Wrestling’s 4R’s Friday Edition – 10.17.08: Khali, Jackass, Cyber Sunday Hype, Hornswoggle Flies, Bourne Steps Up and More!

How the 4R’s of wRestling Work!
Here is a quick explanation of the 4R’s. The column will run TWO times a week. On Tuesdays I will discuss TNA Impact and WWE Smackdown. Also, if there is a PPV, that will be covered in this column as well. The column will run again on Friday’s, covering WWE Raw (with Jeremy Thomas) as well as ECW on Sci-Fi. If there is a PPV that weekend, I will also run the RETRO R’s of the show from the year before as well as address some comments when time permits. I will group my feelings on the shows in various categories: The Right, the wRong and the Ridiculous. The Right is stuff that worked very well: a great promo, a great match and so on. PuRgatoRy is a section between the right and wrong. It shows equal traits from both sides that cannot be ignored and need discussed. It is not a bad place per say, as things can get remedied or go the wrong way the very next week. The wRong is what it sounds like: bad matches, bad or boring promos and so on. The Ridiculous is stuff that had no right on TV: Stupid angles, Diva searches and so on. And there is always a possibility of a 5th R, which is as bad as they come, unless you are TNA. They have a special R all of their own, the 6th R; the Russo-FN-Riffic~! This column is supposed to be analytical, and at the right time very critical of the shows, it was the whole reason it was created. This is not a “mark” column, nor a “smark” column, my goal is to analyze the show from many different fronts, reward the good and call out the bad. I will not apologize for my opinions, they are as they are, whether positive or negative.

---

By: Jeremy Thomas

Raw 10.13.08

The Right:

JERICHO AND MIKE DO NOT SEE EYE TO EYE AFTER ALL: Raw kicked off with two sharp-dressed men—OUR Savior and World Champion Chris Jericho and GM Mike Adamle—having a bit of a disagreement over last week. Jericho was angry at Adamle for taking control from Jericho as temporary GM last week, and for making the Cyber Sunday stipulation what it was. Adamle was having none of it, though, and was displaying a new-found confidence as he told Jericho that tonight he’d be facing a partner of Batista’s choosing while Batista would similarly be facing a partner of Jericho’s choosing. Jericho decided he’d go over Mikey’s head and call Shane-O Mac and Steph, which got Adamle to laugh and tell Chris that they turn their phone off; this brought Jericho to the ring. I don’t have to tell you if you’ve read the R’s before that I love what Jericho brings to the table as champion and that I think Adamle has his strong moments; this little short bit was possible one of Mike’s strongest. I haven’t seen Adamle that calm and comfortable with his role, or that natural in his acting, since he appeared; you have to think that those acting lessons Vince wants are already starting to pay off with Mike.

JUST IN CASE WE FORGOT THAT JERICHO VS. MICHAELS WAS AWESOME…: Following the opening scene, it wasn’t long before Jericho got down to the ring to implore Shane and Stephanie to complain about the stipulation at Cyber Sunday. He ran down each of the reasons why the special guest referee options would be biased against him; his calling Orton irrelevant, his many problems with HBK, and his bragging over defeating Austin and the Rock on the same night. I love how much conviction Jericho has when he says this things and paints himself as the victim, and he was great as always at getting the crowd to hate him. The crowd was all over him, and they went nuts when Shawn came out. Shawn talked about how he would love to say he was going to be fair and unbiased, and gave several reasons why before noting that he had no intention of doing so if he got voted in. He got in the nice election dig in about doing what McCain and Obama would love to do to each other, and nailed Jericho. You know what, I actually think he’s right, they would love to knock each other senseless. This was just great Michaels/Jericho stuff; they work so well off each other now that you can’t help but be mesmerized. However, I do have one complaint; when Jericho came out to tell Shawn that Batista’s opponent would be him, it seemed a little…well, anticlimactic. The announcement just didn’t quite have that “oomph” I would expect it to have. Outside of that, though, I have utterly no complaints.

CENA VIDEO PACKAGE: I was debating whether to discuss this last week; this week, I felt I had to. I love these kinds of video packages, and it’s one of those things that the ‘E does so well; it has been for years. Last week, they had done an amazing job of covering how Cena had bounced back from his neck surgery and was building to his comeback; this week it was his passion and how dedicated he is to the business. These segments are amazing at doing their job, which is building the crowd for an injured guys’s return, and I honestly believe that if they took the time to do these for every returning injured guy they could get anyone over; hell, they might even make Hardcore Holly look credible again. Okay, admittedly that’s a stretch, but you get the point.

CHRIS JERICHO vs. CM PUNK: The main event was OUR Savior’s turn to face an opponent of Batista’s devising, and it was none other than the man who Y2J took the title from. But that wasn’t all…Batista appeared to say that there would be a special guest referee: him! Jericho’s expression was priceless—I loved it when Big Dave was coming down and they focused on Chris, who even though he was obviously pissed just nodded and said “Yeah,” as if to say “Okay, I’ll play your game.” The match was as good as it should have been, the one match this week that really lived up to expectations. Punk and Jericho work fairly well off each other, and the inclusion of Dave as a referee added a little bit of fun to the match. I like that they did a lot to build Punk up in this match, because it makes his feud with Priceless seem a little more significant and lays the groundwork for Punk having some real legitimacy when he goes head-to-head with Orton soon. A lot of people might complain about the end and how it makes Punk look like he can’t win on his own, but Punk looked pretty good throughout the rest of the match even with Batista being biased, so I won’t complain too much. It was a good match to end the show, built up the Batista/Jericho feud and built Punk up some. That’s all I ask for.

puRgatoRy:

REY MYSTERIO & MATT HARDY vs. KANE & MARK HENRY: This of course was a rematch from last week, where Kane pinned Matt in a fairly good match. Rey Rey came out sporting a Halloween look with his skull mask-over-the-mask, and we found out that the stipulations for Kane vs. Rey for Cyber Sunday would be Falls Count Anywhere, No Holds Barred, or Two out of Three Falls. I do have one complaint here; since when has any hold been barred in a Falls Count Anywhere match? It’s the kind of silliness that Cyber Sunday stipulation options sometimes have; like last year, when Rey Rey’s match with Finlay could have been a stretcher match or a no DQ match. But hey, as long as they’re not making “debate” an option, I guess I can’t bitch too much. These four put on a fun little match last week; I would have liked to see something different this week instead of the exact same match from last week but oh well. Matt played the face-in-peril part well as Mark and Kane worked him over…this match was a great example of what I was talking about last week where they’re getting so good at using Henry and hiding his weaknesses. This was a slowed-down match that wasn’t as nearly flashy as last week but still managed to be very good with some crowd-pleasing moments when Rey got the hot take. I have some minor quibbles with the heels winning a second week in a row—if they wanted to do that, they could have at least given us a different match—but I don’t think it really hurts the faces in this situation, and Rey got his heat back after the match. So again while this wasn’t as flashy as last week, it was still a very enjoyable little match that worked in the favor of all involved.

JBL vs. HAAS HOGAN: Pre-match, JBL gave a promo to draw the crowd heat, pointing out how the bailout plan is going to help him out, and even making him rich. You know, sometimes the current events card gets played well, but something about this wasn’t working for me. JBL just didn’t have the same presence and conviction this week, and it seemed a little worn-out considering JBL has used the bailout for his promos for a couple weeks now. That, I think, is JBL’s problem; this is similar to the problem I found with his promos during his feud with Punk, they were the same thing again and again. JBL can be great on the mic—that’s established fact. But he seems to be getting lazy, finding one thing to latch onto and not trying to do anything that deviates from it.

Of course, as soon as JBL was done, all was right with the world because out came HAAS HOGAN! Okay, I’ll admit that I was busting a gut laughing at this, and that it’s been easily Haas’s best impersonation to date. He had it all down beautifully and the crowd loved it. Hell, he even had the Hogan Lip Purse down; you just can’t beat that! And points to Lawler for the little dig on Hogan’s physique by saying that when he saw Haas coming down he thought that Hogan had gotten back into shape…ouch. Of course, then the bell rung and the match was nothing more than a squash. Haas Hogan got a little bit of offense after “Haasing up,” but this was all JBL, short and not particularly sweet. Frankly, JBL shouldn’t be going over anyone these days. His in-ring days are certainly numbered, and while it’s harmless for him to go over a comedy act like Haas, it points to a somewhat more endemic problem, which is that the ‘E still believes that JBL is a top guy. He hasn’t been a top guy for a while now, and they do need to recognize that fact and transition him into a non-wrestling role. As much as I loved Haas Hogan—and I really, REALLY did—the Real American Imposter couldn’t quite pull this whole bit into the right.

RANDY ORTON’S (ANTI-)STUMP SPEECH: Following Cena’s video package, Orton came out onto the stage and built off that nicely, saying that he had no kind words that came his way when he got injured…he was no John Cena, “thank God.” Nice. Orton is such a great heel, and he makes even throwaway words like those last two come off perfectly. Orton told the fans not to vote for him for Cyber Sunday so that he didn’t risk a ring injury so close to his return; obviously they were thinking to play the reverse psychology game here, but I still had a problem with it. One, I think that the ‘E once again underestimates the intelligence of their fans. We’re not all a bunch of bloodthirsty idiots who say “Ooh, Orton might get hurt, I think I’ll vote for him so he breaks his collarbone again!” Of course, we also know that if he’s picked he’s likely to be protected, but the point is that the reverse psychology trick doesn’t work on a crowd that’s smarter than the ‘E figures them to be. And if we aren’t reeled in by that, then we’re conceivably less likely to vote for him, which makes Shawn Michaels (who to me is the obvious choice the ‘E wants) more likely to be pushed into the spot. Like I said last week, I hate that the ‘E presents us with options and tries to push their favored option at us. It was a good promo from Orton as usual, but the circumstances around it irritated me.

BATISTA vs. SHAWN MICHAELS: Batista and HBK had gotten down to the ring while Lawler tried and failed miserably to sound hip by using text shorthand—if I never hear King say “LOL” again, it will be too soon—and were ready to start before Jericho showed up to announce that it would be a lumberjack match. Out came a whole host of heels, from Mark Henry to Burchill. Hey look, Snitsky’s still got a job! The match got started and…sadly, it wasn’t as good as you might expect. It just seemed to start off really disjointed, and considering how much experience these two have as opponents I expect more. After things settled down they got back into a better rhythm and story of the match, but it still just slow and plodding for a match between the Showstoppa and the Manimal. By no means was this match bad, just highly disappointing from two guys who should be able to put on something great in the ring. Of course, it goes without saying that the ending was absolute bullshit. You knew it was coming, and the fact that it was so obvious made it just even more annoying. I would have really liked to see Shawn eat the loss here, as it wouldn’t have hurt him any, and THEN have the lumberjacks attack. But no, we can’t have a clean finish, can we? Nope. Thanks, ‘E.

MIZ, MORRISON & JILLIAN HALL vs. CRYME TYME & TRIPLE K: This was, of course, stemming off that abortion of a segment last week that MnM 2.0 and Cryme Tyme decided to shout over Triple K and Jillian’s match. I got a lot of heat from the readers on that one, but my opinion is unbowed—there is no reason that they had to do it over a match. They could have easily made it a non-wrestling segment and it would have come off better, instead of completely disregarding a Women’s match in the midst of Raw trying to build up the division a bit. Anyway, we had one of the best Jillian segments to date, because Miz and Morrison…DECIDED TO RAP! My God, they were about as good as Cena used to be. I’ll expect to see an MnM 2 album out soon. Jillian’s screeching was kept to a minimum and as a result it was funnier, as was Miz and Morrison’s reaction before the faces came down.

As for the match itself, it was tolerable, though certainly nothing great. Kelly Kelly Kelly was on one of her off days, and she seemed off her rhythm in the early moments. The match picked up when the guys got in—these two tag teams are really starting to work well off each other, and it lifted the match. They used the Mighty Ducks mask to nice effect to give Cryme Tyme the cheap win and let the feud continue. This is a great way to use Cryme Tyme, in a Los Guerreros “Lie, Cheat, Steal” sort of face way. Again, it was a perfectly workably match, even if it wasn’t great, and did exactly what it needed to do.

The wRong:

Not a damn thing…

The Ridiculous:

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE, GTFO: This whole Jackass bullshit is absolutely retarded; there, I’ve said it. Why, in the name of all that is holy and unholy, are they building a feud with Johnny Knoxville and the Great Khali?? Do they really expect to get a match out of this, and if so, do they really think KHALI is the right guy to carry them to that match? Of course, Knoxville is the kind of guy who will make insinuations about wrestling being a freak show—see his comment about coming to see the midgets—which flies in the face of the ‘E search for respectability with all the “Did You Know” crap and Emmy-lobbying and such. Of course, maybe it would be easier for them to resist such an attack if they didn’t, y’know…have a midget on the roster, and bring him out on cue. Listen, celebrities can work in wrestling. Kevin Federline was one of those few examples where it worked, and that was because K-Fed came in surprisingly dedicated and played a natural heel. Johnny Knoxville can act, but he’s too much of a (pardon the pun) jackass for it to work in the ‘E’s favor.

Of course, this week it wasn’t just Khali who got into the Knoxville fun. Santino Marella made his way down to the ring, with Beth by his side. We saw the return of…wait for it…THE HONK-A-METER! The official count is Honky-Donky Man 64, Santino 9. Santino is officially a better Intercontinental Champion then, Chyna, William Regal and Val Venis; next week, he surpasses the British Bulldog, RVD and Edge. Santino’s only got a year until he’s weeks away! This was a brilliantly funny segment by Santino, with little touches of humor throughout, before Knoxville had to be brought up and brought into the ring. Now, I will say that letting Beth toss the jackass around was nice, but was still largely a waste of time. Then, as of Knoxville was psychic, out came the midget to tadpole splash him. Pontius was trying to help Johnny when—because clearly this segment hadn’t gotten stupid enough yet—Big Dick Johnson came out to strip down to his Speedo and dance. Pontius felt like following suit, and thus we had TWO ugly naked guys in the ring. About this time I was considering jabbing my eyes out. But wait…were we done yet? Nope! Out came THE BOOGEYMAN! Big Dick scattered quickly, but Pontius didn’t and so we got an ugly naked guy eating worms before Khali came down and finished Knoxville off.

Seriously, where the hell to even start here? This was almost TEN MINUTES dedicated to Johnny Fucking Knoxville. JOHNNY KNOXVILLE. They basically turned part of Raw into a damned episode of Jackass. I’ve always thought that one of wrestling’s Achilles heels was its obsessive desire to woo celebrities in order to pretend it can get a rub off of them. Some guys, you can (see Mayweather, Floyd) and some you can’t (see Liberace). Johnny Knoxville falls firmly into the Liberace category—take that as you will. This was one of the stupidest segments I’ve seen on Raw in a long time. Yes, it was even stupider then the Khali Kiss-Cam. It could have at least been less offensive if it wasn’t so damned long, because that’s time that could have been given to a match or another segment instead of wasting our time. Epic Fail, as the kids are calling it these days.

SHOW RATING: (**¼)There was nothing really atrocious this week outside of the Knoxville bullshit, but the key word for Raw this week was “disappointing.” We had a lot of segments that, while not bad, didn’t deliver as well as they could have and the entire thing just seemed to fall flat. The opening of the show was great, and the ending was good, but there’s about an hour and a half in-between that the ‘E tends to forget about sometimes. This was one of those weeks.

---

By: Larry Csonka

ECW 10.14.08:

The Right:

The Opening Segment: The opening segment of the show this week was short, sweet and did a perfect job of laying the foundation for this very good edition of ECW on Sci-Fi. Just like the opening match speech I love to give, for a TV show; if they are going to use an opening promo segment is has to deliver and this one did. Now don’t get me wrong, this was not a promo of the year segment by any means, quite the contrary it was actually pretty average. But in the grand scheme of things it kicked off a very strong edition of ECW. It was quite simple. Atlas and his man Mark Henry came out, they gloated about whooping Hardy’s ass last week and demanded a title shot for the former champion. Teddy Long would come out, tell him tough shit, no immediate rematch; but was kind enough to give the fans a chance to vote for him at Cyber Sunday.

Cyber Sunday Qualifier – Evan Bourne vs. Chavo Guerrero: The first qualifying match would be Evan Bourne vs. Chavo Guerrero. I liked the choice as Chavo IS a former ECW Champion and they continually push the “New Talent Initiative,” which Bourne is a part of. These two guys had a hell of a little match right here. They got 9-minutes after the commercial break, and it was just damn good. Bourne was on and Chavo seemed re-energized out there and was busting his ass like he hasn’t in some time. I really feared that like the last time they did qualifying matches that we would see Chavo in and Bourne on the outside looking in. Thankfully my fears were not a reality as Bourne takes the BIG and clean win here. Some will disagree about the magnitude of the win, especially since he has defeated Chavo before; but this time he didn’t come up short like he did against the Miz. Bourne has been on a roll and has not just been performing well, but getting over while having good matches. Now he gets a chance at an actual match on PPV that isn’t a cluster or throwaway match. This is a positive move in my opinion and I am glad to see him getting the chance. Bourne paid for the pre-match show of disrespect to Henry as he ate a World’s Strongest Slam. Henry then shook his hand, which was great.

Cyber Sunday Qualifier – Finlay vs. Morrison: Our second and final match, yes, they only had two matches on the show this week was the second qualifying match and featured Finlay vs. Morrison. This was a match perfectly split by the commercial as we got two segments of 6-minutes. The opening portion of the match was the usual opening stuff, feeling out process, and shenanigans with the Midget, and Hornswoggle as well. HA HA HAAAAAAAAA! They had Hornswoggle hit a “LOW PE” as Striker called it through the ropes onto Miz and Morrison, and as they went to commercial the Miz was pulled under the ring. The match continued after the commercial, Morrison would get control for a while, and Finlay would then make the comeback. Mike Knox would try to get involved, playing off of the mini-feud he has with Finlay, but he would get pulled under the ring as well. Cryme Tyme was there the whole time, doing the deed, and they would aid Finlay on his way to Cyber Sunday by handing him the SHACKALACKI, which he used for the win. Finlay would repay his nee friends by kicking their asses with the SHACKALACKI. As the show went off the air Mark Henry would get revenge for his “black brothers” as the Iron Sheik would say. Giving Finlay the World’s Strongest Slam on the entrance ramp. THAT’S WHAT YOU GET SON! This wasn’t as good as the opener, which I really dug; but this was a good TV match. It gets Finlay a good win, which he does need on occasion as he mainly puts people over, and it continues the Cryme Tyme vs. Miz and Morrison angle. I approve.

puRgatoRy:

Tiffany, Teddy, Jack and Tommy: One of the very few out of ring segments on the show was some shenanigans with Tiffany and Teddy. They were being goofy with costumes again to promote shit for Sci-Fi, but hey, Tiffany dressed up as a showgirl is cool with me; so I won’t complain. The All-American American Jack Swagger and his new trunks (an Amateur Singlet, which he should have had since day one) walked into the office, and they were demanding a title shot. Teddy kindly explained that the All-American American nor his trunks had been in ECW long enough to earn a title shot. The All-American American was a sad panda. Tommy Dreamer then walked in and HE also wanted a title shot, but was smart enough to ask for one AFTER Cyber Sunday. Thankfully for Tommy Dreamer he HAS been with ECW for a while, longer then fucking Methuselah to be exact. This was completely insulting to the All-American American, and he kindly explained this to Dreamer by saying, “Listen Tommy, this isn’t 1996. I am here to build a legacy…not bastardize one.” Translation, “Listen Tommy, SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH~!” This was a fine segment, but it just felt a bit blah outside of the excellent zinger Swagger got at the end. Add into this the fact that this will be the 76th time since June 13th 2006 that Dreamer is “defending his legacy and the spirit of ECW” in a feud, and it is just way too much been here and done that for me.

The wRong:

NONE

The Ridiculous:

NONE

SHOW RATING: (****) A very focused and workman style show here. That’s a compliment for those that may not understand what I mean. They were completely focused on one goal, and everyone worked very hard to get them there. There was also the addition of the Swagger and Dreamer stuff, which is a TV feud and gives them something else to work with, even if we have seen it 87 times before. This was a DAMN FINE edition of ECW. DAMN FINE I SAY! I’ll work on a new ECW banner, my bad.

---

And I’m out of here!

…3…