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wrestling / TV Reports

The One Night Stand 2007 Breakdown

June 13, 2007 | Posted by J.D. Dunn

One Night Stand 2007
by J.D. Dunn

  • June 3, 2007
  • Live from Jacksonville, Fla.
  • Your hosts are Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Taz, Michael Cole and John Bradshaw Layfield.

  • Hey, is that Dory Funk Jr. behind the ECW announce table? Look closely, and you can see 411’s own Yayo in the orange Dolphins jersey on the camera side.
  • Opening Match, Stretcher Match: Randy Orton vs. Rob Van Dam.
    Van Dam kicks him off the opening face-off and spends the next few minutes methodically tattooing Orton with kicks. Orton gets one shot to the head to re-concuss Van Dam. Rob blocks an RKO with a high kick, but when he tries to go up, he falls right off the top due to disorientation. Van Dam spends much of the match punch-drunk and defenseless. He roars back with a series of chops to the head, but Orton counters Rolling Thunder by snapping off a powerslam. NICE! Rob fires back, but he misses a somersault plancha as Orton rolls off the stretcher and gets out of Rob’s path. That can’t be good. Orton puts Rob on one of the stretchers and pushes him toward the finish line, but Rob rolls off about 10 feet away and kicks Orton in the head. Randy just collapses onto the stretcher, so Van Dam simply pushes him the other 10 feet for the win at 14:30. After the match, a pissed-off Randy Orton kicks Rob in the head again. He follows it up with a DDT off the crowd barrier, finishing off Rob’s WWE career…for no at least. Great selling by RVD, but the match just didn’t kick into that second gear. In fact, there weren’t even any other attempts to push the guy over the line until the very end. **3/4

  • Vince McMahon mentions having a premonition that something bad might happen to him. Well, that’s an understatement.
  • Tables Match: Sandman, Tommy Dreamer & CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke, Marcus Cor Von & Matt Striker.
    Dreamer gets distracted by Striker early, allowing the New Breed to triple-team him. He avoids a Stinger Splash from Burke. Punk tags in and spikes Striker with a bulldog. Nice sell from Striker. He and Dreamer team up for a Decapitation move. To the floor, Burke and Cor Von save Striker from going through a table and then doubleteam Punk. Dreamer and Sandman save Punk, but Sandman gets sent off the top to the barrier. OUCH! Cor Von hits a Blockbuster Powerbomb, but Sandman makes the save. Dreamer piledrives (!) Burke and puts him on the table. Punk finishes by superplexing Striker and Burke through the table at 6:21. This is like those Dudley Boyz matches from 2001 where they’d already gotten stale, but they’d done the same match so many times that it just came naturally. *3/4

  • In the back, Randy Orton warns former partner Edge that he’s next if Randy gets drafted to Smackdown. Ortberg?
  • World Tag Team Titles, Ladder Match: The Hardy Boyz vs. The World’s Greatest Tag Team.
    Donnybrook to start, and they tease a ladder duel before the Hardyz just drop theirs and hit dropkicks. Charlie gets sandwiched in between ladders, and the Hardyz start hitting their usual doubleteams with Charlie sandwiched inside the ladders. Both Hardyz go up, which is bad strategy because only one guy needs to retrieve the titles, so it would be better if the other guy stood guard. TWGTT do a weak wishbone roll that sends Jeff gently leaning up against the ladder. The fans hate the wussiness of that move. TWGTT set up for the Mercury Killer spot, but the Hardyz get out of it and toss the challengers onto the ladders. The Hardyz bring in the *big* ladders. Nothing healthy can happen here. One ladder gets placed across the apron and crowd barrier, and Benjamin gets backdropped into it. Back in the ring, Charlie German Superplexes Jeff. TWGTT work in a SICK version of the AWA Special where Haas holds Matt horizontal on a ladder and Shelton splashes him from a ladder in the ring. There’s not a single thing about that move that was smart on Shelton’s part. Charlie goes up but gets superplexed off the ladder and starts crying. Jeff goes up, but Shelton hits a sloppy springboard somersault dropkick. All four guys go up. The Hardyz get knocked off, but they rebound and shove TWGTT. Shelton goes all the way to the floor and hits the ladder that was stretched across the apron and barrier. That could have been bad. Jeff adds a Swanton to Charlie, and they retrieve the tag titles at 17:18. This was what you’d expect from the Hardyz. Benjamin and Haas came up with some decent stuff, but they also botched a lot of moves. It’s the Hardyz in a ladder match, though, so you’re probably going to reach *** automatically. ***1/2

  • The Great Khali promises to go back to Punjab with the title after tonight.
  • Lumberjack Match: Mark Henry vs. Kane.
    Funny psychology early as both guys get knocked to the floor, but the lumberjacks are totally ineffectual. Henry goes to the floor, forcing Kane to follow, and then he rams Kane’s back into the apron. Back in, Henry works the back for a while and slaps on a bearhug. Kane desperately tosses Henry to the floor and then takes out Henry and a pile of lumberjacks with a dive off the top. Back in, Kane hits a flying clothesline and the chokeslam, but Kenny and Chavo jump Kane for no reason whatsoever. That allows Henry to recover and bearhug Kane to death at 9:04. I admire the effort in working the psychology, but the match was boring, and the needless interference was just irritating. *

  • In the back, TWGTT and the Hardyz get into it again.
  • ECW Heavyweight Title, Street Fight: Vince McMahon (w/Shane McMahon & Umaga) vs. Bobby Lashley.
    Lashley decides to fly out on Umaga, which he’s probably going have to do eventually anyway. He doesn’t quite get it all, but it would have looked cool if he had. Shane tries some bodyblows, but Lashley no-sells and tosses him onto Umaga. Shane brings in a chair and DDTs Lashley on it. That leads to a lot of Vince offense, which bores the crowd. The McMahons try to hold Lashley for an Umaga splash, but he pulls Vince in the way. There goes Umaga. There goes Shane. Lashley destroys Vince with the chair and finishes with the powerslam. Umaga pulls him off, though and Shane puts him through the ECW announce table with the flying elbow. See, they made the wrong McMahon champion. Back in, Vince only gets two. Umaga hits the buttalanche to set up Shane for the Van Shaninator. It misses and takes out Umaga! That allows Bobby to knock out Shane with the spear. Another one finishes Vince at 12:23. Vince takes another spear after the match. Shane saved the match with his big spots and bumping, but Vince’s offense was tedious. **

  • In the back, Santino Marella flirts with Maria. Todd Grisham stops and gets Maria’s expert opinion. She’s like the Gordon Solie of pudding matches.
  • Diva Pudding Match: Melina vs. Candice Michelle.
    They lose the cherry early. I’m not even touching that metaphor. We get a spear into the pudding as JR and Jerry wonder if a pinfall or submission has to take place in the pudding. A puDDTing knocks Melina silly. I think. Candice gets behind her and shoves her face into the pudding. WHO IS THA MASTAH?!! Melina tapiocas out at 2:59. Maria tries to get a word and gets drawn into a pudding war. The ref even gets involved. As pudding matches go, this one just didn’t gel. Ha! 1/2*

  • World Heavyweight Title, Steel Cage: Edge vs. Batista.
    Edge tries to scurry out early. Batista drags him back in, and we get a lot of sluggery. Edge hits the Edge-o-Matic. Batista delivers a superplex but decides to go up for a dive off the top rope. That’s not his game, Michael Cole! Edge dropkicks him on the way down. Batista gets fired up and catapults Edge into the mesh. Batista loads up for the Demonbomb, but Edge grabs the mesh and climbs up. Edge goes low and goes over the top. Batista crawls the other way and gets his hands on the floor, but that doesn’t count. Edge drops to the floor for the win at 15:38. When you go with this formula of “the big powerful babyface that should win every time in a fair fight” you can only do so much because Edge can’t look too good. I liked him a lot better when he was ruthless instead of cowardly. **1/2

  • WWE Heavyweight Title, Falls-Count-Anywhere: John Cena vs. The Great Khali.
    Khali picks up where he left off at SNME, methodically destroying Cena. Cena comes back with the Throwback and goes up, but Khali casually chops him off the top and gets two with a boot to the chest. Cena blocks a chop but gets slung into the audience. Cena hits Khali with a random monitor, but he can’t get him up for the FU. He swirls the camera’s jib arm into Khali’s face and picks him up, but Khali fights out of the FU. They fight up to a crane positioned near the entrance. Khali calls for the Tree Slam, but Cena rakes the eyes and hits the FU into a pile of production stuff. That’s enough for the win at 10:30. So, Cena hits him in the head with a monitor, hits him with a camera crane, but it’s the cattly little EYERAKE that disorients Khali enough for the FU?! Match was highly watchable thanks to Cena’s willingness to get his ass kicked all over the building to generate sympathy. **3/4

    The 411: I’d say the WWE got back on track with this one after a disappointing Judgment Day. It’s not on the level of Backlash, and there are no real “gotta see ’em” matches here, but it’s a solid enough card with something for everyone. Of course, everything would change a week later after the draft reshuffled the brands.

    Call it a solid-but-unenthused thumbs up.

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