Universal Wrestling Federation (9.19.1987) Review

-Jumping ahead a few weeks, so just to cover the goings-on from reading the Observer…

-Dory Funk, Jr. is now challenging Dr. Death for the Heavyweight Title, and the perception is that Dory was put into that spot to be something of a tutor for Dr. Death during the matches.

-Commissioner John Ayers got picked up for another season in the NFL, so he’s pretty well disappeared from the promotion.

-Chris Adams is gone, and Terry Gordy & Buddy Roberts have left due to, among other reasons, bad blood with Missy Hyatt. Missy apparently made some shoot comments about them on commentary, and the Freebirds retaliated with promos that ended up being unsuitable for broadcast.

-Meanwhile, the UWF has a dead-cat bounce: the promotion is debuting this week on a station in TV Market #1, New York City, and because of that, this week’s episode is an attempt at launching a new format for the UWF TV show that ideally will make it look a little more “big time.”

-Cold open: Missy stands in front of the New York skyline and welcomes us to the UWF, and she’s giving off a “Nancy Gribble, Channel 84 News” vibe.

-Your hosts are Jim Ross, now in a business suit instead of a tuxedo; Magnum TA, now in a business suit instead of whatever he pulled out of his hamper that looked clean enough; and Missy Hyatt. They’re in a big gray room with a set designed to look like a newscast, with the logo of TWN–The Wrestling Network, Jim Crockett’s brand name for “concepts of a plan for running multiple promotions at once.” They’re seated at a desk, with JR and Magnum in anchor position and Missy in weather position. Sitting in sports position is “Dr. Death” Steve Williams.

BLACK BART (with Skandar Akbar) vs. RON ELLIS
-This format is already weird, with the actual audio from the arena nearly muted, so you can’t hear the crowd OR the bumps, and since they can’t even pretend they’re there live, JR and Magnum are really, really mellow and emotionless watching this. I do want to applaud them for making this a “Welcome new viewers” show, with everyone making a concerted effort to explain WHO everyone is, what their alliances are, and who they hate, but this is just already all wrong. Bart wins with a legdrop off the second rope.

IVAN KOLOFF (with Paul Jones) vs. TOMMY ANGEL
-Joined in progress. So, another reason this is doomed to fail. This is from an NWA TV taping and the explanation behind the scenes was that now that the UWF was airing in New York, they had to incorporate more NWA stars and matches into the show to shore it up and make it feel “big time,” which is just a complete indictment of how this company has been run since April, with Crockett buying it, then sabotaging it, and then having to salvage it to justify expanding to New York.

-Angel ends up on the floor and Paul Jones takes some free shots before Koloff brings the youngster back in. Angel makes a comeback, coming off the second rope with a bodypress for a one-count. Koloff fights back with boots and elbows him down. Sickle off the second rope gives Koloff the win.

-We get a Steve Williams music video, set to “We are the Champions,” with Williams ominously dedicating it to Ric Flair.

U.S. TITLE: LEX LUGER (Champion, with J.J. Dillon) vs. DUSTY RHODES
-We’re joined in progress with Dusty elbowing out of a bearhug. Referee Teddy Long gets bumped out to the floor. Lex winds up for a punch, but Dusty ducks and Lex tumbles over Dusty, over the top rope and onto the floor. Dusty brings Lex back in and gets a visual three-count as Tommy Young comes to ringside and tends to Teddy Long, and you see it comin’, dontcha?

-Tommy runs in, counts three for Dusty, raises Dusty’s arm, hands Dusty the belt, Dusty’s friends run in to hug him, and Teddy Long snatches the belt away and hands it to Lex, raising HIS arm and declaring him the winner.

-After the bell, Dusty runs into the locker room and puts Lex out with a Weaverlock, while all the babyfaces egg him on. Lex passes out, and Dusty doesn’t release until JJ begs him.

DUSTY RHODES vs. THE GLADIATOR
-And naturally, “We need bigger stars to shore up the roster for a big-time TV market” means “Dusty gets two matches AND an angle in the first half-hour.” Gladiator attacks in dastardly fashion, but Dusty puts him to sleep in seconds with the Weaverlock.

-The Lightning Express is here to say they aren’t afraid of the Jive Tones. Yeah, about that “shore up the star power” thing…

UWF TV TITLE: SHANE DOUGLAS (Champion) vs. TERRY TAYLOR (with Eddie Gilbert)
-So a lot happened with this title during the missing episodes, eh? Joined in progress. Okay, you can’t join EVERY match in progress, guys, it takes the life out of the show. Moreso.

-Douglas ends up on the floor and Gilbert takes out his knee with a folding chair. Taylor locks on the figure four, Shane is too GUTSY to quit, so finally the referee stops the match and awards the title to Taylor, which is one of those rules that wrestling could never make up its mind about.

NWA WORLD TITLE: RIC FLAIR (Champion, with JJ Dillon) vs. RON GARVIN
-Joined in progress at the best part of any Flair/Garvin match, the chops. Garvin wins that duel, and Flair decides to walk back to the locker room. Garvin swipes the World Title belt from the timekeeper and threatens to keep it, to make a point to Flair, who’s still in the aisle. Flair hurries back to the locker room and brings out the rest of the Horsemen. Garvin is down for fighting all of them, and luckily, they attack him movie ninja-style (one at a time) so he has a go of it until they suddenly have a stroke of genius and attack him at the same time, at which point the babyface locker room empties out to rescue Garvin. Whew. I was starting to wonder where Dusty was.

-Later in the show, we’re JOINED IN PROGRESS as Jimmy and Ron are tagging up to face the Midnight Express. Ric Flair is in a mood so he just heads into the ring and starts another chop war with Ron, but Ron sunset flips Flair, and Tommy Young, for no reason, counts the pin, and Ron Garvin gets a three-count. It would not shock me if Dusty had to be talked out of booking that as the title change.

-Missy Hyatt interviews Eddie Gilbert and Terry Taylor. Taylor promises that nothing has changed between he and Chris Adams–he’s still wealthier and more successful than Chris.

LIGHTNING EXPRESS (UWF Tag TeamChampions) vs. JIVE TONES
-Brad whips Shaska into the corner and follows with dropkick and an armbar. Horner tags in and gives Shaska, uh, a Frankenhorner, and we pause for commercial.

-Back from the break, Shaska slams Horner for two. Horner makes the hot tag (I feel like they edited a LOT out of this match) and Armstrong bodypresses Tiger Conway for two. Atomic drop/legdrop combo looks to end it, but Shaska breaks his cane over Brad’s head (and it looks GOOD), and Conway rolls over for the three-count, and the Jive Tones are your new UWF Tag Team…okay, Jim Ross implied this was a title match, but the Jive Tones don’t get the belts, so…seems like a waste of a gimmicked cane if it wasn’t a title change.

ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS (NWA World Tag Team Champions) vs. RICK NELSON & GARY ROYAL
-Double dropkick wins it in seconds.

THE MIDNIGHT EXPRESS vs. ROCKY KING & DAVID ISLEY
-They’re dusting this one off, as Bob Caudle mentions the upcoming Great American Bash tour. Drop toehold/elbow combo on King. Isley tags in and falls victim to the double goozle, and the Midnights pick up the victory.

-We get a special video of Ron Garvin swimming in a lake, jogging, swimming in a lake, jogging, swimming in a lake, jogging, swimming in a lake, jogging, swimming in a lake, jogging, swimming in a lake, jogging, swimming in a lake, jogging, swimming in a lake, jogging, swimming in a lake, jogging, swimming in a lake, Tony Schiavone has a mullet.

-We change things up as Tony takes us to the gym, where Ron Garvin is preparing his body for various tasks. He wants Ric Flair, he wants the World Title. We get a Ron Garvin music video, set to “My Way” by Frank Sinatra, which was probably 50% of the cost of this entire hour of television.

3.4

The final score: review Bad

The 411

Oh, man, you can feel the company being swallowed alive now.