The Wrestling Bard 10.18.08: Shawn Michaels vs. AJ Styles – The Conclusion

No welcome this week. Why? Because I’m sick of it, that’s why. I mean, it’s almost golly-gee-willikers bad. And I can’t take anybody that is that down-home seriously. Instead of wrestling talk in the intro, I’m going to delve into politics for a bit. This is my opinion, you are entitled to yours of course, but I’m entitled to mine.

Last week at my Youth Group, we were playing a game where you are supposed to talk about a topic without saying non-words like “um”, “uh”, etc. or inappropriate use of the word “like”. Shockingly, the WASP mall rats were nowhere to be found. Anyway, I volunteered, and my topic was “Who do you think we should vote for President?” Now, if you’ve followed me, you know that 1) I’m Probama, and 2) I live in Kansas. You can imagine how much fun it was to argue Obama’s case in front of a bunch of Kansas Churchgoers. Such is life.

Anyway, I’ve learned that I have odd philosophical views. If I were to describe myself as anything, it would be liberally conservative. I’m an active Christian, don’t do drugs, am anti-abortion and straight. But I believe people should have the right to choose their sexuality, their religion (or lack thereof), or put harmful substances in their body. As for abortion, it’s a non-issue, sex is the issue. Teach sexual responsibility and put the rapists in prison and abortion isn’t a problem. I am proud to be conservative, but I’m even more proud that this is my perogative and not something that is forced on me by ridiculous government restraints.

Last Saturday, while at the Fall Festival in my hometown I saw signs that read “Palin-McCain”. Now, I’m sorry, but the last time I checked, McCain is the one running for president. I’m not anti-McCain. I feel he could do as good a job as anyone in that position. I just believe that Obama DESERVES to win. But Palin? Palin I have a problem with. I’m glad that we have reached the point where a woman is a VP candidate and a black man is a presidential candidate (and likely the winner). But really, Palin? Sheesh, I thought Hillary was bad.

Palin is everything that I can’t stand. She’s one of those holier-than-thou Religious idiots that makes me damn near embarassed to proclaim my faith, for fear that I’ll get pidgeon holed as just like her. I’m just gonna say this, because I’m down with the Big Guy Upstairs, and He called me and assured me that this War is not a “task from God”. Anybody that believes that hasn’t paid attention to the message of the Bible. Jesus was called the “Prince of Peace” not the “Prince of Prejudice” or “Prince of Pride”. The United States has been around for just over 200 years, and we have NO right to tell the world how it’s supposed to be run, because we aren’t doing so hot. Yes, Osama bin Laden must be brought to justice, but this war has gone on too long with too few results and too much money spent to justify it. It is nothing more than a Bush vanity project.

Guess what Palin, just because you go to church doesn’t make you better than anyone else. It just means that you’re forgiven for the plethora of mistakes you make. Obama wasn’t born in a manger, but he’s a heck of a lot more “Christ-like” than you are. Since you claim to know the Bible, read about Jesus’ view on the Pharisees, get off your religious high horse and come back when you have something worth saying. In the meantime, I will vote for “That One” and go to bed with a clear conscience.

At any rate, this is just my viewpoint. I read a blog from Jim Cornette where he outlined why people who will vote for McCain are intellectually bankrupt, and listed several groups which will vote for McCain anyway. Among those listed were Church Goers. Sadly, I have to agree. A lot of Church Goers are so out of touch with the real issues, and with the moral standards of the God they claim to worship, that they will vote anyone who is pro-life and anti-gay. Newsflash “Christians”: God doesn’t force His standards on anyone, so we have no right to force them on anyone either. The “Truth” IS liberally based.

I’m not going to put a pretense of being unbiased here. I’m as Probama as they get.

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The Feud Concludes

Week 8

Monday Night Raw: Vince McMahon comes out and makes an announcement. “Last night, I took a chance. I allowed a wrestler from another company to wrestle Shawn Michaels in a street fight. The reason I did this is because Shawn deserved to get his retribution, and I was confidant that Shawn would win for the third time in a row, proving my company’s superiority over my competition. Unfortunately, my faith in Shawn Michaels was missplaced. He is in a hospital because of the brutal beating he took last night. Now, I may not be the most morally upstanding person, but I’ve always prided myself on making good business decisons. And now I’m going to make one of those business decisions. You will never, ever see a wrestler who is not on my payroll wrestling on PPV again. I don’t care how much of a quote-unqoute dream match it is, I will not be embarassed like that again.”

TNA Impact: AJ Styles is in the ring with a mic to start the show. “Last Sunday, things finally went the way they were supposed to. I proved to the world that that Shawn Michaels is a has-been. I proved that I am better than Shawn Michaels. When it comes to our rivalry, the last image that will be remembered of Shawn Michaels is him covered in blood and thumb tacks, staring up at the ceiling while he was carried away on a stretcher. And the last image of me will be walking out of the building by own power, raising my hand high, and proving that I am the New Showstopper!”

Week 9:

Monday Night RAW: Shawn Michaels makes his way down to the ring at the end of the night. “I’ve spent most of the last week in a hospital. When you are forced to lie down, helpless, seeing your blood pouring out of you, and having blood that isn’t yours put into your body just so you can live, it forces you to think. And I’ve been thinking a lot over the last week. And I realized one thing. AJ Styles…you and I are not finished. I will find you and beat respect into you. I don’t care what I have to do, I will get my hands on you, and you will regret your decision to mess with me. I will hunt you down and….”

“No Chance, that’s all that you’ve got…”

Vince comes down to the ring and has his mic. “No Shawn, there will be no hunting down of anyone. You are my employee, and I will not allow you to put yourself or the reputation of the WWE in danger. I will never allow AJ Styles to wrestle for me as long as he is contracted to that other company. So I guess you are just out of luck Shawn.”

“Vince, let me shoot straight with you. You’ve put with a lot of crap from me. And I’ve put up with a lot of crap from you. But this isn’t about you or the WWE. This is about a man who has put me in the hospital twice. This is about a man who has given my children restless nights. This is about a man that has brought tears to my wife’s eyes. I NEED to fight AJ Styles. Please, Vince. Please, give me another shot. Give me what I need.”

“No. As long as you work for me, you will never wrestle AJ Styles again.”

Shawn Michaels stares a hole into Vince. He backs away…SWEET CHIN MUSIC! “Vince McMahon. I will get my hands on AJ Styles, and nothing short of Divine Intervention will stop me. Vince….I QUIT!”

TNA Impact: AJ Styles and Petey Williams have a match and AJ Styles wins with the Styles Clash. “And there you have it. Further proof that I am everything I say I am. I am the present and future of wrestling, I am the Phenomenal One, and I am the New Showstopper!” Jim Cornette comes out on the ramp with a mic in hand. “Well that’s just fine and dandy AJ. If you want to go around tooting your own horn and giving yourself nicknames, be my guest. But I have another guest tonight, the latest acquisition for TNA, who is literally the biggest star we have employed. Let me introduce the newest wrestler on the TNA Roster…” Shawn Michaels comes out of the aisle way and shakes Jim’s hand. AJ looks like he has seen a ghost. Shawn charges the ring and they brawl a bit, Shawn hits the five moves of doom to a huge pop, but AJ rushes out of the ring to avoid Sweet Chin Music. Shawn glares at AJ. Jim has more to say. “Now, naturally, when an opportunity to sign Shawn Michaels comes along, you throw whatever you have to in the contract. And AJ, his contract guarantees a match with you at our next PPV, Final Resolution. Good luck Mr. ‘New Showstopper’.”

Week 10:

Monday Night Raw: Vince McMahon is out. “Shawn Michaels, last week you embarassed me and made a disgrace of yourself. Well don’t think I’m one of those guys whose going to hope you’re happy! No, I’m going to make your life a living HELL! I know what you want more than anything, Shawn. You want a match with AJ Styles. You commited career suicide to try and get your match, but I won’t let it happen. If I’m going to lose you to a second-rate company, that I’ll take the one piece of talent from that organization and make it a third-rate company! AJ Styles, I am hereby offering you a contract. Any terms you want! I will pay you as much as you want, I will give you any amount of paid vacation you want, any health benefits you want. You have one week to take it. Don’t throw this away AJ…this is the chance of a lifetime!”

TNA Impact: Shawn Michaels defeats Homicide in his first match as a TNA employee. AJ Styles comes to the ramp with a mic. “Shawn, I don’t know what’s wrong with you. Who do you think you are? I proved that I was better than you, and you don’t deserve another shot at me. Now, as much as I hate Vince McMahon and his sports entertainment company, he is offering me a chance that I would be foolish not to take. So give me one reason, one bit of incentive as to why I should wrestle you. Because if you can’t give me a good reason, I’m selling my soul to Vince.”

“AJ. I could guilt trip you about crossing a line of decency. I could tell you that you put a man in a hospital. I could tell you that gave a wife and children several restless nights. But I’m not going to do that, because I know you’re just the kind of sick person that doesn’t care. So instead, I’m going to appease your ego. You see, you may have beat me last time. I admit it. But the last time I checked, the score is AJ Styles 1, and Shawn Michaels 2. So really, who’s better AJ?”

“Nice try Shawn. But if you recall, I beat you in our second match, but the referee didn’t see it. So the score is 2-1, because your second victory doesn’t count.”

“Alright AJ, so you beat me one other time…sort of. I guess that means we are tied. Don’t you want a tie-breaker? Don’t you to prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are really better than I am? See, I need to wrestle you AJ, so I can get my justice. You need to beat me in order for you to feel good about yourself. I want a match that will allow me to do unbelivable damage to you, one that will let me make you suffer like I’ve suffered. You want an opportunity to prove you are better than me in every way. So how about I offer you the chance to beat me in a match that I set the standard for. AJ Styles, I offer you a chance to fight me in a LADDER MATCH!”

AJ seems to mull it over in his head.

“AJ think about it. This is a chance to beat the legend at his own game. If you beat me in a ladder match, you will prove that you are everything you claim to be. You can go 3-2 on the Heartbreak Kid. If you beat Shawn Michaels in a ladder match, your name will be remembered throughout the ages. People will tell their children and their grandchildren about the time AJ Styles beat Shawn Michaels in a Ladder Match. Come on AJ! You need to prove that you are better than me! I need this! Give me what I need, and give you what you need, AJ! Give me my match!”

“Shawn Michaels…I ACCEPT! But rest assured, there will be no remorse on my end. I WILL beat you. And when I do, no one will be able to argue that I am better than you are Shawn.”

“Thank you AJ. May God have mercy on your soul. And may God have mercy on my soul, for what I’m going to do to you. At Final Resolution, this comes to an end.”

Week 11:

TNA Impact: Jim Cornette is out with a table and a mic. “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am proud to present to you the contract signing the biggest match in TNA History. The Ladder Match between ‘The Heartbreak Kid’ Shawn Michaels and the ‘The Phenomenal’ AJ Styles.”

AJ and Shawn make their way to the ring. Shawn has a bag. The glare at each other and AJ signs the contract without incident. HBK grabs the mic. “You know, when I laid out the challenge for this ladder match, I overlooked one little detail. Seeing as neither of us are champions, there’s nothing for us to climb the ladder to. So I went through my house, and I brought something that we can use.”

He pulls out an old Eagle WWE Championship from the bag.

“AJ Styles, do you know what this is? This is a world title. I won this by beating Bret Hart in 1996, when you were still in high school. This belt says that I was the absolute best at what I do. This belt says that I am the Icon, the Main Event, the Showstopper. And this title is something you have never held. It means more to me than almost everything. I can count the things that matter more on one hand. But I am willing to put this on the line. He who holds this belt is the very best. And because that is what matters to you, that’s what I will put on the line.”

Shawn signs the contract as AJ eyes the championship.

“Shawn, now that it’s official, I just want to say that it will be my pleasure to take the last shred of greatness that you have and hang it on my wall.”

Shawn jumps AJ and they brawl all over the ring. Shawn grabs a ladder and rams AJ over with it. He sets it in the corner and climbs up top, ELBOW DROP FROM THE LADDER! The show ends with Shawn standing tall.

Final Resolution Ladder Match
vs.
AJ rushes Shawn but Shawn ducks a clothesline and hits a pair of jabs, whips AJ but AJ hits a tilt-a-whirl headscissors. AJ hits the ropes but Shawn hits a back elbow, and they trade blows in the center of the ring, and Shawn hits a knee lift. Shawn hits the ropes and AJ leapfrogs and hits his perfect dropkick. AJ hits the ropes and hits his one-arm swinging neckbreaker, hits the ropes again and goes for a knee drop, but Shawn avoids it and hits a chop block. Shawn hits an elbow to the leg and then a Henning Kneebar Smash. Shawn goes to the floor and pulls AJ to the post and slams his leg into the post twice. Back in Shawn goes for a chop block but AJ sees it and jumps to avoid it, hits the ropes and hits a front dropkick to the face. AJ slams Shawn into the corner and hits a flying forearm, and hits his suplex into a neckbreaker. AJ goes to the floor and grabs a ladder, Shawn goes for a baseball slide but AJ backs off and sandwiches him between the ladder and the apron. AJ sets the ladder up on the apron and the guardrail, goes after Shawn but Shawn slams him into the steps. Shawn tries to whip AJ into the ladder but AJ leaps over it. AJ smashes Shawn’s face into the ladder and then hits the Superman Forearm off of the ladder. AJ goes into the ring and hits the Tope Con Hilo. AJ pummels Shawn and charges him, but Shawn lifts him and drops him face first onto the ladder. Shawn throws AJ into the ring and heads up top, goes for a double axe handle but AJ takes him out with a spinning wheel kick. AJ goes out and gets a smaller ladder it into Shawn’s gut, and then jabs it into the ribs again. AJ drops it onto Shawn’s back and applies the Muta Lock with the ladder! SICK! AJ lets go and sets the ladder on the second turnbuckle, and whips Shawn into it ribs first. AJ hits a backbreaker into a gutbuster and then goes to the apron, and busts out a springboard dropkick. AJ goes to whips Shawn into the corner again but Shawn counters the whip, AJ jumps onto the ladder and hits the Stylin’ DDT! AJ holds his leg and picks Shawn up, but Shawn hits a shinbreaker and drives AJ’s knee into the mat. Shawn sees the ladder and picks AJ up and hits a shinbreaker on the ladder. Shawn grabs the ladder and drives it onto AJ’s knees, and then stomps on the ladder, crushing AJ’s legs. Shawn sets the ladder up and pulls AJ’s into the ladder and slams it repeatedly onto AJ’s legs. Shawn applies the Heartbreak Lock for good measure and rams him with the small ladder. He goes to the floor and gets a normal ladder and sets it up in the middle, starts to climb, but AJ throws the smaller ladder at Shawn and knocks him off. AJ tries to ram Shawn with the ladder but HBK moves and the ladder gets caught on the ropes. Shawn tries to whip AJ, but AJ counters and hits a release Northern Lights Suplex onto the small ladder! That thing is broken. AJ sends it to the floor and Shawn holds his back, and AJ goes for a backbreaker but Shawn rolls through and hits a shinbreaker that puts AJ into the corner. Shawn pummels AJ and tries to whip him into the ladder, but AJ slides under the ladder and dropkicks it into Shawn! AJ sets the ladder up and hits a scoop slam onto the ladder, and then hits a somersault senton onto Shawn. AJ heads up top, 450° MISSES AND AJ EATS LADDER! SWEET CHIN MUSIC! Shawn sets the ladder up and starts to climb; AJ gets up and follows him up top, SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB! AJ climbs the ladder but he’s slow because of his leg, and Shawn tilts the ladder over but AJ balances on the top rope and leaps to the floor, smashing the ladder into Shawn’s face! SICK! AJ gets into the ring and lifts Shawn up and nails a brainbuster. He sets the ladder up and starts to climb, but goes between the ladder and traps AJ’s leg between the runs. Shawn tilts the ladder and AJ falls out and onto the mat. Shawn sets the ladder down on its side, and suplexes AJ and his legs screw up the ladder! That was sick. Shawn realizes he can’t use that ladder to climb and gets the one that’s still hanging on the guardrail and apron, but AJ baseball slides the ladder into Shawn, SHOOTING STYLES PRESS INTO THE LADDER! AJ slides the ladder into the ring and slowly climbs, but Shawn hits a double-axe handle off of the top rope to knock him down. Shawn hits an inverted atomic drop, a clothesline and a scoop slam, sets the ladder up in the corner and starts to climb, but AJ hits a German Suplex off of the ladder and rolls with it, WHEELBARROW FACEBUSTER ONTO THE LADDER! AJ pulls the ladder down and picks Shawn up, STYLES CLASH ONTO THE LADDER! AJ starts to climb, but Shawn follows him up, and they trade punches, but Shawn wins out and grabs the belt, and AJ pulls the ladder away, leaving Shawn hanging from the belt. AJ climbs the ladder, and Shawn starts to kick at him, but AJ grabs his legs, STYLES CLASH OFF THE TOP OF THE LADDER! SICK! AJ climbs the ladder and grabs the belt.

Some Thoughts from the Last Week

ECW was awesome this week. It was a WRESTLING show, and I’m glad I caught it. Evan Bourne and Chavo Guerrero’s match was off the hook, and I’m glad that Evan got the win. Even better, it’s nice to see that WWE really hasn’t neutered him that much. He’s pretty much the same Matt Sydal from ROH, just a tad slower, and I mean that in a good way. If WWE is careful, he can be the next Rey Mysterio. I’ve been a fan of Matt/Evan since the first match I saw of his, and I’m glad that he’s getting his chance to shine. He’s not the most talented guy from ROH, (Danielson, Aries, and McGuiness come to mind.) but he is one of the most unique, and hopefully, some people might realize that, hey, ROH has some great wrestling. I’m all for that.

And by the way, Grisham and Striker are my new favorite commentary team. Striker is a wrestling nerd (not so different from myself), he’s funny, and Republican bias aside, I find myself agreeing with him most of the time. Grisham is okay, I’d rather it be Josh Matthews, but hey, at least he won’t be telling us that every above average match-up is *****. I hated that. They just have good chemistry and its something I wish the new RAW announce team had.

The Lance Cade thing is unfortunate. Honestly, the only thing I have to say is that my prayers are with him so that he can solve his problems. I was never too big into Lance. He had the look and was a decent worker, but he never impressed me as much as guys like London, Kendrick, or Danielson from the Shawn Michaels camp. Hey, maybe Jericho can have London as a lackey? Actually, if I were to armchair book London, I’d send him to ECW so he can wrestle Bourne, The Miz, Morrison, Hardy and Finlay every week.

Call me crazy, but I just don’t get the appeal behind Vladimir Kozlov. I’m not going to complain, because I usually try to stay positive about wrestling, but I just don’t understand how people can whine about Cena when guys like Kozlov are getting a push. I guess we could say he’s a throwback to the foreign heels and the monster heels of the 1980’s, but do we really want that? Oh well, I guess he isn’t any worse than Batista.

That’s all from me this week. I really need a decent signature bookend for my column. You understand me, don’t you George?