USWA Championship Wrestling (12.30.1989) Review

-Hey, look what you find when you venture out of the WWE Network bubble. On a lark, I did a search for “wrestling” on Amazon Prime Video and found a significant chunk of USWA, and in my quest to become acquainted with the other wrestling that was going on while I was ignoring everything but the WWF, I decided I’d give this a shot. So WWE Network, ball’s in your court. Amazon has wrestling, which means WWE Network needs to start mailing me stuff with no shipping charges for one year.

-Originally aired December 30, 1989.

-And holy shit, the tape quality on these dubs is…not WWE Network. It seriously looks like Amazon got these in a tape trade 20 years ago, in SLP mode.

-Your host is Michael St. John, who welcomes us to “CWA Championship Wrestling” and then goes straight into the big announcement that they’ve merged with the USWA in Dallas. Promoter Eddie Marlin steps in and sells the crap out of this, promising us that nothing is changing, it’s still the same company, but we’re going to see some new talent.

CWA TAG TEAM TITLE TOURNAMENT FINAL: JEFF JARRETT & MATT BORNE vs. STUD STABLE (with Miss Sylvia)
-Joined in progress. Not as a stylistic choice but because whoever recorded it was late hitting the pause button the second time. This is beautiful. The Stud Stable in this case are Robert Fuller and Brian Lee.

-Jarrett and Lee lock up as time-traveling Joe Buck provides some scintillating commentary under the pseudonym “Marc Lowrence.” Borne tags in and applies a hammerlock, but Lee backs him into the corner. Borne comes back and works the arm over more as we pause for commercial…

-And it’s a local house show promo where Jeff Jarrett says he and Matt Borne are looking forward to getting those belts away from the Stud Stable. Okay, cool, I guess I don’t need to watch the rest of the match then!

-Back from commercial, with Jarrett getting worked over on the corner. Jarrett gets dumped on the floor and Miss Sylvia takes some shots at him with a katana. Back in, Borne tags in and Lee gets to work with punches until he tags in JJ and we have all four men in there. Stable gets whipped into each other and the fight spills to the floor. Jarrett turns his attention to Sylvia, dragging her into the ring by the hair(!) and spanking her. But Fuller slides in and gives him…a boot to the head (whap) and pins him to capture the titles. This didn’t really do anything for me.

JEFF JARRETT vs THE MASKED AVENGER
-Well, I think we know what family is running this promotion, don’t we. JJ gives the Avenger a swift kick in the ass and a punch in the face. Jarrett works the arm and backdrops the Avenger. They still haven’t said which one he is so I’m just going to assume that’s Mark Ruffalo under the mask. Hiptoss and a slam by Jarrett, and the missile dropkick finishes things.

-Evansville is under a dense fog advisory.

-Jeff Jarrett accuses Robert Fuller of having a steel toe in that boot of his. Robert Fuller struts down to the ring wearing a robe that he can only get away with wearing because he has a massive penis, and tells Jarrett that he’s a sore loser and the boot ain’t loaded. Jarrett responds by accusing Sylvia of being a hussy, and that triggers a brawl between the Stud Stable and Jarrett & Borne.

“THE MIS-DEEDS OF BILLY JOE TRAVIS”
-Billy Joe is a former CWA star who ended up in the USWA, which means that we’ll be seeing him again on TV real soon as a result of the merger. Among his misdeeds: shattering a guitar over Percy Pringle’s head (Percy Pringle was a face at some point?!), shattering a guitar over Eric Embry’s head, and spanking Chris Adams’ wife in the middle of the ring while Adams is handcuffed to the ropes…okay, that’s kind of great.

-We get words from another shattered guitar victim, Bill Dundee, who warns Billy Joe that he’s bringing his own guitar to the ring for all of his matches from, now on.

-And that leads to a Superstar Bill Dundee highlight reel. This is the kind of thing any wrestling promotion needs to do more of, no matter how long they’ve existed. Bill Dundee’s been around for years, but maybe this week is the week somebody is watching your show for the first time ever. So just let us know who they are.

-Billy Travis shows off his guitar collection…one for Kerry Von Erich, one for Jerry Lawler, and the smallest guitar is for Bill Dundee and his little pea head. Bill Dundee is so boring that he thinks “the fast lane” refers to buying one item at the supermarket! I’m honestly surprised this guy never turned up in Smoky Mountain Wrestling.

-We take a look at the Soultaker, the first persona of many for Charles Wright before he finally struck gold.

-Next,a look at Dutch Mantell.

DUSTIN RHODES & JIMMY JACK FUNK vs. PY CHU HI & BUDDY LANDELL
-Joined in progress, with Michael St. John apologizing for all the trouble the show is having keeping the show on track for this simulcast. Hi and Landell take tuns working the arm until Dustin uses his good hand to send Landell out to the floor. We pause for a break and Dustin gives PY a shot to the head and tags in Funk, and it’s weird to see Jimmy Jack Funk as a heroic babyface. His mask is red, white and blue now, so…so you can tell he’s good now.

-PY escapes and Landell throws chops at Funk. Funk chops back and Landell boots him down. It turns into a brawl when suddenly Gorgeous Gary Young shows up for a 3-on-2 attack, and Dustin and JJ Funk are in trouble…until Jeff Jarrett makes the save.

5.0

The final score: review Not So Good

The 411

Disjointed as all hell and quite Jarrettastic, but I'll stick with it for a bit.