USWA Championship Wrestling (11.3.1990) Review

-Originally aired November 3, 1990.

-Your host is Dave Brown.

DIRTY WHITE BOY & DOUG GILBERT (Tag Team Champions) vs. BEN JORDAN & TODD MORTON
-Todd is Ricky’s cousin–not sure if legit or not, but he’s wearing identical gear and the resemblance is fairly strong. Dropkick and a flying headscissors by Morton right away, and he works DWB’s arm. Gilbert tags in and Morton hiptosses him. Gilbert goes to the eyes to finally take control, but as soon as DWB tags back in, Morton throws punches and tags Jordan back in. Jordan is slightly taller with long tights and a brown mullet, so if the idea here was to screw with fans who have faulty vision, mission accomplished.

-Jobbers work DWB’s arm, but Morton misses a corner charge and takes a back suplex from the Dirty one. Jordan tags in for the rescue, but Gilbert clotheslines him behind the referee’s back and the Dirty White Boy gets the tainted victory.

-And now it’s off to the Mid-South Coliseum, where Brickhouse Brown gets hairspray to the eyes from the Dirty White Girl, causing another Dirty taint.

-Back to the studio, where Doug Gilbert and DWB proclaim themselves unbeatable, and out come Brickhouse and Nightmare Danny Davis to make some pointed retorts to that claim.

DIRTY WHITE GIRL: Get your finger out of my face!
BRICKHOUSE: You’re lucky that’s ALL I’m sticking in your face!

-So they’ve signed a match to challenge for the Tag Team Titles and Brickhouse says he has a woman for Dirty White Girl to meet, and she’ll be here later in the hour.

-Jeff Jarrett promises that Eddie Gilbert is leaving this Wednesday night’s house show bald-headed.

-Jerry Lawler talks about the exhausting travel schedule that the USWA champion has to deal with. For example, he has a match in Philadelphia on November 9, and getting there and back will take him 36 hours of travel time. Yeah, if you fly round-trip on a 1986 Chevrolet Celebrity, I can see how it would take 36 hours, but does Jerry Jarrett know about metal sky birds with people inside them yet?

NON-TITLE MATCH: JERRY “The King” LAWLER (Unified Champion) vs. M.C. JAMMER (with Downtown Bruno)
-Jammer is a huge muscular black man in a mask, and I have a sneaking suspicion that he’s neither Ron Simmons nor Butch Reed.

-He takes Lawler down right away with a hard clothesline and then just nonchalantly stomps him again and again, and Lawler looks a bit surprised and overwhelmed by this guy. Lawler throws a few punches, and Bruno is declaring it the end of Lawler. But then the strap comes down, and Bruno knows Lawler well enough that he senses trouble from that and immediately interferes for the DQ. He attempts to help Jammer double-team it, but he screws it up, and the massive Jammer just decapitates him with a clothesline, and Bruno is in tears from being hit so hard.

-After the match, Lawler asks about the “secret weapon” that was supposed to debut this week. Bruno dances around who it is, but suddenly Bruno wants to know about Lawler’s high school and college background. Lawler fields question after question and says no, he never played football and he’s probably not the strongest bench press on Earth. Bruno still refuses to identify the guy but says he’s so damn confident in his secret weapon that he’s willing to put his hair on the line if Lawler signs for a match. Lawler completely laughs it off and agrees to a match.

-Back to Mid-South Coliseum for highlights of a six-man match: Jerry Lawler & the Dundee Family against The Internationals. All six men end up in the ring, and Eddie Gilbert heads to the ring to lend a hand and handcuff Bill Dundee to the ring. With Lawler incapacitated too, the heels turn their attention to Jamie Dundee, and holy shit, the kid can BLEED. He’s just covered in it when this is over and the ring is a mess.

-We go to the Dundee home for pre-taped words from bandaged and bruised Jamie Dundee, who promises he’s coming for Tojo Yamomoto when the 20 stitches come out.

-Back in the studio, where Dundee dares Tojo and his boys to come out and do the same thing to him that they did to his boy. This is fantastic, as Dundee isn’t really cutting a promo. He’s really just a pissed-off father who cannot forgive what happened to his boy. The Memphis studio audience is SILENT as he just gets angrier and angrier, screaming for somebody to get their asses out to the ring and fight him, and Dave Brown is so concerned that he asks the director to go to a commercial.

THE USWA TOP TEN
-So I guess this will be a regular feature on the show now. Jeff Jarrett is here to go through the list with Dave.
#10. Mean Mark Callous, a big drop from #5 last week, which Dave Brown says is a result of him no-showing the matches he had signed for this week. I’m sure Mean Mark is deeply concerned about his future because of that.
#9. Ricky Steamboat
#8. Dick Slater
#7. Dick Murdoch
#6. Superstar Bill Dundee–Dave makes it a point to explain that you can only maintain your rank by continuing in singles competition, and although Bill Dundee hasn’t lost a match recently, his rank is hurt by wrestling tag team matches, even if he wins.
#5. Eddie Gilbert–Jeff low-key gloats that Eddie’s dropped two spots from last week because he lost a match to Jeff at a house show.
#4. Bam-Bam Bigelow
#3. Dr. Death
#2. Terry Funk
#1. Jeff Jarrett

-Nightmare Danny Davis comes out to say that he and Jeff are friends, but ranking in the top ten would “please me like I’ve never been pleased before” and Dave Brown corpses at that line.

NON-TITLE MATCH: JEFF JARRETT (Southern Champion) vs. NIGHTMARE DANNY DAVIS
-So Danny cracks the top ten if he gets a win here. Shoulderblock and a snapmare by JJ, but Danny turns it into headscissors as Nightmare Ken Wayne heads out here just to watch. I smell angle.

-JJ works the arm as Ken expresses concern that Danny might not win this one because his strong suit is really tag team matches. Danny goes to the arm while Ken brags “I taught him that.” And now the angle we’re getting appears to be different from the angle I thought we were getting, as Ken Wayne sounded like he was kidding, but more and more, he’s making points about how hard he worked for his Jr. Heavyweight Title and that Danny’s beltless and rankless because he doesn’t have that killer instinct.

-Both men get the same idea and leapfrog into each other, knocking themselves silly. Nightmare recovers, but suddenly, the Gilberts and Sam Bass hit the ring for a surprise attack, and Ken Wayne has to “go to the bathroom” so he excuses himself instead of helping Danny out. Gilbert beats the hell out of Ken Wayne on the floor while Eddie and Sam Bass spraypaint Jeff Jarrett yellow.

6.0

The final score: review Average

The 411

I think Amazon's version got cut off because we never learned the identity of Bruno's secret weapon or the mystery woman. I need closure, Amazon.