The Name on the Marquee: Smoky Mountain Wrestling (11.21.1992)

-Originally aired November 21, 1992.

-We’re in Bluff City, TN.

-Your hosts are Bob Caudle & Dutch Mantell.

STUD STABLE vs ROBBIE EAGLE & JEFF DANIELS

-Fantastics show up for commentary and Dutch gets the hell out immediately. Fantastics blame Dutch for messing up their match last week.

-Jimmy Golden starts with Jeff Daniels, and if you ask “Who does Jimmy Golden ram into the turnbuckles?”, Jeff Daniels is the answer man. They work the arm over and Daniels screams like a mama’s boy. Armdrag by Fuller, and whatever he’s yelling at Daniels, I don’t think it’s sweet nothing in my ear.

-Golden works over Daniels with a hammerlock. Daniels’ odd-looking tights make him look like the Martian or something. Fuller locks on a vicious hammerlock and Jeff submits, which is surprising because normally in a match like this, Steve jobs.

-Bob Caudle tries to interview the Stud Stable, but they demand to let Dutch conduct the interview. Fuller commends Dutch for being the best referee in the history of the business. They present Dutch with a jacket and invite him to join the Stud Stable. Dutch puts on the jacket and accepts the honor.

-Commisioner Armstrong is here. (My roommate: “Bob Armstrong looks like he’s about to take roll and show the fans how to use a scroll saw.”) He shows us prerecorded words from a bandaged and bedridden Brian Lee, and he warns Kevin Sullivan that the guardian angel that watched over him during that attack had better watch over Kevin Sullivan next time. The Commish warns Kevin Sullivan that he’s in a lot of trouble, and to prove his point, he plays some vintage film of the Mongolian Stomper kicking the shit out of Jerry “The King” Lawler. Stomper is billed as “Tamujin” in this match; Lawler renders him a bloody mess but Stomper gets the win.

-We get another paid announcement from Kevin Sullivan. One of his followers acts like such a weirdo that Sullivan whacks him with a stick, and warns the Stomper, “I LIKE him!”

-We get a rundown of the November house show dates, and the Rock & Roll Express says they want to see every kid in Hazard, KY at the arena on Thanksgiving night, and you might as well take them because it’s only 57 cents.

-Bob Caudle talks to Danny Davis and Ronnie Garvin (who has cut an entire sleeve off the stolen robe). He says that he’s raffling off the robe to a fan later in the show because he’s just tired of having it at this point.

DIRTY WHITE BOY (SMW Champion, with Mr. Ron Wright) vs RENO RIGGINS

-Mr. Ron Wright is now wheeling himself to the ring instead of being pushed by Dirty White Boy, which Dutch says is a good sign that the medication and surgeries are helping, and Mr. Wright is getting stronger.

-DWB attacks right away and clotheslines him down. Danny Davis returns with Paul Orndorff’s robe in a garbage bag and tells Caudle to keep an eye on it.

-DWB rams Riggins into the turnbuckle and tears at the face, then powerslams him. Bucksnort blaster wins it. Tim Horner attacks after the bell and the ring is suddenly surrounded by babyfaces. Horner kicks the shit out of White Boy, and every time he tries to escape, Horner’s friends roll him back in. Horner rolls up DWB with a natural bridge, and Dixie Dy-no-mite counts the unofficial pin, which is pretty funny given that he’s now a WWE referee.

DOWN AND DIRTY WITH DUTCH

-Dutch is in the locker room to talk to Jim Cornette and the Heavenly Bodies. Cornette is almost in tears because he’s being forced to wrestle later today, and the Heavenly Bodies are being forced into the “Four Faces of Fear” series on Thanksgiving weekend. Corny cuts a GREAT promo laying out the stipulations for all four matches in the series (Falls count anywhere in Hazard, then a Texas Death Match in Welch, WV, then a Street Fight in Johnson City, TN, and finally a barbed wire cage match in Knoxville), and warns the Express that when they wipe away the blood and the tears long enough to make eye contact with Jim and beg him for mercy, Corny’s just going to remind them that the series was their idea, not his. By the time Corny’s done talking, he’s confident and fired up.

-Bob Caudle comes out to take the garbage bag with his robe in it and says it belongs to him, and Davis & Garvin had no right to steal it. Orndorff opens the bag to reclaim his robe, and all he finds in there is a skimpy negligee. Davis & Garvin are in the ring. Now Davis is wearing the robe, and they’ve cut off the other sleeve. Orndorff is going insane.

DREAM MATCH: “Hands of Stone” RONNIE GARVIN & THE ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS vs JIM CORNETTE & HEAVENLY BODIES

-Corny maces Ricky Morton during the entrance and they immediately take a break to see if the match can even happen now.

-Corny cuts a promo while he waits, and Garvin & Gibson storm back to the ring, and Corny goes down to the floor and acts as manager, so he pretty much figured a way out of this match. Pritchard gets dominated, with Garvin adding insult to injury by giving him a wedgie after punching him.

-Pritchard finally gets Garvin down on the mat and puts the boots to him, and suddenly Corny is acting like an active participant in the match again. Pritchard backs Garvin into the corner and Corny throws a bunch of punches while he has the chance. Gibson manages to tag in and we have an obvious edit (a crowd shot that’s in a different building) to Gibson getting beaten down by the Bodies.

-Corny tags in and stomps away. He throws some punches, but he’s such a wimp that Gibson revives from them, and Corny has a great reaction, starting to throw another punch, seeing Gibson’s face, and switching it to a handshake. Corny gets the hell out and the other four men battle it out in the ring. Referee tries to restore order and Corny WALLOPS Gibson with the tennis racquet, but the impact is so loud that the referee calls for the DQ just because the sound of it was unmistakable. Ricky Morton returns to the ring and chases Jim Cornette out of the building, while all the rest stay in the ring and keep brawling.

-Corny invites all the fans in Hazard, Kentucky to enjoy the potted meat that Corny’s tax dollars have paid for, and then come down to the SMW show and enjoy the ass-kicking that the Bodies give the Express.

-Brian Lee, Tim Horner, and the Rock & Roll Express cut a promo with a kid who’s battling scoliosis. Little JT has had a lot of trouble lately, but SMW is behind him and they know JT is going to kick scoliosis’ butt!

-Ricky Morton is bandaged up and ready to kick some ass. He points to his bandage and promises “An eye for an eye.”

6.8

The final score: review Average

The 411

This was the Jim Cornette Show, but I'm fine with that because his share was so damn entertaining.