Worth Your Wealth? 06.02.08: One Night Stand

Hello again, 411 readers! “The One-Man Ratings Booster” here with another edition of “Worth Your Wealth?”! The idea is that you spend your hard-earned dollars on wrestling on a monthly basis, and I want you to know whether or not you’re getting your moneys worth. So read on and see if you’re investing wisely of if your cash is going to waste…

WWE One Night Stand – Worth Your Wealth?

First, as always, we start off with our super-scientific formula for calculating the projected worth of each part of the show. Keep in mind I round things to the nearest nickel, so as not to piss myself off. Oh, and for the purposes of this column, I don’t have HD and neither do you.
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P = 2(A)x + 1.5(B)x + 1(C)x + 0.1(P)

Ten-percent of the PPV price accounts for non-wrestling related activities, such as in-ring promos, backstage segments, video packages, etc. Aside from that, A B and C represent the different classes of matches on the card:

Class C: Filler matches with little to no solid build behind them.
Class B: Secondary, but still significant matches that were well-promoted prior to the show.
Class A: The main event, as well as other high-profile, heavily promoted matches on the card.
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The Breakdown (as I see it):

Class C: Melina vs. Beth Phoenix and Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga
Class B: Batista vs. Shawn Michaels, John Cena vs. JBL, and Big Show vs. CM Punk vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. John Morrison vs. Tommy Dreamer
Class A: Undertaker vs. Edge and Randy Orton vs. Triple H

The Calculation (as the universe sees it):

40 = 2(2)x + 1.5(3)x + 1(2)x + 0.1(40)
40 = 4x + 4.5x + 2x + 4
36 = 10.5x
x = 3.45

The Result (as you will see it):

Class A: $6.90
Class B: $5.20
Class C: $3.45
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And now, THE GOODNESS!

Bonus Materials – Price Tag: $4.00
This time around we got a few backstage talkie segments featuring Orton/Batista and Cena/Mickie/Adamle, respectively. While I really enjoyed the Orton/Batista bit (it’s been great how they’ve been keeping up with the Evolution continuity lately), I didn’t really care for the Cena/Mickie/Adamle stuff. First of all, I really hate that our new women’s champion is not only doing nothing on the card but is also the latest random-diva-digs-Cena gal. This was fine with Maria last time they did it, because that’s the kind of crap Maria is around for. Mickie is the WWE WOMENS CHAMPION. She shouldn’t be doing backstage comedy fodder for Cena to mug off of like the other random schlubs (ie. Mike Adamle).
The other bonus bit we got tonight was Mick Foley explaining the in’s and out’s of the stretcher match. This was fine. Foley talking is almost always a good thing and it gave a little bit more rub to an already highly anticipated match later in the show.
My feelings about Mickie aside, the non-wrestling material wasn’t terrible, it just wasn’t really that good.
Overall Value: $3.75 – Out of respect to our Women’s Champion.

Falls Count Anywhere: Jeff Hardy def. Umaga via Pinfall (Swanton Bomb) – Price Tag: $3.45
We’ve seen a lot of matches now between Jeff and Umaga, and the majority of them have been nice and entertaining. As far as this one goes, I can’t really say it continued the trend. They got all of their in-ring spots out of the way in about 90 seconds and then went straight into a back-in-the-day WWE Hardcore match.
Yeah, yeah, I know. This is One Night Stand. It’s supposed to be like that. Don’t get me wrong, I agree. I was excited to see they were heading in this direction…they just didn’t really do anything fantastic once they took it outside the ring. There wasn’t really anything overly creative going on, it seemed kinda sluggish, and Jeff won the match with a dive that was, by all accounts, far less impressive that the one he pulled off during his feud with Orton.
I thought this match was a good choice to open the show, but by the end of it I was just hoping that the rest of the night would turn out better.
Overall Value: $1.50 due to general boringness and extreme disappointment.

Singapore Cane on an Everywhere Match: The Big Show def. Tommy Dreamer, CM Punk, Chavo Guerrero, and John Morrison via Pinfall on Dreamer (Cane Lobotomy) – Price Tag: $5.20
The ECW guys came out and put on a damn fine match tonight to crown a new #1 contender for Kane’s ECW Championship. This match was mostly a spot-fest, but I thought the entire thing was executed extremely well. Punk and Guerrero had a little exchange on the outside featuring Shawn Merriman, which I enjoyed (note how they got the celebrity involved without having to drag it out into a feud on late-night TV and a match on Smackdown). However, the real star of this match (as expected) was Big Show.
Show was all over this match tonight. He busted his head open on the steps after Morrison tripped him up and from there, he just went berserk. Merciless beatings to Miz, Morrison (sick cane shot on the suicide dive), and Tommy Dreamer and we have Kane/Show next month on PPV. Dreamer took the pin, which is good. Show got the win, which is good. Punk didn’t lose, which is good. All around, this was an entertaining outing that delivered.
Overall Value: $5.20 due to goodness, enjoyment, and Show looking like a beast.

First Blood Match: John Cena def. JBL via First Blood (STF-U) – Price Tag: $5.20
These guys had a lot to make up for following the unimpressive match we saw at Judgment Day. While this bout WAS better than the last, it still wasn’t good enough in my opinion. The match overall was fine, there was good back and forth to keep everybody guessing before they finally settled into standard Cena face-in-peril mode. Cena gets stuck in the ropes, unable to move for a few minutes while JBL goes under the ring, pulls out a whip (yeah, a whip), and slaps it around a few times allowing Cena to escape and kick his ass. Way to go JBL, you’re still the bitch. Shoulda stayed on the Smackdown announce team buddy. In short, these guys do NOT have the chemistry they had a few years ago on Smackdown and I pray to God that this feud is done after tonight.
Overall Value: $3.75 not bad, not good, just there. This feud made me with the JBL/Jericho stuff had gone on longer…

I-Quit Match: Beth Phoenix def. Melina via “I Quit” (Double-Arm Chicken Wing)- Price Tag: $3.45
I was excited for this match, as it’s virtually unheard of in WWE to see two skilled female workers involved in a feud without the women’s championship being involved. It makes me feel like WWE has finally noticed they have a pretty solid core of trained Divas (although I’m probably fooling myself). At any rate, it was pretty much universally argued after Judgment Day that the ladies match needed more time, and it looks like WWE listened to the suggestion and wound up with a pretty good match for their trouble!
Suddenly we got over nine minutes of Diva match and damn if it wasn’t fun to watch. Both ladies played their roles very well – Melina trying to overcome the odds and Beth becoming increasingly annoyed by the lack of ease she expected from the match. In the end, I’m glad Beth got the win. This puts her in line for another excellent match against Mickie for the title at Night of Champions (which hopefully will get time like this did). Let’s hope the draft in a few weeks brings a few more skilled workers to Raw (Victoria, Natalya, even Michelle, maybe?) and we can possibly look forward to a revitalized women’s division.
Overall Value: $3.45 due to good action, a believable finish, and finally getting the time on PPV they deserve.

Stretcher Match: Batista def. Shawn Michaels via Not Loving You – Price Tag: $5.20
Now this is the kind of match I was expecting back at Backlash between these guys. This feud (plus Jericho) has been some of the best stuff on WWE TV as of late and I’m really glad Batista and Shawn delivered something exciting this time around. Batista, especially, looked really geared up tonight and it really paid off for these guys. We got some sweet action, some excellent drama, and an incredible spot where Dave cradled a broken Shawn Michaels in his arms and told him “I DON’T love you, and I’m NOT sorry!” Yeah, that was totally awesome.
Jericho’s involvement was kinda weird for me. Mainly because I wasn’t sure why Batista wasn’t more pissed-off that Jericho was keeping him from winning the match. I think tomorrow night on RAW we’ll probably finally see this Jericho heel-turn we’ve been waiting for. This was a well-done match that is likely to lead to more great stuff between Jericho and HBK, you can’t really go wrong from here.
Overall Value: $5.20 because these guys finally delivered the match I was hoping for. While it wasn’t amazing, it gets full value for the questionable Jericho antics towards the end and making me look forward to what’s next.

WWE Championship Last Man Standing Match: Triple H (c) def. Randy Orton via 10-Count (Broke His Fuckin’ Collarbone) – Price Tag: $6.90
I fondly remember the Last Man Standing match these guys had months ago…partially because it was the first PPV I ordered on my own TV in my own apartment, mostly because it was totally awesome. These guys have worked well together the past few months and I was really looking forward to something similar to what we saw when Cena went down with his pec injury months back. Sadly, life just isn’t fair.
These guys were having a good outing and were obviously building towards some more intense stuff, but the injury bug struck and cut this one short. Let me just say that Orton took a SICK bump, and it was definitely cool to see it despite the result. I’m sad to see him go down though, because Orton has been one of my favorite parts of the WWE product for a while now. Obviously it’s not the fault of these guys or their skill, but the injury here really hurt this match. Let’s all hope Randy’s injury isn’t too serious and he returns to seek revenge soon.
Overall Value: $3.75 due to being cut-short by legitimate injury. It looked like it would be heading for more, but unfortunately, that’s not what we got.

World Heavyweight Championship TLC Match: – Edge def. The Undertaker via Belt Retrieval (Quad-Table Fall) to become the NEW WWE Champion and banish The Undertaker from WWE FOREVER – Price Tag: $6.90
What else could you expect between these two guys at this point but something fantastic to end the show? For three months now, we’ve seen Edge and Undertaker put on the best matches we’ve seen from WWE and this outing was no different. All that said, what I liked the most about this match was how the typical Undertaker/Edge dynamic was totally reversed. For the past few months, its been mostly a question of whether or not Edge can overcome the legend of the Undertaker. This time, however, it was suddenly a question of whether The Undertaker could overcome the odds in Edge’s signature match. This was great.
We got quite a lengthy 1-on-1 outing between these two to start, which was more of what we’ve come to expect – great action and suspense. When the interference finally started, I thought it was booked very well. It was spaced out and Taker never looked like he was down and out despite the uneven numbers. We got sick bumps from Ryder and Hawkins, a sick Chokeslam through the ladder to Edge, and finally, the Phenom himself took a dive through four tables stacked on the outside. Through all those spots, it never once seemed to me like a spotfest, nor did it seem like a messy clusterf**k. The execution here was perfect and I was thrilled to see Edge regain the strap. The only question now is this – how they turn Undertaker being banished “FOREVER” into just a few weeks/months? And will the next feud for the World Heavyweight Championship have any chance of coming close to this one?
Overall Value: $7.75 due to an incredible end to an incredible feud.
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The Final Tally:

Overall Price Tag: $40.00

Match of the Night: World Heavyweight Championship TLC Match: The Undertaker vs. Edge – 112% Value ($7.75 worth, $6.90 price tag.)

Trash of the Night: Falls Count Anywhere: Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga – 43% Value ($1.50 value, $3.45 price tag.)

Overall Value: $34.35

Resulting PPV Rating: B (86% Worth)

Closing Comments:
One Night Stand could have potentially been the best overall show of the year thus far had it not been for the injury to Randy Orton. The main event was just phenomenal and it was supported by a strong undercard (despite the Hardy/Umaga opener falling flat). Sure, JBL/Cena could have gone better as well, but the remaining matches all delivered their value and made for an overall satisfying show. Definitely check this one out if you have the chance, nobody should miss this TLC match.
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Year in Review:
1. WWE Backlash – A- (90% Worth)
Match of the Night: World Heavyweight Championship: The Undertaker vs. Edge – 101% Value ($7.00 Worth, $6.90 price tag).

2. WWE Judgment Day – B+ (89% Worth)
Match of the Night: Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels – 114% Value ($5.95 worth, $5.20 price tag.)

3 (tie). WWE One Night Stand– B (86% Worth)
Match of the Night: World Heavyweight Championship TLC Match: The Undertaker vs. Edge – 112% Value ($7.75 worth, $6.90 price tag.)

3 (tie). WWE Wrestlemania 24 – B (86% Worth)
Match of the Night: Career-Threatening Match: Shawn Michaels vs. “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair- 116% Value ($8.00 worth, $6.90 price tag).

5. TNA Lockdown – B (83% Worth)
Match of the Night: TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe – 116% Value ($5.00 worth, $4.30 price tag).

6. TNA Sacrifice – C (74% Worth)
Match of the Night: X-Division TerrorDome – 100% Value ($3.25 worth, $3.25 price tag).
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And with that folks, we’ll see you next time!