all over at 1:30! 1/4* Not a single wrestling hold all match, but the match was barely 90 seconds (and probably not much longer in full, considering Volkoff’s tendancy to hide out of the ring), and it wasn’t embarrasingly bad like Volkoff’s match with the Bushwhackers at Heroes of Wrestling.

– Rick Steiner vs. Virgil:
Although the pre-match graphic lists Virgil as “Mr. Jones” (his XWF name), the ring announcer and broadcast team all refer to him as “Virgil”, so I’ll stick with the popular opinion of Jim Cornette and the other guys. Neither guy isn’t in the best shape, but I’ll say steiner is worse off, considering he’s wearing a loose shirt for the match, while Virgil’s is tight. Virgil attacks Steiner as he takes off his jacket and pounds and chokes him down to the canvas. Irish whip, and Steiner comes off the ropes with a Steinerline. Steiner with a second, followed by a fucked up T-bone suplex for a two count. Steiner with rights and the Death Valley Driver puts Virgil away at a brisk 1:24 without any clipping noticed. DUD Just a squash match. This show is already better than Heroes, despite only 3-minutes of wrestling.

– Some Guy interviews Nasty Boy Brian Knobbs, who’s getting a spray-on tattoo of Jimmy Hart put on his arm. Knobbs was getting around with a cane over the last year or so, so it shouldn’t be a surprise why he isn’t wrestling. Fun comment: A few months ago on the local Sarasota news, they had Brian Knobbs testing something for severe snoring. True story.

– Koko B. Ware vs. Disco Inferno:
Hopefully this match will get more time than the previous two, only because Disco at one time had talent, and he’s probably in the best shape of anyone at this point of the show. Ware and Disco joins the club of people who wear shirts in the match, but at least Disco is wearing an ugly 70’s style shirt. Ware has his High Energy pants, for those who care about that sort of thing. Ware also has his hair colored green, made obvious when Jim Cornette compares him to a Chia Pet. Disco has a rip-off of his WCW theme, without the lyrics. Koko uses the theme used for Legends of Wrestling II. Disco jumps Ware in the corner and stomps a mudhole in his ass, then dances it dry. Inferno mocks Ware by doing the chicken dance. Irish whip is reversed, and Koko takes Inferno over with a hip toss. Ware with a scoop slam followed by a snapmare and a stomp to the almost-gonnads. Irish whip to the corner, and Ware misses a charge for old-times sake. Inferno pounds away on the back of Koko and chokes him across the top rope. Disco makes sure to comb his hair in between the ass-kicking. Inferno with a swinging neck breaker for a two count, then goes into a reverse chinlock. Ware fights back up and elbows Inferno in the midsection, but Disco takes him down with a russian leg sweep. Disco with the YMCA dance before missing an elbow drop, Rock style. Ware with a series of roundhouse rights followed by an atomic drop (both versions). Irish whip to the corner, and Ware runs into an elbow. Koko blocks the Stunner, and a running bulldog from out of the corner gives Koko the victory at 4:19. 3/4* Not a good match, but it wasn’t completely terrible, and it was kept short enough to not stink up the ring like yesterdays garbage… and Heroes of Wrestling.

– “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka vs. Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (w/ Jimmy Hart):
Before the match, Jimmy Hart cuts a promo introducing some big doofus with no talent called “DNA” (expect TNA to sign him). He’s absent from ringside, so expect a sucky finish with him running in… and exactly why are they pimping some green hoss on a one-time only show (as stated by the broadcast team). I don’t expect this match to be very good, considering their performances at HoW. Lockup into the corner, and Valentine gives a clean break. Lockup #2, and with the same result. Another goes into the corner, and Valentine with a series of forearms. Snuka with a foot to the midsection followed by some chops, sending Valentine to run outside the ring for a conference with Jimmy Hart. Back in the ring, and Snuka puts Valentine down with a big chop, and again Valentine runs to the outside. Lockup into the ropes, and Snuka with more chops. Irish whip, and Valentine with an elbow to the back of the head. Valentine heads up to the second rope (LUCHA GEEZER!) and comes off with a chop to the back of the neck. Valentine with several elbows to the forhead of Snuka and applies a reverse chinlock. Valentine winds up an elbow, but obviously misses (as usual for the last 129 years). Valentine remains in control, with a series of knees into the leg of Snuka. Valentine jerks on the leg and goes for the Figure-Four, but Snuka kicks him off into the corner. Snuka with chops in the corner, and Valentine eats canvas. Snuka heads up now and connects with a diving headbutt. Jimmy Hart climbs onto the apron and gets pulled in for his troubles. Snuka with a DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER, giving Valentine a chance to work in his tree-falling-down face bump. Snuka tries to Superfly Splash Hart, but Doug Dillinger and his Stooges stop him. Then DNA comes out (with theme music AND screen graphic), and the match comes to a hault, no doubt by Disqualification in favor of Jimmy Snuka at around the 7:30 mark. -1/2* I was going to say DUD, but that finish was REALLY fucking stupid. #1: No one touched Snuka. #2: The production crew was pretty damn prepared for the most worthless run in in the history of pro wrestling. Valentine holds the FIRST honor of having negative star matches at both HoW and WWL 6:05 Reunion.

– Eddie Colon (w/ Carlos Colon) vs. Vampiro:
Before the match, we see brief clips from the WWC (promotion ran primarily in Puerto Rico by Carlos Colon), mainly featuring Carlos himself. I still have horrors of the 1993 Royal Rumble, when Gorilla Monsoon in a straight tone called him a “youngster.” Eddie Colon is pretty much unknown to everyone, but he’s Carlos’ son (duh), and can’t be much worse than the previous match. Also I’m glad to see Vampiro has grown out his hair again. I can’t put my finger on it, but Eddie Colon seems to be using Chavo Guerrero’s old WCW theme music. Vampiro starts with a boot to the chest and a leg sweep. Vampiro with a kick VERY questionably low, followed by a stiff high kick to the chest. Vampiro with a chokeslam, and casually drops a forarm across the back of the head of Colon. Irish whip, and Colon baseball slides through Vampiros legs and takes him over with a hurricinrana, followed by a several other head scissors. Irish whip is reversed, and Vampiro nails a spinning heel kick. Colon back drops Vampiro onto the apron and dropkicks him off. SUICIDE DIVE~! by Colon, and at least they’re hitting the lucha moves and spots unlike the 2CS/Julio match from HoW. Vampiro quickly recovers though, and drops Colon across the security railing throat first. Carlos tries helping, but Vampiro nails him then smacks him over the head with his own shoe! Back into the ring as Jim Cornette rags on Doug Dillinger. Vampiro with an axehandle across the back and Colon eats buckle. Vampiro with a running boot into the corner, followed by a forearm. Vampiro with chops across the top of the head, and Colon fights back with chops of his own. Colon bounces off the ropes, but eats boot. Colon with more chops, and this time Vampiro kills him with a bicycle kick. Colon staggers back up to his feet, then grazes Vamp’ with a dropkick. Both men get back up, and Colon takes Vampiro back down with a DDT for a two count. Colon with a series of roundhouse lefts and a back body drop. Irish whip to the corner, and Colon monkey flips Vampiro into the center of the ring. Vampiro with a back elbow, but he misses a spinning heel kick. Colon with a springboard sunset flip off the second turnbuckle for a two count! Colon with a back slide for another two count. Small package by Colon for two count numero tres in el row. Irish whip is reversed and Vamp’ takes him down with a drop toe hold, and follows with a basement dropkick. Vampiro connects with the pump-handle powerbomb, but he doesn’t pin. He sets up Colon for something, but Carlos grabs him by the ankle outside the ring. Eddie with a dropkick to the knee of Vampiro. Irish whip to the corner, and Vamp’ nails him with a boot. Eddie comes back with a reverse crescent kick, but runs into a stiff clothesline, and Vampiro covers (with the help of the ropes) for the three count at 9:43. After the match, Carlos and Eddie headbutt Vampiro back to a ICP concert or whatever the hell band he liked so much. ** This score is on a very generous rating system, but it wouldn’t feel at all out of place on a WWE or TNA PPV. I could’ve done without the finish, but on deeper thought, since Colon didn’t even show signs of life while being covered, it’s not as bad.

– Jake “The Snake” Roberts vs. Kamala (w/ Friday):
And now it’s time to see if Jake Roberts can top his infamous performance at Heroes of Wrestling. Kamala looks like his usual fat ‘self, and Friday is replacing Kimchee who replaced Friday. Roberts honestly looks like some hobo with sloppy sweatpants and a wife beater on. I think this is a first… for the first time ever, Kamala is wrestling someone even more disgustingly out of shape than he is when it isn’t part of his character. Sadly, Roberts doesn’t force ugly women to rub his nipples before the match. Lockup to start, and Roberts applies a wristlock. Kamala escapes with a chop to the throat, and we get some non-action. Roberts goes back to work on the arm, but Kamala again escapes with minimal effort. Roberts pounds on Kamala for a few moments then does it some more in the corner. Kamala with a series of chops as the broadcast team mention Kamala’s “Musical Career.” INSIDE JOKES ARE AWESOME! Kamala with more chopping than a Shawn Michaels match, and that’s pretty much all he does. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG Choking spot by Kamala, to the point I hit fast forward for the first time all show. Kamala with the cannibal splash, but he doesn’t go for the cover, and instead goes for Damian, but Jake pulls the snake out of the way. Friday comes into the ring and eats a DDT for his troubles, and Kamala runs away as Roberts unleashes Damian on Friday. I’m guessing the match is thrown out at 7:35, and yet another shitty finish on a 1-time only show. -** Fucking terrible. Compared to Jake’s performance at Heroes of Wrestling, this was half as short and half as bad as the match with Jim Neidhart, but half of shit is still shit.

– We get highlights of Championship Wrestling from Florida, and clips of a Dusty Rhodes vs. One Man Gang(?) match. We follow with a SPECIAL Interview with the Living Legend… BRUNO SAMMARTINO! Ha, I bet you were expecting Larry Nabisco, weren’t you? He talks, then Dory Funk and Mike Graham talk, then J.J. DILLON cuts the best promo of the night of all three of them, with Tully Blanchard and David Flair in tow, setting up…

– Mike Graham & Dory Funk Jr. (w/ Bruno Sammartino) vs. Tully Blanchard & David Flair (w/ J.J. Dillon):
Early in the match, Cornette continues the “inside jokes” saying Graham looks like he’s made a million dollars this week. David Flair is obviously the odd-man out, but since everyone is about 20 years past their prime, he won’t be too bad since he’s never had a prime. Funk and Blanchard lockup into the corner, and Blanchard runs back to his corner. Lockup #2, and Blanchard applies a side headlock. Funk escapes and rolls him up for a quick two count. Lockup into the corner, and Funk fights off Blanchard and Flair at the speed of your normal 871 year old. Graham tags in and Blanchard knees him in the midsection. Blanchard with a snapmare out of the corner, but he misses an elbow drop. Graham with a headlock, followed by a shoulder block. Graham takes him over with another headlock for a two count. Flair tags in for the first time and we get a “Woo” for… not old time sake. Graham takes Flair over with a snapmare and follows with a knee drop for a two count. Graham with a side headlock takeover. Funk tags back in and nails Flair with a forearm uppercut and takes him over with a headlock. Flair takes it into the corner and stomps a mudhole into Funk. Blanchard tags in with a snapmare and quickly applies a reverse chinlock. One of the broadcasters actually explains a possible backstory to Flair/Funk when Flair was training to be a rassler. Graham tags in to pound on Blanchard, and Flair comes in to be slammed on his ass. Graham with a double leg trip, and applies the Figure-Four! J.J. Dillon tosses a shoe to Blanchard, who nails Graham with it to start the heat segment. Blanchard gets a series of two counts and drives a knee into the back of Graham. Blanchard with a suplex for a two count, then goes back to the reverse chinlock. Graham fights free with elbows to the midsection. Blanchard with a knee to the midsection, and the Slingshot suplex… is kinda blocked, with Graham and Blanchard bashing heads on the impact down. Funk gets the hot tag and pounds away on Flair in the corner with forearms. Irish whip, and Funk with a running (er…) back elbow. Spinning toe hold to David Flair, but Blanchard breaks it up with an elbow to the back of the head. All heck breaks loose, and the heels are sent into each other. Graham nails Dillon off the apron, and now Sammartino gets in a shot of his own. Back in the ring, and Graham nails Flair with a shoe. Funk rolls up Flair, and that’s all she wrote at 9:46. I really hate roll ups, but then I realized Funk didn’t really have a pinning finishing move, so what the heck. * Not a good match, but it had it’s moments. I deducted a small portion of a star for the involvement of Dillon’s shoe, though.

– Diamond Dallas Page vs. Kanyon:
Who betta’ than Kanyon?! Sadly, Kanyon doesn’t Kanyon Cutter random people during his entrance. Kanyon makes sure to ambush DDP while he does his “through the crowd” entrance, proving he’s better than pretty much everyone. DDP whips Kanyon into a wall and throws him over a wall closer to the ring area. DDP sends him into another wall and slams a trash can on Kanyon for extra measure. They reach the ring and DDP throws him into the steel steps. Into the ring, and Kanyon pounds DDP while coming in through the ropes. Irish whip, and DDP with a shoylder block. Kanyon blocks a hip toss, so DDP puts him down with a clothesline. Kanyon blocks a boot, and another clothesline connects. DDP with mounted punches in the corner until Kanyon nails him in the balls and drops him face first across the turnbuckle. Kanyon heads under the ring and pulls out a table. HE’S HARDCORE! HE’S HARDCORE! HE’S HARDCORE! Kanyon tries to suplex DDP over the top rope, but obviously doesn’t work, so Kanyon hangs him across the top rope instead. Kanyon chokes DDP with his shirt and drops a knee across the chest. DDP manages to fight back, unloading on Kanyon with rights and lefts. Kanyon ends the comeback with a measured right for a two count. Irish whip is reversed, and DP tries for a sunset flip, but Kanyon blocks and covers for a two count. DDP counters into the sunset flip he originally wanted for another two count. Kanyon with a snapmare, and he comes off the turnbuckle with a leg drop for a two count. Irish whip, and Kanyon applies a sleeper hold. DDP starts fighting back to his feet after the arm drops twice and elbows Kanyon in the midsection. DDP applies his own sleeper hold, and turns it into a modified neck breaker (see Billy Gunn’s “One and Only”). DDP pounds away on Kanyon and boots him in the face for a two count. Kanyon blocks an Irish whip and takes DDP with down a Russian leg sweep for a two count. Kanyon brings a steel chair into the ring, but he misses, and it bounces off the top rope and back into his own face. DDP covers, but it’s another two count. Kanyon with the most obvious low blow, sending DDP out of the ring. Kanyon plays possum while DDP crawls back into the ring, and nails him with a FOREIGN OBJECT for another two count. The action spills out of the ring, and DDP throws him off the stage onto the table, and it doesn’t break! THE TABLE’S HARDCORE! THE TABLE’S HARDCORE! THE TABLE’S HARDCORE! Back into the ring, and Kanyon with a THIRD low blow, followed by a DDT for a two count. DDP escapes a slam attempt and the Diamond Cutter puts Kanyon away at 11:33. After the match, DDP calls out Kanyon on his “rumor”, and hey, did you know Kanyon’s gay? He sure is, and he’s not afraid to do it. To quote a newspaper headline in the Simpsons episode “Homer’s Odyssey” after the newspaper becomes tired of Homer’s headlines, “Enough Already, Kanyon!” *1/2 Match was decent in a technical term, but you can tell when DDP is going balls out and has it in cruise control, and this was the latter. Strong together spots for no reason (like the table) and lots and lots of punching are a good sign they didn’t map out the match in detail.

– The Armstrong Family (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. The Midnight Express (w/ Jim Cornette):
(Brad, Scott, Bob Armstrong vs. Bobby Eaton, Dennis Condrey, Stan Lane)
Now for the match I was looking forward to the most! Cornette cuts his usual promo making fun of the Bullet Bob Armstrong and his “inbred kids”, and does the always awesome introduction of, for the first time ever, the threesome of Loverboy Dennis, Beautiful Bobby, and Sweet Stan, the Midnight Express! Then Stan Lane does his special introduction of Jim Cornette. Lane still looks to be in good shape, the others not so much, but not embarassingly bad either. Out of the three Armstrongs, only Brad looks like he’s in ring shape, and Bob has a mask on. Brad and Condrey start with a criss-cross sequence, and Brad scoops him up with a slam, followed by a nice dropkick for a guy over 40. Brad with a sunset flip for a two count, then applies a wristlock. Condrey nails Brad coming off the ropes with a clothesline, then talks smack to the other Armstrongs. Beautiful Bobby tags in for the first time and nails Brad with a back elbow. Scott Armstrong tags in and applies a wristlock. Irish whip, and now Scott connects with a dropkick, then nails the other Midnights. Cornette climbs up on the apron and starts taking off his jacket before climbing back down. Sweet Stan and Scott trade wristlocks then tumble around the ring. Lane with a single leg trip, and Scott mule kicks him off. Scott with a side headlock, followed by a shoulder block, sending Stan Lane to the outside. Condray and Scott lockup, and Scott applies a headlock. Bullet Bob tags in for the first time and applies a headlock. Bob SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWLY ‘runs’ the ropes, stomping on Condrey’s chest in the process. Brad Armstrong tags back in and quickly gets kicked in the back by Lane from the apron. Condrey with a modified suplex into a cover for the two count. Lane and Eaton double team on Brad behind the referee’s back. Eaton tags in knocks Brad out of the ring, allowing Cornette to nail him in the midsection with his tennis racket. Back in the ring, and Lane with a reverse crescent kick to the midsection. Cornette gets in more cheap shots with the help of the illegal members of the Express. Condrey with a drop toe hold on Brad, and Eaton follows with an elbow drop to the back of the followed and choking. Irish whip, and Brad takes Eaton over with a suplex. Bullet Bob gets the geriatric tag and cleans house of all three Midnights. SUUUUUUURE. Hell breaks loose, and the racket comes into play! Cornette nails Bob, but he’s not selling it… SUUUUUUURE! Cornette rolls out of the ring and gets nailed by Bobby Heenan. Bullet Bob gets the racket, and KO’s Beautiful Bobby for the three count at 8:54. After the match, we see Cornette is bleeding from the nose. HEENAN HAS FISTS OF MOCK-STEEL! * Fun match for nostalgia purposes, but very slow and plodding, and the Superman effort of a 1,892 year old fart kinda pisses me off. Beautiful Bobby and Sweet Stan should’ve been able to kill him in 3 seconds!

– Buff Bagwell vs. Scott Steiner:
Final match on the card, and it sure isn’t going to be a good one. Scott Steiner hasn’t been worth anything as a wrestler (sadly) since about 1997, and Buff Bagwell always sucked, but he sucks more now than when he was Marcus Alexander Bagwell. Steiner cuts his usual stupid “Freaks” promo before the match and has some unnamed skank with him, who remains nameless for the rest of the match. Steiner attacks before the bell and pounds away in the corner. I just noticed Bagwell’s tights have “nWo” printed on them. GET WITH THE FUCKING TIMES, MORON! Irish whip, and Bagwell connects with a half-decent dropkick, followed by both versions of the atomic drop. Bagwell with a clothesline, sending Steiner out of the ring for a breather. The action spills, and Steiner eats ring post before Buff plants one on Steiner’s Skank™. Back in the ring, and Bagwell continues to bring the pain of having to watch him “wrestle.” Steiner with a boot to the face of Bagwell in the corner, and takes him over with a belly-to-belly suplex. Steiner with posing and choking, choking and posing. Steiner dumps Bagwell out of the ring like a sack of crap and rams him into the security railing. Steiner almost goes Kenny Rogers on a camera man, then takes it back in the ring, doing nothing much for a few moments. Irish whip, and Steiner with a clothesline, followed by his signature elbow drop and push-ups. Steiner applies a chinlock, and I’m surprised it took so damn long. Bagwell plays dead for a minute while the broadcast team goes over the old TBS schedule of starting shows 5 minutes past the hour and half hour back when wrestling used to be on the network. Irish whip, and Bagwell comes off the ropes for the double clothesline spot. Bagwell with a back elbow and clothesline, followed by a swinging neck breaker. Bagwell heads up to the top turnbuckle, but that goes nowhere. Buff comes back down and nails an ugly DDT/Pedigree hybrid move for a two count. Buff heads up again, and Steiner’s Skank™ pushes him off into an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Steiner Recliner is applied, and Bagwell gives up like the bitch he is at 7:17. NO! The heel went over in the final match on the card! This does not make me happy… oh fuck it, like I really give a shit. 3/4* I’m surprised this match didn’t completely suck, as I had the negative stars prepared to go before I even saw the match. That still doesn’t mean it was any good, and would be considered bad for a match on WCW Thunder… if it were still around.

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The 411: From a workrate point of view, this show is fucking awful. Only one match broke ** (and it was a generous mark, too), several matches dipped into the negative scales, and not much else was able to break the "decent" mark. However, unlike Heroes of Wrestling, most of the "old timers" were either put into quick matches or in tag matches to cover up the fact they can't "go" as much as they could in their prime, something Heroes of Wrestling didn't do. From a nostalgia POV, the show isn't half-bad, and nearly as bad as HoW was. Other than the mess that was Roberts/Kamala (in a non-entertaining way), nothing made me question "why are these guys making fools of themselves?"). Sure, a few people were a bit out of shape, but they weren't exposed as over-the-hill in 15:00+ matches. Still, at $20, I think that's a bit too pricy for this PPV. For fans of workrate, Strongest Recommendation to Avoid, and for fans of Nostalgia, Recommendation to Avoid anyway, unless you can find people to split the bill.

Final Score:  6.0   [ Average ]