The Piledriver Report 10.29.08: Thoughts from the Piledriver

Before I get started, I want to apologize for the lateness of my article this week. It’s been a hectic week. Also, the latest installment of the Shawn Michaels Story will be delayed until next week since a co-worker needed to borrow my computer, so I have limited time to type this article. Now, onto the show…..

Since starting the series of articles on the career of Shawn Michaels, the comings and goings of the wrestling world have been fast and furious. There are many topics that I would like to cover that have been overlooked during this time. What better time to discuss these issues then today.

Santino Marella and the Honk-A-Meter: No character in the WWE since Edge went to Hell has entertained me more then Santino Marella. On nights when RAW has been up against post-season baseball, I find the remote control out of my hands the moment Santino appears on the screen. Marella has the best comedic timing on the mic in professional wrestling since The Rock hung up his elbow pads for a screenplay. If only Santino was about 6 feet 2 inches, and built like the “Brahma Bull,” the WWE would probably have its next main event star on the horizon. Instead, Santino will be nothing more then a five-minute comedy segment used to kill time. One of the best things the WWE has done with Marella is the invention of the Honk-A-Meter. Ever week, Marella would come out to the ring, and update the fans as to how many more week are left until Santino becomes the “greatest Intercontinental champion of the whole world.” Logic would dictate that as the time to capture the record drew closer, Santino would get cockier. Then, either the week he would tie the record, or the week he would break the record, the Honky Tonk Man would shock Marella and defeat him for the title. Of course, the WWE dropped the ball by including the Honky Tonk Man as one of Santino’s possible opponents in the CyberSunday voting. Hasn’t the WWE ever heard of a slow build before? Awful!

Charlie Haas, Cena, Haastin: We move from a comedy heel to a comedy babyface. I love the direction that the WWE is taking the Charlie Haas character. While it was obvious that they were never going to put the former tag team wrestler, they are at least giving him TV time. While he may be saddled with a silly gimmick, Charlie has taken the ball and ran with it. Every week, I look forward to RAW just to see what character he will impersonate next. While there were a couple of duds, like “Good Old JR,” he hit home runs with his Steve Austin and John Cena imitations. Watching Charlie Haas takes me back to the good old days of the real ECW when the Blue Meanie and Stevie Richards used to impersonate different wrestlers. Eventually, the duo, along with Super Nova, parodied the New World Order, and they became one of the most popular acts in Extreme Championship Wrestling. Hopefully, Haas will be able to find that one charicature that will put him over the top, and the fans and front office will appreciate Haas’ abilities for being more then just a clone of a more popular wrestler. For now, they should keep it up. There’s a lot more wrestlers to be copied. How about the “Nature Haas” Charlie Flair?” Wooooooo!

Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Championship Wrestling: The concept is simple. Get a group of D level celebrities, put them in a wrestling ring, show them a few holds, and then put them in a ring to have a match in front of an audience. After watching the first two shows, I must say that I LOVE IT!!!! It is as trashy as Trash TV can get! God, is it awful, but that’s what makes it so great. When Nikki Zering called Brutus Beefcake “two of the greatest wrestlers in history” (or something like that), I almost died of laughter. This show displays two polar opposites at the same time. First, they show that wrestling isn’t the easiest thing in the world. Just watch the stars training and their matches. They are worse then the worst indy wrestler in the history of the business. However, they aren’t supposed to be Kurt Angle. It’s supposed to be hard. However, they even screw up the small things. After college, I attended ECW’s wrestling school for a couple of months. While I was nowhere close to being a competent wrestler, at least I was able to run the ropes after being taught the first time. Even though, they screw up and have negative star matches, the show gives the aura that anyone can learn to be a wrestler in just a few short weeks. Using my wrestling school experience, I had to take bumps on a daily basis before I EVER thought of learning one hold. These people are learning 3 holds per show. Despite being bad technicians, these “stars” talk like they have been in the business for years. They argue about knowing how to sell, and use other insider vernacular terms. To me, the celebrities acting like a bunch of wrestlers is showing absolutely no respect to the business and the real mat performers who bust their asses and break their bones on a daily basis. The one thing that shocked me about the show is how much Hulk Hogan is exposing the business. Sure, the secrets of the business aren’t so secret anymore, but they clearly point out everything that the business tried to hide for decades. Even the announcing of Bubba the Love Sponge doesn’t hide a thing by talking about whether a celebrity is doing a good job of selling during their match. Despite the bad wrestling, exposing of the business, and D level celebrities, if you like Trash TV, I highly recommend CCW! CCW! CCW!!!

A Gabe-free Ring of Honor: I was shocked the other day when I read that Gabe Sapolski was removed as the booker of Ring of Honor pro wrestling. I’m not exactly sure how I feel about the decision. While I like ROH, buy a DVD here and there, and attend a couple of shows a year, I am not what you would call a hardcore Ring of Honor fan. As a casual ROH fan, I enjoy the product whenever I see it. I think their wrestlers give 110% at every show that I have seen. I think Gabe did a really good job at booking the promotion. Being a protege of Paul Heyman, Gabe gave former ECW fans a true alternative wrestling promotion to watch. If you love high spots, hard action, and technical wrestling, ROH was the place to be. According to reports, ROH has been on the decline, and the owners wanted to take it in a new direction. They want fewer high spot, and more 1970s style wrestling. While I’m not sure how the wrestling style from 30 years ago will go over today, I do think that there are too many high spots in ROH. With everybody doing it, by the time the big players come out to perform, the crowd is burnt from seeing everything already. Maybe ROH did need a change, and a fresh face from a creative standpoint. Maybe Gabe is partially to blame for the financial decline. However, he can’t be fully to blame. The crappy US economy is a major reason. They just had a show 10 minutes away from my house this past weekend, and I didn’t attend. Mainly because I need my money for other things, and ROH isn’t ranked that high on the importance list. Another reason why I think Ring of Honor has declined is because many homegrown ROH stars no longer work there. Whether it is that they landed jobs in the WWE, as CM Punk and Colt Cabana did, or they went to TNA, who will no longer allow their wrestlers to work ROH shows, except for a spot here and there, ROH just isn’t the same. I used to love going to a Ring of Honor show and seeing a roster loaded with talented wrestlers. Not only did they have Nigel McGunniess, Bryan Danielson, and the Briscoes, but they also had Jimmy Rave, Homicide, AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels, and Samoa Joe. Then, in one fell swoop, TNA stepped in, and would no longer allow their wrestlers to work ROH. It was a big blow to Ring of Honor, and this took away a lot of star power. At least from a casual ROH fan, like myself, I think those losses from over a year ago hurt my interest. After all, I was able to see the best TNA workers without having to deal with the booking of Vince Russo. Smiles had by all. I’m not sure if firing Gabe is a positive or a negative for the company. Hopefully, everything will work out in the end. Only time will tell.