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WWWF All-Star Wrestling (5.6.1978) Review

January 25, 2021 | Posted by Adam Nedeff
WWWF All-Star Wrestling 5-6-1978
3
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WWWF All-Star Wrestling (5.6.1978) Review  

-Originally aired May 6, 1978.

-Vince McMahon opens the show with some absolutely EPIC sarcasm as he runs down the card. “You can HEAR THE EXCITEMENT! THE EXCITEMENT IS HERE, in this jam-packed arena! They’re waiting to see Tank Patton versus SD Jones!” Okay, seriously, nobody told me how much Vince hated his dad’s product. I should have started reviewing this show much sooner.

-But first, we go to a pre-taped interview with Dusty Rhodes in an empty arena. This is an amazing promo. Dusty has no particular angle or foe to talk about, it’s just Vince holding the mic for three or four minutes while Dusty thanks the fans for coming to the arenas to support “265 pounds of blue-eyed soul.” Dusty in this era was just a license to print money.

LARRY ZBYSZKO & HAYSTACKS CALHOUN vs. BILL DIXON & MOOSE MONROE

-Larry with a waistlock on Moose, rolling him up and nearly getting three right there because this referee is in a hurry. Haystacks tags in and does a Dusty-style dance in a wild visual. Calhoun no-sells Monroe’s stuff and strikes him down with feather-touch offense before nonchalantly tagging Larry back in. Dixon takes his beating, with Larry working the leg over before Moose heads back in and misses a punch, hurting his hand on a turnbuckle and getting tossed around the ring by Larry.

-Calhoun attacks Monroe on the apron, and Calhoun seems really really pissed off about something, as he’s had the same “guy at Wendy’s forgot to hold the tomato on my burger” face since the match started and he’s just doing really transparently fake-looking shitty offense, and even Vince says that nothing he’s doing actually looks effective. Larry whips Dixon into Calhoun for a shoulderblock, and that’s enough to put Dixon down for the three-count. Somebody get Calhoun a juice box and a cot. He needs a nap.

-Vince McMahon talks to Fred Blassie and Spiros Arion. Fred Blassie says that a big fat fan in the front row is opening a fat farm/ballet school, and Haystacks Calhoun will be his star pupil. And now Vince is in a good mood.

SPIROS ARION (with Fred Blassie) vs. GENE KRESPO

-Arion unloads everything on Krespo, with punches and chokes, and Vince stops everything for a moment just to remind us that the SD Jones/Tank Patton match is NEXT!!!

-Really funny bit as Arion rips the pad off the top turnbuckle and tries to ram Krespo’s head into it, but Krespo doesn’t wait to do that bump and makes it a point to dive a little bit so he hits the second turnbuckle. So Arion makes him do it again and do it right this time, and the body vice finishes.

-“And we shall return with Tank Patton versus SD Jones!”

TANK PATTON vs. SPECIAL DELIVERY JONES

-Tank is a big burly Mid-Southish-looking guy with TANK stenciled across his army helmet.

-Patton throws one punch and then backs away. SD hiptosses him and Patton stalls by complaining about pulling the tights. Patton tries an elbow to the head, but lol black so he hurts his own elbow. Patton adjusts the battle plan and goes after the back instead and that works better for him. Patton applies a bearhug as this match lives up to everything I was hoping for. Vince’s assessment: “One man is dishing out the punishment, and the other man is taking it.”

-Jones breaks free by turning it into another hiptoss, but Patton stops the comeback with clubbing blows to the lower back. SD headbutts Tank hard enough to send him tumbling to the floor. They slug it out on the floor and ignore the referee’s count, and it’s a double count-out. Fun coda to this: Vince noted at the start of the match that Patton is, to date, undefeated on All-Star Wrestling. It’s his SECOND appearance on the show and he went to a double count-out with SD Jones. Tank should probably start making other plans.

CHIEF PETER MAIVIA vs. THE CONTINENTAL NOBLEMAN

-And it’s a perfect ending to a perfect week. Maivia sticks with ground offense, applying assorted locks and holds until the Nobleman finally makes it to the ropes. Nobleman screams in Iron Mike-like fashion until he stops all the offense with a handful of hair. Maivia shakes it off and works the ankle in “Oh my god, they gave these guys eight minutes to fill”-like fashion, and a backbreaker by the high chief finally ends it.

3.0
The final score: review Bad
The 411
A nothing show, but Vince's utter contempt for it almost makes it worth watching.
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