wrestling / TV Reports
VIOLENT PANDA Wrestling Review: TNA Genesis 2005
TNA Genesis 11.13.o5
All right… I wasn’t going to order this because it has a pretty crappy match line-up. But I don’t want to miss Christian, so he sure better show up and it better be awesome!
I hear Justin Credible will appear tonight, and at the same time Raven has a mystery opponent. Justin Credible already had a run in TNA and got pretty much no reaction at all. I think he’s calling himself PJ Polaco or something now. If you’re going to have a surprise guy… What about somebody, you know, people want to see? New Jack? Test? Sandman? I’m not saying that those guys are awesome, but at least they’ll get a reaction.
As we open the pre-show, there’s an “EDDIE” chant for the just-deceased Eddie Guerrero.
A limo is outside. Is the “major acquisition” in it?
Shark Boy vs. Nigel McGuinness:
– “Nigel” chant. Good, that guy is awesome.
– Nigel begs off with a “time out” and the crowd cracks up.
– Shark Boy’s gear is too budget. He nights a tights upgrade STAT.
– Nigel’s got the whole Sid Vicious thing going. He goes for a corner headstand, but SB is supposed to charge into it, but he doesn’t. Nigel drops and lands a weak improv kick which the crowd farts on.
– Shark Boy steals it with a flash pin.
OK match. Shark Boy looked like he wasn’t on the same page. Nigel’s euro-offense wasn’t over with the casual fans, even though the stuff he did came off real polished. I’d love to see Nigel and Claudio Castagnoli team up in TNA. Why did the WWE take Burchill over Nigel, anyway?
Winner: Shark Boy
– Team Canada in the back. D’Amore is there, yes! He says he’ll be negotiating with the new acquisition and won’t be on the show, thank God. Team Canada sings “Oh Canada”. So lame.
TNA is so innovative and such a true alternative that they do hype videos exactly like the WWE, complete with nu-metal music by some miscellaneous band. Lyrics: “You can’t see with your blindness”. Hahaha.
David Young, Elix Skipper & Simon Diamond vs. The Naturals & Lance Hoyt:
– Hoyt’s Van Halen tramp stamp is in full effect.
– Chase Stevens is IN PERIL. Hoyt hot tag, hits a double chokeslam. Natural with an elbow drop where he doesn’t bother using his elbow. He just flops his armpit on the victim.
– RUDOS exploit a Natural guy’s injury to win.
Hoyt is over. The rest are just hanging around. I’m sorry, but Elix needs to go. There’s nothing left to do with him. And as for David Young, he must be orally servicing a lot of key personnel in the TNA offices.
Winners: Diamonds are a girl’s best friend
Don West is in the crowd for the final hype. He hahaa forgets the match-ups.. He stammers, we cut to Raven psyching himself up in the back.
Opening video involves uhhh JFK, Bill Clinton… WTF? Kind of neat, though they put over the “new generation of wrestlers”, and then show Jeff Jarrett and the Dudley Boys as the top guys.
Zbysko and Raven are having a carbon copy of the Austin/McMahon feud going. Zbysko is bringing in guys to make Raven’s life hell. But it turns out we’re the ones going to hell, as Justin Credible is Raven’s opponent tonight.
Raven vs. PJ Polaco (Justin Credible):
– Lots of brawling. A chinlock. “Raven” chant. I don’t know what it is about him, but I just like watching Raven do stuff. He’s a cool guy.
– PJ destroys Raven’s flunkie, Cassidy, with a NASTY Singapore cane shot. In the WWE, they call it a “kendo stick”. I like Singapore Cane better, as it’s a reference to the controversy where an American moron committed a crime in Singapore and his punishment was to be beat with a cane.
– PJ’s awful swing DDT gets two. Raven hits the Evenflow DDT for the win.
Ehhhh brawl. I like Raven. Credible’s not really bad, he’s just boring.
Winner: Raven
Hockey Sticks on Poles – Guest Ref Kip James – 3 Live Crew vs. Team Canada
– Backstage, BG James calls the WWE a “sinking ship”, and says that “even the captain has a lifeboat ready”. What does he mean by that? Vince is ready to leave?
– Kip is wearing super SUPER gay ref attire. It’s right up there with Shawn Michaels. Kip is wearing hot pants and a shirt that he’s tied in a knot in front. This is terrible, sexually-confusing stuff.
– You know, they better not have Christian show up in the final minutes of the PPV and then end the show. I will be ROYALLY pissed off.
– Konnan takes the mic pre-match (yes I haven’t even started talking about the match yet). He pays tribute to Eddie and there is a MASSIVE “Eddie” chant.
– Match gets going and the cameras miss all sorts of action. Haha!! Konnan puts his shoe on a hockey stick and whomps some guys with it. Then he chucks it at a Canadian guy who sells it like his chest caved in. haha so awesome.
– This match is boring.
– Oh no, just imagine when we get to see a lengthy Dudleys vs. New Age Outlaws “dream” feud. My fast forward button will need to be replaced.
– It’s a Tag Formula? No way! BG is IN PERIL! Killings gets the MC Hammer dance HOT TAG! He breakdances into a scissor kick! Go on wit’ yo’ bad self!
– Konnan needs to update his “Odelay” thing. I know it’s over, but it’s just so old. He’s still young, he should try to blaze a new trail and see if he can reach new heights.
– This match is going wayyy too long. BG delivers a super-soft, barely swung caneshot, and Young corkscrew sells it. Young had already committed to the bump, BG just blew the whole thing with his pansy swing.
– 3LK win..? Konnan and Kip shake hands…? No turn? By gawd TNA is keeping me guessing! I like it!
A dumb gimmick match.
Winners: 3LK
In the back we have to suffer through that ECW shaky camera thing. James Mitchell puts over how Abyss fears barbed wire. He does a silly “this is your brain on Abyss” egg smash.
Hype for Petey vs. AJ. They look at you plainly from the match graphic, and you just know that they like rye toast and driving under the speed limit.
CHRISTIAN IS HERE! There’s an awesome lighting effect and the name “Christian Cage” flashes on the big screen. He makes his way to the ring. Fans in the pit have 8 signs that spell out “PEEPZONE”. Standing Ovation! “CHRISTIAN CAGE” chant! Christian talks bad about the WWE without actually saying “WWE”. Why not? It’s not like you’ll get in less trouble either way.
He says he left because he was sick of the same guy saying the same thing week after week after week. He says he likes TNA because no one is pulling stuff out of grown men’s asses haha. He says the WWE is “old, boring, and lacking direction” just like WCW was eight years ago. He’s in TNA because he likes WRESTLING. He says something about how Jeff Jarrett shouldn’t be wearing white pants after labor day.
This starts to drag and loses a lot of steam when – GASP! – Scott D’Amore comes out! He goes onn and onnn about how he wants Christian to join Team Canada. But it takes him 3 dog years to get it out. Christian says he’ll let D’Amore know by the end of the show.
West actually says “shit-eating grin” on commentary. It slipped out, and there was a long quiet pause on after that.
This just plain went WAY too long. Christian didn’t really rip into the WWE like I was hoping, and him being in TNA already feels not so surreal or special. I am actively hating Scott D’Amore for booking himself all over these shows as well.
Monty backstage promo – He says Christian reeks, but not of awesomeness. He calls Hardy the “psychedelic psychotic” hahaa oh this guy is cracking me up big time. And “PUUOOONNCCCEE – PERIOD” is over as a catchphrase. I know some people feel that Monty’s promos are lame or silly or whatever, but you can feel him fine-tuning them. And heck, he’s got IDEAS, and in today’s wrestling that is beyond rare.
Jeff Hardy vs. Monty Brown:
– Jeff’s entrance… This guy is insane. Does he just not care because he’s unmotivated? He crawls in front of the camera, growling and babbling and making big googly eyes.
– BIG “Hardy” chant to start. Brawling. Crowd is out of it – I wonder if the Christian thing has burned them out. This match has no flow and is super herky-jerky.
Jeff… OK. Jeff Hardy is on the attack. Then he flails his arms in the air and weasels to the side, kind of like Axl Rose with rubber bones. Monty is just like “What the fuck?” So is Jeff tripping like crazy or is he trying to make that his gimmick? He almost looks like he’s doing a “drunken monkey” kind of fighting style. Whatever the case, this is when Hardy starts to lose most of the support of the fans who were behind him after the huge spot from the last PPV.
– Hardy takes a belly-to-belly out of the ring. Monty teases that he’s going to put Jeff through the announce table, but then walks away… another really weird spot.
– Jeff with his neat “V” leg pin gets two. Crowd is quiet. This match is really off. Wait, now we have a BIG “Let’s go Monty” chant. I am thinking the combo of Jeff’s sloppy insanity and Monty’s cool presence has caused this shift. Or maybe it’s pity for Monty.
– Twist of Fate. Only two, crowd bit on that one big. “POUNCE” chant – they get it! Monty pins for the clean win.
– “One more time!” chant, Monty ignores it.
So did Jeff just come out unfocused and crazy because he’s unmotivated? He had momentum, and yet he’s eating pins all over the place. Did he just say “the hell with it”? Or is he trying to play up the weirdness as a gimmick? A really strange match. Just bizarre.
Winner: Monty Brown
Chris Daniels/Samoa Joe/Alex Shelley/Roderick Strong vs. Sonjay Dutt/Chris Sabin/Matt Bentley/Austin Aries:
– The crowd is pretty dead. I liked that they didn’t wait the whole show to trot out Christian, but now it seems like the show already peaked and the crowd is burned out. They came here to see Christian, and now that they did, they’re just kind of there.
– Off to a real dull start. Bentley with a scintillating X Division ARMBAR! You think he’d have a job in TNA if he wasn’t related to HBK? NO WAY IN HELL, says I.
– This match is wonky. Dutt does this awesome, crazy tilt a whirl insanity, but slips at the very end. I think Strong was supposed to go over for an armdrag at the end of it and he just didn’t.
– Joe’s stiffness bites him in the ass, as he unleashes a charging boot and may have knocked Sonjay clean out for about 7 seconds. It could have been real good selling, but everyone in the ring acted differently.
– I am regretting buying this show right now. The Christian thing was a mild disappointment, and that was the main reason I ordered this PPV.
– There’s a cool 3 man dive out of the ring. Aries unleashes his 450. Dutt standing SSP somehow only gets two. Sabin unleashes some awesome twisting headscissors moves, very very cool.
– Bentley gets hurt after Joe’s Muscle Buster. He has to be slowly dragged out of the ring by Tracy. His chest is almost purple.
– Tower of Doom blahblah Daniels and Joe win. I’ll deal with the aftermath in a second.
This match suffered. It was not even close to the usual level of X Division matches. The crowd was muted, timing was off, Joe’s stiffness backfired huge… Another disappointment on this show.
Winners: Joe & Daniels
Afterward.. this tickles me pink.. They tried to turn Joe heel! Daniels played nice and shook Joe’s hand, but then Joe attacked Daniels and the announcers said that Joe violated the “code of honor” (ROH?) and hence was a bastard. The problem – the fans were totally behind Joe. The more he brutalized Daniels, the more they cheered. And this just made the announcers’ mock outrage even worse. Joe actually muscle busted a bloody Daniels on a chair and the crowd loved it!
I think TNA thought that since Daniels was a heel but got some face chants, that this would be like a Bret Hart/Steve Austin double turn. But Joe is over BECAUSE he’s a monster! Making him more of a monster just didn’t work hahaha.
Why the hell would they want to turn Joe, anyway? Do they really think they need clear faces and a clear heels in this company? Despite three years of X Division reactions that prove otherwise?
Also, this segment went WAYYYY too long. The EMTs couldn’t figure out if they wanted the stretcher in the ring or out. AJ stepped onto the ramp to watch this display and shake his head at Joe’s wayward heel ways as the fans chant for Joe to attack “ONE MORE TIME!” hahaha
Sabu vs. Abyss:
– This is the match I am most looking forward to. Sabu’s first move in this match – he throws a chair into Abyss’ head. It cracks off his skull and Abyss falls out of the ring. So awesome.
– Sabu has made a career of never uttering a word. He’s a mysterious, mad arab. And now, tonight, at TNA Genesis, he utters his first words! It comes as he slides out of the ring and the cameraman is in his way. He opens his mouth. He speaks, clear as day. Loudly. He says: “GET OUT OF MY FUCKIN WAY.”
– Man even when Abyss busts out the thumbtacks the crowd doesn’t pop. Rough night.
– Ahh but Sabu has a trump card – the barbed wire-wrapped CHAIR! Crowd can’t help but give that some noise.
– Sabu eats a chokeslam on the tacks! He is covered and when he kicks out at two the crowd pops big!
– Abyss goes for a Guerrero-tribute FROGSPLASH! Sabu rolls away, and Abyss lands chest-first on the thumbtacks.
– Sabu eats a black hole slam… on the barbed wire chair. Holy crap. Abyss wins. After, we see Sabu peeling himself off the chair, his back streaming blood.
The crowd hurt this one. But it was too crazy not to get a reaction. Abyss can definitely hang.
Winner: Abyss
Why is Jeff Hardy on the PPV poster? Talk about poor planning.
X Title Match – Petey Williams vs. AJ Styles©
– Fan has a sign: “AJ vs. RVD – DREAM MATCH”. Amen, brother.
– I’m starting to get annoyed at some of these dueling chants. They feel forced, rather than a spontaneous outburst of emotion.
– Announcers kill the first minutes of this one talking about TNA DVD sales. Bad timing, methinks.
– I’m starting to agree with some of the criticism of the X style, as this feels like a soul-less spot exchange. Petey and AJ combined show no personality at all. I’d rather watch the Rock throw awful punches and cinch in that goofy, painless sharpshooter than watch these two robots re-enact a video game match they had plating No Mercy for the Nintendo 64.
– Even as a soul-less spotfest, this is subpar. Announcers talk about other stuff, the crowd tries to outchant each other – but no one is watching or reacting to the match. Really weird.
– AJ does a flip out of the ring and ends up landing ass-first on the guardrail. Looked nasty, but he’s right back up. He’s lucky he landed on it the way he did, he could have hurt himself really bad.
– Petey gives a german off the apron and INTO THE GUARDRAIL! SICK! Brutal spot, though AJ turned a bit and took it on his side and upper chest. A real nasty spot, though.
– I am soured. I don’t care about this match anymore. Don’t they have to win with their finisher in this one? Because they’re covering for pins on a lot of moves that aren’t their finishers. Whatever, I don’t care. 2nd rope Styles Clash gives AJ the win.
An emotionless, purposeless athletic display. There’s some awesome spots in it, but it’s instantly forgettable as a match.
Winner: AJ
Joe was watching at the entrance. I guess they’re already starting a Joe vs. AJ feud. What the hell is the hurry? Hmm I am guessing they want Joe as a heel champ so plucky babyfaces like AJ can try to overcome him.
Jarrett & AMW vs. Rhino & Team 3-D:
– D Von is RIPPED!
– Why does Jeff Jarrett never even look at Gail Kim when they do their entrance? He acts like she’s not even there. She keeps looking at him and pointing at him, and he won’t even turn his face in her direction. What’s that all about?
– The lyrics to 3 D’s entrance theme: “Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! …. Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! ….”
– Ringside brawling all over the arena ECW-style. Crowd is EATING THIS UP! I hate ringside brawling, but the crowd is so molten that I enjoy the spectacle. This is a total beatdown on the heels.
– Rhino is on the ramp beating on Jarrett. He looks at the crowd and says clearly into the camera: “You want me to piledrive this mother fucker?”. And then he does. He sets up a table against the ENTRANCE HOLE! But he never gores anyone through it. That would have been an awesome spot, I don’t know why they would tease that. This is a PPV, pay something off dammit! I didn’t spend my money to get tease spots.
– “This is awesome” chant. It’s almost 11 pm.. No time for Christian?
– Get this! Jarrett hits the Stroke on Bubba. 1…2..! Bubba kicks out! BUBBA RAY KICKS OUT OF THE STROKE. The move that beat Sting, Raven, Scott Hall, you name it. And of all people, Bubba fucking Ray is too tough to get beat with it.
– 3D wins this.
– After, Jarrett slides in with the guitar. He destroys Rhino with it. Rhino, who had massive fan support. Rhino, who ended up getting over big. He doesn’t get a pin, he doesn’t get to put anyone through a table, he doesn’t get his hands on Gail. He gets hit in the face with a guitar, and I guess he’ll end up like all the other 3 month wonders in the midcard.
Winners: Rhino & Team 3-D
– After… Team Canada runs in for a beatdown.. Here comes Christian! Ohhh nooo… He zips down his jacket and he’s wearing a Team Canada shirt. Nooooo NOOO! WAIT! SWERVE! Hahaha they totally got me! Christian gives D’Amore the Unprettier. Then he helps out with a 3D that puts Jarrett through a table.
I dread the Christian/Jarrett feud. But that was an awesome segment.
This PPV is one where if you didn’t get it and you hear about it, you might go: “Damn! I should have got that one!” But if you ordered it, like me, you’d say “I probably should have skipped this one.” The only exceptional part was the second Christian appearance, and let’s face it.. they’ll be showing that on Impact. I give this show a TWO out of FIVE.
