The SD! Highlight Reel 08.25.05

The SD! Highlight Reel
August 25, 2005 A.D.
Taped from: Greensboro, NC
Hosts: Michael Cole, Tazz & Friends

Hello all! and welcome to the back-to-school so-this-report-is-really-late-due-to-Duke Internet-being-really-stupid edition of the Highlight Reel! Seeing as this necessitates rolling sans commercials, let’s not waste any more time and get straight to the action …

with Cowboy Bob Orton! Bob stands centre-ring, proclaiming the greatness that is his son, the Legend Killer, Randy Orton. The Cowboy is “one proud papa,” but soon gives way to his son, whom he introduces promptly.

Randy enters via the nearby steel steps, takes a quick boxing lesson from pops, and faces …….

Match #1: Singles Contest: “The Legend Killer” Randy Orton w/ “Cowboy” Bob Orton vs. Bob “Hardcore” Holly

Tazz proclaims Holly to be “one of the toughest guys ever in the game itself,” and he displays it by hauling Orton with him into the SW corner. Referee Nick Patrick forces a break, resulting in a collar-&-elbow tie-up in the middle of the ring; Holly, again, forces Orton to a corner, this time the SE. Crowd chants that Orton “sucks,” although Randy quickly proves them bereft of any judgment by locking Holly up in a side headlock, running the ropes, and …… taking a breather. Holly now snatches the side headlock, runs over a fallen Orton, runs beneath a leaping Orton and ….. stops. Smiling. Randy now kneels down to take some advice from olde dad, and catches Bob in a hammerlock … Bob quickly reverses it to one of his own, before notching in a side headlock, taking Orton down to his stomach. Orton makes it back to his knees after much distress, and under even more duress even reverses the hold, sending Holly to his posterior!

Randy continues to pressure Holly on the mat before both men rise to their feet, with Holly still locked in the hold, although he soon thrusts Orton into the corner …. Orton leaps using the turnbuckle ropes …… ALABAMA SLA ……. NO!! Roll-up by Orton! ….. no! STF by Holly@! Orton makes his way to the rop ….. suplex by Holly! 1 ……. 2 ………. 2.33! Orton dumps Holly! Bob makes his way back into the ring, running straight into a standing dropkick! Orton drops a high knee for 2, before cinching in Holly’s skull via a neck vise; Orton hits his rapid chest pounds atop Holly’s exposed upper sternum. Randy now places Hardcore atop the ropes in the NE turnbuckle …. HOLLY boots Orton right in his grille! Holly off the top ….. now ORTON boots Holly in his grille. Double KO ….1 ……2 ….. 3 ……4 ……. Randy stirring ….. 5 ……. 6 ……. 7 ……. Both men up! EuroCut by Orton! 1 …….. 2 …….. 2.26! Randy and Bob trade right hands now, each man attempting to feel the other ……. Shoulder block knockdown by Orton! Randy grasps Bob’s face, wailing on him with punches and
EuroCuts as the crowd chants for the ‘R.K.O.’ …… Holly counters! FULL NELSON SLAM!#! 1 ……… 2 …………. 2.58! Holly goes upstairs …….. BIG FLYING CLOTHESLINE 1 ………2 ………………… 2.67! Chops by Holly to Orton’s chest now reverberate across the arena in Greensboro …… Alabama Sl ………. Cowboy Bob distracts Bob! RK ……….. NO! SPEAR BY Holly!#!! 1 …………..2 …………………… 2.87!!! Bob & Bob jab once more as Orton measures Holly ………… RKO!@!! 1 …………. 2 …………………… 3!!!

Backstage Theodore R. Long meets an enterprising young chap “from the network,” Palmer Cannon. Palmer wears a black jacket with light blue dress shirt underlay, who reminds Teddy that SmackDown! is preparing for a move, September 9 …… to FRIDAY NIGHT. Seeing as “the network” needs a big kick-off to Friday Night SmackDown!, the execs have come up with a big main event ……. in fifteen days …….. Batista vs. JBL III !!

But later tonight ………. Chris Benoit, Rey Mysterio, Jr. & Dave Batista take on Orlando Jordan, Eddie Guerrero & John Bradshaw Layfield!

And now ……

The Peep Show

Christian sports his “Captain Charisma” tee, even if it is endangered at present. The Good Captain now lets the Mexicools know that they can do nothing to disrupt his program, BECAUSE THAT’S HOW HE ROLLS.

Getting down to business, though, Christian likes putting individuals on the hot seat. He likes to see them squirm, and there’s nothing better for ratings and compelling television than some good controversy. So, here they are …… “the first couple of SmackDown!” ……

Sharmell & Booker T!

Christian welcomes “Mr. & Mrs. T” to the Peep Show, as he points out that Book is a FIVE-TIME World Champion, thus making him a “big star” worthy of the Peep Show. Big stars get asked big questions, though, so here goes ……… “are you two still on speaking terms?”

Booker: Wha?? What are you talking about?
Christian: ROLL THE FOOTAGE!

Last Thursday on SmackDown! Booker and Sharmell had words following a miscommunication-laden defeat at the hands of Joey Mercury & Melina Perez; Christian believes Booker left Sharmell out to dry, and is thus in the running for the “Ike Turner & Tommy Lee Husband of the Year Award.”

Whoa, whoa ….. Christian’s not criticizing Book. Look at what all he’s done lately ….. well ………… hmm ………… uhh ……….. what have you done lately Booker? Booker nearly explodes, although Sharmell beats him to the stick, stating that the Captain brings up a good point. Booker goes crazy, realizing he has just defeated Christian himself nary a few weeks ago. Sharmell reminds him, however, that she is no wrestler, and should be held out of the ring at all cos ……..

THE MEXICOOLS!!

Three resplendent Juan Deeres ride down to ringside, with Super Crazy pausing to point out the Mexican flag mini adorning his hood. He and Psychosis assail Christian, while Juvy joins the assault from the flank, as Booker simply stands aside consoling Sharmell …….. but he can’t stand by for long, DUMPING both Psychosis & Super Crazy! Christian now wails all over Juventud, sending him screaming all the way to his compatriots on the ramp! Harlem-Toronto alliance!!

Exuent all parties, Jillian Hall now takes the floor, holding the latest copy of SmackDown! Magazine, which features M.N.M. on the cover, and introduces them to the live audience! Cole states he “never tire[s]” of Melina’s entrance, as Johnny Nitro is set for 1-on-1 action!

Match #2: Singles Contest: Johnny Nitro w/ Melina Perez, Joey Mercury & Jillian Hall vs. John Heidenreich w/ Road Warrior Animal

Heidenreich points to Nitro while stomping all over the mat, drawing a scant ‘L.O.D.’ chant from the crowd, and labeling Johnny with hard rights. Heidenreich telegraphs a boot, as Nitro bails to avoid getting his face kicked in, but makes it back to the ring just in time to be hip tossed cross-ring …… Heidenreich charging the SW corner ……. MISS! Nitro clacks Heidenreich! 1 ……..2 ………… 2.34! Nitro now locks John into a rear chinlock, tries a couple of punches .. no-selling by Heidenreich ……. YOU@!! Okay, not quite, but close …. Sidewalk Slam by Heidenreich gets two, as he slams Nitro into the SE corner, before seating him atop the ropes …….. Jillian has words with Animal, distracting Referee Charles Robinson ………. MERCURY has a CHAIR!! THWAAACCKK!!! to the back of Heidenreich’s knee! DING DING DING!!! Apparently Referee Charles Robinson wasn’t distracted well enough, as he calls for the DQ! Nitro doesn’t much care, however, as he dropkicks a missile into Animal’s face!

Backstage Josh Mathews speaks with the newly-crowned Heavyweight Champion of the United States, Chris Benoit. Benoit made Jordan tap in under 30 seconds, at a clean clip of 25.5 s. Benoit wonders what all can be accomplished withing such a short amount of time, attempting to best his SummerSlam time by making a cup of coffee ……… ohh, it looks like the coffee wins out by about a second and a quarter!!

Elsewhere JBL rails on Orlando Jordan for losing in the aforementioned 25.5 s time frame. JBL says he’ll reclaim the World Championship in those short two weeks, but to do so he’ll need Orlando at his side tonight in the big Six Man Tag …… and he’ll need him for more than 25.5 secs!

“But ….. but …… he jumped me! I didn’t even have my kneepad on!!”

Match #3: Tag Team Contest: “Captain Charisma” Christian & Booker T w/ Sharmell vs. Super Crazy & Psychosis of the Mexicools w/ “The Juice” Juventud Guerrera

All four men exchange right hands in an all-out brawl to start, with Christian eventually stomping all over Super Crazy and Booker dumping Psychosis. The Captain slings Super Crazy into an Irish Whip .. powerslam! Christian jaws with Psychosis now, allowing Crazy to jump him from behind, but Christian comes back with a front facelock, even clubbing Super Crazy across his upper-spinal region. Tag to Book, who receives the brunt of right hands from Super Crazy, before tagging in Psychosis who does much of the same. Booker finds relief by tagging in the Captain who catches Psychosis mid-air …. No! Psychosis throws him into the SW turnbuckle post! Tag to Super Crazy, Irish Whip …….. DROPKICK by Super Crazy on the way back! Crazy throws Christian across the middle rope, allowing Psychosis to nail him across the back of the neck with Referee Nick Patrick’s back turned. LOUD dropkick by Super Crazy gets a 2, as Psychosis tags in and slaps Christian across the jaw. That riles up the Canadian, who slaps right back, but is soon felled for a count of two …. Tag to Super Crazy …….. MOONSAU ……………. No!! Christian rolls! DOUBLE KO …… 1 ………….. 2 ……3 .. Christian to his knees ……4 …. Same for Super Crazy …………5 ……. TAG to Book!! SIDE KICK! SPINE BUSTER!!! AXE KI ……… no! Juvy holds up Booker, as the Mexicools all gang up on him and Sharmell yells at Christian to help him out ………. Booker runs off the ropes, flying headlong into Sharmell who was standing on the apron and she goes screaming to the floor …… double clothesline by Booker T!! WAIT, Christian bails on Book & Sharmell! DOUBLE TEAM back suplex by Psychosis & Super Crazy!! 1 …………2 ……………… 3!!!

Upcoming SmackDown! schedule; feel the action & intensity: Raleigh, NC; Florence, SC; North Charleston, SC; Jacksonville, FL; Frederick, MD. An experience like no other.

Yeaahh!!! J-ville! DUUU………….. VALLLLLL@!!!

Backstage Josh Mathews speaks with Randy Orton, who states that while many tried — and failed — it took Randy himself to kill the illusory legend that is … was the Undertaker. Now, while he may be superior, he is not heartless ….. thus, Randy has GONE OUT OF HIS WAY to personally sign the Undertaker DVD and put it up for action, the proceeds of which will go to a very worthy fund ……… the UT retirement fund.

Elsewhere P. Cannon absolutely loves what’s been going on tonight, especially the Randy / Bob Orton stuff …. It’s great TV! Teddy’s flattered, but can’t stick around long to chat, seeing as he has a surprise announcement to make to the fans ……….. WHOA ….. HOLD UP. “Surprise announcement?” Why don’t you tell me first, after all we are business partners.

Teddy simply blows him off, and is heading our way!

Teddy grabs a mic in the midst of a red carpeted and pillow-laden canvas, the scene for tonight’s LINGERIE PILLOW MATCH, a match which features the newest SmackDown! acquisition as the result of a trade with Eric Bischoff & ‘RAW’ ……….. Stacy Keibler!!

Match #4: Lingerie Pillow Fight Singles Match: Stacy Keibler vs. [Acquisition #2] Christy Hemme

Cole proclaims Long to be “General Manager of the Year,” as Christy tosses one of the applicable weapons to the crowd and Long gets the ladies down to business!

Stacy unzips her nightie, and ……….

Palmer Cannon runs out via the stage! “THIS IS SIMPLY UNACCEPTABLE. We at the network feel that the audience — or at least the demographic we are trying to attract — does not wish to see a lingerie pillow fight. This match is cancelled.”

It’s RTC 2005 !!

Match #5: 20 Minute Time Limit Singles Contest: Ken Kennedy vs. Funaki

Kennedy is a recent vet of ‘Velocity,’ and quickly grabs the mic from Tony Chimmel. UNACCEPTABLE. Wait, didn’t Mr. Cannon just use that term? “Watch and learn” ……. Kennedy then does his own ring announcer bit, stopping to editorialize on the merits of Funaki as both a grappler and an announcer. Kennedy regales himself with all manner of kind praise, reaching about a 0.96 on the Michael Buffer over-the-top scale, and we start this thing off.

Collar-&-elbow tie-up begins, with Kennedy forcing Funaki into the NW corner, and stopping to rub his hair around. Funaki comes back with a hip toss, although he soon falls prey to a standing armbar, with Kennedy eventually tossing Funaki. He then feints throwing Funaki to the ravenous crowd before hurling him back inside the ring ……. BIG Knee dro …….. no! Funaki got his knees up! Irish Whip, reversed by Funaki ……. Ohhh he telegraphed the backdrop as Kennedy wails on his back with clubbing blows ……. Running boot by Kennedy ……. No! Enziguiri by Funaki!! Kennedy stumbles about the canvas ….. Funaki to the top rope ………… TORNADO D …….. no! Kennedy tosses him back on the top rope! Kennedy follows him upstairs ……… SUPER SAMOAN ROLL@!!#!!! 1 ….. 2 ……… 3!!!

Match #6: MAIN EVENT Six Man Tag Team Contest: John Bradshaw Layfield, Orlando Jordan & Eduardo Guerrero vs. Dave Batista, Chris Benoit & Rey Mysterio, Jr.

Simplest sign ever, as a fan holds aloft a yellow posterboard decorated with three simple letters … ‘J.B.L.’ … surrounded by a circle with a dash through it.

Eddie is still donning his “I’M YOUR PAPI” tee.

Cole reminds us that WWE SmackDown! emanates from the city of Jacksonville of DUVAL County, Florida this coming Tuesday evening.

Benoit & Jordan kick it off; another 25.5 seconds for this epic tilt?? Chris goes for the early clubbing blows to the left knee as Orlando gets regaled with chants of ‘YOU TAPPED OUT’ …… GERMAN!@! CROSS-FA ……. No! Jordan bails! UPN goes to commercial already! I don’t care! Mysterio & Guerrero partake in the action as we come back, with Eddie popping Mysterio with right hands and clubbing right back forearms, as Rey lay across the middle rope, later to be picked up …… and spun into a TILT-A-WHIRL Backbreaker! Back Suple … no! Mysterio floats out! MYSTERIO BULLDOG! Eddie scamper on over to the heel corner and gets a mystified JBL into the action, as the fans and everyone else in the arena ask Rey to tag in DAVE. Both men trade rights! Two right from Dave, one from Layfield, more from Dave ….. big kick from Layfield! ….. Irish Whip from Bradshaw … Shoulder block by Dave! Back body drop on Jordan! Dave Powerslams Guerrero onto Orlando! Batista now slams JBL into the NW corner post, thrusting his shoulders into his belly continuously before tagging in Benoit. Benoit goes to his chopping offense, JBL seeks a suplex …… Benoit blocks! SHARPSHOOT ……….. no! JBL pushes off with his legs, sending Benoit flying to the floor! Orlando Jordan now cheap-shots him, sending Benoit right shoulder-first into the post! Orlando talks smack, proclaiming “I SAID I WOULD KNOCK YOU OUT” and tosses Benoit back inside to the eager JBL, cover …………. 1 ………..2 ……………… 2 .74! JBL throws right hands in every direction Benoit’s way before finally booting him to the canvas. Russian Leg Sweep by JBL! Tag to Eddie! 1 …………2 …………. 2 .67! 1 …..2 ………… 2.55!! Eddie picks Benoit up into an abdominal stretch, wrenching Chris’ mid-section, and locking hands with Jordan to increase leverage. Tag now to Jordan, who continues the hold, further cinching Benoit’s torso in unmentionable ways. HIP TOSS by Benoit! Benoit crawls to the face corner …… NO! Orlando drives an elbow into his spine and tags in Layfield! Straight right hand fells Benoit, and again. Benoit rolls about the mat, as the crowd attempts to emotionally revive him ……… and it works!! Chops to JBL! Ohhhh, Benoit got too close to the heel corner in his zealotry, and Eddie chokes him out via the tag rope. Suplex by JBL gets 2, as he tags in Eddie ….. who enters via a Springboard Senton Body Splash! Eddie throws Benoit into the NE corner and tags in Jordan, who nails a neckbreaker on Benoit ……. 1 ………. 2 …………… 2.72! Orlando tags in Bradshaw, who locks in a side bearhug, and Benoit HEADBUTTS his way out!! OHHH big knee to the gut by Layfield, who charges Benoit in the SW corner …… WHIFF!! ENZIGUIRI by Benoit! Crawling ….. reaching …….. will ….. he ……… make ……….. the ………………. Tag??? ………….. YESSS@!!!! Batista and Jordan meet centre ring, and Jordan flies to the canvas under the might of DAVE’s right hand ………… MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSSTAA@!!! DEMON SPAWN BOM ……… no!! …… Eddie comes in to cheap shot Dave, but Benoit takes him down! SHARPSHOOT … no! In comes JBL to break it up! MYSTERIO now, Springboard SENTON to Layfield Benoit sends the double forearms the way of JBL, and the ring clears for ……. A REY MYSTERIO 6.1.9. on Orlando Jordan! Benoit runs in for a ……… GERMAN!! Dave now enters the fray, ready to enact a debilitating beating ……….. DEMON SPAWN BOMB OF DOOM@!!! 1 …………. 2 ……………….. 3!!

See you …. Sunday?? That’s right, the original XP reporter is cable-TV ready and back in the ole saddle ……. Big ups to Larry and everyone else who filled in this summer!